As I opened up another reply back, instead plans or details of her trip, the email simply said, "Did you hear that our beloved MAMA has passed." Stunned, I immediately picked up my phone and called my dad.

As he confirmed the news, he started to cry. Knowing that my father was at work, I told him that I would call back later. I then called my sister and told her the news.

This series of event never happens in my life. Family news usually gets to me last. My parents, usually my mom, will call my sister and tell her the news. She will then call me or wait until our weekly call on Sundays to tell me what happened.

Getting the news before my sister was strange. Telling my sister the news was even harder. I’m never the bearer of bad news. I don’t really know how to pass on information of this sort. I deal with bad situations the same way I deal with my emotions of despair or sadness; I always hold them at an arms-length away…especially when I’m in a public setting. I prefer to deal with these emotions alone or with a few select people.

Since I was telecommuting this day and being alone at home, I stopped working and began to cry.

XXX

Later on that evening, I called my parents and we began to work out our travel schedule to the Philippines. The plan was to leave on July 12th and come back on July 26th. Since I only get six days of bereavement leave and have a meeting on July 22nd, I asked my mom if I could come back earlier. My sister also couldn’t get that much time off agreed to fly back with me on July 19th.

Everyone who knows my dad knows that my dad is a worrier. He stresses himself out with all the possibilities of how things can go wrong. When he found out that my sister and I were planning on coming back on July 19th, he made my mom change his schedule so that he would fly back with us. He was worried that since we didn’t speak the language that we would either get lost, get kidnapped, or get taken advantage of.

When I heard this news, I laughed and had to remind my father that I travel for work and fly on a frequent basis and that my sister has also traveled to Greece with a friend a couple of years back. I also told my dad that I was more worried about him traveling that I was about my sister and I traveling alone. After I assured him that we would be ok, he decided to stay with my mom in the Philippines until July 26th.

written by  James Coloma on June 25, 2009 from San Diego, United States
from the travel blog: Grandmother's Funeral
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Last Wednesday we rushed my grandmother to the hospital. She was incoherent, had a temperature of 102, and hadn't passed any urine in over 12 hours. When we got her to the hospital, we had to make a decision to either intibation her or let her pass. My grandmother is DNR, but we didn't have the paperwork with us and we were not at her usual hospital. In a quick decision, my cousin decided to intibate her. This was done to prolong her life for a short time so that her children and grandchildren can say their goodbyes.

On Friday, January 6th, my mom and her brothers and sisters met to discuss when to take out the intibation tube. I can only imagine what that conversation was like, but I'm definitely sure it wasn't a fun conversation to be a part of. They decided to take my grandmother off the ventilator on Saturday afternoon.

That night, my cousins and I decided to go to AJ's house for dinner and games. It was a chance for us to relax before what we knew was going to be a long and emotional day. We ended up playing the original Nintendo (Kings of the Beach, Bommerman, and Off Road) for about three hours. Then, as always, played Scategories until 3 AM.

January 7th was a very long day. They extibated my grandmother at 1PM and we were told that she would pass within the hour. At 4PM, my grandmother still alive and with good vital signs, everyone decided to go home and get some rest. I decided to stay at the hospital to give the rest of my family the opportunity to sleep. During that time I was alone with my grandmother and had the chance to say good-bye to her.

My grandmother taught my me and my cousins how to read. She was our pre-school teacher. I remember her cutting up cardboard boxes and making flash cards with phonic sounds on them. So the flash cards would have say "at" on one side and the letters on separate flash cards. She would put the two together to make c-at or b-at or f-at. This would go on and on. I attribute where I am today to my grandmother. She gave all of us the foundation that we needed to succeed in school and we have all done that. I thanked my grandmother for this.

At midnight, it was planned that some other cousins would come and relieve me. At that time, I came home to get some rest.

January 8th...I woke up at 6 again because I couldn't sleep. I knew that my grandmother was going to go soon. Before I left, her kidneys had already shut down...so it was just a waiting game. By 1:22, my grandmother finally passed away.

At the funeral for my grandfather, my grandmother told him to wait for her because she would join him soon. None of us thought it would be within two weeks. It's kind of sweet and romantic. After 58 years of marriage, they are now on another journey together.

I've been asked countless times how I am doing. Truthfully...I'm numb. I've also been asked about how I'm taking it as my grandmother passed away on my birthday. To me, it's sort of an honor to share this day with her.

So now it appears that I am here for another week. The funeral is being set for either Wednesday or Thursday. On Friday, my cousins and I are planning on going snowboarding. On Sunday, I should be back in San Diego. I can't wait!

