Eeeeeeasy Rider

The shame.

Alas other impossible things include making the most of a place this size without your own transport; Whilst "Just Up The Road" for a Brit means nipping round the corner to the offy for 2 litres of cider and a Kit Kat over here it means a two hour trek to the Arse End Of Nowhere.

Hence the scooters. And although it was kinda good to get back on two wheels we definately deserved the unrelenting mocking we encountered on the way as we held up Miles of traffic, chugging along at 55kph, wondering if it was even going to make it up the next hill.
Thankfully Emma was navigating, even though we managed to get lost several times (even on a long, straight road) if she'd let me loose on the map book we'd probably be huddled round a makeshift fire somewhere in the outback, fending off dingos with sticks.

Lost Again

Despite two days riding round the furthest reaches of Nowhere we still haven't found a car but we'll be having another bash at that tomorrow, fingers crossed, its definately time to move on from Brisbane now. We gave up car hunting today and went to the driving range instead and apparently I suck at golf. This isn't a bad thing. I never looked good in argyle.

Schwiiiiing

And it actually rained today for the first time since we arrived. Typical British luck, it waits until we hire the slowest bikes in the world and ride into the bush before the heavens open.

And yes, those are crocodiles on the front of that scooter.

Emma

No queues to Battle through and sunshine for most of the day but we're both knackered now, I don't think we've ever climbed up so many stairs. Over and over again. I'll dream of stairs tonight which will make a change from dreaming about bloody spiders.

And the best thing about water parks?
You get to play in the sun and the water all day with no risk of sand in yer crack. Fantastic.

Photos will be added when I get them developed, well I wasn’t about to take my £300 digital camera down a slide called Mach 5 now was I.

Obligatory Underwater Photo

Goes Well With Tartar Sauce

I’d dragged my arse out of bed at some god awful hour leaving Emma tucked up so I could paddle my way out to an island in a kayak and breathe though a plastic tube for an hour or so. But it was worth it, I didn't see any dolphins or anything like that but I've definitely got a taste for this underwater lark now and there’ll always be a piece of me on Wave Break Island.

Mainly because I stepped on a sharp Stone and took a bit of skin off my foot. Ouch

written by  Koala Bear on June 8, 2006 from Surfers Paradise, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged LovinIt
Send a Compliment

---

comment on this...

Seal Snogs

Dolphin Kisses

Anyway, we both left with all our fingers intact and I want a dolphin because they're bloody amazing.

So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

Perform, Bitch

We've mainly been doing sensible things during our time in Melbourne such as shopping for protective gear for the vine pruning job I start on Monday and using the internet for evil (looking for work) for Emma online but we did manage to get a few obligatory tourist photos before reality set in.

Rialto Tower

View From Rialto Tower

And I use the word "song" loosely.

He ordered a cappucino and we sat there and watched him empty 15 sticks of sugar into it before he sat and ate it all with a spoon and continued his wandering and wailing.

We quickly left before he went mental with a machete or a sawn off shotgun or something.

Neeeiiiiiibours...

God I Hope No One Saw Me

I don't even watch Neighbours unless I'm brutally forced by the majority but even I found myself clapping like a spastic and running round like a small child shouting "Oh my god, Harold lives there thisissocool!" before climbing sheepishly back into the car and wondering if anyone saw me.

AFL At The MCG

AT The MCG

The MCG

Once you get over the fact that it's only $20 to get in and you get your head round the fact that the pitch is round (Or oval. Whatever, it doesn't have corners and that's just weird) you have to deal with the mixed fans. There's no home stand or away stand, the fans from each team just pile in together and no one gets stabbed. How cool is that?
Aussie rules is fast paced and high scoring (mainly because there's four goal posts and you get 6 points if you kick it through the middle which just seems like cheating to me), I'm surprised it's not played in other parts of the world because it really is a fun game to watch.

Aaanyway, Power got thrashed and I'm writing at the bottom in the hope that no one reads it so that I might maintain some shred of dignity. The chances of seeing Power play at home in Adelaide are slim, by the time we get there the season will be finished but it doesn't mean I can't watch them on the telly with my head in my hands wondering if turquoise really was the best deciding factor in my choice of team.

written by  Koala Bear on July 1, 2006 from Melbourne, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged LovinIt
Send a Compliment

---

comment on this...

.... Right?

No, apparently not. It rained constantly all the way there and for the entire time we walked round so we found things to do that involved standing under shelters and learning about stuff.

Koalas
Koalas are the students of the animal world, they sleep for 20 hours a day and spend the other four hours eating food that has no nutritional value which is a bit like me spending four hours eating Pot Noodles before passing out for 20 hours straight.

Maybe I was a koala in a previous life, that would explain alot.

Platypus
We just missed the platypus talk but from what I gathered they look weird and they smell. That is all I learned about platypuseseses. See, I didn't even get to learn what the plural was.

Reptiles
I pushed my way to the front for the reptile talk making sure that the small children knew that my elbow was roughly the same height as their face and I wasn't afraid to enforce that knowledge if they tried to steal my place.
We learnt all kinds of exciting and useful things such as how to treat a snake bite and not to stand in front of a monitor lizard while it's being shown round in case it poos. I learnt the latter the hard way.

