Our first tuk-tuk ride

Visited the Grand Palace, Temples and a giant reclining buddha.

Disappointed by only having seen about 5 lady boys but upset by the amount of sex tourists disguised as normal looking men.

We're heading to Chang Mai tonight on a dream of a 12 hour overnight bus. can't wait!

written by  Murph, Tay, Colly and Erin on March 24, 2006 from Bangkok, Thailand
from the travel blog: The Smug Adventures of Murph, Tay, Colly & Erin
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So the trek begins- delighted to find our group were extremely fun, not so delighted when we started walking uphill! Couldn't believe how extremely out-doorsey we were being and how we embraced looking exceedingly rank- sweaty, ugly and boy-like. The first night was an initiation into "travelly wavelly-ness" as we sat around with our group, guides and thai village folk whilst singing along to a guitar.

Our trek group

Being entertained by village children

The next day after having been promised a tropical waterfall we found ourselves not in a timotei advert but a pokey, murky pond where tay caused a scene when attacked by a leech (more likely a tadpole).

"Waterfall" on trek

The girls at Whitehaven Beach

Elephant riding on trek

Overboard on bamboo raft

Day trip #1.
A cheap tour of Chiang Mai on a tuk-tuk. Won over by our driver brandishing a photo of his 3 beautiful children we proceeded to allow him to take us to every factory within the province. We enjoyed the jewellery, the egg shell boxes and the parasol painting. However things took a turn for the worse when we rocked up to an animal skin factory. Realised it was time to cut our losses when we actually began to consider purchasing a burberry purse made from the skin of a stingray. At this point we started demanding temples, and got taken to a temple 100 metres from our starting point- only it was three hours and six factories later. After a walk around the site we discovered a couple of young monks perched under a sign advertising "Monk Chats" so proceeded to sit down and quiz them with intellectual questions such as "is it true you can't touch girls" and the piece de resistance "what happens if you bump into one by accident?".

Thai village

Small village boy

Murph being harrassed by small children

The Long Neck tribe came last- even after meeting them face to face- still not sure why anyone would want a giraffe neck or a long flappy earlobe.

Long neck tribe

Finally moved on to Chiang Rai- getting a little more off the beaten track. For anyone planning to go here would definitely not recommend day trip #3 to Mae Salong. Did we miss something? Promised by guidebook a mystical Chinese village set in the hills- were disappointed to find a crusty old settlement with the only Chinese influence being "poundstretcher" style Chinese Lanterns.

After racing home from disastrous 5 hour round trip to Mae Salong all very excited about finding ourselves and being at one with nature on impending "jungle retreat". Alarm bells started to ring when Colly and Tay found themselves clinging on to the back of a truck for dear life on treacherous mountain climb. After the jouney/near death experience to our destination we realised it wasn't going to be all hot springs and waterfalls as we found ourselves, in fact, a little too close to nature for our liking. After sleepless night spooning with iguanas and Leeroy's cousins we observed the Sunrise over the mountains at 6:00am and decided that this had definitely been out-doorsey enough for us and headed back to the comforts of the city at 9:00am.

Sunset on trek

Jumped on sweaty bus to Chiang Khong where we are waiting until tomorrow to cross the border into Laos.

written by  Murph, Tay, Colly and Erin on April 6, 2006 from Chiang Khong, Thailand
from the travel blog: The Smug Adventures of Murph, Tay, Colly & Erin
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Sunset over the Mekong

First night out in Luang Prabang was group 'slow boat' bonding exploring the city when in the distance we saw.....could those be bright lights? Could that be music? Could that be a sex-tourist-free zone? YES! It was Hive Bar, and we were sure to get involved in some vodka redbull as soon as possible. After hearing a number of reports that all bars in Laos closed at 11pm we were delighted to discover an after-hours backstreet drinking den run by the world's campest Chinese man and a shockingly agressive ladyboy (apparently the hormones aren't working) So in convoy we headed to 'Hong's Cafe' where in no time at all the police came and kicked everyone out due to excessive noise from rowdy drinkers and illegal levels of sweating.
Morning time came and it took four university graduates an alarmingly long time to realise that we had been robbed. After some confusion it was established that Erin and Tay's room had been visited by the ninja from Ocean's Eleven who had crept into their room in the early hours of the morning and stolen some money, their phones and Erin's camera. A trip to the Tourist police caused some friction as we had 'rudely' interrupted their game of bowls. After listening to heated discussions between police and the hostel owners that noone would translate for us, we came away with a 'police report' and let them get back to their busy day's work.

