Tonight's stay is in Auckland in the backyard of Kahu and Beca. I'll meet Shad there. So begins my great adventure. I don't know how to describe my emotions right now. It's a bit intimidating, opening yourself up to the Wilderness. I'll leave New Zealand a changed man, but I don't know yet what that change will look like. It's intimidating being on the verge of becoming something unknown.

I think part of my intimidation comes from recently seeing the stories of men following similar urges come to deadly ends. On the way to Australia I watched a movie about an Australian who died trying to be the first to paddle the Tasman. On Friday I saw a painting about 3 men who crossed Australia. The trip killed 2 of them. Now I'm reading Into the Wild, again ending in death. It's weird to know that this urge inside me, left unchecked, could kill me. That's a scary thought, eh?

This trip is an exercise in letting go. It's about letting go of fear. It's about letting go of mental constraints on my physical body. It's about letting go of my secret and simple affection for being clean. It's about letting go of a life lived within the boundaries of what society calls “Normal”. It's about letting go of the stress that has my back, neck, and shoulder muscles in persistent chains. As I let go, I'm counting on God, the Earth, and my relationships with others to catch me.

My dinner tonight was eaten without taste. Something gripped me so much that I couldn't enjoy the simple present pleasure of eating. How much less can I enjoy seeing my best friend and embarking on a terrific journey? It's an odd predicament, a frozen feeling. I must contemplate this.

written by  aeonhunterinnz on December 13, 2009 from Auckland, New Zealand
from the travel blog: AeonHunter in New Zealand
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I stand at the beginning of a great adventure. In two days I end my Australian holiday and journey into the heart of New Zealand. I'm a bit afraid of the challenges ahead of me. Up until today I have only looked on with excited anticipation. Now, surrounded by the cultivated Wilderness of the Royal Botanic Gardens I am beginning to dread the true Wilderness. I worry that I won't be able to make it. I worry that my friendship with Shad will be tested to the breaking point. I worry that I won't find what I'm looking for; worse still, that I won't even be able to articulate it. What purpose has driven me to this great undertaking? What will push me forward when my physical strength gives out? Is it just wanderlust? Or am I searching for something more existential? How will I know?