James Coloma

Flat Tire (James)
San Diego, United States
So we started our journey with a flat tire. Not necessarily ours, but Len’s. When I got to Len’s House he asked me to help him change his tire. Now…mind you, I haven’t changed a tire in over seven years. So we go and pull out the spare tire and what the luck…it’s also flat. We look at it and see that there is a nail stuck in it so we bring it to a tire place. There, they find three more nails. They fix the flat and we head back to the car. So anyway…finally get that fixed and start on the drive.
We reach Marisa’s House at around 3 pm. We stopped in to say Happy Chanukah and to see my dog. About a week ago, a German Shepard decided to use Jessie as a chew toy. Jessie is a Chihuahua-Pug mix. He’s the ugliest cutest dog you’ve ever seen. Well…he has puncture wounds in his body. When I saw him…it made me cry. Like father…like son. We’re both wounded this time of the year.
Now we’re stuck on the 210 in freaking LA. Some truck lost its marbles which are blocking the left two lanes. Only two more exits to go before we hit I-5.
That’s it for now….
James
written by  James Coloma on December 23, 2005 from San Diego, United States
from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006

Getting Word
San Diego, United States
My cousin, Manang Baby and I were emailing back and forth for the past couple of days. She's coming to down to San Diego the week of July 15th for work and we were making plans to get together for dinner.
As I opened up another reply back, instead plans or details of her trip, the email simply said, "Did you hear that our beloved MAMA has passed." Stunned, I immediately picked up my phone and called my dad.
As he confirmed the news, he started to cry. Knowing that my father was at work, I told him that I would call back later. I then called my sister and told her the news.
This series of event never happens in my life. Family news usually gets to me last. My parents, usually my mom, will call my sister and tell her the news. She will then call me or wait until our weekly call on Sundays to tell me what happened.
Getting the news before my sister was strange. Telling my sister the news was even harder. I’m never the bearer of bad news. I don’t really know how to pass on information of this sort. I deal with bad situations the same way I deal with my emotions of despair or sadness; I always hold them at an arms-length away…especially when I’m in a public setting. I prefer to deal with these emotions alone or with a few select people.
Since I was telecommuting this day and being alone at home, I stopped working and began to cry.
XXX
Later on that evening, I called my parents and we began to work out our travel schedule to the Philippines. The plan was to leave on July 12th and come back on July 26th. Since I only get six days of bereavement leave and have a meeting on July 22nd, I asked my mom if I could come back earlier. My sister also couldn’t get that much time off agreed to fly back with me on July 19th.
Everyone who knows my dad knows that my dad is a worrier. He stresses himself out with all the possibilities of how things can go wrong. When he found out that my sister and I were planning on coming back on July 19th, he made my mom change his schedule so that he would fly back with us. He was worried that since we didn’t speak the language that we would either get lost, get kidnapped, or get taken advantage of.
When I heard this news, I laughed and had to remind my father that I travel for work and fly on a frequent basis and that my sister has also traveled to Greece with a friend a couple of years back. I also told my dad that I was more worried about him traveling that I was about my sister and I traveling alone. After I assured him that we would be ok, he decided to stay with my mom in the Philippines until July 26th.
written by  James Coloma on June 25, 2009 from San Diego, United States
from the travel blog: Grandmother's Funeral

Balikbayan Boxes Full of Pencils
Sacramento, United States
I arrived in Sacramento last night and upon arrival, I found my parents living room full of paper towels, toilet paper, lotions, shampoo, instant coffee, sugar, Walgreens bags, soap, Hershey’s assorted chocolate, pencils, and pens. There were also four balakbian boxes waiting to be filled. Each person traveling on an international travel flight on Philippine Airlines is allowed two checked in bags that weigh 50 lbs each plus one hand carry bag.
When I went to the Philippines for the first time in 2004, I flew directly from San Diego to San Francisco and met my family there before we all flew to the Philippines. For that trip, I only had luggage to be checked in. When my family saw me they mentioned what a waste it was that I was only flying with one bag…and if they had known, would have packed me a balakbian box of my own. I didn’t realize at the time what they had meant by “what a waste.”
This time, however, I perfectly understood why it was such a waste. Since I flew into Sacramento a couple of days before our flight, I was able to help my parents pack these balakbian boxes. As we filled them, I realized what we were bringing with us. These things we were putting into these boxes…the rolls of paper towels, the bundles of toilet paper, the lotions and shampoo bottles from bath and body works, the instant coffee, the packets of sugar, and the cheap soap…aren’t just random items, but items that we would use to give away as gifts and presents. The paper towels, toilet paper, soap, coffee, and sugar were meant for gifts for those hosting us for the week or to use at my grandmother’s house where we would spend most of our time. These simple items, which I take for granted, are so valuable to those that live in the Philippines. They are items that they don’t have access to…or if they do…are so expensive that it is cheaper for us to bring them from the states. The fancy lotions, shampoo, and chocolate were meant as gifts to relatives, friends, the help, and others who crossed or path. I realize now that in 2004, I took away the chance for us to pack more items to give away. I also now understand that it also meant less room for family members here in the states who weren’t going to the PI that would also give us items for us to bring to their loved ones back home.
The one thing I didn’t understand was the pencils and pens. I mean we were bringing boxes and boxes of pencils and pens. When I asked my mom, she told me that they were for two schools: one school in San Nicolas that my Tia Puring sponsors and the other for the school in Bagio where my grandmother (my mom’s mom) taught at. She mentioned that it can be difficult to get pens and pencils that bringing these items with us would help those children at the school to learn.
At this point, I began to tear up and cry. I’ve always known that the PI is a third world country. I guess it just never hit me till now.
written by  James Coloma on July 11, 2009 from Sacramento, United States
from the travel blog: Grandmother's Funeral