Waterfall at Luang Prabang

The following day we managed to find waterfalls of timotei advert-style proportions. A happy day was spent frolicking in crystal clear waters only disturbed by Murph's sudden attack of vertigo. Upon shimmying up a tree trunk she found herself trapped, her only way of escape was to jump into the waters below. After a grand audience had gathered she finally plopped into the water like a pencil.
The next day was complete cheese on toast as we became the Von Trapp family and cycled around the city.

Colly and Tay mimicking the Von Trapps

Murph and Erin mimicking the Von Trapps

If you're wondering why it looks as though we have just had a bucket of water tipped over our heads, that is because we had.....by every child in Luang Prabang. Apparently New Year celebrations in Loas involve children lining the streets and drenching every passer-by with buckets of water. Funny for the first couple of days until we realised the major drawback would be a nappyrash epidemic....so now we break into a sprint whenever we see one of the little buggers.

Being attacked by small children during the New Year Festival

First day in Vang Vieng, hired mountain bikes, again maximum chaffage due to continuation of water throwing. Trips to some caves proved to be a "999" special waiting to happen. Four young girls armed only with hot pants and flipflops enter the caves with one Laos boy and a mere three head torches, expecting a pleasant stroll. We soon realised we were infact extreme pot-holing! Particularly for Tay, whose flipflop bit the dust half way into the trip, and she was forced to scale the rock barefooted-hardcore. Despite the perils which included deep ravines and a swamp like lagoon, the caves were incredible and we would strongly recommend a visit (except for the safety conscious).

Cave exploration

The next day was spent indulging in the infamous tubing which gives Vang Vieng its name among backpackers. For those unfamiliar with tubing, it involves floating down the Nam Song river in an inflatable tractor Tyre innard, breaking up the 3 km journey with bar stops and rope swings.

Tubing drunk

The gang where we first met in Vang Vieng!

Currently in Vientiane having chosen the extremely sporty method of travel - a day of kayaking. Never having looked sexier on out life jackets and helmets, we risked life and (still slightly rouged) limbs down rapids. Erin and Collys attempt at the rapid was doomed from the start when they collided with the first rock and immediately capsized - "You've Been Framed" gold dust.

written by  Murph, Tay, Colly and Erin on April 17, 2006 from Vientiane, Laos
from the travel blog: The Smug Adventures of Murph, Tay, Colly & Erin
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19:00- Depart Vientiane on a dangerously overloaded bus. A city's supply of sugar and our rucksacks filled the aisle.
22:00- Entire bus disembarks for a communal wee on edge of a Laos road.
00:00- Sleeping was impossible enough a feat on the overnight bus, yet any efforts were further squandered by a chorus of snorers that surrounded us.
06:30- Arrive at border.
07:45- Stamped out of Laos with no problems. However, Erin C Gillham notices slight water damage to passport. With blissful disregard we proceed to the Vietnamese Immigration Office.
08:00- Murph, Tay and Colly progress swiftly and smoothly through immigration and are happily stamped into Vietnam.
08:02- One of the guards (referred to from this point on as Satan) hands back Erin's passport and exclaims- "No entry!"
08:03- Erin turns to Murph with bottom lip quivering saying, "they won't let me in as my passport is damaged." Murph retorts, "don't be ridiculous," and returns confidently to the desk, said passport in hand. Satan again says, "No entry," at which point the passport is thrown on the desk with a slightly hysterical shriek of, "this is a British passport!"
08:04- Erin starts crying.
08:05- Tay starts crying.
08:06- Murph starts crying.
08:07- Coldfish Collman manages to hold back her tears.
08:08- Phone call to Daddy Gillham. After a chipmunk-esque explanation from Erin, Daddy G requests to speak to someone who isn't crying. Recomposed Murph takes the call and explains that his daughter has in fact been refused entry into Vietnam. We are essentially stuck in No Man's Land.
08:20- An attempt to smuggle Erin into the country was thwarted by a wall of guards. We are not going anywhere, unfortunately our bus is- without us.
08:30- The Embassy is called and they say they will speak to Satan.
08:40- Embassy call us back to inform us that Satan has repeatedly hung up on them, the situation looks desperate.

