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James Coloma

30 Blog Entries
2 Trips
266 Photos

Trips:

Grandmother's Funeral
Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006

Shorthand link:

http://blogabond.com/JamesColoma




Laramie, WY

Laramie, United States

Originally, we were supposed to take I-40 from Salt Lake City to Denver. However, we were told that I-40 would have been a hell of a drive and that one of the roads that we needed to take was closed. Thus, we had to take the 80.

Taking the 80 through Wyoming takes us directly through Laramie. Now, it has always been in the plans that we would stop in Laramie to pay our respects to Matthew Shepherd, but earlier this evening and driving through it, gave me another perspective.

We happened to be going by Laramie at about 6 PM. It’s dark and all the lights are out. All along our trip, it’s been cloudy. Suddenly, the night’s sky is clear and up above were a multitude of stars. From what I remember of Matt’s story is that as he was tied up to the fence, he had clear views of both the city lights and the stars. As we drove through Laramie that is exactly the view that I was treated to (Rob was asleep.) I couldn’t stop thinking of what Matthew had went through. Being tied naked to the fence. Cold. And the glittering of both lights from a city and up above.

In a pervious blog, I wrote about how I stand out. How I feel very different. How I feel out of place. Going through Laramie tonight reminded me that I am different. Being reminded of what happened to Matthew, reminded me that I (we) had to be careful.

When we stopped for dinner at McDonald’s, both Rob and I were getting stared at. We were also staring at everyone else. I don’t know which one of us was the outsiders. Everyone in the city looks completely different from what you would find in California…and I’m sure that we looked extremely out of place to all of them.

As we ate at McDonald’s, both Rob and I whispered to each other the entire dinner. Normally, I wouldn’t care a rat’s ass who was listening to our conversation. But tonight at dinner, I was very aware of what I was saying. I was very aware of not being overtly “gay,” of not staring at the cute boy walking into the restaurant, of not making sexual jokes out loud. It took every effort to be “straight.”

This is just the juxtaposition of what we were doing three hours earlier. Three hours earlier we were singing at the tops of lungs the songs from Rent. (We have a few of them on camera, so hopefully you’ll see what I mean.) How is it that we can be comfortable doing this, and then hours later, be cognizant that we couldn’t “act” this way because there is that possibility that we’ll get ourselves into a bit of trouble.

  • ****


    • We have just reached the cabin where Jessica and her parents are staying. It’s beautiful. I didn’t think that during our trip that we would get to fall asleep in front of a fire. It is the perfect evening to today.

    Off to bed.

    James


    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 27, 2005 from Laramie, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    T&A (James & Rob)

    Evanston, United States

    Tits and Ass

    Boy do I look different. I always wonder what people think of me as we travel the country. No better place to figure that out is to go to the middle of nowhere, where everyone looks the same and you look different. Not only do I look different, but I’ve got a scar on my face. Now, in every other place, I think the scar looks hot, but here, I think it makes me stand out even more. We’re in Wyoming, btw.

    As I went to the bathroom, I had to walk clear across the restaurant, through the general store, past the washers and dryers, and into the back of the building. Each person I passed, stopped what they were doing and looked at me as I was some sort of anomaly. Not that there is anything wrong with this, it’s just that I know I’m so out of place.

  • ****


    • We left Bryan’s house a little while ago. It’s always very interesting to go to see where other people grew up. Bryan’s parent’s house is gorgeous. It’s surrounded by mountains on each side. It’s also always nice to see how other people enter act with their parents. At home, it seems, all the defenses go down and we revert to our childhood. Our parents, there to take care of any problem. When we’re in San Diego, it’s not that we’re different, it’s that we’re the grownups. Now at home, we’re the child and we don’t have to take care of ourselves, because there is someone there who will take the responsibility to do that for ourselves. (I think a gay person just walked into the T&A…but I digress.) Bryan’s parents are great. They cooked breakfast for us…kept us company…gave us food and drink to take up our trip…and wished us well. It’s really uplifting to see Bryan in a different context.

    Wyoming is desolate…but beautiful. It makes me want to take up riding horses. That’s about the only thing I can say about this place. I’ll probably have more to say after I see more of it.

    That’s it for now.

    James

  • **


    • Ok… so, I had to go empty the recycle bin at T&A and what a wonderful display of graffiti. “Shoot Kill the FAGGOT Queers”. What a wonderful place this is. No wonder Heath Ledger’s character couldn’t come out of the closet!