Our Canceled Flight
San Francisco, United States
Sunday, July 12, 2009 – 9:30 AM PST
Originally, my sister was to drive to Sacramento on Saturday just so that she could get a ride with us on Sunday to the airport. Then, when we would arrive on the 19th, that same cousin that would drop us off on the 12th would pick up my sister and I, drive us to Sacramento, then my sister was to drive back to the Bay Area.
When I heard of this plan, I quickly came up with a new plan because (1) why would my sister need to do a round trip from Fremont to Sacramento and (2) why would my cousin need to do four trips to SF to pick people up four Sundays in a row [1 – initial drop off on the 12th; 2 – picking up my sister and I on the 19th; 3 – picking up my parents and his mom on the 26th; and 4 – picking up his dad on the 26th]. I decided that I would drive my dad’s car to Fremont, leave my dad’s car at my sister’s place. My sister and I would then take BART to SFO and meet my parents and my Aunt Mary and Uncle Roland. Then, when we arrived on the 19th, my sister’s roommate could pick us up…we’d go to Fremont…I spend the night in Fremont…and then drive back to Sacramento on 20th.
Thus, my trip to the Philippines actually began at 9:30 AM on Sunday (in all reality, it began on the Friday before when I left my house in San Diego, but I don’t really count this as part of the traveling to the PI). I got to my sister’s at about 11:30, helped her finish packing (I brought more pencils and some other items from some cousins for her to put into her luggage).
We headed out at around 1:00 PM for the 30 minute walk to the BART station. Our BART ride, from Fremont to SFO, would take us an hour and a half. I’ve never actually spent SO much time on the BART.
Halfway during the BART trip, my sister had to pee, so we exited at the 12th Street Oakland stop to find a bathroom. This stop is in the middle of a business area and on a normal day would have been easy to walk into a restaurant or an office building and find a restroom. Additionally, if it was a normal day, the escalators would have been on. Since it was Sunday, nothing was open and no escalators were working (we couldn’t find any working elevators either).
Someone finally told us that there was a restroom in the parking garage adjacent to the BART station. This would have been easy to get to if there weren’t three stairways to traverse with a 50 lb bag and my sister having to pee. However, once we found the restroom, it was cleaner than I would have expected and used the restroom myself.
XXX
Sunday, July 12, 2009 – 4:00 PM PST
Once we got to SFO and since we hadn’t eaten, we decided to grab some dinner from the food court. I knew that my mom had cooked some dinner for us and was brining all that food with them, so I told my sister to not order too much food. However, since we were both hungry, we did end up getting two complete meals – a personal pizza, two small salads, and fish & chips.
After eating, we went to the check-in counter. On the way there, I had the brilliant idea of checking the departure screen and found out that our flight is CANCELED! In shock, I picked up the phone to call my parents, but they didn’t answer. Next to the arrival and departure screens, there was a phone with phone codes to each airline. I picked up the phone, dialed Philippine Airlines, and listened to the recording: “Our business hours are….and we are closed on Sunday.” I just started to laugh.
After I hung up, my sister looked up and saw my parents and aunt and uncle walk into the airport with our bags. My sister and I ran over to them and told them that our flight was canceled. I asked where our cousin AJ went and that after unloading all of the bags, they told him to go home.
We asked the baggage handler, who thankfully worked for Philippine Airlines, about the flight and he said that he didn’t have any information for us, but that the counter would be open at 6:30 and since we were going to be first in line, that he could put our bags in the front to save our place. There was nothing we could do at that point except for wait till the ticket counter opened up.
As we waited, I talked to Brian who mentioned that he could call Craig to get some info for us since Craig is a travel agent. Brian called me back and said there’s nothing we could do except have a separate plan that we could present to the counter. This would increase our chances of getting onto a different flight.
I then called Rob up to see if he was in front of a computer and asked him to look up some flights for us that were leaving that day. He wasn’t able to find any flights leaving SFO, but he was able to find two flights out of LAX leaving that day that would get us to Manila in time to catch our connecting flight to Laoag – (1) Philippine Airline flight at 10:30 that night and (2) a United flight that left at 12:30 AM.
As we waited for the check-in counter to open up, I asked my parents to let me handle it. My mom gets a little angry when things don’t go right and I knew that a situation like this needed someone who was calm and could use humor to lighten up the situation. I also knew that I can flirt my way through anything to get my way. All my travel companions agreed that I could take care of this, but as tension and anxiety began to build, their agreement to let me handle it quickly disappeared…especially for my mom.
At 6:40 (Philippine Airlines subscribes to running on Filipino Time), finally opened. I went up to the counter with all of our passports and flight information and began to talk to the agent about what our options were. She mentioned that the only option available was of the rescheduled flight that was leaving the next day at 1:30 and arriving in Manila at 5:00 PM on July 14th. I asked her about our connecting flight in Manila and she told me that the earliest that they could put us on a connecting flight to Laoag was on July 16th and we would arrive in Laoag at 11:30 AM. She told me that there was a flight on July 15th to Laoag, but that this flight was overbooked.
At this point, I looked at her, smiled, and told her that the reason we were going to Laoag was for my grandmother’s funeral which was to start at 7:00 AM on July 16th and that if we weren’t going to get there until after the funeral then what was the point of us traveling there. I then told her of the flights leaving from LAX that would get us to Manila in time for us to catch our connecting flight and at that point she got her supervisor over and an additional ticket agent to assist us in getting to Laoag in time.
When her supervisor came by, she nixed the LAX flights as there wasn’t enough time to get us down there (in my opinion there was enough to get us down there as I had found a couple of flights that would have put us there at 9 PM). When I mentioned this, she then said that since it’s two different airports, they couldn’t really do anything about the LAX flights, but they would do everything for us if we could find a flight out of SFO.
As they began to search, they did find a China Air flight that would be leaving at 12:30 that night. This flight however, wouldn’t get us to Manila in time for our connecting flight (this flight had a two hour layover in Beijing while the United Flight out of LAX was direct).
At this point, my mom who was standing directly behind me the entire time forcefully chimed in. I looked back and sternly told my mom that I’ve got this and that she agreed to let me handle it. She mentioned back at how she too was a social worker and that she can be calm in these situations too. I just looked at her and shook my head no and stated, “Well, you’re not calm right.” At that she got pissed and walked off. I’ve actually never really yelled at my mom and did feel bad about the way I responded back to her…so I did apologize to her later on that evening.
After an hour with the ticketing agents, the only option left was the flight leaving the next day and the connecting flight on the 16th. I told the agent that I would talk to my family and once we came to a decision I would be back. She said that would be fine and that I could just come back up to her when we made our decision. She did book our flight and our seats prior to me leaving the counter.
When I went over to talk to my family, I mentioned that it probably wasn’t the best of ideas if my sister and I went with them, as we would miss the funeral. My mom wasn’t happy with this suggestion because if we weren’t going, it would also mean that two balakbian boxes weren’t going either.
My aunt then proposed that we could drive from Manila to Laoag…that we could hire a driver, ask my uncle’s sister if she could travel with us from Mainla to Laoag (my dad was against hiring a driver at first because he was nervous about trusting this person…but agreed once he found out that my uncle’s sister was going to be traveling with us).
Once that was agreed, I went back to the ticket agent and booked our trip. We checked in the six balakbian boxes and our luggage. Philippine Airlines put us up in a hotel for the evening and provided us with dinner that evening, breakfast and lunch the next day. Once at the hotel, we realized that we checked in our clothes and toiletries and there went the shower for that evening.
Finally at 1:30 PM on July 13th we were on our way to the Philippines.
written by  James Coloma on July 12, 2009 from San Francisco, United States
from the travel blog: Grandmother's Funeral

Change (Rob)
San Diego, United States
People say that change is good. I have never had to make such decisions in my life. Where am I going, what am I doing, what is in store for me? These are some of my questions that I can’t answer right now. But it is a great opportunity to reconnect with my family. It’s been 2 years since I have seen any of them. Last time, not unlike current circumstances, was to take care of my grandmother while she was recovering from her surgery due to breast cancer. Sometimes, things get better. I wish that was the case for her. 2 years later and I’m back – considering how I can help. I won’t go into the details of what “care” may encompass as I have heard stories from my mother. I am hoping that my mom will continue some of her duties. I hope that my duty is for being there, handling doctor visits, and providing company when she needs it. I’m not sure what I am going to do when my grandmother is gone.
One thing that I don’t bring up very much is my childhood. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. They offered me a second home when times were not so great in my own household. Grandpa would always have a Klondike bar waiting for me. We would watch WWF, even though I hated it. I don’t know why – grown men in tight clothing? I would think that it would be right up my alley at the time. But no, I just thought it was silly. Grandma would always be there to play games with. We used to play gin rummy, Uno, dice, Trouble and Sorry. These were all games that I was 100% out to win. In Trouble, for instance, I would stop at nothing to make her pawn piece be sent home. For me, it wasn’t about winning the game, it was just to see the reaction on her face and hear her call me “You little shit!” or some other naughty word that generally doesn’t come out of her mouth. That’s what made it so funny. I did my best to make her use swear words.
My trip began with saying “see you later” to a number of people. Len was not easy for me because he is dealing with a lot of the same stuff that my grandmother is – just on a different level. He constantly deals with good days and bad days. There is a part of me that feels like I am abandoning him by going. Joe, comes next. This was tough for me. I have grown attached to the boy. I would never say that we were the perfect fit. I think that’s what I like about it. There’s something there that makes me want to look into his life and see what makes him who he is and do what he does. I’m not his general type either. Sometimes the ideal of the ‘perfect’ match evolve. My thoughts are quite different than they were last year. My coworkers were next. They were a little easier. I have spent a bit of time with them lately, and although I will miss them, I will have the same conversations with them as I have in the past – just over email / phone. Vineeta was different. We had a little bit of a rocky start. Now, I know that it was hard to say good-bye, so I just left quickly. She would seriously make me cry pretty easy. I haven’t had to say anything to James yet. We have one huge, emotional trip ahead. There’s so so much to say on this subject, but I’m going to hold out for now. I’m sure there is much more to come later.
I crossed the San Diego county line today. That was the last sign that this is all happening. San Diego doesn’t feel like my home anymore. My bed/furniture is just where I left it, but I am not spending my time there. I’ll be coming back to ‘visit’ until the final days. Things are going to be different. I’m not sure how. I’m not sure when. But this trip is all ready changing me. I’m sure it will all be for the good.
Rob
written by  James Coloma on December 23, 2005 from San Diego, United States
from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006

