theresa

5 days ago...

theresa — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

to africa
with hopes to cure
hopes to conquer
hopes to endure
to wade through the suffring
cast some hope on the ground
take the hand of the hopeless
allow hope to abound
plant hope in their eyesight
grow hope from the trees
eat hope at the table
feel hope in the breeze
i found hope at the sealine
at the black african shore
i stepped into the ocean
and ached only for more
i felt hope on the mountain
whipped around by the winds
hope bout knocked me over
forgot all my sins
stood at that summit
tried to soak it all in
sun burnt me discreetly
more hope's never been
just erupted from inside
Volcano of hope in my chest
just erupted all over
spilt out on my breast
come, momma, take some hope from me
i know this isn't all you'll ever be
come, baby, take some hope from me
i hope this isn't all you'll ever be

if i could pass you the world
just pass it right through
i think good things would happen
if the world was with you
cuz your heart's just like gold
and i hear what you say
about going to learn
and coming back someday
to spread a little hope
and share what you know
so your people can hope
so your people can grow
if i could open the world
just peel it open for you
believe me i'd do it
i'd cross oceans for you

mt cameroon: day 1

theresa — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

can i even begin to describe this adventure?

mt Cameroon sits at approximately 4,095 meters above sea level as the second highest peak in all of africa and the highest peak in west africa. she's an active Volcano, erupting 7 times in the last one hundred years. when the eruption of 1999 occured, geologists predicted that it would be another 10 years before another eruption could take place... then came the eruption of 2000, only 9 years ago! so much for prediction nature!

that morning of oct 13th we overslept just a bit, our alarm malfunctioned...OF COURSE! Helen helped us out by making us some kwacoco (a mush concoction of dried fish, prawns, vegetable, cocoyam, and various spices wrapped with a leaf into a tight, compact roll of goodness). we downed one roll in the back of a taxi, giddy and nervous as we watched the mountain looming above us on our way to meet our guides and porters. i was assuming the lack of activity since august was sure to raise it's ugly head in the next three days...and the "khata" left residing in my lungs was undoubtedly going to take it's toll on me as well....

as we gathered our supplies together, i was a bit shamed by the comparison of my bag and the porters. they would be carrying most of our food/water/shelter supplies and we (shaye and i) would carry only what we needed for the time being: spare clothes, socks, shoes, chinchin and about 2.5 liters of water....and 2 hiking poles.

we, the five of us and our mass of supplies, piled into a taxi and were transported to the end of a paved road where one building existed with little else. a sprinter was repeatedly tackling a small incline nearby as we gave our official introductions to one another.

hans: guide. experienced guide of 123 official tours up mt cameroon and numerous undocumented others. (he didn't tell us this directly, but we realized it later.)

mr. simon: "porter. not just for two days, but many years before."

edward: porter. guide on occasion in other locations, and guide-in-training/porter today.

at approximately 815am at 1010m above sea level, we started out steadily up a small path barely visible along the edge of the building. we stopped maybe five feet up to discuss a plant, it's purpose, and it's latin name.

really? is this the pace?

turns out that mr. hans has a vast amount of information stored in his head and he shares it humbly, generously, and often. the slow pace was difficult in the beginning, but mr hans repeatedly laid out that there was "no need to be sporty"....there was a mountain to discover.

we hiked initially through the Upper Farms of Buea where we saw the Lady of the Mountain (winner of many of the past Mountain Races)...she coasted away to the valley with ease i'll never know...
...past the prison and prison farms where prisoners waved their hands through the bars and hissed at us romantically...
...through the anthropic forest...which contained plaintain and banana trees, and volcanic bombs (giant boulders that had been thrown from past eruptions)...
...into the secondary forest...with more crops of cocoyam and other plantations...
...into the primary forest...with no human intervention and only a small path to lead us through the vibrant green of an african jungle...the tropical mountain rainforest.
...it was too exciting to feel any type of fatigue. besides mr. hans was an excellent guide and knew when we needed a rest, a swig of water, and a taste of chin chin and groundnuts.

i'll never be able to repeat the names of the places mr. hans brought us...nor the names of every plant and animal and sound he directed our attention to...not just the common names, but the latin names as well...

we stopped at a spring and Hut 1 around noon. i'll name the spring 'Butterfly Springs' because sadly my memory is that of my mother's. we devoured our delicious kocoyam and wrote our names with ash on the underside of compound's roof. there was a small shower of rain, which hans considered a blessing....and onward we go....
it wasn't long til we were on the brink of a steeply sloped savannah. apparently hunters and new trainers didn't appreciate the grasses so they set fire to them. not long ago shaye and i had seen fire on the mountain from our little home, so seeing the damage was quite interesting.

at 2000 meters, mr. hans and mr. simon performed a small dance and song to "please the mountain" in response to our foreign presence here. i thought they were gathering fern leaves in case of necessary relief, but found it was for quite a different event. they handed them to shaye and i and requested that we sway back and forth in rhythm to mr. simon's claps and mr. hans chants...so we danced, in hopes to honor the mountain...and continue to have such a safe journey.

as we hiked we watched the landscape miraculously transform. the jungle disappeared, the grasslands wore slightly thinner. we met the 'magic tree' that fades in and out of sight as you climb.....we climbed til it seemed we were level with the clouds....til humanity was barely visible below us...and heaven seemed only a step away... we climbed til we reached new plant species and an even steeper slope....we climbed off course a bit just to view a volcanic vent... we climbed til we reached Hut 2 around 5 in the afternoon....and this is where we stopped for day 1 of our adventure.