    Rob

    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 26, 2005 from Evanston, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    Mourning (Rob)

    Sacramento, United States

    With a trip like we are having, you could say that I am probably presenting a misspelling on the title of this blog entry. It’s basically a play on words, since it is morning right now. However, it is the end of a long day. After waking up this morning, James and his sister, Janne, were watching a movie. “Crash”, James said. I had all ready seen it, but didn’t really want to see it again. I had all ready been up for a few hours. I received my Civilization CDs back from James Ling and I was in full force against the Aztecs. So, the two of them continued the movie. Midway through, James came back up and said he was tired of the movie. I expressed its importance and said as soon as the movie was over, we’d go shopping. I wasn’t sure if it was because I wanted him to watch the movie or because I wanted a little more time on my computer game. Regardless, he bought it. James comes back in. Was the movie over all ready? No, this time it was his grandfather.

    Over the past 6 months, his grandfather has been ill. Probably longer, but I recollect 6 months since we were here in Sacrament in early July and he was in the hospital. It was my first visit with his grandfather. I said hello, but not much more was said. It was in a hospital room while he was getting over pneumonia or something, I don’t recall. James told me later that his grandfather asked if I were his “roommate”. He said that James and I should buy a house together and plant tomatoes in the yard in his honor. Immediately, I liked his grandfather. Skip ahead 6 months to today. He was sick again. “Coughing blood”, Janne said. She seemed to be taking it lightly. Not that it was a light subject, just that she has been handling the issue of him being sick for a number of months now and was this really the time. The family left, leaving me behind. I didn’t feel that I should go as it is close family. I would catch up with James later.

    The phone rings. It’s James. Grandfather is really sick this time. He is shaking and James is upset. I understand. It is hard to handle. He needs to get out. I don’t know how to get anywhere, so I don’t have much to offer. He goes out for pizza.

    The phone rings again. It’s James. Grandfather passed. I didn’t know what to say or how to really react. James is, as he should be, upset. He has been sick for such a long time. Not that I have the say on when someone should go. It’s more on the lines of what others normally say – “he’s lived a long life”, “he’s been sick for so long”. You know, the regular stuff, but it doesn’t ever seem to really help.

    James Ling comes to get me. We go and visit with James. On the ride over to get directions, James acknowledges that he is drinking and so is everyone else. It was a totally different person than was on the phone previously. I wasn’t sure if I should add to the drinking with more drinking or if I should just be there for support. Ling and I decided to buy Bacardi.

    We arrive to taking shots of Hennesey. Everyone who arrives takes a shot and tells a story of Grandfather. I have never seen people get drunk on purpose on a day of death. In fact, I don’t recall any of the family really getting together until the funeral. Back home, when someone dies, the family is called and told when the service is. Then the family comes to the service to wish/pray to the deceased and send condolences to the grieving. The Coloma’s & Ancheta’a do it much different. In fact, when I arrived, Grandfather was still in the house. For those who wanted to, they can say there goodbye’s to grandfather before the mortuary takes him. In the back, shots were being taken, beer was handed out, and poker was being played. It wasn’t like everyone was just moving on – it was more of a celebration of life. Back home, there was not really a celebration. It was more of a memorial. No one speaks unless he/she is sending condolences to the family. Here, people just kept coming over. Perhaps it was because it was Christmas Eve and it was tradition to come over to deliver presents and eat a large meal. Perhaps it was to send condolences. Perhaps both, but there was a large number of family. Without digging too much further – I have to say that I was happy to be a part of it, death or not. This family has so much love.

    After a hard day, Ling met back up with us after having dinner with his family. We went bowling at a 24-hour bowling alley. It was a little after 10pm on Christmas Eve. I was surprised to see how many people were there. The funny part was to see us bowl ones and twos. Ling would roll the ball between his legs and nail a strike or on a couple occasions – a spare. Both Coloma and I would get some high numbers as well. We were all happy that at the second run, we all broke 100. After 2 beers and an hour of bowling, the day is done. I am here, lying in bed – on Christmas Eve – technically Christmas Day. Tomorrow – Brian B’s house. Yay Salt Lake City! I’ll let James tell you about the change of course for the road trip.