Finally in Manila
Manila, Philippines
As we began our descent into Manila, I looked over to my Uncle Roland and saw this huge smile on his face. He hadn’t been back to the Philippines in 34 years. This reminded me of the last time we traveled to the Philippines in 2004. At that point, my mom hadn’t been back since she was 17 and my dad hadn’t been back there since he was 18. I remember watching my parent’s expression settle down. It was like calmness took over them. The tears of joy of being home, followed by some regret seeing how their hometown had changed. I remember my dad mentioning as we stepped off the plane that it still smelt like he remembered it. I’m glad that I had the opportunity to witness my parents going back home and am now glad that I’m watching my Uncle go through those same experiences.
We finally arrived in Manila at 5:00 PM local time on July 14th. Once we arrived in Manila, we were greeted with the heat and HUMIDITY. The heat I can deal with…it’s the humidity that is the problem as you begin to sweat!
We collected our bags and my Aunt Mary (o’ crazy Aunt Mary) told us to put a five dollar bill into our passports so that at customs, they won’t check our luggage. I just rolled my eyes at her.
We grabbed our bags and headed towards customs. Right outside customs, there was a police officer with a sign for us. At that point, my aunt took out the five dollar bill from her passport and handed me the passport. I was acting as our travel guide for the leg of the trip. I handed the customs agents our passports….him seeing that a police was waiting for us, quickly gave us back our passports and told us to move along.
As we walked outside, my uncle saw his sister….thirty four years later, they were still able to recognize each other…and they grabbed each other and engaged in a very long hug. We loaded up the mini-van. Met our driver and piled into the car.
Being in a car in the Philippines is an experience. For one thing, you don’t wear a seat belt. Secondly, outside of Manila there are very little to no stop lights. Additionally, all of the roads are two lane highways.
Manila’s roads are crazy. I would not want to drive in this city. Lane lines are drawn on the ground, but people don’t follow them. If there is space, as little as it may seem, cars will inch themselves through those passageways or merge in front of you. Additionally the traffic itself in Manila is worse than LA traffic. I think it took us two hours to just get out of Manila.
As we then drove from Manila to San Nicolas, Ilocos Norte, it was dark the entire trip. I wish we could have seen the country side, but sadly all you could see were things outside of the car. My dad was sitting in the front passenger seat, with my uncle in-between my father and the driver. Every time the conversation died down, my aunt told my uncle to tell another story. My aunt told me later that she was doing this to keep my dad’s mind on something else. The entire trip my dad kept a stern grip on the oh shit handle that by the time we got to San Nicolas, my dad had a huge blister on his hand. He was also nervous about the blister that we had to take him to the doctor to get it checked out.
Anyway…we finally reached San Nicolas at 5 AM on July 15th.
written by  James Coloma on July 14, 2009 from Manila, Philippines

Are we there yet? (James)
Bakersfield, United States
237 Miles to Sacramento…can you feel the excitement?
The car is cramped. So much stuff…I guess that’s what you get when you have two people on vacation and one moving across the country….oh well…onto better subjects.
God that guy at dinner tonight was BEAUTIFUL! He was about 5’ 11” 150 lbs…scruffy….sort of light brown hair….His haircut was awesome too. He had the mow hawk, but not a drastic mow hawk. I’m totally going to do that to my hair once I return to San Diego.
Oh and there was this 16 year old there….hehe J
Till later.
Mrs. Darcy (James)
written by  James Coloma on December 23, 2005 from Bakersfield, United States
from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006

Accommodations in Ilocos Norte
Ilocanos Norte, Philippines
We’re staying with my Tio Steve (my dad’s oldest brother) while we’re here in San Nicolas, Ilocos Norte. The house is basically the same as houses in the US, except for the bathroom (or the comfort rooms as they’re called in the Philippines).
The modern homes in Ilocos Norte, have their own water towers and pumps to get water through their homes. Occasionally, there’s not enough water pressure to flush a toilet, so there is always a bucket full of water next to a toilets so that if needed, a bucket full of water will help “flush” a toilet. The other difference is that you cannot put anything except human excrement into a toilet. That means whenever you wipe your ass, you squish it up and throw it into the trashcan right next to the toilet. Lastly, showers are also quite an adventure. As mentioned above, there’s hardly any water pressure, so while there are faucet heads in the shower, they usually don’t work. Also, there is no hot water through any of the pipes.
To take a “shower” in the Philippines, you have a system of buckets. There are usually three buckets. If the help is up before you, they will oftentimes heat up water and place hot water into one of the buckets. The other bucket will be filled with the cold water that you can get from the nozzle. The third bucket is for you to mix the cold and hot water to the temperature that you want it. Since it was HOT in the Philippines, hot water was provided in the buckets. Instead all the buckets were just filled with cold water.
So to take the shower, you take the small bucket, fill it, and pour it over your body. That first pour takes a little getting used to. Once you’re sufficiently wet, you then lather yourself up with soap and shampoo your hair. You then start throwing water onto yourself to “rinse” yourself off. There were many times that I didn’t get all of the soap off my body. Also, once you step out of the shower, since it was so humid, you just begin to sweat. After the first day, I just accepted the fact that I was going to be dirty and used “showering” to rinse myself off.
XXX
As we unpacked, all my Uncle Roland could talk about in the car is how he wanted some beer…some San Miguel to be exact. True to form, right when we got there, my Uncle went across the street to the “store” and bought some beer.
Since we also arrived at 5 AM, it was time for a “marienda” or snack time. You eat so much in the Philippines. Once you wake up, your first marienda is pan de sal. After that is breakfast. Followed by lunch. Then another marienda…followed by dinner…and lastly a marienda before you go to bed. This morning, they prepared for us some freshly pealed jack fruit.
While we’re in San Nicolas, my parents rented a driver and a Jeepney for us to travel in. These things are a great way to travel as they don’t have any seat belts, are completely open, and don’t have any back door. The only downside to them is that the seats only have a small amount of padding to them and with the roads being undeveloped, after sitting in them for a while, your ass starts to get numb.
written by  James Coloma on July 15, 2009 from Ilocanos Norte, Philippines

Visiting My Grandmother
Ilocanos Norte, Philippines
After getting settled in, we went down the street to Mama Baket’s house. My grandmother’s name is Emilia, but growing up we called my grandmother Mama Baket (baket = old woman) and my grandfather Daddy Lakay (lakay = old man).
Since the last time I was here in 2004, the house has changed slightly. The veranda at the top has bars completely around it. In the back, the kitchen has been expanded and a new room has been built for my grandmother.
As we arrive, they’ve already begun setting up for the funeral festivities. The tarps are already up. The “atong” (piece of wood) is burning. Once someone dies, an atong is placed outside the house and is burned 24 hours a day until the body is taken out from the home. This piece of burning wood is meant as a signal to the rest of the community that the family that lives in this house is in mourning.
The body is also kept in the house. Family members keep a 24 hour vigil from the time the person dies until the funeral itself. The house is also always open for any visitors to come pay their respects. It’s our tradition and belief that the spirit doesn’t leave the house until the body is taken away for the funeral. People talk to the deceased as if they’re still there. You say hello to the body…you say good night. At meal times, you serve the deceased a plate of food (either at their usual space at the table or at a designated place by the body). Banal things happen around the body…people play games in the same room that they body is in…conversations still occur…you sit around the body. I do really think that this helps the mourning process. It doesn’t prolong it…it gives family members a chance to say their good-byes. To spend that time from the day of the death to the funeral is part of the healing process. It’s a slow way of saying good…a healthy way of saying good bye.
written by  James Coloma on July 15, 2009 from Ilocanos Norte, Philippines

Merry Christmas Eve (James)
Merced, United States
Merry Christmas Eve! How do we decide to spend it?…in a jack in the box line right outside of Merced. We’ve been in line for about 15 minutes now. We pulled up and the person greeted us with “welcome to taco bell.” So we ordered three bean and cheese burritos, pintos and cheese, and five taco Supremes. What did we get…well, since we’re at jack in the box…we got curly fries; three egg rolls, and a root beer!
There are also no radio stations out here. We can either listen to Christian rock….Spanish music….or ghetto booty music. We’ve settled on ghetto booty music.
Ok we’re off…and the guy at the drive through…not hot and not worth the 20 minutes to get our food.
Ta ta!
Cilantro Margarita (James)
written by  James Coloma on December 24, 2005 from Merced, United States

