I've Been

I am also busy on understanding now not only the dynamics that lead up to my major false ascension in high school, but also and just as important, the dynamics that happened in my life afterwards because I have said many times that I felt more gothic afterwards than before!

The reason for the feeling was the reason why I continued on my path of Aaron. I can't believe he has a name anymore but it is a part of my creation.

There is a peice I am missing to the whole puzzle. I have been looking and looking but I can't seem to find it.

It is the peice of the puzzle that would somehow replace my truth within my soul and also meld all realities of my world together, something I have been intending for so long.

I can not afford to think to myself that the gypsy life is not my truth, it has been my truth I realize now.. I have looked into the pages of the past and I can see, they were never really free. We were never really free. Ever since we were created, we have never been free.

How can we be free with missing the freedom tone?

I realize the darkness is a part of me, it is a part of everything and everyone, it is a viable intricate part of expression and collaboration and interpersonalization. I am aware of it, and how it works, but not all of it.

I realize now the depth and breath of the human species and relattedness I haven't yet seen before. We are all human, from different creations. All with different goals, all lead by different things from within.

I also realize something that they tried to make me into something I am not, a slave, well, they have succeeded. To be honest really. But I also see now that I was born a slave. My ancestors have all lead the life of slavery and non slavery. But there is something in between.

I have seen to much darkness, I have seen too much. But, that is the intention I had for my life. I had intended to understand how people become serial killers, and I end up with one.

Ha, now I know, I understand much. The human condition, the human calamity here is unreal and unlike everything anywhere, but with all things, can be related to other things elsewhere.

I am trying to remember all that I once knew.

And this is the thing I am striving towards.

A life, free from the past and into a new future. If we are a creation of creators, then we too have the ability to create a new dream in which the world we envision for ourselves unfurls in no time.

I am intending the true Tao give me a vision of the future that would be in alignment with everything. I intend to receive the true vision for my lifes purpose.

I intend to retrieve the magic in my life I once had.

I intend to make all the right steps in the physical in order to make this reality a physical expression.

written by  napulelehuameae on February 24, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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