    Night - Rob


    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 25, 2005 from Sacramento, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    Saying Good-Bye (James)

    Sacramento, United States

    Today wasn’t what I was expecting. Usually on Christmas Eve, it’s all about getting ready for the next two days. My family is so huge and they all live in Sacramento that we always do Christmas Eve on my mom’s side…and Christmas Day on my dad’s side. This year…it wasn’t supposed to be any different.

    Christmas Eve…begins at Christmas Eve. I was expecting to wake up…spend the morning lounging around and then get ready to go to my grandparents house at about 5 in the evening. So we got up…my sister is baking cookies (her normal addition to the festivities of the holidays)…and we begin watching “Crash.” Things are going smoothly…then the phone begins to ring…and ring…and ring. I hear in the background my sister talking about…”Oh Grandpa is fine. I saw him last night. There’s nothing to worry about.” Next phone call: “He’s just coughing up blood. Not too bad. He’s doing well.” Final phone call: “We’re on our way.”

    I look up…and she tells me that we should head over to our grandparents house. Everyone over there thinks my grandfather is going to pass. My sister is still not worried. So I go take a leisurely shower and get ready to take off.

    We get to my grandparents house and what a sight. He’s in a coma. He’s shaking and isn’t comprehending anything. They tell us to say our goodbyes. I new right then and there that it was coming close.

    We all gathered in grandfather’s room and began praying. Throughout the prayers, I can’t stop crying. My grandparents were always there. Every day after school we would head to my grandparents house and wait for our parents to pick us all up. My grandfather would be the one to pick us up. There were about 8 to 10 little kids all piled up in my grandfather’s t-bird. But that’s what it was. It was our grandparents way of helping out.

    My grandfather was always very strict. There are plenty of stories of how he would raise his voice at us and be constantly mad at us. Now, I realize why that was. A house full of 8 to 10 little kids…is tough to handle. But it was always there pleasure to do it.

    So many thoughts going through my head today. I realized that this was the first time that I’ve watched someone die. It’s always been I would get the call that so and so has died. Watching my grandfather today…I don’t know if I could do it again. I don’t know if I can watch someone die. It’s hard. It’s been the hardest thing that I have had to do. Strange thing is that I’m glad that I got the opportunity to be there. My grandfather, as he passed, was surrounded by his family. Surrounded by the ones who loved him…and the ones that he loved. If I had my choice of how I wanted to go…that’s the way I would want to do it.

    After my grandfather passed…it became a celebration. Death in my family isn’t about mourning their passing…but a celebration of life. There is a time where we do say our good-byes. Where we mourn their loss. But usually right after that…it’s time to celebrate their life. We gather outside and began telling stories of our grandfather. Each time someone took a shot…they had to tell a story of our grandfather. Sometimes it was sad…most times it made us laugh. Family is an amazing thing.

    Today was also special in another way. I’m very thankful that both Rob and James were in town. It’s sort of my grandfather’s way of telling our family and showing our family that it’s ok that I’m gay. When Rob and James came up to Sacramento in July, my grandfather was in the hospital. At that point, he was given six months to live. Rob came in with me to the hospital room and I introduced me to my grandfather. After Rob left the room, my grandfather asked if Rob was my roommate. I said no…Rob was just my friend. He then asked me, “Is Rob your friend?” I knew at that point that my grandfather was trying to ask me if Rob was my boy friend. I answered, “No, he’s just my friend.” My grandfather either didn’t hear me or didn’t believe me that Rob was just a friend. Either case, it didn’t matter. He then told me that Rob and I should buy a house together. That in his honor, we should plant tomatoes and cili in the back yard. When these were ripe, that we should have him over and make him dinner.

    This was my grandfather’s way of telling me that he is happy for me. That he’s accepting of me. That he’s giving me his blessing. For my grandfather to tell me that Rob and I should buy a house together…he’s basically telling me that we should get married. That it’s ok if I would be marrying a guy. That’s the ultimate blessing from my grandfather.

    The reason for the tomatoes and the cili is that these were my favorite things to eat that my grandfather would make. My grandfather grew both tomatoes and cili in his backyard. As a child, he would prepare the tomatoes with bogoung or patis. So very very good. He would also always have a jar of pickled cili. When I left for college, he would always ask when I was coming back to visit. Whenever I would visit, he would make sure that I went home with tomatoes and a jar of pickled cili. It was my gift from my grandfather.