Mourning (Rob)
Sacramento, United States
With a trip like we are having, you could say that I am probably presenting a misspelling on the title of this blog entry. It’s basically a play on words, since it is morning right now. However, it is the end of a long day. After waking up this morning, James and his sister, Janne, were watching a movie. “Crash”, James said. I had all ready seen it, but didn’t really want to see it again. I had all ready been up for a few hours. I received my Civilization CDs back from James Ling and I was in full force against the Aztecs. So, the two of them continued the movie. Midway through, James came back up and said he was tired of the movie. I expressed its importance and said as soon as the movie was over, we’d go shopping. I wasn’t sure if it was because I wanted him to watch the movie or because I wanted a little more time on my computer game. Regardless, he bought it. James comes back in. Was the movie over all ready? No, this time it was his grandfather.
Over the past 6 months, his grandfather has been ill. Probably longer, but I recollect 6 months since we were here in Sacrament in early July and he was in the hospital. It was my first visit with his grandfather. I said hello, but not much more was said. It was in a hospital room while he was getting over pneumonia or something, I don’t recall. James told me later that his grandfather asked if I were his “roommate”. He said that James and I should buy a house together and plant tomatoes in the yard in his honor. Immediately, I liked his grandfather. Skip ahead 6 months to today. He was sick again. “Coughing blood”, Janne said. She seemed to be taking it lightly. Not that it was a light subject, just that she has been handling the issue of him being sick for a number of months now and was this really the time. The family left, leaving me behind. I didn’t feel that I should go as it is close family. I would catch up with James later.
The phone rings. It’s James. Grandfather is really sick this time. He is shaking and James is upset. I understand. It is hard to handle. He needs to get out. I don’t know how to get anywhere, so I don’t have much to offer. He goes out for pizza.
The phone rings again. It’s James. Grandfather passed. I didn’t know what to say or how to really react. James is, as he should be, upset. He has been sick for such a long time. Not that I have the say on when someone should go. It’s more on the lines of what others normally say – “he’s lived a long life”, “he’s been sick for so long”. You know, the regular stuff, but it doesn’t ever seem to really help.
James Ling comes to get me. We go and visit with James. On the ride over to get directions, James acknowledges that he is drinking and so is everyone else. It was a totally different person than was on the phone previously. I wasn’t sure if I should add to the drinking with more drinking or if I should just be there for support. Ling and I decided to buy Bacardi.
We arrive to taking shots of Hennesey. Everyone who arrives takes a shot and tells a story of Grandfather. I have never seen people get drunk on purpose on a day of death. In fact, I don’t recall any of the family really getting together until the funeral. Back home, when someone dies, the family is called and told when the service is. Then the family comes to the service to wish/pray to the deceased and send condolences to the grieving. The Coloma’s & Ancheta’a do it much different. In fact, when I arrived, Grandfather was still in the house. For those who wanted to, they can say there goodbye’s to grandfather before the mortuary takes him. In the back, shots were being taken, beer was handed out, and poker was being played. It wasn’t like everyone was just moving on – it was more of a celebration of life. Back home, there was not really a celebration. It was more of a memorial. No one speaks unless he/she is sending condolences to the family. Here, people just kept coming over. Perhaps it was because it was Christmas Eve and it was tradition to come over to deliver presents and eat a large meal. Perhaps it was to send condolences. Perhaps both, but there was a large number of family. Without digging too much further – I have to say that I was happy to be a part of it, death or not. This family has so much love.
After a hard day, Ling met back up with us after having dinner with his family. We went bowling at a 24-hour bowling alley. It was a little after 10pm on Christmas Eve. I was surprised to see how many people were there. The funny part was to see us bowl ones and twos. Ling would roll the ball between his legs and nail a strike or on a couple occasions – a spare. Both Coloma and I would get some high numbers as well. We were all happy that at the second run, we all broke 100. After 2 beers and an hour of bowling, the day is done. I am here, lying in bed – on Christmas Eve – technically Christmas Day. Tomorrow – Brian B’s house. Yay Salt Lake City! I’ll let James tell you about the change of course for the road trip.
Night - Rob
written by  James Coloma on December 25, 2005 from Sacramento, United States

Going Around Ilocos Norte
Ilocanos Norte, Philippines
My dad decided to stay at my grandmother’s house and my Tia Puring, Tio Honesto, Uncle Roland, Auntie Mary, Auntie Alice, Mom, sister, and I had the opportunity to go around Ilocos Norte.
On the drive from San Nicolas to Curimaou, the scenery was beautiful. We were greeted with open grass fields, one of the oldest churches built by the Spaniards, and a Honda dealership.
Once we reached Curimaou, we stopped by my Tia Purings house. I LOVE her place. This house is on the beach and has a relaxing structure over the water. When we visited in 2004, we stayed with my Tia Puring and every morning we would wake up and have breakfast over the water. Just sitting in this structure, with the slight breeze and the rhythmic waves, was peaceful and relaxing.
Afterwards we went and got some halo halo. My Aunt Mary was NERVOUS about eating anything with ice (because she was afraid of catching something) declined to eat anything. The funny thing is that she is the only person who had stomach problems that evening.
written by  James Coloma on July 15, 2009 from Ilocanos Norte, Philippines

Funeral
The funeral procedures actually start the day before the funeral. The day before the funeral, the family wears all white and a large party is held. This large party includes a full spread orchestra. The orchestra plays music the entire night from dusk until dawn.
At dawn, the family gathers and says their final goodbyes. Instead of being dressed in all white, each person is now dressed in all black. Men wear barongs and those in the family have a black ribbon placed on the side of the sleeve.
To say final goodbyes, each person is given a very public moment to say goodbye. There is an order of these moments and very hierarchical. It started with my grandmother’s sister who had her time to say goodbye. This was followed by my grandmother’s children…then the women (Tia Ofel went first…since she is married to the oldest brother)…then the men…then the grandchildren…then great grandchildren…then the help was also given a chance to have their own moment to say goodbye. What struck me as different was this entire event was filmed on video and after each person had their chance to say goodbye, a picture was taken with the body.
Afterwards, a prayer is said and the funeral procession begins. Each person is instructed to leave the house and is told to not forget anything because they will not be allowed into the house until after the body is put into the ground. They are serious about this. Once you leave you cannot come back into the house. Once everyone is out, the flowers are taken out. This is then followed by my grandmother. My grandmother is the last person that will leave the house. Once she is out of the house, the coffin is spun three times clockwise…then three times counterclockwise. As this occurs, a pot is broken and the necks of two chickens are cut. It is believed that no one is allowed back into the house once they have left because the spirit will be able to follow you back in.
The coffin is spun to confuse the spirit so that they don’t know how to get back into the house. The chickens are sacrificed to scare the spirit away from the house….and the pot is broken for some reason that the old women couldn’t exactly explain why.
The coffin is then placed onto a horse drawn carriage and a parade through the streets of San Nicolas is held. The band leads the parade down the city streets, followed by the coffin, then the family, and then everyone else. This procession starts at 7 AM and being on a Wednesday, everyone stops and views the parade…from the business that we pass to the schools.
Once we reach the church, the funeral rites are conducted. Family pictures with the body are captured one last time. After the mass service, the procession through the streets occurs again, but this time will lead us to the cemetery.
The mausoleum where my grandmother is placed also contains my grandfather and my great-grandmother (my grandfather’s mother). Prior to putting the body in its final resting place, all the jewelry is removed and my grandmother is given a sack of money to provide to the person who accompanies my grandmother on her journey through the next life.
After the body is sealed up, everyone heads back to my grandparents home. However, prior to entering the home, immediate family has to engage in a cleansing. This cleansing is done traditionally with vinegar (although they told us that they were using heated white wine). Any skin exposed is thoroughly washed and a slap on the forehead is received prior to being allowed entry into the house. All guests are fed with a meal. This then ends the day.

Typhoon & Gaol Gaol
We spent the entire day inside as three typhoons hit one after the other. This caused the streets and my Tio Steve’s house to flood. Even with all of this rain, people still went about their normal activities of washing clothes (and drying them outside their window)…to driving, walking, or riding a bike through the streets…and kids playing in the rain.
The morning after the funeral, the family engages in a whole body cleansing or gaol gaol. Once again, the old women bathe you in vinegar (they used vinegar this time). They wash your hair in vinegar…pour vinegar over your body…stretch your pants open so that they can pour vinegar down your ass crack. Thankfully, the typhoons were in full swing during this so after the vinegar bath, we just stood outside in the rain.
We were told that we at our next shower that we couldn’t use any soap…that we could only rinse ourselves off. Tia Rene pulled my sister and I aside and told us that at our next shower to rinse off…dry off…then immediately go back into the shower and use soap. I did do this…except for the entire day, you still smelled like vinegar.
That evening we were finally able to eat marungi…a leafy vegetable that they say you cannot eat before the funeral because taking the leaves off of the stem represents taking other people off the family tree and other people will die.
Because of the Typhoons, we lost power for most of the day and throughout the night. Candles became our best friends…and toilets were flushed with a bucket of water.

