Why I should not be allowed access to my laptop after bedtime

How on earth does anyone know what they want to do for the rest of their life? Honestly, I don't even have a clue what I want to do next week. I don't even know what I want to do tomorrow either!

Many of my friends are starting their university courses now. I admire them so much for it. Making decisions has never been one of my strong points (just ask Paul, I nearly missed a train because I was standing in Tesco trying to decide what to get us), and making a decision that would lay out the path for the rest of my life is just ridiculous.

I'm young; I don't know enough about the world; I don't know enough, period. These are things I am not afraid to admit, because they are true. I love animals; I love people; I love time on my own occasionally; I love writing; I love helping; I love being challenged; I love debating; I love learning more about random things; I love being lazy and watching movies; I love seeing the world and travelling. All of these things define me. And, yet, none of them do.

I love so many things and there are so many things I haven't experienced yet.

Medicine? Psychology? English? Which major will I choose? Which minors? Do I want to choose a set course and come out of it with a defined career, or do I want to mix and match everything I'm interested in and end up with a jumble of random qualifications?

Do I go for money and the security that a stable life would bring? Do I go for the fun, exciting, interesting route? Is it possible to have both?

Do I actually want to go into these courses or am I just doing it out of the loyalty I have to my parents and the life they want me to lead?

Are these courses the ones I really want to do or are they just the few that seem to best suit what I'm supposed to be looking for?

I honestly do not know. Does anyone know or do they just end up getting caught in the whiptide until one day they wake up to find that they're stuck in a long-houred job doing something they have no interest in, but can't quit because there's rent that needs to be paid and the milk's run out again?

i don't want to grow up. I know that I'm too innocent and naive for my own damn good, but I'd rather be like this than be a cynical, pessimistic person who hates her life but does nothing to change it.

Maybe I'm talking rubbish. I probably am, it's half past midnight.

Anyway, after that random train of thought, back to choosing courses when you're eighteen. I admire my friends so much for being brave enough to choose what they want to do. I'm too scared of making a mistake. I'm just hoping that during this year I'll be exposed to enough of what is out there to actually make a decision.

written by  Brigid Jelsma on January 29, 2011 from Hertford, United Kingdom
from the travel blog: Walk a little further to another plan
tagged Hertford
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