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* Posh meal for two in a fancy restaurant with an overpriced, limited set menu which you can't pronounce and like none of anyway: $150

Wine that comes encased in glass as opposed to a shiny silver bag in a box and doesn't corrode your internal organs: $20

Unimaginative gift picked up at the petrol station on the way home from work as an afterthought when buying Twisties and a can of oil because you forgot it was Valentine's Day and everywhere else is closed: $15

Being blissfully single, having all your disposable income to yourself and spending it on a vibrator: Priceless

There are some things money can't buy. For everything else there's pornography.

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Perth, Australia