Closing The Door - Blogabond

Alright so this is my last blog entry before I head back to the states. I'll check this entry and if I get lots of comments to continue writing when I get to Hawaii then I will.

This trip has definitely been life changing. I wasn't really sure what I expected when I started on this trip. I know this wasn't what I expected, but wonderful in such a different way.

It started out so stressful losing my bank card on the very first day, then dealing with trying to find a way to get cash in countries that are completely cash driven, all the time feeling like I couldn't catch a break. There were moments in the beginning where I felt broken. I thought of giving up and just going home; but a voice inside of me, and many voices from those I love told me to stick it out. 'This to shall pass' I kept thinking, and it did.

On this trip I was able to really discover scuba diving; and find something I'm truly passionate about. I got to take a hard look at myself and see how I handled stress and find better, more effective ways to deal with hard times.

I met so many wonderful people, who will forever be in my heart and memories.

One of the most exciting things about this trip was just to get to meet people. The world is huge, and yet when you travel in it, it opens up. Then it feels small at the same time. Sometimes we look at each other seeing only what makes us different.

Race, color, culture, and we miss what makes us similar. We really are all human. We feel, care, love, hate, struggle, thrive. Everyone has a story, and I feel blessed to have been able to share in others'.

I met so many people from all walks of life, and I was able to look at each one and see our similarities as opposed to our differences. It was a wonderful experience.

I had my heart broken seeing the poverty in some places in the world; and felt overwhelmed viewing a problem that effects so many men, women, and children, and having a feeling of not knowing how to help. This is the way of the world though. It will lift you up and break your heart. Even in the poverty I could still see people enjoying each other, and loving each other, which was very special.

I was able to experience the innate goodness of others and come out from the trip not bitter and jaded, but renewed with a sense of happiness with my fellow man.

There were points in the trip when I would find myself worrying about things. Literally letting fear of unknown run my life. On one of my dives I was diving on a drop off and kept worrying about controlling my breathing and weather a big shark might come up from depths below, Jaws still has put fear in me lol; and then it hit me.

I've been sober now for over 2 years now, coming from a dark place where the only options for my life were jail or death; and now I'm scuba diving in the waters of Indonesia. I thought (pardon my language), but fuck that theoretical shark that may come up from the waters. Far better I die living life happy and fulfilled than dying how I was living before.

I've gotten to know myself, and like what I see. I'm stronger than I give myself credit, and I care for others more than I thought. I was able to learn to let my guard down more and trust in that I will be taken care of. I've made peace with some of my inner turmoil over past situations that I sometimes struggle with, and am able to now trust in the thought that I will be taken care of in the future.

The bottom line life is beautiful if you take time to see the beauty, and it's painful and hard if that's all you look at. I'm taking more time to see the beauty right now. I don't know how my life will turn out, but I'm not going to worry about the future. I'm just going to do each day what I can to leave this world better than I found it, and strive to work at doing things I find myself passionate about.

Thank you to all my friends and family, and everyone reading for having been a part of this journey with me.

Here's links to pictures of the trip:
Bali:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4544478686667.182381.1132242665&type=1&l=5e4bbd7275

Nong Kahi:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4490482936807.181132.1132242665&type=1&l=270f3d6a11

Chiang Mai:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4457541553293.180530.1132242665&type=1&l=a870dd5573

Koh Phi Phi:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4371890092060.178774.1132242665&type=1&l=fd42ed506c

Phuket:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4355554443679.178410.1132242665&type=1&l=0c1b7f2b4f

Manila:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4350763643912.178304.1132242665&type=1&l=0fc070430c

Whale Sharks:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4292793434693.176743.1132242665&type=1&l=352f3a873e

Cebu:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4276770314125.176269.1132242665&type=1&l=502a4e3ba8

Palawan:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4255828510593.175723.1132242665&type=1&l=f701f97ef5

Koh Tao and Koh Samui:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4193395109797.174274.1132242665&type=1&l=cfc3615967

Bangkok:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4179219235409.173854.1132242665&type=1&l=bd7fdd1f47