Saying Good-Bye (James)
Sacramento, United States
Today wasn’t what I was expecting. Usually on Christmas Eve, it’s all about getting ready for the next two days. My family is so huge and they all live in Sacramento that we always do Christmas Eve on my mom’s side…and Christmas Day on my dad’s side. This year…it wasn’t supposed to be any different.
Christmas Eve…begins at Christmas Eve. I was expecting to wake up…spend the morning lounging around and then get ready to go to my grandparents house at about 5 in the evening. So we got up…my sister is baking cookies (her normal addition to the festivities of the holidays)…and we begin watching “Crash.” Things are going smoothly…then the phone begins to ring…and ring…and ring. I hear in the background my sister talking about…”Oh Grandpa is fine. I saw him last night. There’s nothing to worry about.” Next phone call: “He’s just coughing up blood. Not too bad. He’s doing well.” Final phone call: “We’re on our way.”
I look up…and she tells me that we should head over to our grandparents house. Everyone over there thinks my grandfather is going to pass. My sister is still not worried. So I go take a leisurely shower and get ready to take off.
We get to my grandparents house and what a sight. He’s in a coma. He’s shaking and isn’t comprehending anything. They tell us to say our goodbyes. I new right then and there that it was coming close.
We all gathered in grandfather’s room and began praying. Throughout the prayers, I can’t stop crying. My grandparents were always there. Every day after school we would head to my grandparents house and wait for our parents to pick us all up. My grandfather would be the one to pick us up. There were about 8 to 10 little kids all piled up in my grandfather’s t-bird. But that’s what it was. It was our grandparents way of helping out.
My grandfather was always very strict. There are plenty of stories of how he would raise his voice at us and be constantly mad at us. Now, I realize why that was. A house full of 8 to 10 little kids…is tough to handle. But it was always there pleasure to do it.
So many thoughts going through my head today. I realized that this was the first time that I’ve watched someone die. It’s always been I would get the call that so and so has died. Watching my grandfather today…I don’t know if I could do it again. I don’t know if I can watch someone die. It’s hard. It’s been the hardest thing that I have had to do. Strange thing is that I’m glad that I got the opportunity to be there. My grandfather, as he passed, was surrounded by his family. Surrounded by the ones who loved him…and the ones that he loved. If I had my choice of how I wanted to go…that’s the way I would want to do it.
After my grandfather passed…it became a celebration. Death in my family isn’t about mourning their passing…but a celebration of life. There is a time where we do say our good-byes. Where we mourn their loss. But usually right after that…it’s time to celebrate their life. We gather outside and began telling stories of our grandfather. Each time someone took a shot…they had to tell a story of our grandfather. Sometimes it was sad…most times it made us laugh. Family is an amazing thing.
Today was also special in another way. I’m very thankful that both Rob and James were in town. It’s sort of my grandfather’s way of telling our family and showing our family that it’s ok that I’m gay. When Rob and James came up to Sacramento in July, my grandfather was in the hospital. At that point, he was given six months to live. Rob came in with me to the hospital room and I introduced me to my grandfather. After Rob left the room, my grandfather asked if Rob was my roommate. I said no…Rob was just my friend. He then asked me, “Is Rob your friend?” I knew at that point that my grandfather was trying to ask me if Rob was my boy friend. I answered, “No, he’s just my friend.” My grandfather either didn’t hear me or didn’t believe me that Rob was just a friend. Either case, it didn’t matter. He then told me that Rob and I should buy a house together. That in his honor, we should plant tomatoes and cili in the back yard. When these were ripe, that we should have him over and make him dinner.
This was my grandfather’s way of telling me that he is happy for me. That he’s accepting of me. That he’s giving me his blessing. For my grandfather to tell me that Rob and I should buy a house together…he’s basically telling me that we should get married. That it’s ok if I would be marrying a guy. That’s the ultimate blessing from my grandfather.
The reason for the tomatoes and the cili is that these were my favorite things to eat that my grandfather would make. My grandfather grew both tomatoes and cili in his backyard. As a child, he would prepare the tomatoes with bogoung or patis. So very very good. He would also always have a jar of pickled cili. When I left for college, he would always ask when I was coming back to visit. Whenever I would visit, he would make sure that I went home with tomatoes and a jar of pickled cili. It was my gift from my grandfather.
As I said goodbye to my grandfather today…I told him thank you for his blessing. Thank you for helping take care of us. Thank you for all your sacrifices. My grandfather was an amazing man. He fought in WWII. Was shot in WWII. Brought his family over from the Philippines and started over here with nothing. With nothing…he managed to gain everything.
****
So since this is our travel blog…I’ll get back to blogging about our travels. The trip has to now be changed. I won’t complete the entire journey across the country with Rob. I’ll be going with him until Chicago..and then I come back to Sacramento for the funeral. I’m sad that I won’t be able to finish the trip…but at least I can do parts of it. I hope to make it up to him some other time. I’ll just glad to get the extra days to spend with my best friend.
James
written by  James Coloma on December 25, 2005 from Sacramento, United States

Touring Ilocos Norte
This day we spent some time touring the rest of Ilocos Norte. My parents had to engage in a family meeting so my Aunt Mary, Uncle Roland, Auntie Alice, Janne, and myself visited two churches (each of which was having a wedding in it) and Ferdinand Marcos’ place of birth.
SANTA MONICA CHURCH
MARCOS BIRTH HOUSE
CHURCH OF LAOAG
DRIVING THROUGH ILOCOS NORTE
FAVORITE PICTURE OF THE DAY....
This is my Uncle Roland sitting next a sign that translates to "you are not permited to take a piss here."
TIO ELMER & TIA RENE's PLACE
Once my tios, tias, and parents were done with their meeting, we went to McDonalds for lunch and then to Tio Elmer and Tia Rene's place.
There's one more post after this one...press "next" below.

Our Final Day
On our final day in the Philippines, the sun finally came out! We spent most of the day packing, visiting my grandparent’s house, and visiting the cemetery one final time. When we got to the mausoleum, my sister and I saw a stairwell to the roof. We asked what that was for. On All Souls day, a party is held in the cemetery. The stairs to the rooftop is the give the family some place to party at.
FINAL THOUGHTS
When we visited in 2004, I didn't think that I would have the opportunity to visit the Philippines again so soon. I do hope to visit again in the future...and this time to visit and not come for a funeral.
Mama Baket is the last of my grandparents to pass away. At 96, she's lived a very fruitful life. I was asked to speak at the funeral, but declined because I didn't know what to say. I still don't know exactly what to say. So all I'd like to say is thank you to her. She's made many sacrifices in her life and without those sacrifices I wouldn't be where I'm at today. She's helped guide my family and provided the foundation for all of us to achieve our goals.
Sadly, I didn't get a chance to fully know Mama. I'm one of the younger cousins and by the time I was old enough, Mama and Daddy were living in the Philippines. But from the stories that I've heard, Mama was always willing to help out anyone. I hope that I can emulate that in my life.
Last time in 2004 as we were leaving the Philippines, my cousins sang us a farewell with the hope that we'd visit again. I'd like to share this again just as a reminder to myself that to return to this beautiful country.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FB3fX8DnTTU

Rumors (James)
So we just left Christmas lunch on my dad’s side and I can just hear them now: “So was that….is that….could it be?” Of course it would all be in Illicano.
It was fun to see Rob interact with my family. They were all teasing him to eat some fish. Now, I love fish, but this fish doesn’t look very good. If you ever had guppies as a pet…and sautéed them…and served them on a platter…you know what kind of fish they were trying to get Rob to eat. They were all talking about how he was white, cute, and gay. How he picked up a bowl and not a plate. My family was loving it. Sadly…because Rob didn’t eat the fish, he didn’t pass.
There are also these rumors flying around out there about my face. Most people believe that I got into a bar fight. Truthfully…I’d rather them think this than think anything at all. There’s also the rumor that I fell out of a coconut tree…caught syphilis….or that my boyfriend is beating me.
We also had breakfast with mama ling, mama ling boyfriend, and james. It’s becoming a tradition to have breakfast with mama ling before leaving town. It’s always at IHOP too. Mama ling is so cute. She’s like the woman version of James. Cute, spunky, and has a wild sense of humor.
Ok…I should get back to the book on tape. We’re listening to “Wicked.” I’m going to take a nap.
James
written by  James Coloma on December 25, 2005 from Sacramento, United States

