Random Nuggets Of Information #6

Having a Normal Life isn't generally conducive to a good blog. When I'm not holed up in the bunker awaiting the apocalypse with the Trashbag Association (read: sat in the laundry with two friends hoping reality doesn't set in any time soon after a particularly heavy night) I'm generally doing any one of the following;

Working...
On account of the fact that my current idea of Looking For Work consists of writing down phone numbers out of the paper then not actually calling them my job at Family bar is still my only source of income but this is fine because they give me loads of hours and I do really enjoy it there despite the fact drunk people drool a lot and like to shout their order directly into your brain and I have to empty my ear canals of saliva after every shift.
They also ask questions that annoy me, the current one being, "Where is everybody?" when they walk in early and the bar is still empty. Where is everybody. Well I don't know mate, I'm not everybody's fucking mother, shall I just call everybody in Auckland and ask them? I'd consult my magic crystal ball but it's in the shop being calibrated for Dumb Questions. Or maybe they just heard you'd be out and decided to stay at home tonight?

But anyway, most of my nights are spent there getting a room full of queers drunk.

Working Out...
Since I got back to Auckland I've eaten a lot of food and not actually moved much because I live across the road from work. This has resulted in rolls of fat that could insulate the whole of Siberia but as I wish to continue eating cake and drinking beer I joined the gym. All this did was make me sweat in an unpleasant manner and I discovered that I actually look thinner when I lie down anyway so I decided to spend as much time as possible horizontal instead, cancelled the membership after a month and used the spare cash to get a tattoo.

Getting Inked...
Shit I forgot how much these things hurt! It took about 3.5 hours to engrave this thing permanently into my flesh and there was a fair amount of butt clenching involved, especially when it got to the crook of my elbow.

And the healing? Christ they itch! They itch and they flake, there's bits of me all over the bar. I strongly advise everyone to check their drinks after getting served by me for signs of shedding.

I'd already told my mum over the phone I was getting this done so she didn't freak out when she saw the photos and she took the news quite well although I had just told her I was dating a dominatrix just minutes earlier so this was probably just a return to normality for her.

Treading The Path Of Discovery...
So I recently discovered that jalepenos burn more on the way back up than on the way down especially when they exit the body via the nostrils and as a direct result of this valuble lesson I am never eating jalapenos when I'm that hung over ever again.

Contemplating Fashion...
I watched the Phantom Of The Opera movie coz I'm all classy and sophisticated like that and now I want a big, black cape that I can swish when I exit the room.
I've also been fighting the urge to buy oversized, grey sweatpants to veg out in through the winter on account of the fact I'm sure it's compulsory to position yourself on the couch with hands down aforementioned grey sweat pants whilst watching TV and I don't have any testicles to rearrange and I'd just feel like I was missing out on something.

Jumping Off Stuff...
Because this will never get dull. My mate Alyssa wanted to jump off something before she left NZ and I'd had my little heart set on jumping off the Auckland Harbour Bridge and Telaina was easily coerced into it when she was drunk ("Wanna come jump off the bridge on Monday?" "Yeah Ok...") so on the 15th June we duly rocked up to be harnessed up and lead out to the jump pod underneath the bridge. And here's a random detail; the jump pod has a disco ball. There's really no escaping the gay bar in this city ay.

As much as I love classic bungy where you shuffle to the edge with your feet tied and bounce around upside down wondering what the hell to do with your arms, seeing as I'd done it before, they asked me if I wanted to jump attached to the harness around my body instead, that way I could run and jump off if I so chose to. Fucking awesome! I went for that option.

Alyssa And Telaina; Jump Buddies

When you do a harness jump they throw jump ideas at you such as jump, tuck and somersault or as you jump, turn and look back at the jump pod and fall backwards because this is an awesome feeling. Bitch, please! I wasn't even sure I'd remember to let go of the elastic I had to hold on to as I ran to avoid tripping over, let alone anything else. And run? What is this run of which you speak? I resembled a crippled giraffe as I lolloped along the platform to the edge and hurled myself over but I did remember to let go of the elastic AND I rememebered to turn around and shit yes! It's a fucking amazing feeling as you plummet towards the water, watching the bridge get further and further away from you before the harness catches you resulting in what can only be described as the Mother Of All Wedgies.

I still dream about bungy but as fun as the water touches are, I'm thinking I wanna get bigger now. Higher jumps, longer freefalls, bigger thrills.

I await the panicked phone call off mum.

Thinking Deep Thoughts...
Is it a condition of power ballads that you have to resemble a drag queen in order to belt out these great hits of the 80s?

written by

Koala Bear on July 1, 2009 from Auckland, New Zealand

from the travel blog: Tiny Little NZ Road Trip

tagged Bollocks

Send a Compliment

Seriously I think I need to come and visit you because I'm bored out of my brain here and I'm sure you could entice me to jump off something should you desired... If not we could indulge in cakeygoodness.

written by Onetormented on July 2, 2009

Oooh I'd probably do that one too. In other news: My hair now looks like your mates' on the left. How can I still miss you when I can't even remember what your farts smell like? Oh yeah, I'm off the wacky stuff. Consequntly I am even stranger. Soon I will drink with you old chum, soon.

Love Muck (gross, I like it)

written by La Muck on July 15, 2009

you are so lucky to visit these nice places...
thank you for posting this, I'm going to go there myself in the nearest future

written by

wow-traveler on October 7, 2009

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