One image I couldn't get out of my mind was a sick baby who just needed some fluids. In that dream I was helpless and could only observe it's suffering....
Another was sort of a vision of a thin emaciated child running towards me in some tropical jungle. I caught them with my outstretched arms and as we spun the child became whole and well again: obviously a scene out of some corny Shirley Temple film while we sang about the sun coming out tomorrow, but inspiring nonetheless.
The gnarled, yet loving faces of India have tackled me in my rest at times.
I can't live like they don't exist. I can't forget them.

Also, I've seen what uselessness I can become when I put away the responsibilities I feel about the poor and the sick. I'd rather die than live like that, all selfish and materialistic, promoting my own success or desires and ignoring the oppression of others. Jesus died giving and loving and I'd like to die like that.

Anyways, so during the last year I've been praying and checking out this website called www.ngoabroad.com and I called Ann to talk to her for a couple hours. She set me up with a special program specific to my personality, skills, and passion. I'll be headed to Cameroon, Africa on the 15th of October 2009 and won't return until the 17th of February 2010. In Cameroon I'll be aiding a local woman doctor as she provides care primarily to the poor and underprivileged. I'm gonna hopefully learn a lot about primary health care in a third world country, loads about love, and maybe even a little french, but this isn't really about me. It will definitely be a great experience, but more than that I'd like to open your eyes to Cameroon, Africa and the people who live there. I don't want you to forget them either.

So, if you have the time, I'm gonna try and keep this blog. I'll try and write about the things that I see more than anything. I want my readers to get a feel for what's out there and what's possible. Feel free to comment, keep in touch, and pray. My time of departure is closing in fast!

"The only nation is humanity." Paul Farmer

"Love the one in front of you." Heidi Baker

"My apologies to chance for calling it necessity.
My apologies to necessity if I'm mistaken, after all.
Please, don't be angry, happiness, that I take you as my due.
May my dead be patient with the way my memories fade.
My apologies to time for all the world I overlook each second."
-Wislawa Szymborska, "under one small star"

written by  theresa on September 21, 2009 from Lexington, United States
from the travel blog: to africa
tagged Love, Africa, Mission, Cameroon, Nursing and Purpose
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i first i gathered my dirty laundry together. while waiting for the water to boil, i checked my mail, hauled a few buckets of water from the tap to the house, and swept my bedroom out. to sweep we use a handful of little twigs tied together. nice. so when the water was hot, i added some detergent powder to my clothes and poured the hot water over it. then comes the scrubbing. i typically do this outside next to the water tap. i sit on a small wooden stool and rigourously massage the clothes til i'm sure their sore....at least my arms say they should be! i realize as i'm washing that mosquitoes have overtaken my body in various small red locations. i have to break for bug repellent and then back to work. i usually drain the dirty water and rinse them 2 or 3 times...wringing them out like twisty noodles each time. then i hang them to dry, displaying the white man's intimates for all to see. and due to the disturbing smell of my linens, i decide to wash them as well. bug repellent and sweat just don't let things stay clean long. i hope it doesn't rain.

(note: when it does rain...you have a bit of nature's own aura. a white mist that resembles ash starts drizzling from the sky. the first time i saw this i started to cover my face and squint my eyes. i tried to reach out and wave it away. my friend laughed and explained the situation. it's as if the entire town is encapsulated by cloud. and then the winds come, howling against the banana and mango trees, rattling the pans against the pots and blowing the african dresses to the ground. and then the rains come, sometimes in floods...as if God warmed His own pot of water and decided to do some scrubbing.)

after laundry, i warmed another pot of water. the dishes were stacked and begging to be washed. i'd leave them, but ants and gnats would have a festival and overtake the place thinking we invited them. as i washed, there's another pot boiling in preperation to rinse. and after rinsing i spilled some extra water on the ground to mop the traffic residue from the cement floor. then i filled up 8 of our water bottles with water from the outside tap. these fill my own water bottle and the doc boils them to use them for drinking water and lemongrass tea (some sort of malaria preventative).

this might seem like a lot of work, but it's normal for the average person. and probably it's easier, because many women have to do this for their entire family...AND they have to cook! (which i have not excelled at yet. my one attempt led to a smokey house and disgusting, unreparable mixture.)