James

written by  James Coloma on January 9, 2006 from Sacramento, United States
from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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After the New Years Toast, we ended up playing Scattergories. We divided ourselves into teams of six. Scattergories is so much easier and more fun played in teams. I was very surprised by my little cousins (about 7 to 12) who were coming up with the most clever of answers. I don't know how one of my little cousins knows what impotence is...but he's (age 11) the one that came up with that answer for the clue "things that are soft" beginning with the letter "i."

Alright...i've got to jet.

Till next time.

James

written by  James Coloma on January 4, 2006 from Sacramento, United States
from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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So, I left Chicago...without James. It wasn't that I left James in Chicago, since he did take a plane to Sacramento the day before. But I couldn't get it out of my head that I was leaving him there. The passenger seat was empty. I had no one to talk to. What a trip this has been. I can't even imagine explaining, but I'm going to try. What other trip do you experience:
* traffic that delays your trip about 3 hours (to Sacramento)
* a death in the family
* a heavy snowstorm that delays your trip about 5 hours (to Salt Lake City)
* sleeping in the car because your friend won't wake up.
* seeing your friend's family (James C's family, James L's family, Brian B's family)
* visit the memorial of a stranger that was murdered because you feel a common link (Matthew Shephard)
* sleep in front of a fireplace in the Rocky Mountain National Park (actually Estes Park), but one in the same to me.
* wake up to elk in the front yard.
* stop at T&A's across America to tell our stories
* find a new city (Chicago) where we wouldn't mind moving to and celebrating New Years in it a few days early

There is so much that happens in James and my lives. This trip is a turning point, but a symbolic event that tells me that nothing will change. At least I don't think so. At the beginning of the trip, we hit some things that may have prevented us to go further. In fact, with all of the signs, perhaps we should have turned around. But we didn't. We smiled, acknowledged what was behind us and moved on. That's how James and I react to each other. Every time we are in a fight, one of us kiss the other's ass so that we don't have to go to breakfast alone the next day.

James, believe me when I say - no matter what events that I have in Connecticut or other, they will not compare to the fun that I have with my best friend!

written by  James Coloma on December 31, 2005 from Chicago, United States
from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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* "That's what she said".
* There are Harley Davidson stores in so many cities. I didn't even know that they really existed. I knew that they were in shops, but I thought that stores had all sorts of bikes. I didn't realize that there was an outlet store just for Harley's. WOW.
* "I want a gay tracter".
* James spent the whole trip on E. It was vitiman E, but fun to say, nonetheless.
* "True Story"
* "You said bottom". "You said top".
* At the club in Chicago, I slapped James in the face pretty hard. You see, I spent a good 15 minutes dancing next to this guy that I thought was cute and then James walks by and in 2 seconds pulls the guy in and starts dancing with him pretty closely. James came over to me and started dancing and I slapped him. He did it multiple times that evening, so I slapped him for each. It was almost like that Friends episode where Monica and Rachel flick each others forehead and Pheobe has to separate them.
* Creating Music Videos to the songs from RENT. Along the way, we video recorded ourselves singing to RENT. They are pretty funny too!

There were much, much more... but I can only think of these thus far.

Rob

written by  James Coloma on December 31, 2005 from Baltimore, United States
from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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The next day, Brian took us all over Chicago. The city is beautiful. Full of culture, diversity, life! Walking through the city reminded me of the first time I walked through San Diego. I knew I loved San Diego the moment I entered the city. I had that same feeling walking through Chicago. I'm definitly coming back...maybe moving there? who knows?

This trip has changed me. From my family getting to know Rob and James, to spending another Christmas with a death in the family (my dad's father passed away last Christmas and I spent Christmas in the Phillippines and New Years on a plane), to reignighting old friendships, to expierencing a whole new city with excitement and awe, to saying "I'll see you later" to a really good friend...this trip has given me new options. While I'm scared of what will happen next...i'm totally open to whatever possibilities 2006 has to offer. 2005 was a great year...here's to an even better one!

While my trip across the US is done (I'll be in Sacramento till January 3rd), Rob's is still going on. I plan on continuing to write until I actually get home,to San Diego...so stay tuned. What I write may be a little depressing...but I'll get through it.

I had to say good-bye to Rob yestarday. Once we got to the airport, I left quickly because I didn't want him to see me cry. Crying for two reasons...the whole trip, I didn't think about what was going on in Sacramento. Actually getting to the airport reminded me of what was ahead. Second...I'm going to miss Rob. So much of my life in San Diego was spent with him. I'm scared to be alone...and once I get back to San Diego, I will be. While I know that Rob will be back...and life will still be the same...there's a part of me that has to be put away while he's gone. Rob...thank you for being the trip and the experiences of this trip. So many memories...and I know that there are definitely many more to come. While I don't want to say "come back soon" because I know that you won't be back until your grandmother passes, I will say "you owe me a double headed semi!"

