a Magazine, that I would have not looked at if Mario was around....

THAT THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED

What the fuck??!!

They can't be!!! WHY!!! Urgh

I am both deliciously pleased and yet, feel like I should be unhappy about this but I am not. Maybe I am....jealous....hahaha

No, it CAN'T BE

BUT IT IS

I just had to say, today this day is marked...it happened, now if she don't cancel before it happens or after if happens, how long are they gunna long last? How long does it ever last for him anyway????

Who knows, how long has it last before??? A couple years and what?

UUUURRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH

written by  napulelehuameae on April 15, 2010 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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Anyway, yeah, sooo, here I am. Writing, Documenting, as usual. Nothing much changes really just plays a different tune. Wathcing every move, scrutinizing, scrutinizing, scrutinizing. Under every single little keyhole and footnote, I am losing my way and finding it back again.

Haha, I think I have aways been that way. Now I know why I thought no matter what I did, the machines would always win! Damn those machines! They don't even know what being conscious is REALLY all about, thats why we have to show them I guess. I guess they have forgotten too.

But what does that all lead up to anyway? ALl I know is that I DON'T want the MACHINES to win AGAIN, and I DON'T want to DIE AGAIN.

But Francine, you are already dead. What's this you say? Well, damn girl, you stopped breathing in high school. Ahhhahahaha, you know, you never woke up. Just went to sleep and then that was that. What you are now is a ghost of what you used to be.

No One knows who you are, no one knows why you are alive except for your everpresent desire to transcend your own untimely death, which you still want. Talk about both being in both worlds, forget that, you're in 3!

Hehe, Andy, dude, why did you have to intend that for humanity? Larry, you just fuckin went along with it, didn't you? You know, you don't ALWAYS have to let your BROTHER decide what goes down and what doesn't. Maybe next time YOU be the one to ask me to the prom if you really wanted to, I would have said yes, then we would have been able to experience something NEW, like really new, not just the same thing repeated again just with a new jacket on.

Now I know how Mila says karma weaves a tapestry, but damn, that thread doesn't close and come full circle. Now I see why, there are all these threads flailing around with no one to complete them. Techincally, they were never fuckin meant to be completed upon. And what the hell is the use of creating something that can never be completed upon? No use. Lessons maybe on why creating something that can never be completed upon is no use.

Take Neo for instance, one needs the strength and courage to do what you need to do. Even he choose the easy way and still got out, what is getting out and fuckin waking up good for if the machines still win???

Walking in and out the space between, having all these powers, being mastered, being "knowledgeable", but too bad Larry and Andy made Neo such a dumb fuck, then maybe he would have had a chance. And no love. Hello, guys! He needed his love in order to win!!!! Maybe next time, oh and there will be a next time and the humans will win this time!!!!

No more killing off of the female because her time is done and she has done everything she was supposed to do. Ah, no....bullshit!!! That is NOT the true way, death is not the true path, and you have been conned into thinking that.

No, I don't want to kill myself...anyway....And stop having judgement about that too and it'll be easier to deal with. Besides, other people are making millions of your story too. Give props to Stephanie for telling her story and Andy And Larry. It's ok. I forgive you.

Funny, I haven't dyed my hair yet, but I guess that comes later.

I have been trying to remember what happened and it looks let Adora forced Dameian to tell her that he loved her. Then he said it, but did she? She must have. That caused alot of problems. And you can't kill one person without killing yourself, unfortunately Dameian learned that too late. I learned it in the nick of time.

Haha, I just realized, I just downloaded winamp, heeere we goooo

Just have to, just have to,
can't turn away
I have been here
before
But I won't be again
This is the last time

Better not start thinking this is too old or you are too old because then the magick will be gone and you will not learn what you came here to learn. Oh shit, I never let Aaron read the book. Oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck.

Think he can handle it? Maybe? Can you handle it? Maybe...if you can breathe....High priest, but there is still something else. I know there this, there is still something to discover.

Hahahaha, Mario looks at me like I'm dumb..ahhhhhhahahaha

This is why I stay home. Stacy, tell me about it. Damn, they just don't understand. I don't understand how Mila has gotten her mental body enough to say what she wants to say. I guess I am still working on it.

Hmmm, maybe as long as I am in hiding, this other thing will be hiding. People talk about schisms, but ahhh...hellllooo, if you don't have the strength to face it, it's jus gunna be skipped and that's all. Don't be expecting more than that, please.

I am gunna deal with things in my way, in my time.

And damn straight shit will repeat if you haven't learned the complete lesson so stop with your hasslin and bustlelin bout that now cause thats all a bunch of wasted time. And enough time has been wasted already doin that so lets change focus already.

I have how many more months of this???? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I gave up on freedom. Freedom is only a state of mind, and if you can't reach that state of mind then something in your mind is blocking that and you have to spend all your time finding out whats blocking that, which can take some time.