mr. hans brought shaye and i to check out a huge cavern with red soil at the base and ferns at the entrance. in the US they would've built stairs and hand rails, but here we lowered ourselves carefully step by step, rock by rock into the dark abyss. it was a dream.

and after that shaye and i roamed about like irresponsible children, posing on rocks and exploring the terrain like true adventurers, while mr simon chopped the firewood and edward and mr. hans prepared our beds. we laid a sleeping mat next to the fire and dozed while edward cooked a long awaited, delicious meal of rice and veggies in tomato sauce. we took some tea outside and gazed at one of the most brilliant skies i've ever seen. it'd take my whole life to count those stars. lucky us, we each saw two shooting stars...and only now i'm realizing we forgot to make wishes on them. not that it mattered... our dreams were coming true anyway (says shaye) haha... cornbusters....

but really.. really really... what a dream. we were on mt cameroon...in africa...climbing the highest peak of west africa...accomplishing...or at least attempting to accomplish...some of our wildest dreams. what else could we wish for?

and then we lied there..on a bed of wood only a couple feet off the ground...wrapped snugly in sleeping bags... laughing ridiculously at the situation we found ourselves in...too excited to be exhausted. who would've thought!

but somehow we eventually drifted off to sleep... completely necessary to prepare for the 5 hour climb to the summit that we'd be facing the next day.

.....................................

dust

theresa — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

in africa, there is such a thing known as "khata". this "khata" is very similar to the common cold. they say khata is caused from all the warm winds of the sahara desert blowing out to sea. dust clouds billow about. one step onto most roads sends a cloud billowing up about your calves and permeate the membranes of your nose and mouth. eventually, from all the introduction of foreign particles, your head becomes buzzy, throat is scratchy and sore, and you sneeze a brilliant yellow muke from somewhere deep inside. you feel feverish except upon taking your own temperature you find that you are very much within range....even below at times. lucky you. and lucky me for having had this experience for the last 5 days. a couple days ago i kept coughing and couldn't quit... and yesterday it felt similar to what i can only imagine it would feel like to carry 25 pounds of weight directly on my chest. the symptoms are just now clearing up in forms of phlegm cleared from the bases of my tired lungs. i hope tomorrow they're ready for the climb to mt Cameroon. one way or another i'm going up that mountain :D

success

theresa — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

well. saturday i was really surprised at the level of responsibility the doctor allowed us to have in our home clinic. it was exciting, because i was able to start at least three ivs and shaye had one as well. i sadly can't remember all of their cases...mostly malaria and one case of gastritis. i was surprised at the good mood of the place and was proud of our display in skill...not that i doubted it. i didn't, though i was getting curious if my "sticking power" had been depleted with all the disuse. luckily time hadn't rusted me over. all the time i spent at UK obviously grounded itself inside of me somewhere. ....but to explain the change of the place: it seems the doctor has eyes all over this town because shaye and i were "discovered" in our endeavors to the other clinic. this is really a long Story, but let's just discuss the end result: success. we had a long discussion with the doc on monday i think about some of our expectations related to work in coming to Cameroon and i believe some things were worked out. at least now we have formal permission to volunteer at this other clinic.

the other clinic

theresa — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

so...wednesday and today i've gone to this other clinic ran by mr. muma. it has been REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY great. there is currently a group of nursing students there working/volunteering some of their time...sort of like a clinical group. i guess they have to write some papers about it and i'm just thankful i don't have to do the same. but i'll do my best to fill you in.

on wednesday they were totally inviting. we met everyone and mr muma showed us around again. (i'll upload photos later). we started out doing prenatal visits. (which i've never done) it was TOTALLY awesome listening to the fetal heart sounds through this funky little silver tube that was small on one end and large at the other. the fetal heart was more like a feeling, a vibration in your mind instead of a sound though and i found that exciting. you just have this sensation of a heart..a life. and touching all these pregnant bellies and visiting the baby ward where there was a 2 day old baby and 3 other newborns with mom's eager to allow us to hold them. just that first day i started 2 iv drips for malaria patients and gave an IM shot to some kid. (they rarely give an IM in the deltoid...ALWAYS in the butt...poor kid) ...it was a totally fulfilling day. i learned so much about a clinical setting and prenatal info.

and today i went again because muma said they would be going out to the community to give vaccinations. obviously i couldn't pass this opportunity up!
i got there just after 8 am and changed into my scrubs. we set out fairly on time and walked down these rocky back paths to some random schools made of cement and tin. (unfortunately i don't have MANY photos because the batteries in my camera were nearly out, but i did catch a few!)... the kids were all sitting excitedly in mini chairs at mini tables...and some were crying because they thought the whiteman and white coats were going to stick them with needles. it wasn't long before they realized we only had oral "sweets" (medicines) for them to take and most of them were eager to take them when they saw their friends smiling faces. some even asked for more. we went from room to room of these weather rubbed buildings passing out these sweets. my duty was to mark the left pinkie of each child who had received each of the three medications: polio vaccine, vitamin A, and worm medication. the meds were only for children 5 years exactly and under, so we were dealing with probably some of the cutest kids in cameroon.
we went to maybe five different schools. at each one the kids would wave hands through the windows and cry "whiteman"... sometimes after i was nearly out of view from them.

i was offered a stick of sugar cane at one point. they laughed at me as i oddly fumbled the cane about trying to figure out how to even begin to eat it. but once they showed me i definitely had the hang of it. you have to bite the outer shell and tear it off with your teeth. and then you take a knife and cut the stem into four parts (this makes it easier to fit that whole bit in your mouth). you bite away one of those four parts and chew and suck on it until you're sure all the sweet watery sensation has left the roughage and evaded your senses. it's too enjoyable, really.

