Immodium-Ville - Blogabond

So, we set off on our 3 day jeep tour from San Pedro de Atacama in North Chile through the Salt Flats to our final destination of Uyuni, Bolivia. The group was made up of the three amigos, Cilla and Kylie and new recruit Olivier who we affectionately called `French Guy` and who became the official Dad of the trip, dancing fairly comically in the front seat of the jeep and getting his camcorder out at every opportunity. Daaaaaaad, you`re sooooo embarrassing.

DAY 1:
The trip started in an elegant fashion when Tay had to wee at Bolivian border control in almost full view of approaching jeeps behind a burnt out bus. Start as you mean to go on ey? The Bolivian border control was a hilariously unofficial looking little shack with a single flag marking its purpose. Welcome to Bolivia! Robbi managed to lower the tone within the first half an hour of the trip by stripping down to his leggings and thermal top creating what can only be described as a `unitard` effect leaving his manhood in plain view of everyone. Needless to say it was hard to keep breakfast down with that kind of distraction involved. The altitude of 4500m meant despite brilliant sunshine we were absolutely bloody freezing so when we arrived at our first stop, the natural thermal springs, we pretty much made a run for it. Natures own jacuzzi did exactly what it said on the tin and we were soon toasty warm and wallowing in the super hot water murmuring cliches such as `aaahhh this is the life isn`t it`. To be fair, it really is. Getting changed afterwards we had a run in with our first Bolivian toilet, which was ropey at best. However the Bolivians know how to make you laugh with their translations and had charmingly drawn arrows in the toilet bowl directing you where to aim your `stuff` ie, one arrow was marked `caca` and the other `piss`. We stopped shortly after at a lagoon which was at a whopping 4900m, which has a real affect on your breathing. We couldn`t walk ten steps without wheezing like Rik Waller attempting a marathon. At the lagoon we got to see Flamingos in their wild habitat. To be fair they`re fairly boring creatures just standing around on one leg and not doing all that much, but the salmon colour of their feathers against the bright red of the lake made the landscape look really vibrant and impressive. There was some real excitement when they took flight....it caused quite a stir amongst the group and cameras were flashing all over the shop. We were then dropped off at our hostel (if you can call it that) in the middle of the desert. It was essentially a long thin brick building with a corrugated iron roof secured by a smattering of boulders. The fact that we appeared to be the only people staying there combined with how ridiculously remote and cut off from civilisation it was, made it the perfect setting for a horror film. `6 Backpackers go into the desert, where noone can hear them scream.....` you know the type of film we mean. Luckily for us, other people started to arrive which made it seem a bit livelier and less scary, however the electricity curfew and lack of heating meant that by 9.30pm we were in pitch black, in bed, and shivering in the 10 degree cold with only a couple of manky blankets for warmth. Needless to say we slept terribly (grabbing a few hours at best) and it was such a miserable night that even the sight of Cilla in a headtorch cursing about needing to get up for a midnight wee in the pitch black didn`t crack a smile.

DAY 2:
The next day was a bit of the same, more incredible lagoons, amazing desert landscapes and.........a petrified tree that looked like a mushroom. That petrified mushroom tree was a real time-filler if ever we`ve seen one. Luckily for us we had a really lovely guide who had some ultra cheesy songs on his Ipod so the driving in between each site was hilaaarious in itself as we sang along embarrassingly loudly and gave Olivier even more footage for his camcorder. `Daaaad stop it, turn it offfffff`. The most amazing scenery was undoubtedly the multi coloured rock mountains which we stopped for a photo in front of (not for long though because it was seriously cold and windy) and also a live smoking volcano in the distance. We stopped off in front of the volcano, cranked up the volume from the jeep and had an impromptu rave on top of the rocks much to our guide`s amusement. Moves like that are probably illegal in Bolivia. Our hostel that night was in a small charming little town where we had HOT SHOWERS and much nicer beds. Not that we could enjoy the beds for long however because we had to be up at 04.30 of the AM to leave for the Salt Flats the next day.

Day 3:
Altitude plus early morning equals freezing cold and fairly unhappy campers. We set off at 05.00am to catch the sun rise over the Salt Flats. We soon cheered up on the drive as we did some window star-gazing and listened to Jodie`s chilled playlist. Desert driving at dawn is actually a really lovely experience and we felt all warm and fuzzy inside by the time we reached the Salt Flats. The sunrise was equally as lovely and we soon forgot about the horrendously early start. Once we reached the breakfast point which is where we had to pay for entrance to the Salt Flats, we were ready to stretch our legs. Unfortunately the walk up to the view point past towering phallic cacti was a bit of a steep climb and we soon regretted our choice of footwear. Ballet pumps do not hold up well on gravel FYI. On the way back down a cruel twist of fate lead Tay straight to the toilet...the first case of Bolivia Belly, of which the rest of the group would soon fall victim to. Doubling up on Immodium, Tay was almost as good as new, although couldn`t face the lama omlettes they served up for lunch. To be fair this still would have been the case if Bolivia Belly hadn`t taken her out, lama meat has no place in an omlette we`re sure you`ll agree. As the rest of the group ate the delicious pancake breakfast and Tay became a quivering ball in the back of the jeep, Robbi had set his sights on a manly activity to pass the time. The guides set up a football game with some of the boys from other groups. Robbi watched them on the side-lines for a while, like the unathletic geek at school that was always picked last in sport. He then managed to get himself an invite into the game, and started running and sweating (well, more sweating than running) seemingly forgetting about the lack of oxygen. He returned to the jeep, mentally rejuvinated but physically exhausted, bright red and prespiring an alarming amount. Next stop was the Salt Flat for the photos that every backpacker who has been there knows and loves. Because of the mass of white salt and no physical interruptions in the landscape its possible to mess around with the perspectives of a photo and use props to create hilaaaaarious results. Please see below for some examples..... The tour ended by a quick look at Uyuni`s locomotive cemetery which really is as weird as it sounds. Just a bunch of abandoned locomotive trains which have rusted and decayed against the elements. As we drove into Uyuni we were absolutely horrified by the SEA of rubbish surrounding the town. Apparently they have no system where rubbish is removed from the city and so people literally use the surrounding miles of desert as their own personal dustbin. It was absolutely disgusting to see rubbish as far as the eye can see, and there seems to be no solution for it. To reiterate how disgusting the surrounding area was, we saw someone unashamedly making `toilet` in the middle of one particularly sizeable rubbish pile. Uyuni wasn`t a particularly nice town, but it did have a great pizzeria which we visited for dinner before planning our escape to Potosi for the next day.