A female elefant trap

The gigantic flatscreen TV in the Flower Restaurant shows an over-muscled Arnold Schwarzenegger quick-shooting his enemies with an enormous gun, his face full with camouflage colors and set in a grotesque grin, explosions go off all around him killing off even more enemy combatants but miraculously leaving Mister Universe unscathed.

Most of the other diners` eyes are literally glued to the screen, not mine though. I try to concentrate to the sounds of the waves rolling in advocating the beginning of high tide, I`m trying to enjoy my food, fried rice with barbequed squid which I caught myself today during my second day out at sea in my hired kayak.

It is not Arnie`s actions on the screen that disturb my mental peace tonight, nor the loud "Cocaine In My Brain" Reggae music from Dillinger originating from the neighboring Cave Bar where I plan to drink a Kloster later and look for a possible nighttime partner....

In my mind I hear Jamie, I`m back in that rotten police holding cell in Krung Thep, sitting on that dark brown wooden floor full with cracks and holes through which bold big cockroaches would emerge and the dirty rats that chased them...I can hear his narrative on the Farang/Thai connection...

Zoom in...

He is effortlessly showing off his superior oriental mind over my Farang way of thinking, explainig his grasp of Farang weaknesses...how middle-aged Farang men the world over come to Thailand looking for the simplest of the simplest, looking for a lady who will respect them and give them good s*x...a life time of slaving away for the boss desperate for promotion, fustrated by stress, endless hours in traffic jams, teenage children that reject him and a nagging wife that has spent most of her adult life on the couch munching bon-bons and is presently enjoying his monthly payments as determined by a Farang jugde while enjoying the physical attentions of a young lover...

He comes to the East wondering what the heck he is doing here, he listens to the girls often the age of his own daughters tell him he is s*xy man, "me love you too much you handsome s*xy man".

For the price of a lady`s drink - not more than 35 Baht - they give him in a mere 30 minutes more female attention than his wife has given him in full life time of marriage, when he takes her home - after paying her 200 Baht bar fine and taking her back to his room, his Farang heart heavy with feelings of Typical Western Guilt, he will find out more about Coital Behaviour as he has seen during secretely watching p*rn in dirty s*x cinemas half his married life.

She will hold his hand while they walk on the boulevard, giggling in her oh-so-feminine way, telling him repeatedly how handsome, how s*xy, how good he make Bam-Bam for her, easing his guild feeling, making him feel quite the catch...

He doesn`t realise he has walked into a female elefant trap!!!

Zoom out...

I really need a beer in that Cave Bar now!!!

written by  heraclio on April 18, 2009 from Ko Tao, Thailand
from the travel blog: Farang Chronicles.
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