She is my poor Tilak

With the Thai sun setting over the ocean my mind goes on an endless narrative trying to understand the hidden structures of the oriental mind, trying to make sence of my own involvement, the very influence this strange Asian society has got on my farang way of thinking.

"Hans, me choi-choi you here, Hans, you tell me what happen Joseph, what happen me luuk chai, me luuk saaw?, bitte Hans me poor Moo, Ich will wissen bitte".

Moo`s head is on my shoulder while she goes on and on in a strange and weird mix of Thai, German and english, mostly to herself not really expecting an answer from me sipping every so often from the straw that sticks out of her can of Chang beer - Thai women like to sip their beer from a straw.

How can I possibly answer her questions when I don`t even know myself how all this sh*t came about...her boyfriend Joseph she has got two Leuk Kreung with, who was so much in love with Thailand he decided to make take a suitcase full of coke back to Germany...make big money, stay Thailand long time...who got caught at Don Muang Airport...who ended up in Yard Lao Prison and went Kingdom Come two years into the process because of HIV related physical complains.

I`m back in that little interogation room where I saw him only weeks before his sh*tty death, back at Yard Lao where the cockroaches were the main source of proteine for the inmates, where huge rats were roasted for dinner...where I had to bribe the guards to see him privately though he was already three quarters on the way to Lord buddha`s kingdom...Joseph sitting opposite me, a shadow of his former self, no more big muscular blond blue eyed German but a miserable little sh*t reduced to a nervous wreck not even half his former weight wetting the end of his Marlboro sigarette...I still remember his pleading eyes and his words "Ich werde hier sterben Hans, wie muss dass weiter mit Moo und unsere kindern?.

Poor Joseph died two weeks later and I still remembered the words of his sister screaming at me over the phone when I ask her about the kids "Wass habe Ich mit seiner Hure zu machen oder mit dieser scheiss Kindern?.

I my mind I`m still in the Happy Years when we used to go to Jomtien Beach, went dancing at Marine Disco, when life was fun and uncomplicated, when I was back with Nong.

How can I possibly answer Moo`s questions when I don`t even know myself how all this sh*t came about. Moo sleeps on the beach now selling her body to s*x starved farang drunks every night, her mind destroyed by Yaa-Baa and Thai whiskey.

She is my poor Tilak.

written by  heraclio on April 6, 2009 from Bangkok, Thailand
from the travel blog: Farang Chronicles.
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