Leaving Tonsai

Although I was warned by others that it can be painful, I was also told that you felt better afterward. Having a slightly bruised tailbone from the culmination of jumping off into the water and the "hiking incident", I pointed to that area indicating that it was off limits. She didn't speak English. The message began with me on my back and her lifting up my leg and putting a fair amount of pressure on my foot... not too bad. Then she began to pluck my calf muscles as if she were playing a large stand-up bass guitar... Ouch! Similarly, she worked the leg muscles, then repeated the routine on the next leg before having me turn over. Then, in some kind of sadistic plot twist, she must have thought that my complaint about my posterior meant that I wanted extra attention paid to it. Staying mum, and trying to relax, I let her go about the massage figuring I might as well get an authentic experience. She poured some type of menthol based self-heating oil lotion all down my backside and worked the exact area I wanted her to avoid, adding way too much oil to that same area. Next was her standing on and walking all over me, followed by her pulling back my arms and arching my back as if I were to make a swan dive. It went on simularly for the hours remainder. Most of me did feel better after she was done.

David Letterman style, here is my top 10 lessons learned from an authentic Thai massage.

1. Thai women have hands of steel and are stronger than should be humanly possible for their size.
2. Somehow, I must have offended my masseuse, her family, or the Shaolin Temple - Think Bruce Lee with patience.
3. A Thai masseuse gets paid way to little to work so hard. They must enjoy sadism.
4. It's possible to sweat without being hot, eating spicy food or increasing your heart rate.
5. If you hold your breath, you can sweat more, causing them to stop and fan you off - ahhh... relief.
6. They will restart, from the top, in the same painful area that caused you to sweat in the first place.
7. I'm more flexible than I thought.
8. I didn't know it was possible to temporarily relocate one kidney to the center of my abdomen.
9. It helps to arrive with a theme or melody on your mind to help facilitate a distraction - There's no place like home... There's no place like home...
10. Be arefull where the oil lotion ends up as it can inflame "sensitive" areas!

written by  Whereisdan on January 27, 2007 from Tonsai, Thailand
from the travel blog: Thailand on a whim
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