Episode One: I hadn’t been here long, and Ellen was taking me out to experience some of the legendary Korean night life. We’d come up with some interesting outfit choices that night, which I will gracefully call ‘daring.’ We were not subtly clad. But we’re in Korea. Who’s going to know? While in the backseat of our cab, discussing various directions the night could take, our driver interrupted us. “You are Russian?” he asked. I looked at Ellen. It seemed to me quite clear that we were speaking English. Before I could ask, she told him, in no uncertain terms, that we were American. “He just asked if we were prostitutes,” she explained. “That’s what ‘Russian’ means.” Maybe I should have rethought the boots.

Episode Two: We are at another Korean watering hole called the Jail Bar. There are a few Western bars around, but I find they are usually not as funny as Korean bars. Jail Bar, as the name implies, is prison-themed. Iron bars separate smoke-filled booths, and the chairs and tables are made of unpolished steel. I’ve never found anything even remotely close to love in a bar, and here it seemed especially unlikely. Still, when a young Asian man leaned towards Ellen, reaching his hand through the bars and chains between our tables, I thought maybe she had a chance. He and his posse came over to talk to her. “Hello. Your face,” he said, gesturing at her, “beautiful.” Limited language proficiency produces an almost endearing directness. None of that Did-it-hurt-when-you-fell-from-Heaven nonsense that plagues seedy American bars. Then he motioned towards himself. “You like my face?” How do you answer that? “Yes, it’s a nice face,” she said. Two hours later, we were at a norae-bang (private karaoke room) with the young Koreans, and he confessed the words every girl wants to hear: “You make me the very happiness.” Aw.

Episode Three: This time, we were at one of the aforementioned Western bars in downtown Seoul, waiting to meet up with an acquaintance from home who’d just gotten to Korea. Another young Korean approached me, staggering. They are big drinkers here. “You are very beautiful,” he said, leaning in. He shamelessly appraised Ellen, as well. “You beautiful also. But she, more beautiful.” Ellen shrugged. You win some, you lose some. He told me I looked exactly like Sara from Prison Break. I have never seen the show, but I googled it later, and the resemblance is actually less than minimal. Still, I suppose I was flattered. Ellen saw an opportunity for entertainment in the man’s admiration. “That’s because she IS Sara from Prison Break,” she told him. “Tell him, Alli.” I looked at her. “It’s okay,” she encouraged. “You don’t have to be shy.” So I told him all about how difficult it is to be a celebrity when people are constantly recognizing you. It’s a tough life. He nodded understandingly. I sincerely hope that somewhere, he too is writing a blog about meeting an American TV star in the most unlikely of places. Finally, my friend from home called. “Your famous American boyfriend is calling,” said Cameron the Korean. Yes he is.

Instances like this abound. I’ve had a cab driver use his Korean-English dictionary (while driving) to demand that I “marriage” him, and the men are endlessly curious about our lives. “Do you have baby? Marry? Boyfriend?” Nope. Nope. Nope. “Why?” Because underneath my clothing, I am covered in scales. I would hate to tell them the truth, which is that I am extremely disinclined towards Korean men’s fashion. I can’t get behind men that carry Prada handbags which put my gypsy purse to shame, or sparkly cell phone charms bigger than the phone itself. But I’ve only been here two months, and a year is a long time. You never know how your standards will change…

written by  alli_ockinga on March 31, 2009 from Seoul, South Korea
from the travel blog: I go Korea!
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lol they LOVE prison break here! my friend who is white with sort of a shaved/stubble head always gets accused of being the lead guy.
glad you're having a swell time :-) and be careful... i arrived thinking i would NEVER wear a pink sparkley tie to work. now i own two lol.

written by  Mathew on March 31, 2009

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Oh my. Well, with all of those theme bar options (especially prison-themed; so is it implying that men who have questionable morals, a checkered past, and the will to trade their man virginity for a pack of Kools supposed to be a turn on?), how can you **NOT** find love in that country?

Also, it's not the first time you've ever been mistaken for a woman of ill repute, if I remember correctly. ;)

written by  Ryan on April 15, 2009

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