after we got through with the schools we went to the community. trekking up and down rocky mountainside paths to find all the "pickens" under the age of five. in the village were the younger ones and they weren't quite as eager to receive the sweets from the people in white coats. some screamed. some wept before we even got close. and one was caught quietly slipping away down the street. we sat at a little community center and waited while the town crier went to the random homes to announce our presence. while we sat i discussed my small understanding of the pidgin-english language with some local men.
i de talk small pidgin, you see? and i de hear pidgin more.
they were enjoying some shots of whiskey from these small sealed plastic bags. they said this was the way the poor man could taste good things. it was about 10 cents a shot. very tempting really.

so after we started heading back to the clinic i realized how exhausted i was. it was HOT. i was thirsty. i was hungry. and i was WELL pleased with the day! :)
four of us stopped at a little restaurant and i enjoyed a full plate of ndole (usually i share a plate with shaye) and a gordon's spark.

and back at the clinic i got to observe/assist with a circumcision. it was SO painful to watch. apparently the blade was slightly dull so i'm assuming it made it that much terrible for the 5 week old boy (they usually do it within the first three days). i was a little sickened honestly. she kept cutting and tying surgical sutures around pieces of skin...attempting to stop the bleeding. finally it stopped. i really was scared but... wow. it was intense to watch. i don't think i'd like to do one...but maybe someday. we'll see.

anyways. i'm about out of time but on one last note:

I MIGHT GET TO CLIMB MT CAMEROON!

World Aids Day

theresa — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

cameroonians. rich in dance. in positive thinking. in peacefulness. in celebraton. in hope.
the nursing students decked out their fine white professional garb while shaye and i showed off our new african dresses. we woke early to prepare for the Aids March that would be taking place down the street from our home.
at first there werent many people...just a band and some nurses and other students. i did find a friend there: one of the nurses that occasionally works in our clinic. we met her hubby and ate her gato (a fried ball of dough filled with pepper! mmm)

the march started and there were maybe 60 people. it was a good enough crowd for me. the drummers and trumpets led and the people behind them enjoyed with dancing while meandering our way down the one side of the street. the sun was SO bright. thank goodness i bought a handkerchief since i've been here because for sure i've put it to use... and don't think i'm complaining..because i'm most definitely not. i'd take these hot sweaty days full of sunshine and music over a cold icy day in lex almost ANY day...(it's the people that draw me home!)

and more later because i'm almost out of time!! ah...these damn internet booths!

yesterday

theresa — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

so there's been this entwining of people and experiences here. going out with friends i've managed to make a lot of good contacts and have met some great people and have been able to share some of the circumstances i find myself in. a.k.a discontentment with the patient load/work arrangements. somehow one person led me to another person and so on and so on and shaye and i have been invited to work with another clinic that seems more focused on the poor and less focused on trying to survive..oorr...not exactly sure of what the focus of our clinic is, but it's not quite what we were informed about. it seems that if the doc really was so intent on reaching the poor she would join forces with some of the clinics already at work to do the same deeds. Anyways. we're going to try and join them in their work during our free time and i'll keep you updated on how that goes.

last night was the barcelona vs. real madrid football game. there;'s a restaurant/bar at the end of our street that had it playing on the big screen. we decided to go for it...and i took sides with real madrid while shaye was rooting for barcelona just to be difficult. we were hungry so we were out to find some food as well (the restaurant for some reason wasn't serving last night) ... we bumped into a friend/neighbor and he paid our taxi fares to a place down the road...he didn't eat anything, but was uber kind enough to buy our one plate of "curried" (not really) rice and grilled fish. it was excellent! then we went back to see the last minutes of the game...as great as my hope was for madrid to pull out of their one down slump, it didn't happen. but it was still a good night... we can't help discussing often our joy of being in africa. it really hits me sometimes. i'm so blessed to be here. learning how other places of the world work. learning about these people and their hardships and their enjoyments. learning their way of life a bit. and everyday i learn something new about the way they see the world. i really love it.

thanks for all your support in coming here....

a good day

theresa — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

wow. today!

an HIV poster from work

the doctor didn't show up to the office until after noon. enough time to tell us that "someday" we'd be going to schools to educate some kiddies about the risks of contracting HIV, so I ought to recreate another copy of the HIV poster I made to hang on her bare, blue clinic wall. so i did..thinking how nice it was to travel all the way to africa to make posters. anyways...maybe some kid would show some self control after staring at the 'white man' in the front of the room holding up a shiny poster.

in between drawing lines and letters and various pictures displaying the avenues of infection, shaye and i sat roasting in the hot african sun...enjoying the short time of warmth while it's available. i'm sure to miss it.

the doctor left early...before 3 this evening. as usual, if she goes the atmosphere turns slightly more relaxed. laura (another nurse) was curiously out behind the clinic disturbing a fire and pushing around through some of the brush. in a few moments she came to us, wordlessly chomping on her own cob of roasted corn and handing off another to us to share. we were VERY excited! some of the kernals had even showed early signs of yummy popcornness. we enjoyed. we enjoy a lot here.

a patient came in and because the MD was incognito we didn't think we could do anything for her, but apparently there were orders made prior to this day (great communication).
omeprazole IV push stat
we pulled out a vial of omeprazole and searched the information sheet within the box to figure out the proper rate of administration. we also had to do this with no IV. the woman kindly had disappearing veins, but i was happy to see them and more happy to stick them as this was the first stick i've done in 2 months! she thanked us for the administration, and i thanked her for needing medicine...and coming when the doctor wasn't there.

so, since the doctor had left and we can't really do anything much without her or her keys there, it was our chance to escape the clinic and explore. we had no other engagements and, as it's rare for our schedules to be so free, we (shaye and i) set out with a few goals in mind. first on the agenda: Beno Bakery.