Snow Chains (James)
Truckee, United States
We learned all about snow chains today. Putting them on…taking them off…watching people put them on. Interesting expeirience.
While we were getting the chains put on, I was trying to clean the car to be helpful. Rob, in his childish ways, decided to take snow and make a snowball. He chucked it at me and it went down me neck. I vowed revenge and made a snowball the size of a baseball, then chucked at Rob’s face. He Ducked. The snowball found its way to a middle eastern woman standing behind Rob. The middle eastern woman turned around, and gave me a dirty look. Me, in my childish ways, laughed.
Now, we’re stuck in five mile an hour traffic with chains on the wheels. If we make to Salt Lake City tonight, that would be a tremendous feat.
R: Boo!
J: Boo you!
R: You snow.
J: Snow blow.
R: Blow horn.
J: Horny cock.
R: Cock block.
J: Block. Let’s stop this. This is quite stupid.
The snow falling on cedars. This is my first white Christmas. It’s quite magical. I would love to be home and just watch the snow fall. In a car, while it’s all around you, isn’t quite as relaxing.
It’s definitely been quite an adventure.
written by  James Coloma on December 25, 2005 from Truckee, United States

T&A (James & Rob)
Evanston, United States
Tits and Ass
Boy do I look different. I always wonder what people think of me as we travel the country. No better place to figure that out is to go to the middle of nowhere, where everyone looks the same and you look different. Not only do I look different, but I’ve got a scar on my face. Now, in every other place, I think the scar looks hot, but here, I think it makes me stand out even more. We’re in Wyoming, btw.
As I went to the bathroom, I had to walk clear across the restaurant, through the general store, past the washers and dryers, and into the back of the building. Each person I passed, stopped what they were doing and looked at me as I was some sort of anomaly. Not that there is anything wrong with this, it’s just that I know I’m so out of place.
****
We left Bryan’s house a little while ago. It’s always very interesting to go to see where other people grew up. Bryan’s parent’s house is gorgeous. It’s surrounded by mountains on each side. It’s also always nice to see how other people enter act with their parents. At home, it seems, all the defenses go down and we revert to our childhood. Our parents, there to take care of any problem. When we’re in San Diego, it’s not that we’re different, it’s that we’re the grownups. Now at home, we’re the child and we don’t have to take care of ourselves, because there is someone there who will take the responsibility to do that for ourselves. (I think a gay person just walked into the T&A…but I digress.) Bryan’s parents are great. They cooked breakfast for us…kept us company…gave us food and drink to take up our trip…and wished us well. It’s really uplifting to see Bryan in a different context.
Wyoming is desolate…but beautiful. It makes me want to take up riding horses. That’s about the only thing I can say about this place. I’ll probably have more to say after I see more of it.
That’s it for now.
**
Ok… so, I had to go empty the recycle bin at T&A and what a wonderful display of graffiti. “Shoot Kill the FAGGOT Queers”. What a wonderful place this is. No wonder Heath Ledger’s character couldn’t come out of the closet!
Rob
written by  James Coloma on December 26, 2005 from Evanston, United States

The Herd (Rob)
Boulder, United States
Today is a day like none other. Besides the fact that James and I were both able to get a full 8 hours of sleep, we wake to howling winds and a gorgeous view of the Rocky Mountains. The view captured mountain peaks for miles, small areas of patchy snow, and a herd of elk. When I peaked out the window, the view was incredible, but I didn’t get the elk. James peaked out and he said, “Oh my god, you have to see this”. I responded with, “I all ready did.” And then I asked if there were animals. He mentioned the elk and I jumped out of my sleeping bag to see. They stand there, about 25 or 30, eating at the grass that lay outside the lodge that we are staying. We lie next to the fireplace that let off a great amount of heat during the night. The porch had wooden benches that were carved in a nice ‘country’ type design. It is definitely what someone would expect to see if they came to the Rocky Mountains to visit. I’m sure the locals have a regular wooden chair that they sit in. Perhaps they have a rocking chair, but not the design that they have on these. Or maybe so, I just don’t know.
The elk stand there, looking around, chomping the grass, looking up and around, and watching for people who may be approaching. James wants to grab the camera, but the elk are quickly approaching the car. If he opens the door, he may scare them away. But no one else is up either, so we are afraid we will be making too much noise as well. The elk are beautiful. They have this rum, though that is a different color. It’s almost like it is bare. And if it is, I feel sorry since the snow is flurrying right now and it’s bound to get cold. The wind alone would cause frostbite – or so I think.
Jessica and her family are all so nice to have allowed us to stay with them. It is only a short period of time, more like a night’s rest. We won’t be actually spending too much time with them besides breakfast or a snack before we hit the road. She looks so cute and motherly with her newly defined pregnant stomach. It wasn’t there last time I saw her.
I can’t wait to go back through the back roads to get to the highway. They were winding and close to rock. The rock, huge in form, lay on both sides of the road for a tight fit and a brilliant scenic view, I’m sure. It definitely takes a complete level of attention. One animal in the road and I’m sure – I’d be off into the river. We’ll take pictures, so don’t you worry.
We definitely wouldn’t have time for a music video. James and I have been recording ourselves with the camera singing songs from RENT. James broke out in his feminine act, singing “Today 4 U”. My oh my, what a sight. He and I both sang “La Vie Boheme” and “Living in America”. The second, we may show to people. Who knows?! My craze for the hit musical has died recently. Not sure if it’s my present predicament or if the movie was a final Hurrah for me. Watching the movie, I did feel as if I were dwelling on it. Obviously, when I saw the play for the first time, it was under a different set of circumstances. In the beginning, it was a trend, something to unite people together on a common bond. It was an immediate bond. When you were in the RENTline, you were family. People talked about where they were from, how many times they saw the play, who in the cast they have met. Then, we would talk about who we were, perhaps play a game or ten and even sing songs. Not always from the musical, but eventually the soundtrack would be put in and we would start singing from our favorite songs. Sometimes, we didn’t even need the background music. We would just go acapella. Now, I think that I am growing a little older and the crowd seems a little younger. I felt comfortable last time, but then again, I brought my friends with me. I think that it’s time to let others partake in the RENTline and I’ll stand aside.
“Last night, I had a dream”. I wasn’t in cyberland (as depicted from Maureen in RENT), but moreso in Balboa Park. I was with Dakota, Patrik and Josh. I was supposed to work that day for a little while. So, off I went, leaving the boys to baby-sit Dakota. At the end of the day, the fire alarms sounded. Anyone that knows Balboa Park knows that there are not fire alarms – but it’s a dream, so it’s allowed. I looked into the Park and a huge flame rose from the center. I had to get Dakota. Running through the crowd, I couldn’t find him anywhere. I kept searching, with thoughts through my mind of Dakota lost sitting next to a tree and a stranger collecting him to “take him to safety”, but really meaning to take him away. I had to find him, as tears started down my face. The phone rings. It’s Patrik. Dakota’s with Patrik! Thank goodness. I find their location and I run to them, picking Dakota up, hugging him dramatically, and then I woke. I think that my internal clock is ticking. I mentioned to James that it was time to finally settle down. Perhaps this trip is my first attempt at doing that.
Well, off to shower, maybe even shave! My beard is starting to grow.
Enjoy…
Rob
written by  James Coloma on December 27, 2005 from Boulder, United States

Laramie, WY
Laramie, United States
Originally, we were supposed to take I-40 from Salt Lake City to Denver. However, we were told that I-40 would have been a hell of a drive and that one of the roads that we needed to take was closed. Thus, we had to take the 80.
Taking the 80 through Wyoming takes us directly through Laramie. Now, it has always been in the plans that we would stop in Laramie to pay our respects to Matthew Shepherd, but earlier this evening and driving through it, gave me another perspective.
We happened to be going by Laramie at about 6 PM. It’s dark and all the lights are out. All along our trip, it’s been cloudy. Suddenly, the night’s sky is clear and up above were a multitude of stars. From what I remember of Matt’s story is that as he was tied up to the fence, he had clear views of both the city lights and the stars. As we drove through Laramie that is exactly the view that I was treated to (Rob was asleep.) I couldn’t stop thinking of what Matthew had went through. Being tied naked to the fence. Cold. And the glittering of both lights from a city and up above.
In a pervious blog, I wrote about how I stand out. How I feel very different. How I feel out of place. Going through Laramie tonight reminded me that I am different. Being reminded of what happened to Matthew, reminded me that I (we) had to be careful.
When we stopped for dinner at McDonald’s, both Rob and I were getting stared at. We were also staring at everyone else. I don’t know which one of us was the outsiders. Everyone in the city looks completely different from what you would find in California…and I’m sure that we looked extremely out of place to all of them.
As we ate at McDonald’s, both Rob and I whispered to each other the entire dinner. Normally, I wouldn’t care a rat’s ass who was listening to our conversation. But tonight at dinner, I was very aware of what I was saying. I was very aware of not being overtly “gay,” of not staring at the cute boy walking into the restaurant, of not making sexual jokes out loud. It took every effort to be “straight.”
This is just the juxtaposition of what we were doing three hours earlier. Three hours earlier we were singing at the tops of lungs the songs from Rent. (We have a few of them on camera, so hopefully you’ll see what I mean.) How is it that we can be comfortable doing this, and then hours later, be cognizant that we couldn’t “act” this way because there is that possibility that we’ll get ourselves into a bit of trouble.
****
We have just reached the cabin where Jessica and her parents are staying. It’s beautiful. I didn’t think that during our trip that we would get to fall asleep in front of a fire. It is the perfect evening to today.
Off to bed.
written by  James Coloma on December 27, 2005 from Laramie, United States

