On the Insistence of Time

It's 6:30 in the morning, and I am sad, sad, sad. This morning, Ellen left for a three-month stay at Golgosa Temple, a Bhuddist monastery in Gyeonggu, about five hours away by train in southeast Korea. There, she will study sun mu do martial arts and volunteer with the temple. She will wake at 4 a.m., sleep on the floor, eat an entirely vegan diet and possibly find enlightenment. She's not Bhuddist, but Ellen's always had a flare for the mystic, and the temple stay is something like rehab for the soul. Korea has a way of taking its toll on a person--it's just so much. The constant noise is suffocating, and it seems to me there's very little room for dreamers here, despite the abundance of people. I'm happy to see her moving into a phase of life more conducive to inner peace, and even through the sadness, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for the time we were able to spend together here.

When I first arrived in Korea (six and a half months ago), seeing Ellen again was like walking through a rainbow. We were roommates in college, but since that time we've been everywhere, with me making tracks across the northwest, and her in any number of Asian nations. We'd seen each other for one-week snippets stolen from real life over the last few years, but it had been something like eighteen months since we'd been everyday fixtures in one another's lives. It's been so nice to have each other back for a little while. One of the downsides to moving so frequently is that you're always leaving someone behind. I'm just a little more used to being the leaver.

Master commented on the situation recently in his earnest way. He and I were in the hapkido van alone. "Alli," he said, “When Ellen—go and not come back, you will be very many sad and lonely?”
“Yes.”
“Ellen, Alli, number one friends.”
"Yes."

Nailed it. Still, as much as I'll miss her, all is not lost. The five-hour journey is daunting, but not insurmountable, and I'll be heading her way for a visit sometime in September. My dear friend Tom will be arriving in Seoul to visit me in October, and I can't wait to see him again. Tom has always had a way of seeing me as the best possible version of myself, and I think his grounding presence will be good for me. Ellen will be back in November for a week before taking off to India, at which point I'll turn 24 and be undeniably rooted in my mid-twenties. Time is relentless. And then it'll be Christmas, and then January, and I'll get to go home again. So here's to Ellen, wishing her the best on her newest journey! Can't wait to laugh with her again.

written by

alli_ockinga on August 15, 2009 from Inch'on, South Korea

from the travel blog: I go Korea!

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