We walk into this tiled, tin-tabled heaven with it's crossiants, hamburgers, sodas, and sweets lining the glass display and try to hide the fact that we're drooling. we had spotted pizza and quiche here the day before and knew a sooner-than-later visit was a must. we carefully selected some of the juicier looking pizzas and the last quiche assuming it was last because it was something to be desired. wow. were we in for a surprise. we sat and attempted to keep our cool, but our eagerness over took us. wow. the pizza looked so delicious. juicy. it didn't exactly look completely fresh, but...stale pizza always tasted good at home, right? ....so.

the soggy, wrinkly cardboard pizza

the first bite. hmm...mine resembled a bit of soggy cardboard with dry, wrinkly "veggies" and ancient cheese (not properly aged). i debated on setting the piece down before i finished, but the shit cost a whole dollar so i was like..hell no. not wasting that! (you can buy two beers with a dollar!!) ...and inside i was having some high hopes for the quiche so i figured i'd suffer through it.
and..the first bite: for me, i took the tip of the creamy triangle delicacy with memories of my mom's on my taste buds....which quickly were put to rest. i soon realized i was not in my mother's kitchen enjoying her fresh quiche but rather found myself in some sort of food hell. slime stretched from the product to my mouth and the mush sort of violated my senses. as i breathed out, hoping maybe the aftertaste would be somewhat sufferable, i found myself publicly gagging. i didn't take another bite and neither did shaye. we managed to take down some crust, but...it was a failure and "possibly one of the worst food experiences of my life" (claims shaye)...like taking candy from a baby, but not even that. it's like...giving a kid something that's supposed to be candy and it turns into shit as they put it in their mouth. BUT...as much as it was a failure, it was a success. we sat a bit longer wondering how to dispose of our garbage a.k.a. what they tried to call food...enjoying the sunshine, the african people, and the dance beat ringing out to us. we were alone. we were in africa. and it was excellent.

next we tried to check some internet, but the place was packed. we decided to undo the wrong that had so cruelly been done to us, and went in search for some proper african dish to satisfy our cheated bellies. we walked...and walked....and walked. twice we asked people where we might find a "restaurant"....they would then ask us if we were speaking german. no...we're speaking english. just like you. seriously? they have signs with "restaurant" in various places.. maybe we say it weird. anyways. finally after some vague directions we saw some people dishing out on some eru and decided to give the place a try. thankfully. we pounded a rich plate of ndole (in doe-lay), yummy sweet soft plantain, and some gordon sparks (a fine citrus gin fizz)...all for three bucks. luckily shaye and i have similar appetites and interests...it's been a LOT of fun today. i'm sure these african people must think white girls only know how to smile and laugh too loud.

going to a 'football' match

NEXT...we went to watch some dudes playing some fine football (soccer). maybe it wasn't just the soccer that was fine. we met some fit african ladies who encouraged us to start doing some sports while we're here. one of these girls was so fast she could beat some of the boys and keep a close second to the others. while we were watching i had this STRANGE sensation. i was watching this girl climbing over the fence and then sitting on it: her long sleek legs dangling, her face shining from the activity, bush grasses blowing behind, and sun setting to the side. all of a sudden i was born in africa, grown in buea, and i came here nearly everyday to play soccer on this dusty field and enjoy my friends. i was standing alone on the plain of this cameroonian city. i would go home to my family that night. i would cook my eru and say hello to my brothers or my sisters. the world felt so small and yet so so big. it was like i was made here...my blood became the water and my heart became the dust and my mind was caught somewhere between them and the sun....kind of a weird feeling actually...i honestly don't think this is where i belong forever, but i'm so happy to be walking on this part of the earth. i've been so blessed to know these people, see their homes and their families, feel the sweat they put into life, the passion they put into love...the desperation with which they look to their futures. it's inspiring. i'm humbled. i'm honored.

and i'm still in africa.

...

theresa — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

again my blogs have become somewhat lacking, haven't they? ashea (AW-she-aw{sorry})

our formal invitation to paaarrtttayyy

saturday night we were invited to a celebration party. it was some kind of formal "passing on" of the leadership positions in a formal school group, while also welcoming the new freshmans into the roles. the invitation declared that the time frame was 8pm til dawn. we were VERY curious how this would play out. i wore a dress that i got here in Africa as did Shaye, the volunteer from New York. everyone there looked SPLENDED, dressed finer than anything i ever wear. girls wore beautiful cocktail dresses, while many guys decked themselves out in fine suits and ties. we were served a 'refreshment' of popcorn, dried fish, peanuts, and a white breaded sandwich of sardine paste, which was surprisingly enjoyable. after the ceremony everyone was served some wine. the red heaven was sweet but not quite as sweet as my manichewitz from home. soon...the dancing began! and might i say that these cameroonians if they can do anything, they can dance! i've seen 3 year olds shake their booties better than me and apparently they only become more skilled with age. quite impressive. so, all night we danced. i met some people, enjoying their company... enjoyed some castel...some more sardine pasted white bread... and i was surprised at how quickly the time passed. before i knew it 5 am was there and our escorts were waiting to take us home. we strolled still dancing to the roadside to catch a taxi. in the wee hours of the morning, fit cameroonians were beginning their morning 'sports', running up the mountain roads like machines. the new lab scientist, papa joe, was in rare form, wildly directing the taxi in our direction, rushing everyone into their positions, being quite the comedian in his probably state of exhaustion. we were seen safely home by papa joe and two other friends. as happy as i was to see my bed, i was sorry the night was over...we had too much fun! ...so i lied there repicturing the dancing cameroonians until passing out from my own definite exhaustion...
looking forward to the next day (or the same day!) when we would visit muna market....if we ever woke up!