At this point we feel the need to point out that the border is in the middle of nowhere. Returning to Laos was not an option as we no longer had visas. In addition, due to there being no British Embassy in Laos, we would have had to return to Thailand to get a new passport and thats only if the Thai immigration guards would let 'the fugitive' in.

08:50- Erin is still crying and is showing no signs of stopping as her passport corrodes further.
08:55- We set up camp opposite the immigration guards. A stare-off ensues- us versus them.
10:00- It appears we are the talk of the Embassy and due to the serious nature of the event we are now in direct cahoots with the Vice Consulate, Elliot Haines- Our hero!
10:00- 14:00- The stare- off continues interspersed with random bouts of crying, fits of hysteria and plans of where the best place to sleep in No Man's Land would be.
14:02- One guard takes pity on us and hands us an unripe and therefore inedible mango. We gratefully accept this gift.
14:05- We come to the conclusion that the damage to the passport could not have been caused by water alone. Our investigative skills lead us to only one possibility- it was the acidic vapours from mosquito repellant that had leaked into Erin's bag. We could not enter Vietnam because of bloody mosquito repellant. Brilliant.
14:06- 15:00- Elliot advises us to charm and bribe the guards. An attempt at a bribe was met with laughter and a refusal of "never!" So operation 'charm the guards' began. A number of guards succumb to our feminine wiles. However, we soon realise it was not us, but our combination padlock that was drawing their attention. This gave us an idea, we began bargaining all of our possessions in exchange for the elsuive stamp in the passport. Murph even accepts a marriage proposal in exchange for the stamp...unfortunately for us he was only joking.
15:00- The Embassy finally has some positive feedback, at long last they have made contact with Satan and some sort of fax is on the way. This came just in time as Murph's last ditch attempt at swaying the guards favour (which involved walking up to the desk pointing frantically at "please help us" in the guidebook with a pleading face) was met with an icy stare from Satan and laughs from the other guards, who incidentally we believe were watching porn.
15:30- To quote Daddy G, "the diplomatic machine was in motion." The fax arrived and an incredibly official looking handwritten note scrawled on exercise book paper was signed by both parties.
16:00- After 8 long hours we hear the sweet sound of a stamp connecting with Erin's passport. Hallelujah! We are in!

written by  Murph, Tay, Colly and Erin on April 23, 2006 from Hanoi, Vietnam
from the travel blog: The Smug Adventures of Murph, Tay, Colly & Erin
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1. Murph got stung by a jelly fish on her face.

2. Erin had a drunken revelation that on her first night here she had dampened her curiosity about the "bum squirter" (the hoses located in toilets). This began a group initiation with individual trips to the toilet to sample said bum squirter. Robbi came off the worst after sorely misjudging the force of the bum squirter leaving his linen trousers somewhat sodden.

3. We spent one hungover and delirious day piled in our room listening to the entire score of Les Miserable with sing-a-long.

4. After drunken group deep and meaningfuls with the boys about how much we all loved each other the boys came out with a quote that scored a ridiculous amount of brownie points. After having likened us to the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers in Robbi's exact words "individually you are all amazing but together the whole is greater than the sum of your parts".

5. Murph found her male hair twin in the form of Phil who was sporting a waist length mane. By looking at their silhouettes it was impossible to tell who was who (Kavos ladies you will especially appreciate this after Murph's "I am the man from the Black Eyed Peas" comment.)Colly then proceeded to grab Phil and shout in his face, "I'm actually obsessed with you!" Poor bugger.

6. We intiated comedy dancing on the first night which resulted in the whole dance floor doing either the scissors or the knee to elbow.

7. Murph rang Charlie Parish on her mobile purely to demand to speak to his Mum.

8. Murph has lost two pairs of flip flops, her camera and her purse. However she remarkably still managed to come home with a bag full of toilet roll so it wasn't all bad.

9. In attempting to grab Erin's attention Robbi called out "E C G" at which point Erin turned around with indescribable excitement and squealed "Oh my God, those are my initials".