We also learnt that lizard poo stinks, I mean really, [i>really[/i> stinks and the smell sticks to you and grows and eventually you're surrounded by this aura of Inside Of A Lizard which is impossible to escape from until you incinerate your clothes and remove the top layer of your skin with a wire brush or at least have a proper wash with soap and everything.

And the learning didn't stop with Healesville Sanctuary, it was when we stopped for petrol on the way home that we learnt that the worst time to lock yourself out of a car is after 5pm on a Saturday when it's not your car, both mobile phones are in aforementioned car and one of you has just been pooed on by a lizard.

It doesn't help when neither of the staff members at the petrol station have been employed for their innovation or intelligence and no one in the world will admit to knowing how to break into a car with a wire coathanger. I thought it was a stroke of genius that we even managed to obtain a wire coathanger at 5.30pm on a Saturday somewhere on the outskirts of Melbourne but there's a subtle difference between actually having a wire coathanger and knowing how to use it for purposes other than hanging things.

After about two hours of battling with the coathanger and pleading with the staff for some kind of help we caved in and joined the RACV (breakdown service) which cost $175 and it was just as Emma hung up the phone that the woman behind the counter handed us a card for a locksmith with the words, "Last time someone locked themselves out of their car the locksmiths that came out gave us this card in case anyone else did the same thing."

I quickly lead Emma away before the other girl learnt what it felt like to have all her teeth removed by force.

written by  Koala Bear on July 22, 2006 from Melbourne, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged LovinIt
Send a Compliment

---

comment on this...

The vinyard I work for sell their grapes to a company in Griffith who turn them into [yellow tail] which apparently they do sell in the UK but I wouldn't have noticed if it didn't have the words "Special Offer" or "Buy 3 For A Tenner" written on the price tag.
So in a noble attempt to keep the Australian economy afloat I tracked down a bottle of [yellow tail] Shiraz which I purchased for the princely sum of $10.95.

Less than a fiver.

The only way this wine could be any more Me is if it came in a box or was in fact Lambrini if Lambrini was to be made from grapes which of course it isn't. I'm not too sure what it is made out of. Alcoholic's Piss, I think.

Anyway, I drank the bottle over the weekend and returned to work on Monday hoping to feel somehow more enlightened but by then we'd started pruning the merlot and the bottle of Shiraz that I had painstakingly consumed seemed somehow wasted. Once again I felt empty and unfulfilled.

There's only one thing for it; extensive experimentation is in order.

If you need me I'll be at the bottle shop.

Edit:

Posing With Peter

A couple of thimbles of beer and a shameless attempt to get our photo in the local paper later we headed back, all that excitement being far too much for us Fun-Starved Backpackers.
Actually it was a bit of a laugh, it was something to do and a chance to get to know a few of the people I'm living with at the moment.

Who Ate All The Pies?

It's weird what you miss init.

written by  Koala Bear on August 3, 2006 from Echuca, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged LovinIt
Send a Compliment

---

comment on this...

On A Mission

Road Trip!

It is the law of road trips that you eat your body weight in junk food and listen to music that would ordinarily make your ears bleed so armed with $25 worth of crisps and chocolate and an MP3 player full of cheese we set off for Mildura to visit a couple of mates.

Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport

Yes I know its not a particularly lively 'roo but I come from a place where the most exotic thing you see on the side of the road is half a badger. The 'roo is cool, OK?

Fnar Fnar
Some of you might know that instead of growing up and getting a proper job it's my lifes ambition to travel to all the places in the world with rude names and last weekend I crossed Tittybong (heh heh) and Bumbang (tee hee) off my list.

Bumbang Island

Not Quite A 24 Hour Party Town
Anyway, a good time was had in Mildura, I had a good night anyway, I hadn't drunk in ages so it was fun to pump my body full of Vodka Cruisers (a bit like Bacardi Breezers, overpriced and full of E-Numbers) and jump around on the dance floor to mix it all up with the chocolate and crisps we munched on the way although I did spend part of Sunday morning wondering what number bus hit me and why I wasn't actually dead yet.
Mildura is quite a bit bigger than Echuca, I wasn't there long enough to get a proper feel for it but there are quite a few backpackers and it seems like a laugh. They also pipe music into the streets at night for reasons I have yet to ascertain and there's sort of a park down by the river which is wicked to go and chill by in the 31C heat (yeah baby!) with a few beers and a frisbee.

Nick, Pete, Becky And Maaike

The journey home was a bit quicker, we only stopped to see Bumbang Island, eat more junk food and to see if Becky really could keep up with the car doing 20kph whilst she was on foot.

And yes, I still have "Tie My Kangeroo Down, Sport" stuck firmly in my head. Meh.

written by  Koala Bear on September 19, 2006 from Mildura, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged RoadTrip and LovinIt
Send a Compliment

---

comment on this...

I believe they released Voodoo Child in the UK or something but they're huge over here, probably because they're Australian and fronted by Natalie Wots-Er-Face. You know who I mean, 'Er Wot Played Izzy In Neighbours. The hot one.

Am I helping?

Natalie Wots-Er-Name, Rouge Traders

Enjoy the photos, just try not to drool on the keyboard.

written by  Koala Bear on October 1, 2006 from Melbourne, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged LovinIt
Send a Compliment

---

comment on this...