Alright..I'm off to go get some clothes for the funeral.

See you soon....

James

written by  James Coloma on December 30, 2005 from Chicago, United States
from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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We stopped at a little bar/dance club, who's name I don't recall. Brian immediately bought a pitcher of Margarita. James had a Bacardi/coke. It was a great night, there was a lounge area, and a back area which had a singing contest. The contest was for the next rising star. There were three contestants. The girl, I thought, was the best voice, but she couldn't remember any of the words from the song. It was a Les Miserables song, and James and I assisted her as much as we could remember. Definitely a good time. The crowd emptied and then came dancing.

We stayed at the bar until it closed at 1:30/2am. We proceeded to the next one: Charley's. Janine and Brian went back to the hotel. I thought that we would too, but James decided to stay out - so I did too. It was more fun than the other bar. I'll let James get into the story on that front. But let's just say, we are probably having lunch with a boy or two tomorrow. Nothing more than lunch though. We were very good boys and returned to the hotel. The one thing that I can't believe is that the second bar still serves liquor until like 5am! Holy Cow. I just stuck to water.

The walk home was brilliant. Although it was 37 degrees, the sweat on our backs and our body heat kept us warm. The cold air felt like air conditioning on a hot day. It was a nice walk back. And a nice talk between James and I. We'll be back, Chicago.

written by  James Coloma on December 29, 2005 from Chicago, United States
from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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Last night, James and I curled up on the bed and watched a movie on my laptop. I dug the speakers out of the car so that I could have surround sound. The laptop isn't very loud for DVD's. Like usual, he fell asleep and we didn't make it through the movie. It is a really cute move. If you get a chance to watch "Millions", you should.

So, we just had breakfast and now we are on our way to Chicago. This is the end of the roadtrip for James and will be the beginning for my sadness. I can never replace James. There are some good things about the trip though. My friend, Beth, is expecting a baby any day now. My friends, Stewart and Kate, are having birthdays shortly. I will be partaking in a few festivities. James - if you want to fly back out, you can enjoy the times with me. =)

Okay... Time to go. Have fun!

Rob

written by  James Coloma on December 28, 2005 from Lincoln, United States
from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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I can’t wait to go back through the back roads to get to the highway. They were winding and close to rock. The rock, huge in form, lay on both sides of the road for a tight fit and a brilliant scenic view, I’m sure. It definitely takes a complete level of attention. One animal in the road and I’m sure – I’d be off into the river. We’ll take pictures, so don’t you worry.

We definitely wouldn’t have time for a music video. James and I have been recording ourselves with the camera singing songs from RENT. James broke out in his feminine act, singing “Today 4 U”. My oh my, what a sight. He and I both sang “La Vie Boheme” and “Living in America”. The second, we may show to people. Who knows?! My craze for the hit musical has died recently. Not sure if it’s my present predicament or if the movie was a final Hurrah for me. Watching the movie, I did feel as if I were dwelling on it. Obviously, when I saw the play for the first time, it was under a different set of circumstances. In the beginning, it was a trend, something to unite people together on a common bond. It was an immediate bond. When you were in the RENTline, you were family. People talked about where they were from, how many times they saw the play, who in the cast they have met. Then, we would talk about who we were, perhaps play a game or ten and even sing songs. Not always from the musical, but eventually the soundtrack would be put in and we would start singing from our favorite songs. Sometimes, we didn’t even need the background music. We would just go acapella. Now, I think that I am growing a little older and the crowd seems a little younger. I felt comfortable last time, but then again, I brought my friends with me. I think that it’s time to let others partake in the RENTline and I’ll stand aside.

“Last night, I had a dream”. I wasn’t in cyberland (as depicted from Maureen in RENT), but moreso in Balboa Park. I was with Dakota, Patrik and Josh. I was supposed to work that day for a little while. So, off I went, leaving the boys to baby-sit Dakota. At the end of the day, the fire alarms sounded. Anyone that knows Balboa Park knows that there are not fire alarms – but it’s a dream, so it’s allowed. I looked into the Park and a huge flame rose from the center. I had to get Dakota. Running through the crowd, I couldn’t find him anywhere. I kept searching, with thoughts through my mind of Dakota lost sitting next to a tree and a stranger collecting him to “take him to safety”, but really meaning to take him away. I had to find him, as tears started down my face. The phone rings. It’s Patrik. Dakota’s with Patrik! Thank goodness. I find their location and I run to them, picking Dakota up, hugging him dramatically, and then I woke. I think that my internal clock is ticking. I mentioned to James that it was time to finally settle down. Perhaps this trip is my first attempt at doing that.

Well, off to shower, maybe even shave! My beard is starting to grow.

Enjoy…
Rob

written by  James Coloma on December 27, 2005 from Boulder, United States
from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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