the beach!

theresa — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

the new girl, shaye from new york, hellen and i

so yesterday we took the trip to the beach. it was SOO nice! ..except for the initial taxi ride, in which the emergency stick was prodding affectionately against my tail bone the entire time.

unfortunately, i'll have to write more about this later...enjoy the pics!

a boat

hopefull

theresa — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

wow...things seem so hopeful. today seemed like an EXCELLENT day. another nurse arrived from the US and ive been very anxious to meet her and discuss the details of the oncoming month or so...and our equal experiences of healthcare. i've been VERY happy having this opportunity.

chin chin and ground nuts (peanuts) ..our daily snack

mostly though i've enjoyed finding out about all the things we're going to do (even tho it's slightly frustrating we haven't already started some of these ideas already) .... theres' a lot of possibility for what we might do so i am eagerly awaiting. it seems with my eagerness and the presence of another volunteer the doctor has been incline to press for things to happen. some of these weekends we will be speaking on a radio talk program about public health. tuesday of this week we are supposed to begin a door to door blood pressure and sugar screening program which will hopefully enable us to educate are public about diabetes and high blood pressure . i'm looking forward to these opportunites...eagerly awaiting the chance to work.

an HIV poster from work

i feel SO SO lucky to have someone so like minded next to me in my adventures. it's SO encouraging!!

healthcare/social life

theresa — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

even this small clinic, with quoted hopes to serve the underpriveledged, does not quite have what i think is preferential option for the poor. the ones i thought i came to serve can't afford the 1000frs (2 dollar) admission fee to see the doctor. they cannot pay the few hundred frs fee for the taxi. they are in villages who've known few doctors and little medicine. those who watch loved ones toil to their graves, their early graves made from deaths caused by treatable, preventable diseases like malaria, TB, and typhoid. those are the ones i came for. ..and i'm not sure where they are really. i was hoping someone would show me, especially here in a foreign country. i'd go myself to find them...
but i'm a nurse. i need a doctor. i need supplies.
otherwise what do i have to offer people but a caring hand...a hand that holds them as they die from causes i know to be nonexistant or rare in the luxuries of the US...the hoard of most of the world's finances.
hmm...i know they're out there.

there's so much blame in the world put on the poor for being responsible for their own circumstances. i find myself repulsed by this especially when it comes from a healthcare provider. DESPITE all the structural injustices, i know too personally the ease by which a person can make choices harmful to themselves as a result of difficult circumstances in life. what i dont' know is what it would be like to have no choice. to be born into poverty, where at times it seems the only escape is through one immoral decision or another, whether it be drug use or prostitution or crime. where healthcare is inaccessible or unaffordable and you know the rest of the world is turning a blind eye while you die. how can a person born into one of the wealthiest families of the world, who's never known hunger or thirst, who's never lacked...how can i judge them? ignore them? forget them?

"rats and roaches live by competition under the law of supply and demand; it is the priviledge of human beings to live under laws of justice and mercy."
-wendell berry
.....

at work i've been making posters. so far i've made four. while i'm slightly enjoying being able to express a bit of creativity, i'm very uncontent with the work. especially when i see patients (what few that we have) go behind the doctors door and recieve medications that i could administer myself. i'm very displeased with the responsibility of the nurses, which mostly has been writing down a patients name and carrying water...until now....now i'm making posters.

....

i've discussed with the doctor my ideas of sending two of us nurses out to the community to do a sort of door to door education program. this isn't what i really would love to do, but i'm sort of desperate to do something...and i feel better walking about this town speaking with strangers rather than sitting in a mostly empty clinic all day. even when it's not empty i feel there's not much point to me being there. it doesn't seem the doctor trusts her nurses to do so much as an IM shot, much less start one of the few IV administrations she's ordered. anyways...there's always excuses about why something won't work, can't work...and if there's no excuses then my prodding seems to typically be ignored. and my mother will tell you how well i feel to being ignored.

...i'm not really sure how all this is going to work out really.

......
BESIDES that...
the social life of cameroon is vey busy...well...mine is. the tradition is that if someone invites you out then they buy your drinks AND they feed you...i've been invited out quite a bit by work friends, friends of those friends, and often by complete strangers. please trust that i'm making wise choices and i hope you can believe i only go out with the ones i know...despite the temptation of grilled meat & onions, fish, plantain, boiled egg (all served with a side of a hot pepper mixture), and free beer. i'm really amazed at the generosity, but every time i go to thank them they seem utterly confused.
it's really enjoyable to go out though. i enjoy watching everyone, seeing everyone interact and talk and rest. the people are very free. by free, i mean that they dance, eat, dress and enjoy freely. i love to watch them dance!it seems the music enters their blood and their body responds. i'm amazed that even the babies can move their booties like professionals. it'd take years for me to acquire the skill of some of these three year olds, i'm telling you! but since i only have a few months to learn, i'm trying to make the most of it :) it's not very difficult to let go though, because their music is GREAT! i'm definitely going to have to get some cds....or something!

oh! and if i'm out later than 630 (close to dark) i'm always seen directly home by at least one or two friends. i hope this comforts a few of you :) a girl i met from belgium was telling me about all the different crimes she has heard of since being here, and since that one day at the clinic with the girl who came in who'd been mugged midday i've been properly scared of being out after dark alone...which probably is wise anyways. i just always wish i could be brave...be above all of that crime business... no worries, family. i don't think i'll overcome my fear of the dark anytime soon.