10. Everything else is censored.

We have four more days in Nha Trang (if our bodies can handle that many more buckets of Vodka Redbull) and then move on to Saigon.

For those having inquired regarding the author of our blog we would like to point out that it is the combined genius of all four of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

written by  Murph, Tay, Colly and Erin on May 3, 2006 from Nha Trang, Vietnam
from the travel blog: The Smug Adventures of Murph, Tay, Colly & Erin
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A more cultural day followed and included some of the more conventional sights of Saigon. Visiting the Cu Chi Tunnels was an eye-opener on two accounts:

1) Anti- American feeling is still being encouraged. This was confirmed by viewing a propoganda film that referred to Americans as 'the brutal devil'.

2) We Westerners are absolutely massive. The Viet Cong fought in tunnels that were 60cm high- these have been doubled in height for the tourists and believe us it is still a tight squeeze.

There was almost another 999 moment when two members of our group failed to emerge from the original tunnels and the Guide firmly believed they were headed to Cambodia. Murph and Colly enjoyed impersonating Bond girls when they shot AK47's- pity their aim left a lot to be desired.

A Nha Trang Reunion was had when we met up with a couple of Swedish girls and took them to our favourite restaurant. The reason we loved this restaurant is simply because they added copious amounts of cheese to every dish-a chef after our own hearts. Following dinner we returned to our luxurious suite to sample some Vietnamese vodka we had chilled in our fridge. Now we fancy ourselves as connoisseurs of cheap nasty vodka (Tesco Value anyone?) from hairspray to paint stripper we've had them all. However nothing could prepare us for the aftertaste of this shocker. It had a bizarre biscuity/ nutty/ foody/ indescribable flavour which offended even our hardened palates. This was continued the next morning when Erin rose to take a morning swig of refreshing water only to discover she had gulped a mouthful of vodka- she then proceeded to spend the next 30 minutes wretching into the toilet.
So far on the trip we have discovered a particularly astute talent at selecting the worst weather days for outdoor activities. So yet again, ignoring the clouds we traipsed to the waterpark where we found a slide that is rivalled by no other. Mounting a dingy in pairs we were plunged into complete darkness. Taken by surprise there were girly screams all round- only amplified by the unexpected finale of a free-fall drop into a plunge pool. Of course following its discovery we then proceeded to repeat the experience approximately 59 times. After excited Baywatch style runs into the wave pool, we discovered it was more of a gentle swell but it made for a great stage to watch the impressive thunderstorm that ensued in the afternoon.



To satisfy our love for the Mekong River and family orientated organised day trips, we took a two day tour to the Delta. This included observing quintessential Vietnamese floating markets and of course stopping along the way to learn the fine art of making obscure Asian delicacies. The Coconut candy was a surprising treat pity the snake wine (used as Viagra) didn't go down quite so well (no pun intended). No matter how spectacular the views of the banks of the Mekong, they were nothing compared to the events that transpired on our journey home. After three hours on a sweaty bus we were feeling fairly fatigued and subdued- this would not last long. Our guide who had been fairly uncharismatic and cranky throughout our trip suddenly came to life in what can only be described as an impromptu concert. He stood at the head of the bus microphone in hand and announced he would sing for us a traditional Chinese folk song. Our ears immediately pricked up- this was unusual but we had seen nothing yet. After a pretty ropey rendition of the Chinese folk song (to which the bus sat- a group of silent and confused spectators). The guide then began to belt out a variety of songs (mostly unrecognisable). Our personal favourite was undoubtedly the audience participation number 'We Will Rock You' to which he became most animated and urged the bus to clap and sing along with him. He showed Gary Barlow-esque song-writing ability when he spelt the word c-o-c-o-n-u-t to the classic tune of 'Freres Jacques'- a moving performance.

After a tearful farewell to our hotel and Vietnam we boarded a bus to the Kingdom of Cambodia.

written by  Murph, Tay, Colly and Erin on May 19, 2006 from Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
from the travel blog: The Smug Adventures of Murph, Tay, Colly & Erin
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(Erin cried no tears during the course of this day)

written by  Murph, Tay, Colly and Erin on May 22, 2006 from Phnom Penh, Cambodia
from the travel blog: The Smug Adventures of Murph, Tay, Colly & Erin
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