Random Nuggets Of Information #4

Gainful Employment
I landed me a job in one of Brisbane's two gay pubs, the Sportsman Hotel, where I get to sell beer to puffs whilst attempting Responsible Service Of Alcohol. It's actually illegal to get too drunk in Australian pubs, it's the job of the bar staff to keep an eye on everyone and get them to drink water if we think they're starting to have too much fun. This is all thanks to the Lawsuit Culture, if they get pissed in our pub then they fall under the bus on the way home then we get massive fines for letting them get Unduly Intoxicated. I don't like fines so I've become fascist water dyke which can't be doing anything to help the so called drought they're meant to be having here.
Other duties include delivering food to patrons at their table after sneakily relieving them of a few chips and washing up in the back in between zipping drag queens into tight frocks and offering useless advice on what wig they should wear that night. I'm also responsible for perving at the few girls we get in who range from A Bit Of Alright to Excuse Me, I Think You Dropped Your Paper Bag.

Andy, Mouse, Paul, Ella, Merlin, Chris, Anna Mae, Brettski And Me

I also had a Monday to Friday job in a warehouse taking locks out of boxes and putting them into different boxes. I lasted 8 days before they said they didn't need me anymore. I think they wanted someone to actually Do Stuff as opposed to staring mournfully at boxes and trying to put off opening them by colouring everything in in marker pen. This is fine though because I get enough hours at the pub now on account of them being desperate for staff. They'd have to be in order to employ a pierced lesbian who hadn't pulled a pint for about 5 years in the first place.

Drought? What Fucking Drought?
Call me old fashioned but droughts conjure up images of brown foliage and arid wastelands, not torrential rainfall and flash flooding. I can't remember how I dealt with rain, it's been so long since I've had to function in it and I'm still refusing to buy an umbrella dammit all because I'm in Australia and it's not meant to rain in Australia! Yes, I'm aware the dams were at less than 20% and yes, I know they needed the water but its done nothing but rain since we got here and quite frankly I'm over it not least because it relieves me of my right to be a Smug Cunt to those back home.

Jingle Bells Etc Etc
So Christmas happened again. This is my second Christmas in Australia and I still can't get my head round the Xmas In Summer thing. Despite the rain it's still been warm and humid and walking into a shopping centre wearing shorts and flip flops and seeing Christmas trees and decorations still freaks me out. It's weird. It's just not right. I had the urge to sit in a freezer with a piece of tinsel until it went away.

Anyway, me and Irma spent it with John and his fella, Brendan, Dom, Jess and a couple of others where I proceeded to eat and drink too much and pass out.

Ah, nothing like a traditional Christmas with the Queen... Uh, I mean queens.

Pretty

Today's Top Tip
If you have a passport photo taken after you've spent all day running round Brisbane in the summer during one of the worst hair days in history you'll end up with something that looks like a mugshot from Prisoner: Cell Block H stuck in your travel document for the next 10 years. Prepare to be pulled over at customs.

written by  Koala Bear on January 22, 2008 from Brisbane, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged Work and Bollocks
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