Our ever helpful driver dissappeared down an alley and ushered us to a darkened shop front saying that it's closed today for a public holiday, pointing to small a darkened window to prove his point. Straight away we sprang into action; time for plan B: Sack the whole thing off.

We rocked up at the train station and, after fending off assorted urchins who sound remarkably like ET ('helloooooooo...'), we joined the queue for tickets for the night train back to Kolkata. After an hour we're pleased with our progress of inching 2 feet closer to the front, but oddly enough there seemed to be no change in the number of people ahead. Unsure how this had happened we turned to find a fairly unhappy Indian man's face about half an inch away from our own. This may have been OK if the rest of him had been as far...sadly this was not the case. We're not the first to think that the Brits have made queuing an art form, as well as a favourite national past-time, but the rules are very different here and acceptable allowances for personal space are considerably more personal. The next 2 hours consisted of inching toward the booth with a sweaty paunch resting in the small of Will's back - a sensation, we imagine, like being spooned by a professional darts player while standing up, in a queue, in 36c heat - nice.

When we finally reached the front of the line and handed over our form the wry smile of the teller informed us that there was something amiss. Was our form filled in correctly? Did they know that we had lied about our father's name? Was it the tutting Indian head which appeared to be attached to the side of Will's neck? No, it was the fact that the train we wanted happpened to be full today...and tomorrow? Full. "How about the next day?" "Full,' but he eventually relents, '...maybe the bus would be better for you." Hmmm, 16 hours on a bus? Let's think about that.....errr no. Flight it is then.

This did give us a chance to see if we could get to Jaldhapara though so we booked into a hotel and went to check the WBT Office the next day. We were happy to find them, obviously the taxi driver hadn't taken us to the actual office, and to find them open. We booked a room, on a cancellation no less ('Your luck is with you today, Sir') and skipped into town to make arrangements for our transport there, a private taxi (a treat compared to the alternative, a 4 hour bus ride, packed in like sardines) to Madarihat, 9km from the park. This is achieved with a minimum of fuss and some masterful haggling on our part; we're on our way to see some Rhinos!

3 hours later and we've apparently arrived, our driver and his mate leap out to help us with our bags, which is very kind as the car's been mobbed by a group of 30 or so excited looking locals. We grab the bags and the nearest of the group immediatly offers us a ride to the lodge - success again - we're on fire today! Oh. What's that? How much? How far?!? It appears our original driver has dumped us in the middle of nowhere, 40km from our agreed destination, at night. Where's Sir's luck gone now...?

Somewhat distressed we arranged the next, unplanned, leg of our journey and set off into the black night. When we arrive at the lodge the sense of relief at not having been murdered, robbed, robbed and murdered or robbed, murdered and dropped in the wrong place, almost takes away the anger of being royally scammed. The fact that it only cost us an extra £3.50 each also helps, as does the promise of the elephant ride we manage to arrange for the next day. The fact that they have no beer in the bar does not, but we will not be defeated! Tired yet triumphant we go to bed - after all we're up at 5am tomorrow.

It's well worth the early start. The park is beautiful - green, leafy and wild. The elephants are surprisingly comfortable, if not a little wobbley as we're perched on one side. With each step we feel as if the saddle is about to come loose and leave us in the slightly less dignified position of hanging upside down beneath our ride, our heads ploughing a furrow into the undergrowth. We see three one horned rhinos, who seem surprisingly shy. This is somewhat of a blessing though, as an angry rhino might be too much to take this early in the morning - even from the relative safety of the top of an elephant. They're lovely, if a little lumpy looking. We're followed throughout by a baby elephant who takes great interest in us after we're returned to the ground. We get to pet him. He pets us back. Ace. Yesterday's nightmare journey was worth it after all, but we're definitely getting the bus back!

As expected the bus is somewhat crammed, there's a guy on top who's looking after the bags stored on the roof (lucky for him they also have a hold under the bus so he doesn't have to lift our gigantic bags up) and another guy hanging off the side, shouting for passengers as we pass through each village, but at least we know we'll get to where we want to this time. We're standing at first, which would be ok if the roads weren't so pot-holed, but luckily a couple of seats appear pretty quickly at the back and we're in. Oh noooooo...the kid who was there before us has been siiiiiiick - grim. A few people standing by laugh at the silly English with their feet in the sick, but we're wedged in now and it looks like we're staying. Fortunately, a load of people soon get off so we're able to move seats, this affords us perfect views of the passing scenary, and later on a ringside seat of the roof guy as he crashes to the ground after lifting an unexpectedly heavy case. A group of onlookers rush to his assistance, which comes in the form of what looks like fairly violent birthday bumps. He manages to shake them off and we wonder whether he's off roof duty for good. But no, he's back up and shifting cases in a matter of minutes - we're impressed, since some of us have required a lay down in the First Aid Room after a mere hangover! We're glad to get back as after 4 hours we resemble origami people as there's so little legroom (even worse than a Ryan Air flight!) and the cycle rickshaw back to our hotel (lazy but true) is exhilirating, if not slightly dangerous given that we're 2 people with bags just slightly smaller than ourselves.

Back in the hotel and it seems our wildlife tour is not yet complete as ghekkos speed around the room - we love them. Sadly they are nowhere to be seen when the giant killer cockroach flies out of Will's bag - GAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Some screaming and jumping on the furniture later we're still at a loss as to how to persuade it to leave, and how Will is ever going to get anything out of his infested bag. Well...clothes are pretty cheap here - we'll just buy everything afresh? A couple more hours later and we've captured it with glass and the plane ticket comfirmation - out the window it goes...and the plane ticket too - curses. We sit back to relax after a job well done when a second, even bigger, shinier and meaner looking cockroach appears and hides behing the sofa, which is kind if where we wanted to be hiding. We attempt to poison the beast using air freshener, this seems ineffective on the cockroach but seems to be working on us humans - we retreat to come up with another plan in the safety of a nearby bar, smelling overwhemlingly of lavender and fear.

After a beer and some noodles a fiendish plan comes to us, so clever, cunning and intricate that even Machiavelli would have been proud. So perfect that Hannibal (from the A Team, not the Elephant guy) would have been declared to be on the jazz by B A Barrachus, and he was nobody's fool. We sit, poised in the room and the third or fourth time it appears (the first couple of times we were too slow/scared to act) it gets a sandal in the face and team knight once again rules over their domain...except for the pigeons nesting in the roof above us, but let's not go there. We love it when a plan comes together.

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written by  BecnWill on October 29, 2007 from Kolkata, India
from the travel blog: The World By Knight
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GENIUS.

written by  northerncreative on November 2, 2007

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You two certainly know how to get the best from life - excellent journalism ! A very enjoyable read of a very descriptive and hilarious account of your journey to date. And you thought that it was just going to be the Larium causing you problems!!

Look forward to reading the next thrilling instalment.

Lisa xx

written by  lisa on November 3, 2007

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Hey you crazy kids! It sounds like your having a fab time. Excellent lunchtime reading for me stuck in my office - keep em coming and enjoy yourselves! xx

written by  Fi green on November 6, 2007

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