5 am

theresa — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

...i'm giving out something, i'm not sure what...the details are fuzzy now. my eyes are open and i realize it was a dream anyways. i dream every night here. i never wake up and wonder where i am. maybe once. i recognize the sound of a rooster close by calling to the sun. this is my alarm typically. even though i set one, i find myself listening to the roosters. as i listen in the darkness (it's still dark so early), i hear an army of roosters; their calls sounding from every curve and bend of the mountain. i lie there, still. at times i will roll over and jot my morning thoughts. at other times i'll read with old oswald and consider my purpose for a while. yesterday morning i knew i had work to do so my time was shorter than most.

i first i gathered my dirty laundry together. while waiting for the water to boil, i checked my mail, hauled a few buckets of water from the tap to the house, and swept my bedroom out. to sweep we use a handful of little twigs tied together. nice. so when the water was hot, i added some detergent powder to my clothes and poured the hot water over it. then comes the scrubbing. i typically do this outside next to the water tap. i sit on a small wooden stool and rigourously massage the clothes til i'm sure their sore....at least my arms say they should be! i realize as i'm washing that mosquitoes have overtaken my body in various small red locations. i have to break for bug repellent and then back to work. i usually drain the dirty water and rinse them 2 or 3 times...wringing them out like twisty noodles each time. then i hang them to dry, displaying the white man's intimates for all to see. and due to the disturbing smell of my linens, i decide to wash them as well. bug repellent and sweat just don't let things stay clean long. i hope it doesn't rain.

(note: when it does rain...you have a bit of nature's own aura. a white mist that resembles ash starts drizzling from the sky. the first time i saw this i started to cover my face and squint my eyes. i tried to reach out and wave it away. my friend laughed and explained the situation. it's as if the entire town is encapsulated by cloud. and then the winds come, howling against the banana and mango trees, rattling the pans against the pots and blowing the african dresses to the ground. and then the rains come, sometimes in floods...as if God warmed His own pot of water and decided to do some scrubbing.)

after laundry, i warmed another pot of water. the dishes were stacked and begging to be washed. i'd leave them, but ants and gnats would have a festival and overtake the place thinking we invited them. as i washed, there's another pot boiling in preperation to rinse. and after rinsing i spilled some extra water on the ground to mop the traffic residue from the cement floor. then i filled up 8 of our water bottles with water from the outside tap. these fill my own water bottle and the doc boils them to use them for drinking water and lemongrass tea (some sort of malaria preventative).

this might seem like a lot of work, but it's normal for the average person. and probably it's easier, because many women have to do this for their entire family...AND they have to cook! (which i have not excelled at yet. my one attempt led to a smokey house and disgusting, unreparable mixture.)

the real work comes with washing myself! i typically boil some water, unless i'm in a hurry, in which case i suffer beneath a showerhead spewing less than comfortable cold water. with the boiling water, i dilute to make a larger amount of rinse less scalding. i use a bowl to pour it over me, washing and rinsing as i go. i've learned i have to scrub VERY well to get all the bug repellent residue off of my skin. ...and then i reapply after i return to my room (but not before i squeegee out the bathroom floor) i can't wait for the day i don't have to wear bug repellent.

so, that's what a work morning looks like. i have these maybe once or twice a week. surprisingly, my favorite thing to do is laundry. my least favorite...is doing the dishes. some things don't change.

here's hoping!

theresa — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

let's just assume i must be the most indecisive, confused person in the world...probably it's not true, but... i do have a difficult time deciding things. which you probably would find surprising, since i did at least decide to come all the way to africa...but i never planned on having to decide anything else for the next 4 months (which now it's about 3 more months...or so)...

i was sitting outside a friends home waiting for their return and decided to "beep" my mom. it's really too expensive to call her from my cellphone, so this was my attempt to get her to call me back...but i heard her voice for only a moment and couldn't handle it! speaking with her for only once in three weeks was too little! so i went to call her from an international call box (much cheaper, bad connection..always). was good to catch up...even if it was for only 15 minutes. i used to call her twice a day for triple that each time!!!!

NOTE: "beeping" is the cameroonian tradition of calling a person and hanging up the moment it begins to ring. this is a way to say many different things, including "hi" "call me back" "i'm waiting for you" "where are you?" "here's my number" etc etc etc. it all depends on the situation. one of the main reasons beeping came into existence is probably because of the expense of airtime. people have the tendency to speak on the phone for less than 2 minutes and to hang up without saying goodbye.

anyways ...my mom chewned me (scolded me) for not writing on this as much as i had hoped. the reason for this is mainly my discouragement with the work i've been doing. you see, it's nothing like what i intended to be doing. speaking with the program director and with the doctor, i had acquired images in plenty of what kind of medical care i would be given the opportunity to provide along side a quoted "amazing, dedicated" doctor. i honestly tried to have no expectations but after being here for 3 weeks i realize i very much had expectations. those expectations included joining in the assessments, providing nursing care, and visiting the difficult to reach poor to provide the same. the first two i've seen in VERY limited amounts....and the last...on no accounts.

i've been offered the opportunity to move elsewhere in cameroon, but even that position isn't what i was looking for. it would be very exciting to go to a very rural clinic as a health educator, but i would be the only medical professional...and my intention was to come to learn and be taught tropical medicine for the underpriveledged. while the excitement of travel intices me, i'm thinking perhaps i should remain in the place i have small community and access to some medical professionals who (while the experience has been small) can teach me SOME of what i came to learn.