Leaving Lincoln (Rob)
Lincoln, United States
Nebraska...Wow. I didn't think that I would actually spend time in Nebraska, but here I am. It's much nicer than any of the other places we have been to thus far. This is a hotel and that may be the reason. I think that they are nicer when you stay at a hotel. James saw a wonderful black woman at the front desk. I know he felt comfortable after he saw her.
Last night, James and I curled up on the bed and watched a movie on my laptop. I dug the speakers out of the car so that I could have surround sound. The laptop isn't very loud for DVD's. Like usual, he fell asleep and we didn't make it through the movie. It is a really cute move. If you get a chance to watch "Millions", you should.
So, we just had breakfast and now we are on our way to Chicago. This is the end of the roadtrip for James and will be the beginning for my sadness. I can never replace James. There are some good things about the trip though. My friend, Beth, is expecting a baby any day now. My friends, Stewart and Kate, are having birthdays shortly. I will be partaking in a few festivities. James - if you want to fly back out, you can enjoy the times with me. =)
Okay... Time to go. Have fun!
written by  James Coloma on December 28, 2005 from Lincoln, United States

The Devil Wears... (James)
Lincoln, United States
We’re now in Nebraska and I’m somehow more comfortable. Not that I think there’s anything different between Wyoming and Nebraska, but I feel more comfortable. It might be because we just ate a Chinese Buffet or it might be that the boys are MUCH cuter (there is a military base near Sydney) or I don’t have to deal with what happened in Laramie.
Nebraska isn’t interesting. It’s very flat with nothing in any direction. But in it’s own strange way, the simplicity of the region makes it very beautiful. The people here (the people in the rest stops, gas stations, McDonalds, and hotel) are very very nice. I’m totally impressed with Nebraska. Funny thing is that I’d like to come back. Maybe spend more time in Lincoln and actually see this city.
We’ve been listening to “The Devil Wears Prada.” This is a really good book. It is so much easier to follow then “Wicked.” Wicked has a lot of “the witches sister, who lived next to the fireman’s daughter, went down the….” But Prada…now this is a great book. We’re about four-fifth’s done…and I’m routing for Amanda to get with Christian. Yes, I know that she has a long term boyfriend, Alex, but Christian is so much better for her (or maybe I would like to date Christian.)
Anyway…we’re off to Chicago. I’m excited to go out in Boystown!
written by  James Coloma on December 28, 2005 from Lincoln, United States

405 - Like the Highway (Rob)
Chicago, United States
Very interesting evening. We arrived to meet Brian and Janine at the hotel. They were running a little behind schedule, so that gave us plenty of time to upload more pictures. Yes, we have more pictures to show.
When the two arrived at the hotel, Brian looked more dashing than ever. Janine was perfect as she has always been - pretty and petite. I wasn't sure what the night had planned for us, but I knew that it started with a Chicago deep dish pizza. I thought that it would be like any normal pizza. I've been to Bronx Pizza off of Washington Blvd. It's ok. I've had better. I think that I prefer the Americanized Papa Johns and everything else is just blah. But not Chicago pizza. This pizza had layers to it. So good and we were full off of 2 pieces. I was surprised when I took the second. One large pizza covered the four of us. Good times.
We then waltzed our way into Boystown. Boystown is just like Hillcrest is to San Diego or Castro is to San Francisco. I would never believe that they would call it "Boystown", but whatever, it was fun nonetheless. There were boys everywhere. Holding hands, eating a romantic dinner, and reading at a coffee shop together. I am not sure how I knew that they were together at a coffee shop, but I just knew. It was like Chicago was a city of love or something. So damn cute, I almost vomitted.
We stopped at a little bar/dance club, who's name I don't recall. Brian immediately bought a pitcher of Margarita. James had a Bacardi/coke. It was a great night, there was a lounge area, and a back area which had a singing contest. The contest was for the next rising star. There were three contestants. The girl, I thought, was the best voice, but she couldn't remember any of the words from the song. It was a Les Miserables song, and James and I assisted her as much as we could remember. Definitely a good time. The crowd emptied and then came dancing.
We stayed at the bar until it closed at 1:30/2am. We proceeded to the next one: Charley's. Janine and Brian went back to the hotel. I thought that we would too, but James decided to stay out - so I did too. It was more fun than the other bar. I'll let James get into the story on that front. But let's just say, we are probably having lunch with a boy or two tomorrow. Nothing more than lunch though. We were very good boys and returned to the hotel. The one thing that I can't believe is that the second bar still serves liquor until like 5am! Holy Cow. I just stuck to water.
The walk home was brilliant. Although it was 37 degrees, the sweat on our backs and our body heat kept us warm. The cold air felt like air conditioning on a hot day. It was a nice walk back. And a nice talk between James and I. We'll be back, Chicago.
written by  James Coloma on December 29, 2005 from Chicago, United States

The Lone Trip (Rob)
Chicago, United States
Leaving Chicago was difficult. Sure, I stayed an extra day. I had a great time too. Brandon (as James mentioned previously) was a gentleman to an extreme. He took me out and showed me the town. From a nice, classy dinner to drinks at the top of the John Hancock Building. Wow, what a view at 96 stories. He wanted me to stay through New Years, but I couldn't. Too many committments. I wanted to make it to New York to see Eddy and Gary, but time was running out. I needed to pick up a ticket by 8pm the night of the 30th. I didn't leave Chicago until 1130 on the 30th. That wasn't happening. So, additional plans included Will, and the promised trip that I made way back when. It's always nice to see Will. More of him to come.
So, I left Chicago...without James. It wasn't that I left James in Chicago, since he did take a plane to Sacramento the day before. But I couldn't get it out of my head that I was leaving him there. The passenger seat was empty. I had no one to talk to. What a trip this has been. I can't even imagine explaining, but I'm going to try. What other trip do you experience:
* traffic that delays your trip about 3 hours (to Sacramento)
* a death in the family
* a heavy snowstorm that delays your trip about 5 hours (to Salt Lake City)
* sleeping in the car because your friend won't wake up.
* seeing your friend's family (James C's family, James L's family, Brian B's family)
* visit the memorial of a stranger that was murdered because you feel a common link (Matthew Shephard)
* sleep in front of a fireplace in the Rocky Mountain National Park (actually Estes Park), but one in the same to me.
* wake up to elk in the front yard.
* stop at T&A's across America to tell our stories
* find a new city (Chicago) where we wouldn't mind moving to and celebrating New Years in it a few days early
There is so much that happens in James and my lives. This trip is a turning point, but a symbolic event that tells me that nothing will change. At least I don't think so. At the beginning of the trip, we hit some things that may have prevented us to go further. In fact, with all of the signs, perhaps we should have turned around. But we didn't. We smiled, acknowledged what was behind us and moved on. That's how James and I react to each other. Every time we are in a fight, one of us kiss the other's ass so that we don't have to go to breakfast alone the next day.
James, believe me when I say - no matter what events that I have in Connecticut or other, they will not compare to the fun that I have with my best friend!
written by  James Coloma on December 31, 2005 from Chicago, United States

Common Quotes/Themes from the Trip (Rob)
Baltimore, United States
On the trip, we had some common quotes that would just be repeated over and over. Here are some quotes and themes:
* "That's what she said".
* There are Harley Davidson stores in so many cities. I didn't even know that they really existed. I knew that they were in shops, but I thought that stores had all sorts of bikes. I didn't realize that there was an outlet store just for Harley's. WOW.
* "I want a gay tracter".
* James spent the whole trip on E. It was vitiman E, but fun to say, nonetheless.
* "True Story"
* "You said bottom". "You said top".
* At the club in Chicago, I slapped James in the face pretty hard. You see, I spent a good 15 minutes dancing next to this guy that I thought was cute and then James walks by and in 2 seconds pulls the guy in and starts dancing with him pretty closely. James came over to me and started dancing and I slapped him. He did it multiple times that evening, so I slapped him for each. It was almost like that Friends episode where Monica and Rachel flick each others forehead and Pheobe has to separate them.
* Creating Music Videos to the songs from RENT. Along the way, we video recorded ourselves singing to RENT. They are pretty funny too!
There were much, much more... but I can only think of these thus far.
written by  James Coloma on December 31, 2005 from Baltimore, United States

