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It's been a long time since either of us have written in this thing. I'll get it going, for bump's sake. Well, my life has done a complete 180. Two days ago was six month anniversary for living here in Florida. New York has become almost... irrelevant to my life. that sounds harsh because my family is there... and my friends are there... but the truth is that I talk to them all the time, and I think about them all the time...and I miss the city like you wouldn't believe... But Florida life and New York are two totally separate things. Everything is different. My friends are carefree, relaxed, non-dramatic. The only downfall with them, is that with the exception of Edmond and Candace, none of my friends are artistic. And the more I think about it... most of my inner group of friends are straight. I go out clubbing and partying with my gay friends, but that is really all I do with them. It's weird. Relationships are really difficult for me right now. Probably partially because of all the question marks in the air that I have yet to deal with. But also because... Even though I feel like every man I come in contact with wants me for some absurd reason... I don't really know any lesbians/bi-sexuals who live here and are attractive to me. Most of them are only interested in partying and sex, man, I party all the time... but I don't live for it. I know so many men who would totally "do" me... I find myself considering it... The pro's and con's of it. Would it work? Could it work? And I haven't had these questions in my head for a long time. Every time I ever tried with a man it's just been EPIC FAIL. I feel comfortable calling myself a lesbian. Every good experience I ever had has been with a woman. Everything I am physically attracted to is womanly. The clothing, the perfume, the skin, the hair, certain physical attributes, personality... sweetness, aggression, and intellectualism in women is sexy. When I look at men, I don't think the same way... When I am pleased by a man's appearance or character... I feel like he's a little puppy I want to take home with me... But, i've met one or two guys that I don't look at like that... Men that are just... attractive, motivated, not too aggressive, not totally vain, sweet but not too sweet, funny, and fun to be around with similar goals in life. Those are the guys that get me thinking, "maybe?"... But it never works... the sex doesn't work... I don't try... with men... it's less complicated that way. I haven't smoked green in like... 2 months. I have other things to keep me entertained ;-) but nothing too crazy... Work is different... or should I say... only one pay check a week is different. I was promoted to crew trainer a couple months ago and then just this week they promoted me to overnight's manager. The pitfall to that is my certification classes don't begin for another month, so I don't get the other half of my raise until i'm certified. But the 75 cent difference an hour is worth it right now. It's been SO hard financially. Especially with everyone who came down to visit. First Rosa and her family. We spent the day at a waterpark at the Nickelodeon hotel in Orlando. I tried to sneak up on them, but they actually snuck up on me. The kids wore me out but we had so much fun. I almost cried when we had to say goodbye, and apparantly so did Rosa. The next day is when my neck spazzed out and I couldn't move it, also the same day that Jess Ferrara came to visit. All we could do was talk about everything and watch a movie together... it was good anyway. Just a couple days after that Alfonso, Kristina and Shannon came down. I stayed with them at the Ramada in Kissimmee for 3 days. We spent a lot of time swimming in the indoor and outdoor pools. We drank a lot. A lot of arbor mist...6/7 bottles one night I think. Hahaha, then recorded Shannon karaoking to Kristina's Iphone, me and Kristina dancing on the bed, and all of us taking underwater snapshots. Alf, shannon and I went for a couple late night walks through the area... one night we found a snail and named her Polly. We went sun-tanning, day exploring, out to eat and everything. My last night Alf's aunt came to visit with her family. She brought us to this place called old town. It's this really great place that stays open year round, and is half amusement park/carnival... half old town shops and restaurants... the best part is that it also has a night club. LMAO. After that Heff and Elly came down to stay for a week/ week 1/2. We spent A LOT of time at the beach. I showed Heather some of the gay nightlife here. They met a bunch of my friends and we all had a blast. Then I stayed with Elly's ti ti Lisa for two days. The first of those two days we all went to the beach again with Elly's cousins and some family friends. I was sun poisoned on that day and all I can say is OUCH. The night I left there was a meteor shower. Mom and I have been struggling to get a long. As i've mentioned before, I come long way in putting the past behind me. But there are certain issues that make us living together very difficult. Like, 1) she wants to be motherly and nurturing... but i'm grown, independant. And I got there without her. It drives me NUTS when she tries to advise me/ tell me what to do. 2) At this point she's been collecting unemployment. I have been neglecting my own bills to carry us this far. We agreed to split our shared bills down the middle but let me paint you a picture... I have given her my last three paychecks in WHOLE. We fight about it and get nowhere, and then I feel guilty... Especially since Chester died... that was very hard on the both of us and I want to be sensitive toward her. But she doesn't work with me on our issues... and screws me financially... even though she doesn't mean to, she does it... I can't NOT pay the bills... and i'm going through all these changes at work and trying to keep a social life. On a positive note... If we can get our shit together... after November I can finally go back to school... Robert, my best gay friend here... I think he really wants to marry me, and have a family. I don't know how to feel. That whole thing in itself... is sooo weird/confusing. We are just an odd couple... and I think he really wants to marry me. lmao. I'll be sending you a new CD in the mail sometimes soonish... I've been getting into electronic a little bit... I think you'd really like some of it. I feel like there's so much more to write about, but I gotta' get ready for work. So love and hugs! Let me know what's going on in your life! <3 Mel

Rockledge, United States