    As I said goodbye to my grandfather today…I told him thank you for his blessing. Thank you for helping take care of us. Thank you for all your sacrifices. My grandfather was an amazing man. He fought in WWII. Was shot in WWII. Brought his family over from the Philippines and started over here with nothing. With nothing…he managed to gain everything.

  • ****


    • So since this is our travel blog…I’ll get back to blogging about our travels. The trip has to now be changed. I won’t complete the entire journey across the country with Rob. I’ll be going with him until Chicago..and then I come back to Sacramento for the funeral. I’m sad that I won’t be able to finish the trip…but at least I can do parts of it. I hope to make it up to him some other time. I’ll just glad to get the extra days to spend with my best friend.

    James


    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 25, 2005 from Sacramento, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    Rumors (James)

    Sacramento, United States

    So we just left Christmas lunch on my dad’s side and I can just hear them now: “So was that….is that….could it be?” Of course it would all be in Illicano.

    It was fun to see Rob interact with my family. They were all teasing him to eat some fish. Now, I love fish, but this fish doesn’t look very good. If you ever had guppies as a pet…and sautéed them…and served them on a platter…you know what kind of fish they were trying to get Rob to eat. They were all talking about how he was white, cute, and gay. How he picked up a bowl and not a plate. My family was loving it. Sadly…because Rob didn’t eat the fish, he didn’t pass.

    There are also these rumors flying around out there about my face. Most people believe that I got into a bar fight. Truthfully…I’d rather them think this than think anything at all. There’s also the rumor that I fell out of a coconut tree…caught syphilis….or that my boyfriend is beating me.

    We also had breakfast with mama ling, mama ling boyfriend, and james. It’s becoming a tradition to have breakfast with mama ling before leaving town. It’s always at IHOP too. Mama ling is so cute. She’s like the woman version of James. Cute, spunky, and has a wild sense of humor.

    Ok…I should get back to the book on tape. We’re listening to “Wicked.” I’m going to take a nap.

    James


    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 25, 2005 from Sacramento, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    Snow Chains (James)

    Truckee, United States

    We learned all about snow chains today. Putting them on…taking them off…watching people put them on. Interesting expeirience.

    While we were getting the chains put on, I was trying to clean the car to be helpful. Rob, in his childish ways, decided to take snow and make a snowball. He chucked it at me and it went down me neck. I vowed revenge and made a snowball the size of a baseball, then chucked at Rob’s face. He Ducked. The snowball found its way to a middle eastern woman standing behind Rob. The middle eastern woman turned around, and gave me a dirty look. Me, in my childish ways, laughed.

    Now, we’re stuck in five mile an hour traffic with chains on the wheels. If we make to Salt Lake City tonight, that would be a tremendous feat.

    R: Boo!
    J: Boo you!
    R: You snow.
    J: Snow blow.
    R: Blow horn.
    J: Horny cock.
    R: Cock block.
    J: Block. Let’s stop this. This is quite stupid.

    The snow falling on cedars. This is my first white Christmas. It’s quite magical. I would love to be home and just watch the snow fall. In a car, while it’s all around you, isn’t quite as relaxing.

    It’s definitely been quite an adventure.

    James


    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 25, 2005 from Truckee, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    Merry Christmas Eve (James)

    Merced, United States

    Merry Christmas Eve! How do we decide to spend it?…in a jack in the box line right outside of Merced. We’ve been in line for about 15 minutes now. We pulled up and the person greeted us with “welcome to taco bell.” So we ordered three bean and cheese burritos, pintos and cheese, and five taco Supremes. What did we get…well, since we’re at jack in the box…we got curly fries; three egg rolls, and a root beer!

    There are also no radio stations out here. We can either listen to Christian rock….Spanish music….or ghetto booty music. We’ve settled on ghetto booty music.

    Ok we’re off…and the guy at the drive through…not hot and not worth the 20 minutes to get our food.

    Ta ta!

    Cilantro Margarita (James)


    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 24, 2005 from Merced, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    Change (Rob)

    San Diego, United States

    People say that change is good. I have never had to make such decisions in my life. Where am I going, what am I doing, what is in store for me? These are some of my questions that I can’t answer right now. But it is a great opportunity to reconnect with my family. It’s been 2 years since I have seen any of them. Last time, not unlike current circumstances, was to take care of my grandmother while she was recovering from her surgery due to breast cancer. Sometimes, things get better. I wish that was the case for her. 2 years later and I’m back – considering how I can help. I won’t go into the details of what “care” may encompass as I have heard stories from my mother. I am hoping that my mom will continue some of her duties. I hope that my duty is for being there, handling doctor visits, and providing company when she needs it. I’m not sure what I am going to do when my grandmother is gone.