Happy New Year (James)
Chicago, United States
Chicago was a blast. I'm definitly in love with this town. We went to Roscoe's for some drinks and ended up with a whole lot more (hint hint...wink wink). At Roscoe's, we ended up meeting a number of boys. I ended up making out with four...Rob met this incredibly cute boy, Brandon, but I'll let him tell you guys all about him...and Brian came home with hickies all over his neck.
The night out in Chicago was my New Year's Celebration. Since I won't be having one this year (my grandfather's funeral is on the 31st), I asked Rob, Brian, and Janine if they could celebrate with me. While strange to yell "Happy New Year" on the 29th...I'm really glad that I was able to ring in the new year with them.
The next day, Brian took us all over Chicago. The city is beautiful. Full of culture, diversity, life! Walking through the city reminded me of the first time I walked through San Diego. I knew I loved San Diego the moment I entered the city. I had that same feeling walking through Chicago. I'm definitly coming back...maybe moving there? who knows?
This trip has changed me. From my family getting to know Rob and James, to spending another Christmas with a death in the family (my dad's father passed away last Christmas and I spent Christmas in the Phillippines and New Years on a plane), to reignighting old friendships, to expierencing a whole new city with excitement and awe, to saying "I'll see you later" to a really good friend...this trip has given me new options. While I'm scared of what will happen next...i'm totally open to whatever possibilities 2006 has to offer. 2005 was a great year...here's to an even better one!
While my trip across the US is done (I'll be in Sacramento till January 3rd), Rob's is still going on. I plan on continuing to write until I actually get home,to San Diego...so stay tuned. What I write may be a little depressing...but I'll get through it.
I had to say good-bye to Rob yestarday. Once we got to the airport, I left quickly because I didn't want him to see me cry. Crying for two reasons...the whole trip, I didn't think about what was going on in Sacramento. Actually getting to the airport reminded me of what was ahead. Second...I'm going to miss Rob. So much of my life in San Diego was spent with him. I'm scared to be alone...and once I get back to San Diego, I will be. While I know that Rob will be back...and life will still be the same...there's a part of me that has to be put away while he's gone. Rob...thank you for being the trip and the experiences of this trip. So many memories...and I know that there are definitely many more to come. While I don't want to say "come back soon" because I know that you won't be back until your grandmother passes, I will say "you owe me a double headed semi!"
Alright..I'm off to go get some clothes for the funeral.
See you soon....
written by  James Coloma on December 30, 2005 from Chicago, United States

Family (James)
In July, when my grandfather was given 3 to 6 months to live, he asked to die at home. To do this meant that he needed 24 hour care. To grant his wish, each of my family members took a "shift." This meant staying at his house either during the day, over night, or just a few hours here and there. When I was asked to take a shift, I declined stating that it would be too difficult to get to Sacramento on a regular basis. I always regretted this and felt guilty for being one of the few older grandchildren who wasn't helping out.
Today, my mom asked if I could stay the rest of the week. One of my aunts is sick...and won't be able to take her shift during this week. Even though my grandfather has passed, my grandmother still needs constant attention. Thus, the shifts continue. Without hesitation, I have agreed to stay in Sacramento for the rest of this week. I need to be here. My grandparents took care of me and my cousins when we were younger. They practically raised us. While I couldn't be here to repay my grandfather by taking care of him, I can at least help out for this week and help take care of my grandmother.
The memorial service and funeral for my grandfather was beautiful. I wasn't planning on saying any words at the memorial service, but did. I'm glad that I had the opportunity to publicly thank my grandfather for sacrificing all he did so that I could have a better life. It was also very heartwarming to hear all my other family members speak so highly of my grandfather.
One of the most touching remarks came from a distant cousin, Carmelyn. While I may say distant, I mean that only by blood. She and her sisters were also one of the many cousins that my grandparents took care of after school. That was the beauty of my grandparents. You didn't even have to be from his line...they would still open up their home and take care of you. Anyway...Carmelyn took all of our childhood memories of being at my grandparents house after school and reminding us of what fun we had. It was poignant, funny, and wonderful. She and her sisters also took old pictures, scanned them, and put them to music. She played these pictures at the luncheon after the funeral. It was a great honor for my grandfather.
I always forget that my grandfather is a WWII vet. I don't know why I forget this as his right arm was crippled from a gun shot wound. But prior to placing my grandfather into the wall, the salute to veterans was played. I cried more at that moment then I did in the past two weeks. Just an FYI: My grandfather wasn't burried. He asked to be placed in the mosoleum wall facing south so that he will always have the sun on him. He was always cold.
New Years Eve
Since the funeral was on New Years Eve, I ended up celebrating New Years with the family. All 897 of them. Exageration of course...but we were all together. We had a champaigne toast at the stroke of midnight. But since there are 897 of us crammed into my grandparent's living room...and not having enough champaigne glasses, they gave champaigne to groups of 6 and we were to share it. While I was with my family this New Years, it ended up being a great celebration.
After the New Years Toast, we ended up playing Scattergories. We divided ourselves into teams of six. Scattergories is so much easier and more fun played in teams. I was very surprised by my little cousins (about 7 to 12) who were coming up with the most clever of answers. I don't know how one of my little cousins knows what impotence is...but he's (age 11) the one that came up with that answer for the clue "things that are soft" beginning with the letter "i."
Alright...i've got to jet.
Till next time.
written by  James Coloma on January 4, 2006 from Sacramento, United States

Happy Birthday (James)
So January 8th was my birthday. It was planned for me to return to San Diego yesterday, but my journey and trip still continue.
Last Wednesday we rushed my grandmother to the hospital. She was incoherent, had a temperature of 102, and hadn't passed any urine in over 12 hours. When we got her to the hospital, we had to make a decision to either intibation her or let her pass. My grandmother is DNR, but we didn't have the paperwork with us and we were not at her usual hospital. In a quick decision, my cousin decided to intibate her. This was done to prolong her life for a short time so that her children and grandchildren can say their goodbyes.
On Friday, January 6th, my mom and her brothers and sisters met to discuss when to take out the intibation tube. I can only imagine what that conversation was like, but I'm definitely sure it wasn't a fun conversation to be a part of. They decided to take my grandmother off the ventilator on Saturday afternoon.
That night, my cousins and I decided to go to AJ's house for dinner and games. It was a chance for us to relax before what we knew was going to be a long and emotional day. We ended up playing the original Nintendo (Kings of the Beach, Bommerman, and Off Road) for about three hours. Then, as always, played Scategories until 3 AM.
January 7th was a very long day. They extibated my grandmother at 1PM and we were told that she would pass within the hour. At 4PM, my grandmother still alive and with good vital signs, everyone decided to go home and get some rest. I decided to stay at the hospital to give the rest of my family the opportunity to sleep. During that time I was alone with my grandmother and had the chance to say good-bye to her.
My grandmother taught my me and my cousins how to read. She was our pre-school teacher. I remember her cutting up cardboard boxes and making flash cards with phonic sounds on them. So the flash cards would have say "at" on one side and the letters on separate flash cards. She would put the two together to make c-at or b-at or f-at. This would go on and on. I attribute where I am today to my grandmother. She gave all of us the foundation that we needed to succeed in school and we have all done that. I thanked my grandmother for this.
At midnight, it was planned that some other cousins would come and relieve me. At that time, I came home to get some rest.
January 8th...I woke up at 6 again because I couldn't sleep. I knew that my grandmother was going to go soon. Before I left, her kidneys had already shut down...so it was just a waiting game. By 1:22, my grandmother finally passed away.
At the funeral for my grandfather, my grandmother told him to wait for her because she would join him soon. None of us thought it would be within two weeks. It's kind of sweet and romantic. After 58 years of marriage, they are now on another journey together.
I've been asked countless times how I am doing. Truthfully...I'm numb. I've also been asked about how I'm taking it as my grandmother passed away on my birthday. To me, it's sort of an honor to share this day with her.
So now it appears that I am here for another week. The funeral is being set for either Wednesday or Thursday. On Friday, my cousins and I are planning on going snowboarding. On Sunday, I should be back in San Diego. I can't wait!
written by  James Coloma on January 9, 2006 from Sacramento, United States