That thong thong thong thong thong

The trip got off to a cracking start when we were leisurely sipping our Starbucks, blissfully unaware of the fact that the gates to our flight were closing. After a Home-Alone style dash through the departure lounge and some loud exclamations of rather friuty language, we just about made it onto the plane. We soon realised we would have been better of missing it however, as Iberia airlines and its 70´s throwback decor was not an experience to be enjoyed.

Rio baby

Jodes was treated to some gobby woman shouting in her face for the duration of the flight. Meanwhile, Tay had her own problems with a balshy Brazilian kid in the seat in front, and had to spend a large part of the journey engaged in a stare-out contest. When the stare-out contest ended and she managed to drop off to sleep, she woke up from a pillow to the head from the little shitbag. Robbi was the only one who did ok out of the flight experience because he bagged our leftover processed meat sandwiches and the other poisonous plane food. Our main gripe with Iberia was the eclectic choice of films; we can only speculate but we imagine that having to sit through Lindsay Lohan pretending to be pregnant is actually more painful than labour itself.

Us being hilaaaaaarious at the Christ Statue

We touched down in Rio welcomed by 35 degree heat, and with that heat came our hair nemesis- some intense humidity. Within seconds we looked like Diana Ross. We weren´t exactly overjoyed to find that our room at the hostel was in fact a corridor masquerading as a dormitory which had an unsettling aroma of cabbage. The next day we headed straight to Cosme Velho to see the statue of Cristo Redentor, Rio´s most iconic feature. Luckily for us the weather was perfect so we got incredible views of Rio and had the opportunity to adopt the really ´original´ crucufix pose for a photo.

To cool off when we got back we made a beeline for Ipanema Beach. En route to the beach we stopped off for frozen yoghurt which proved to be a massive error as it lead to an unhealthily obsessive relationship with Yogofresh, and it doesn´t come cheap. Ipánema is an amazing beach with incredible views of the mountains and water warmer than the hostel shower. The waves however, were not so relaxing and we were wiped out on several occassions and lost various parts of our bikinis. One observation we couldn´t help but make is that the men of Brazil are seriously buff. So buff in fact, that they make Vin Diesel look like Joe McElderry. We also couldn´t help but notice that we were the only females on the beach without a dental floss thong bikini jammed up our bum cracks http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oai1V7kaFBk

Some really arty photography

Rio is literally bursting with cute dogs and cute babies. Tay´s sausage dog obsession spiralled out of control and she nearly broke down in tears when we discovered a pregnant sausage dog mum-to-be living next door to our hostel. The cutest baby we saw was on the train coming down from Christ the Redeemer statue, when we drooled over the baby cuddling up to his Mum. He was wrapping his chubby little marshmallow arms around her waist and giggling uncontrollably. The only words we could muster were from Jodie "I mean, you can´t write shit like that." A modern day poet.

We had heard a lot of hype about Brazilian all-you-can-eat buffets and we felt confident we could do one justice. For 15 pound a head you can fill your plate with salad, fresh meat, delicious seafood and the piece de resistance, chicken nuggets with cheese sauce. The meat sweats were a low point, but it was definately worth it.

Sugarloaf Mountain

On day 2 we got the cable car up Pao de Acuar, Sugarloaf mountain where you get jaw-dropping views of the city. The only thing obstructing the wonderful views, was Jodie´s chubby Shrek ear which she had sunburnt the day before and which had swelled up not unlike Alex Reid´s. That evening we felt we owed Robbi some testosterone based fun after all the baby and puppy perving, so we agreed to join the hostel tour to a football match at the Maracana stadium. Apparently for most boys out there this is a big deal as it holds more than 110,000 people which is twice a many as the Emirates (see, we even learnt a fact and everything) We had identified a potential group of BFFs for Robbi at our hostel who all looked terribly nice and reeked of home county private school. Actually they were from Bristol, but our Cilla Black-esque matchmaking skills meant they came to sit with us for the match so Robbi got more sensible football analysis than "he is small and quick" which is the best Tay could offer. The game had a lot of goals and a couple of penalties ending in a 3-3 draw. Unfortunately the stadium was a little bit empty so we didn´t get a taste for the proper atmosphere.

Maracana Stadium

We were quite glad it would be our last night in the hostel from hell and the cabbagey stench. As if bunking in a corridor room hadn´t been weird enough , on the last night Jodie popped out of the room leaving Tay to witness the final straw. An inappropriately old man with no teeth wearing some crazy tracksuit trousers and a bumbag wandered silently into the room, crept over to a locker, opened it and extracted a box of eggs before wordlessly leaving. You know when a stanky old egg man comes univited into the place where you sleep its time to get the hell out of there. He didn´t even offer to make us an omlette.

We had intended to trek up the coast to Buzios but after a frantic high-pitched internet session we realised everywhere was fully-booked so we hopped on a bus to Paraty instead. At this point Jodes would like to inform Mummy Cooper that the buses are damn fine and there is not a chicken in sight. In fact they easily shit all over Iberia airlines.

written by

JodesAndTay on February 5, 2010 from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

from the travel blog: Jodes and Tay escape to SA

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Sounds like you are having a fab time, the weather here is grey cold and gloomy. Just got back from shopping which is a totally different experience on my own!! Keep in touch website is fab.. xxxx

written by Mummy Cooper on February 6, 2010

I am very happy that you have introduced the cable car to Jodie so early on in the trip - they say you never regret the things you do, just the things you don't - and I think we all know that ANY cable car trip missed is a regret that will stay with you forever.

All the usual stuff - sounds like you are already having a superb time, super jealous, miss you lots and love you more.

Ezza

x x x x x

written by Erin :-) on February 9, 2010

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