Heres my Rainbow Lodge recipie for Bangers And Mash.
You Will Need:21x Various Meat Sausages6x Vege Sausages1x Block of Butter1x Head of Garlic1x Block Of Cheese1x 4kg Bag Of Spuds1x Box Of Gravy Granules1x White Onion1x Bag Of Frozen Peas And Sweetcorn1x Dave1x Annabelle1x Sarah1x Gayle
How To Make It:
1. Wait for Annabelle to tell you to keep Dave out of the garden while they decorate it for his birthday. Stare at her blankly until she tells you to peel spuds.
2. Accost Dave and make him help you peel and chop and put the spuds on to boil. Ask many stupid questions to keep him in the kitchen.
3. Get him to grate the block of cheese for the mash. Pick at it profusely.
4. Decide you're going to start chopping garlic for the mash. Make sure this takes a while. Do the lot.
5. Concentrate intently on the garlic and eventually someone will come and put the sausages on for you.
6. When Sarah asks how long the spuds have been on for, shrug and mutter "Dunno... A little bit I guess" and continue with the garlic before being dragged into the garden to wish Dave a happy birthday. Return to the garlic.
7. Eventually, Gayle should enter and ask if the sausages have been turned. Respond with a drawn out "Errrrrrrrrrmmmmm....." This has a better effect if you drool a little bit.
8. Watch Gayle turn the Sausages.
9. Sarah will show up and make onion gravy around this point. Also, if you check the stove someone will have put the vegetables on for you.
10. Continue chopping garlic.
11. Once all the garlic has been chopped and Sarah has checked that the spuds are cooked, drag Dave away from his birthday celebrations and get him to mash the spuds.
12. Watch in horror as he chucks the whole block of butter in and reassure your arteries that there will be a punishing gym session the next day.
13. Dish up and eat before you keel over with starvation.
See, fucking master chef, me.
(Point to note: There is so much garlic in this that even your urine will smell of garlic the next day. Don't be surprised if your work mates avoid you)
Tidy Boy DaveI'm not one for tearful goodbyes darlin, its the worst part of backpacking without a doubt but I will genuinely miss you and one day I might even let you have my babies although I've already promised our first born to Satan on account of the fact I already sold my soul for a packet of Tim Tams.Good luck with the sponsership.
Provided I'm harnessed to a safety rope and there's a team of trained professionals on hand to make sure I don't fall off.