    One thing that I don’t bring up very much is my childhood. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. They offered me a second home when times were not so great in my own household. Grandpa would always have a Klondike bar waiting for me. We would watch WWF, even though I hated it. I don’t know why – grown men in tight clothing? I would think that it would be right up my alley at the time. But no, I just thought it was silly. Grandma would always be there to play games with. We used to play gin rummy, Uno, dice, Trouble and Sorry. These were all games that I was 100% out to win. In Trouble, for instance, I would stop at nothing to make her pawn piece be sent home. For me, it wasn’t about winning the game, it was just to see the reaction on her face and hear her call me “You little shit!” or some other naughty word that generally doesn’t come out of her mouth. That’s what made it so funny. I did my best to make her use swear words.

    My trip began with saying “see you later” to a number of people. Len was not easy for me because he is dealing with a lot of the same stuff that my grandmother is – just on a different level. He constantly deals with good days and bad days. There is a part of me that feels like I am abandoning him by going. Joe, comes next. This was tough for me. I have grown attached to the boy. I would never say that we were the perfect fit. I think that’s what I like about it. There’s something there that makes me want to look into his life and see what makes him who he is and do what he does. I’m not his general type either. Sometimes the ideal of the ‘perfect’ match evolve. My thoughts are quite different than they were last year. My coworkers were next. They were a little easier. I have spent a bit of time with them lately, and although I will miss them, I will have the same conversations with them as I have in the past – just over email / phone. Vineeta was different. We had a little bit of a rocky start. Now, I know that it was hard to say good-bye, so I just left quickly. She would seriously make me cry pretty easy. I haven’t had to say anything to James yet. We have one huge, emotional trip ahead. There’s so so much to say on this subject, but I’m going to hold out for now. I’m sure there is much more to come later.

    I crossed the San Diego county line today. That was the last sign that this is all happening. San Diego doesn’t feel like my home anymore. My bed/furniture is just where I left it, but I am not spending my time there. I’ll be coming back to ‘visit’ until the final days. Things are going to be different. I’m not sure how. I’m not sure when. But this trip is all ready changing me. I’m sure it will all be for the good.

    Rob

    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 23, 2005 from San Diego, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    Are we there yet? (James)

    Bakersfield, United States

    237 Miles to Sacramento…can you feel the excitement?

    The car is cramped. So much stuff…I guess that’s what you get when you have two people on vacation and one moving across the country….oh well…onto better subjects.

    God that guy at dinner tonight was BEAUTIFUL! He was about 5’ 11” 150 lbs…scruffy….sort of light brown hair….His haircut was awesome too. He had the mow hawk, but not a drastic mow hawk. I’m totally going to do that to my hair once I return to San Diego.

    Oh and there was this 16 year old there….hehe J

    Till later.

    Mrs. Darcy (James)


    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 23, 2005 from Bakersfield, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    Flat Tire (James)

    San Diego, United States

    So we started our journey with a flat tire. Not necessarily ours, but Len’s. When I got to Len’s House he asked me to help him change his tire. Now…mind you, I haven’t changed a tire in over seven years. So we go and pull out the spare tire and what the luck…it’s also flat. We look at it and see that there is a nail stuck in it so we bring it to a tire place. There, they find three more nails. They fix the flat and we head back to the car. So anyway…finally get that fixed and start on the drive.

    We reach Marisa’s House at around 3 pm. We stopped in to say Happy Chanukah and to see my dog. About a week ago, a German Shepard decided to use Jessie as a chew toy. Jessie is a Chihuahua-Pug mix. He’s the ugliest cutest dog you’ve ever seen. Well…he has puncture wounds in his body. When I saw him…it made me cry. Like father…like son. We’re both wounded this time of the year.

    Now we’re stuck on the 210 in freaking LA. Some truck lost its marbles which are blocking the left two lanes. Only two more exits to go before we hit I-5.

    That’s it for now….

    James



    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 23, 2005 from San Diego, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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