the real work comes with washing myself! i typically boil some water, unless i'm in a hurry, in which case i suffer beneath a showerhead spewing less than comfortable cold water. with the boiling water, i dilute to make a larger amount of rinse less scalding. i use a bowl to pour it over me, washing and rinsing as i go. i've learned i have to scrub VERY well to get all the bug repellent residue off of my skin. ...and then i reapply after i return to my room (but not before i squeegee out the bathroom floor) i can't wait for the day i don't have to wear bug repellent.

so, that's what a work morning looks like. i have these maybe once or twice a week. surprisingly, my favorite thing to do is laundry. my least favorite...is doing the dishes. some things don't change.

written by  theresa on November 12, 2009 from Douala, Cameroon
from the travel blog: to africa
tagged Africa and Morning
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there's so much blame in the world put on the poor for being responsible for their own circumstances. i find myself repulsed by this especially when it comes from a healthcare provider. DESPITE all the structural injustices, i know too personally the ease by which a person can make choices harmful to themselves as a result of difficult circumstances in life. what i dont' know is what it would be like to have no choice. to be born into poverty, where at times it seems the only escape is through one immoral decision or another, whether it be drug use or prostitution or crime. where healthcare is inaccessible or unaffordable and you know the rest of the world is turning a blind eye while you die. how can a person born into one of the wealthiest families of the world, who's never known hunger or thirst, who's never lacked...how can i judge them? ignore them? forget them?

"rats and roaches live by competition under the law of supply and demand; it is the priviledge of human beings to live under laws of justice and mercy."
-wendell berry
.....

at work i've been making posters. so far i've made four. while i'm slightly enjoying being able to express a bit of creativity, i'm very uncontent with the work. especially when i see patients (what few that we have) go behind the doctors door and recieve medications that i could administer myself. i'm very displeased with the responsibility of the nurses, which mostly has been writing down a patients name and carrying water...until now....now i'm making posters.

....

i've discussed with the doctor my ideas of sending two of us nurses out to the community to do a sort of door to door education program. this isn't what i really would love to do, but i'm sort of desperate to do something...and i feel better walking about this town speaking with strangers rather than sitting in a mostly empty clinic all day. even when it's not empty i feel there's not much point to me being there. it doesn't seem the doctor trusts her nurses to do so much as an IM shot, much less start one of the few IV administrations she's ordered. anyways...there's always excuses about why something won't work, can't work...and if there's no excuses then my prodding seems to typically be ignored. and my mother will tell you how well i feel to being ignored.

...i'm not really sure how all this is going to work out really.

......
BESIDES that...
the social life of cameroon is vey busy...well...mine is. the tradition is that if someone invites you out then they buy your drinks AND they feed you...i've been invited out quite a bit by work friends, friends of those friends, and often by complete strangers. please trust that i'm making wise choices and i hope you can believe i only go out with the ones i know...despite the temptation of grilled meat & onions, fish, plantain, boiled egg (all served with a side of a hot pepper mixture), and free beer. i'm really amazed at the generosity, but every time i go to thank them they seem utterly confused.
it's really enjoyable to go out though. i enjoy watching everyone, seeing everyone interact and talk and rest. the people are very free. by free, i mean that they dance, eat, dress and enjoy freely. i love to watch them dance!it seems the music enters their blood and their body responds. i'm amazed that even the babies can move their booties like professionals. it'd take years for me to acquire the skill of some of these three year olds, i'm telling you! but since i only have a few months to learn, i'm trying to make the most of it :) it's not very difficult to let go though, because their music is GREAT! i'm definitely going to have to get some cds....or something!

oh! and if i'm out later than 630 (close to dark) i'm always seen directly home by at least one or two friends. i hope this comforts a few of you :) a girl i met from belgium was telling me about all the different crimes she has heard of since being here, and since that one day at the clinic with the girl who came in who'd been mugged midday i've been properly scared of being out after dark alone...which probably is wise anyways. i just always wish i could be brave...be above all of that crime business... no worries, family. i don't think i'll overcome my fear of the dark anytime soon.

written by  theresa on November 13, 2009 from Douala, Cameroon
from the travel blog: to africa
tagged Healthcare, Friends, Africa and Poverty
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