the up side to all of this is that things may change. i had the opportunity to be uber honest with the doctor about my frustration with the lack of patient care and after confessing some of my misgivings about staying, it seemed that she also wanted somethings to change.

just to clarify, i do not blame her for the amount of patients that walk through our door. obviously she doesn't have much power in controlling who gets sick with what. what she does have in her control (so i assume) is putting 3 sometimes 4 nurses to work instead of allowing them to sit, staring at eachother for 8+ hours a day. so i have her some ideas about how to do that. for instance, setting up a booth on a busy street so that we can take people's blood pressures and educate them on heart disease and high blood pressure. another idea was to send us out to the community and allow us to knock on doors and do health education visits. and all the while we would be promoting our clinic facility...hopefully encouraging more patients to come. she liked some of my ideas and the beginning of this week already has been an improvement.

yesterday was promising. we drove (unfortunate...because i would've rather hiked through forests to find them!) out to one village and went door to door a little bit. not for any health education yet, but only to set up contacts and make plans for the future endeavours(hopefully sooner than later). this village is quite isolated, except they at least have water, electricity, and a road (tho very bumpy...and in the rainy season i hear it's impassable). so...it was VERY nice to be out of the office showing the people that we really do want to reach them and provide some medical care. in this visit i personally found the doc a little judgemental on how the people came to live in this condition. their houses were definitely run down and clothes were worn and ragged and babies ran around half dressed. you could blame all of this on alcohol if you wanted i suppose. i just like to know the facts though...before i make accusations like that. and even if it is alcohol that they spend the majority of their income on... to really understand them and their circumstances you have to ask why? and what? and who? i can only imagine the structural injustices they face each day. what circumstances of life and government have kept them in the position that they are? "grasshoppers don't have much hope in the face of hungry chickens. " -(something like that) from paul farmer's book Pathologies of Power

also i began to create some health education posters....and i always enjoy putting some of my creativity on display, so....it was fun for me!

so here's to looking up and hoping for more.
miss you all.

transfer

theresa — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

just for quick update. today we saw three patients. nothing very exciting really... i'm a bit discouraged at the influx of patients really. today was actually a busy day except that two of these patients had previously been seen and the responsibilities of the nurses (three of us) is very limited anyways...despite the shortage of patients. and the other discouraging thing was that today we had a patient that had been mugged down the street. her hand was bleeding. we had a couple cotton swabs and water only because the doctor had left and always locks the medical supplies away...even first aid supplies... so this is something i'm going to address tomorrow...hopefully it will go well...

besides that... africa is good. i'm learning a lot. i may be transfering to a very small clinic that hasn't seen a nurse before....so...more news on that soon hopefully!

plans

theresa — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

more flowers

so... i've been a big failure about keeping updated..haha. and this really won't make up for it i'm sure.

the clinic here is a very small private clinic. it's located slightly off the road. the town here has a few other large hospitals and several other small clinics similar to my own. patients are....a delicacy. they come in spurts...if they come at all. our busiest days are saturdays obviously since we are open during the week during normal business hours so perhaps (hopefully) these people have jobs that they are busy carrying out. but even saturdays run slow.

the typical patient presents with c/o reoccurring fever for the last 3 or so days. blood cultures are drawn, malaria is diagnosed (unless it's typhoid). they are given their medications and they are directed to rest if they can, and remember to use their mosquito net...because repellent and malaria prophylaxis medications are much to expensive for the average client. one university director i was speaking with about malaria imposed the question that: what if the majority doesn't consider malaria even an issue? what if the average patient considers malaria equal to the way the average american considers the common cold: somewhat preventable, but likely to occur at least once a year.
unfortunately, the sad fact is that even tho so many survive malaria and are cured so many more die from malaria. those people that die are likely the ones that perhaps don't have the funds for a mosquito net. perhaps they don't have funds for the medication needed to treat malaria. perhaps they don't have funds to even see the doctor about it. or they can't make it to a hospital at all...perhaps they don't know where malaria even comes from. most of these facts i think would be apparent for other parts of cameroon and africa. fortunately, in this area of cameroon there are facilities to cooperate with the poor public, like mine. but what about the rest of africa? really...how do we reach them?

sorry...that's all i can write for now... missing you all!

2 weeks in!

theresa — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

wow. so what should i write about? the shortage of supplies in the hospitals and clinics? the professionals i find: intelligent, hard working, graduates with good degrees, while also jobless, or having a job and being cheated their pay? supposedly some nurses pay out of their own pocket to provide a patient with unaffordable care. while others have experienced nurses who won't care for them until they are 'tipped.' one blood pressure cuff shared by different departments (including the emergency room). lack of alcohol and cotton! three women who've given birth share one room with eachother and the respective newborns. scales that are broken (i know i haven't gained 25 pounds in 2 weeks!!!). the ambulance is more often used to carry the dead to their barrial site than the injured to the hospital. sometimes medications are unavailable. ...i'm not sure where there's corruption, someone sitting and eating the funds themself or perhaps the government really can't afford financing it's hospitals adequately. ...it's really unfathomable facing the difficulties that the population here have lived with all their lives. jobs are scarce, even with great degrees. preference is pushed to the wayside while necessity or desperation takes over. i'm humbled, hey? i'm embarrassed at times. embarrassed to see such deprivation when the world i know has such an excess. embarrassed that so often we look at inequality and poverty and call it culture.
i feel very blessed.
one thing is sure, these people...they are rich with family and friends. the people i've met are kind, generous, and hard hard workers. i've really been taken care of well! :)

hopefully more soon! love you all...

