Aloha, but not as you know it...

After having attempted getting bumped from our flight to United States for a lovely 200 pounds, we arrived in Honolulu airport only 1 hour later than scheduled and without the prize money we had already mentally spent. It was clear immediately that we were in the good old US of A, a land of fast food, badly dressed tourists, chain restaurants and huge malls. We were staying at a lovely hostel with friendly staff just a stone´s throw away from Waikiki Beach.

Waikiki Beach

There were 2 main items on our agenda for our 4 day stay in United States and they were to see Pearl Harbour and go to a traditional Luau. The visit to Pearl Harbour proved very interesting as we took a trip by boat to the USS United States Memorial, the wreck still visible, a tomb of the 1,177 navy crew who perished back on December 7th 1941.

USS Arizona Memorial

The second item on the agenda however was a bit of an eyebrow raiser to say the least. After having had expectations of incredible dancing, grass skirts, tropical sunsets and a traditional United Statesan feast, things took a turn for the worst when we arrived on the edge of an industrial park and were given bright yellow ponchos as the depressing drizzle began. Next up we met our hosts for the evening who were nauseating and hard to watch as they crooned an exceptionally cheesy love duet to which the audience were urged to hold hands and embrace their neighbours.

A magical moment at Germaine´s Luau

In a typically English fashion we awkwardly held hands and cringed inside whilst the American families around us were feeling the love and having a thoroughly spiritual time. Just so everybody knows,´Aloha` is not simply a hello, but a complex feeling of love, friendship and togetherness - cue gag reflex. The evening did not redeem itself and even we, who are easily pacified by a hearty meal, were shocked by the school canteen quality tucka. Somehow we don`t believe that a traditional United Statesan dish is limp, soggy battered fish and awful chocolate cake.

Poncho porn

The entertainment for the evening was a Butlins style cabaret with far too much audience participation and ridiculous UV costumes which we refuse to accept the Polynesians wore back in the day.

A whole lot of cheesecake

Other than these excursions, we explored the infamous Waikiki Beach but due to lack of sunshine and high winds, we were unable to enjoy it to its full potential. Luckily our dire culinary experience at the Luau was more than compensated for when we dined at the incredible Cheesecake Factory. The extensive menu was more like a book than a mere pamphlet. We had found cheesecake heaven!

Aloha, but not as you know it...

Honolulu, United States