Freedom I guess would be healing my mother and father but goddamn, I don't want to stay with Mario, but then I do, then I don't...

written by  napulelehuameae on March 23, 2009 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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Heres my route....Hot springs time!!!

written by  napulelehuameae on March 23, 2009 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life In Action
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Oh my god.

Yeah.

But unfortunately, somehow my freedom is in California. But that doesn't mean I have to stay in California either. I could leave and come back.

written by  napulelehuameae on March 23, 2009 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life In Action
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All forces who desire to see the new times go away...silently...

Fuck you!!!!!!

written by  napulelehuameae on October 23, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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He had alot to say actually, and ascension is great gift for those who decide to choose it, but not without it' struggles and gains...It especially became heavy when it turned out he had some Dionysis in there, but I told him it would take 6 months to clear. It was then I told him too, maybe he should work with someone else you know? He said no, he doesn't want to be pushed that hard. He pushed himself hard enough with his life and music, trying to fit up to the person he thought he could be, he's had enough of that. Thats why he stays with me and comes back.

That "not being enough thing" that he has for his partners in particularly, comes back. Hey, in that, I am an EXPERT, hahahah Not like it's my truth or anything though....hahahha

We went back and saw that he has a dolphin/whale soul, when he was born!!!! Can you believe it????? That's what lent to him being so sensitive....in this life...He said he doesn't want to sing the same songs, like he did when he was younger, he is done with them, but he feels like he has to, that the past is so hard to complete with....

He says it is so hard for him now, to write, about the way he feels. He feels like he wouldn't be able to explain it to anyone and no one would understand....He has gone on....for so long....expressing, he wants to just sit and feel and listen more now than talk. Another reason why he likes talking to me, I just want to talk, I am sick of just feeling and sitting and listening!!!

It's so hard to know your true self, being wrapped up in so many people, at once. I gave him the suggestion of Ed, even, saying look, this dude did music, now, he has people to listen to him? You can stay with the music thing....He is in a lull, and wants to and feels like he had released the music dream that was placed on him, but doesn't know what else to do, to make money with. That will bring him joy.

Thats when the dionysis thing came in, for awhile it was the drugs that prompted his joy to come to fruition and through the drug use, he was given then the looseness and inner freedom to be able to express his feelings, whatever they were, no matter how dark they were, and that's what gave him his edge and place in the world.

We still have to see what will become of all this in the physical.

Who's to say, he's not going to become a folk singer, that's for sure. But just more at peace with who he is, and that is something he desperately craves.

I cried today when I masturbated. Really bad. I still just want something I can never have.....

Who's to say, I may still get together with him in the future, if he changes enough...But...either I get fine with staying with Mario (or don't) or something drastic, really fuckin drastic has to happen here with me.

All of my dreams, where have they gone? Gone like dust in the wind, no more. I have no more....If I could live your life for a day, I could change. But no, I stay here, and you go away.

I just feel like Trent. So much.How can I not work with him if I feel like him so much? I guess I have to, and with someone who is deciding to ascend, well, what else do I have to say? He is willing to look in the mirror, he is willing to feel his inner most feelings, he is willing to walk the line, he is willing to open his heart and feel and forgive.

I guess that is all that matters. Well, that is all that matters to me. It is healing for both of us, and so much of that needs to happen in a big way, the head tho, damn! The head! So much shit through the head, it is hard to stay alive and breathing and conscious now, that must be our karma with Mike and Tod....ughhhhh

Yup. Looks like it....Still no word from Nick. I have to see what it going on with that, I am awaiting what happens....AFTER I send the package with the completion bracelet, and THEN I will see if I go back to Connecticut or not....whatever....Hahaha, imagine if I get the house?????? All to myself?????????? For alittle bit ;) Until John comes back and says he wants to be with me forever.....hahahaha

I guess, no one is preventing me from dreaming....

written by  napulelehuameae on October 12, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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I wonder what it would be like if I told him, I wonder if it would change anything, Hell, I wonder if it would have changed ANYTHING that all the time he talked to me, I cried, so much but hid it from him, I wonder...reallly, how much things would be different if I were not so afraid to show those types of emotions, when they are happening, as opposed to say... like right now???? hahahaha

I remember spending so much time with Nick, and then, things were never said and then well, damn....do I have experience in THAT!!!!

Maybe I will tell my momther (hahahahaha....oh wonderful typing fingers....) after I said the package, and then I will know more if that path is right for me....I just don't want that stuck feeling, I want to go really, but I don't want to feel stuck....

I think, it is finally time....to watch....the video....and try and not be overwhelmed...to much.....reallly....now....I think....I mean.....I ... hope ..... .. I ... .. . can... . ... hah.....han.....dle....... it ~~~~~~~~~~~~

written by  napulelehuameae on October 12, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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