Mourning (Rob)

Over the past 6 months, his grandfather has been ill. Probably longer, but I recollect 6 months since we were here in Sacrament in early July and he was in the hospital. It was my first visit with his grandfather. I said hello, but not much more was said. It was in a hospital room while he was getting over pneumonia or something, I don’t recall. James told me later that his grandfather asked if I were his “roommate”. He said that James and I should buy a house together and plant tomatoes in the yard in his honor. Immediately, I liked his grandfather. Skip ahead 6 months to today. He was sick again. “Coughing blood”, Janne said. She seemed to be taking it lightly. Not that it was a light subject, just that she has been handling the issue of him being sick for a number of months now and was this really the time. The family left, leaving me behind. I didn’t feel that I should go as it is close family. I would catch up with James later.

The phone rings. It’s James. Grandfather is really sick this time. He is shaking and James is upset. I understand. It is hard to handle. He needs to get out. I don’t know how to get anywhere, so I don’t have much to offer. He goes out for pizza.

The phone rings again. It’s James. Grandfather passed. I didn’t know what to say or how to really react. James is, as he should be, upset. He has been sick for such a long time. Not that I have the say on when someone should go. It’s more on the lines of what others normally say – “he’s lived a long life”, “he’s been sick for so long”. You know, the regular stuff, but it doesn’t ever seem to really help.

James Ling comes to get me. We go and visit with James. On the ride over to get directions, James acknowledges that he is drinking and so is everyone else. It was a totally different person than was on the phone previously. I wasn’t sure if I should add to the drinking with more drinking or if I should just be there for support. Ling and I decided to buy Bacardi.

We arrive to taking shots of Hennesey. Everyone who arrives takes a shot and tells a story of Grandfather. I have never seen people get drunk on purpose on a day of death. In fact, I don’t recall any of the family really getting together until the funeral. Back home, when someone dies, the family is called and told when the service is. Then the family comes to the service to wish/pray to the deceased and send condolences to the grieving. The Coloma’s & Ancheta’a do it much different. In fact, when I arrived, Grandfather was still in the house. For those who wanted to, they can say there goodbye’s to grandfather before the mortuary takes him. In the back, shots were being taken, beer was handed out, and poker was being played. It wasn’t like everyone was just moving on – it was more of a celebration of life. Back home, there was not really a celebration. It was more of a memorial. No one speaks unless he/she is sending condolences to the family. Here, people just kept coming over. Perhaps it was because it was Christmas Eve and it was tradition to come over to deliver presents and eat a large meal. Perhaps it was to send condolences. Perhaps both, but there was a large number of family. Without digging too much further – I have to say that I was happy to be a part of it, death or not. This family has so much love.

After a hard day, Ling met back up with us after having dinner with his family. We went bowling at a 24-hour bowling alley. It was a little after 10pm on Christmas Eve. I was surprised to see how many people were there. The funny part was to see us bowl ones and twos. Ling would roll the ball between his legs and nail a strike or on a couple occasions – a spare. Both Coloma and I would get some high numbers as well. We were all happy that at the second run, we all broke 100. After 2 beers and an hour of bowling, the day is done. I am here, lying in bed – on Christmas Eve – technically Christmas Day. Tomorrow – Brian B’s house. Yay Salt Lake City! I’ll let James tell you about the change of course for the road trip.

Night - Rob

written by  James Coloma on December 25, 2005 from Sacramento, United States
from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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