the clinic

theresa — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

today was my first day of visiting the clinic.

i went there with ketch after i took an inventory of the items i brought from the US.
it's one large room that you walk into with long school bench seating along the edges. there is a desk a few feet in with a dark woman dressed in white seated behind it. i took a right to the doctors office and checked a room with two beds and an IV pole to one side....and ahead the doctors office. a desk piled with papers and educational literature, a wall stacked beside meager sums of medical supplies. i saw old glass vials of ampicillin along with packages of sterile NS and LR. there were no filtering syringes...no iv bags made specifically for certain vials...

this day we only had perhaps 4 patients. we took two vitals of each patient: temperature and blood pressure...filled out their patient forms on pages that smelt of time and let them wait til the doctor came to retrieve them...or merely called from her chamber.

mostly in this day we sat. we waited for patients. we read from my tropical medicine book, which i'm very happy to bring here. the other nurses and pathophysiologists found great entertainment among her pages.

dingha's laboratory

zinger showed me the basics to labratory testing of syphilis, malaria, and typhoid, which was very exciting. it seemed very ancient to me. the bottles seemed old and used, as did the supplies. due to lack of supply, the experienced bloodworker had to reuse supplies he would have otherwise disposed of. little things like the most basic of eye droppers. everyone was very kind and patient with me...even if they had to explain something twice...even if they didn't have to, but due to hindered communication levels just THOUGHT they had to...

and afterwards helen, and zinger, and franklin and i (all in the medical profession) met at a local pub for grilled beef and onions on a stick and some amstel lager...we spoke of climbing the mountain and furthering our careers and enjoying our families.

it was a good good night.
and it ended with rice and beans!!

and tomorrow we'll go to the community to teach...and to inform of some extra test we will be performing on saturday. i'm looking forward!!

day 2

theresa — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

flowers outside my home here

1) i'm surprised to have such available internet access. i probably won't be able to write everyday, but will do what i can. plus, this computer has quite a virus and is unfortunately completely inaccessible at times.

2)the doctor...
i was able to speak with her a bit about why she does what she does (and what that exactly is!) i am happy to say that ann from NGOabroad has fitted me with quite a perfect match...of course it takes time, but hearing the doctor talk this morning was so encouraging.

the door to my home...

she's a medical doctor, educated in northern africa...she could've gone to europe, U.S.A, or wherever and made much more than she does here, but
"why would i work to earn more money? money fades away. i can pay my bills. i can eat. staying in cameroon, i can help people," she says (a slight paraphrase). she has chosen to serve the poor and underpriveledged, to make meager earnings, and be happy.

i'm also happy to find that she believes in God quite faithfully and simply. her lifestyle is so christian that it really softens and moves me. i'm really excited about being under her roof during my stay here.

around my home...

today i helped cook a chicken dish with palm oil, garlic, and ginger...also we used the huckleberry (not honeysuckle)...and we ate a paste like bread called 'fu fu' (sp?). i liked it!
i think i am surprising them with my ever-willing eating habits.
i suppose after eating my mom's cooking for so long, i've been prepared to eat anything..(.including chicken feet! (and they gave me the heart!!) (jokes about your cooking, mom! i love your cooking...and would kill for some meatloaf!)

my bedroom. nice.

love you all.

p.s.
i appreciated a segment from oswald's book today:
'"the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit..' ro. 5:5. ...it is that love in me that effectively works thru me & comes in contact witheveryone i meet. i remain faithful to his name, even tho the commensense view of my life may seemingly deny that...and {even tho my life} may appear to be declaring that He has no more power than the morning mist.",
is it possible to at the same time "remain faithful" when it seems like the your life declares otherwise? .
i suppose he sees deeper than the "commonsense view" of things.
Thankfully.

day 1

theresa — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

my first meal in cameroon consisted of fish and rice and sauce. the fish reminded me of a very fishy trout...with little bones, good meat, and the skin still left on it. it's round and long with one bone through the center. it made for a delicious first...and second...and third meal :)

after that the doctor's daughter and i went to market. it was brilliantly busy with MANY buildings made with a pole at each corner, a tin roof, and some had something similar to seedsacks laying on the floor to keep it clean. there were vegetables, spices, and fruits of all kind. (2 small pineapples selling for 500 franks (1 dollar=450 franks!). People shop very locally around here! :) We even bought a chicken (a live one) and carried it home (tomorrow we'll eat it). ....For a chicken about to lose her life, she was very well-behaved.
I was looking for some pants (i DEFINITELY could have worn my own), and stepped into the 'dressing room.' (there were more pants around me. no mirror.) ...it's quite an adventure.
fortunately, i felt that i'm not as famous here as i was in India. more people smiled at me in a friendly way, than in a "i can't take my eyes off of you" kind of thing. i did get hissed at only a couple times and it took me back to bolivia for a moment. phht phht...
i feel like a child at times. slightly dumb since i'm unable to communicate very clearly with people. lucky for me this is primarily an english speaking area and the only thing really holding me back is catching on to the accent. it must be what newbies experience in the heart of kentucky with our "ya'lls" and "ain'ts".

when we returned from market, the daughter and i worked for half an hour to an hour on peeling ginger and garlic. my mom would probably be proud of me, but offended that i don't work as hard at home! (sorry mom!)

then i went to take a short nap...which turned into three hours. i thought night shift would make the time change easier but i find myself very sleepy. of course, it is only the end of the first day.

speaking more with the doctor about the kind of work that we will do is very interesting. we've talked about a lot of ideas i hadn't thought of when it comes to community healthcare. i'm very eager to work bedside her and learn....

all for now! love you all!