Lies...Here Lies......All lie....

My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore, echoing thru my head till I don't wanna sleep....anymore....

It is nice I got to integrate more of Trent, now I can talk with the eloquence I so enjoyd when I was younger. It's such a gift to be able to express emotions unhindered, in the english language no less, through written and spoken langauge but unfortunately for him, he got stuck with the music dream....hehehehehe

If love was the answer, hell, we would be home already. If anything was the ANSWER, we would be home. Obviously there are still issues to attend to, which no one seems to want to look at, since no one wants to look at me anymore and believe that I exist....ha.

I had dreams, I had desires, right now, all I have is this pile of shit I seem to inherited from somewhere, I don't even know where. From my point of view, it was never mine. It has never been "anyone's" since no one "owns" anything. Its just given to them, and then they are forced to deal with it.

Maybe then in ways they are forced to deal with it....that isn't necessarily dealing but given the image of dealing when dealing really isn't dealin, but you believe the end result is dealing....welll, then some more shit is just goin to be plopped on the everexpansive piling of piles, ha.

At this point, I am really sick of the end result of everything. At this point, the path I have walked has NOT been the end result. The end has Not justified the means, and the end is a stinky pile of shit. Oh, so this is what Mila discovered. The heart of the Tao could not even "gift" me with a new vision. But, more shit is what I got. Ha. Oh thank you, oh great one. Who is supposedly more knowledgable than anything, thank you for more shit. I owe it to you.

hahaha, take a look at this motherfucking repeating pattern you dumbfuck. How the fuck is anything supposed to have infinite wisdom? How is the Tao learning and evolving and going beyond physical and nonphysical. From my point of view, it isn't...yet.

And when it does get back to me cuz right now, I am cutting out. And you can take your wholeness and oneness and shove it so far up your ass it bleeds, finally. Because their is no wholeness here and oneness here as far as you believe there is, the more you reject me.

Although, the farther I get away from me, the farther away people get from me. And I only walk that way to be closer to you. And you reject me too. Well fuck you, you can take your wonderful fantasies of "whole oneness" and I am going to flush them down the drain in my life because to me they are worthless, just like you.

Love, a distraction. Time, a waste. If I had a second, I would crush you for all the shit you have caused. And then you would be no more, and THEN people might finally begin to evolve. And grow. And learn from their mistakes you motherfucker.

No one HAS TO BE ANYTHING. To go back home. You just have to be, and let be be. I tried your complicated systems, and they have lead me HERE. YOU don't believe me? Here, let me crush your head, and then you will know what I feel.

A beautiful flower is only as "beautiful" as someone will believe it to be true, just like everything else. Yeah, that could be said for all the other nice, "light" things but whatever. Can't hide the truth that is unending within the darkness. And that it has no end either so they better learn some new ways of co-existing, or not existing at all.

If I had one token, I could put it in a slot, and out would come all that I feel I need and I would have it. No more groping around in the dark for it, no more pleading to the universe to somehow give it to me. Obviously, some are given that token at birth, others are not. Others feel too much, see too much and really, want that token system gone, so why would they create a token for the machine if they wish the machines were dead?

To be a apart of their lies, of their fantasies, of their realities, that have no presence here upon earth except for Earth to find out why they do.

Ascension? That words rots in my month too now. It's for people who obviously were given that token or somehow created their token through will and or took it back. I don't want my token back, you motherfuckers can have it. See what I care, ruin yourselves to oblivion and misery because that is surely what you will get in the end. I will play the game of no tokens for as long as I can, until you fucking burn motherfuckers.

Yes....I am talking to you. I can still sniff you out and take you on like old times sake, and I can still kick your asses. You think I've gone soft after all these years? Please motherfuckers, you are only there now because I have not destroyed your asses ... yet ...Oh, but I will and I will be there, no doubt, snuffing you out like a days old candle with no more wick left.

I know how you work, I may not know who you are ... yet... but I know your friends very..... very.... well...more than I know myself, and I will hunt you down like the very dogs you are, and rape you and take away all that you are until you are nothingness from which you originated from.

And that, my friends, will be a very peaceful day. But...I just have one question, and this still gets me. Why is it I feel like the only person who knows you are there and that you exist? No one sees you, and no one else fights you. Seems like everyone else has gotten the peace. Why am I still fighting? Everyone else seems so lazy. Like some of them even know you are there...and are out in their backyards lounging in the sun???? Heyyyy come on now, I don't want to do your fighting for you though! I enjoy it but come on, not THAT much!!!! Really!!!!

I have realized I enjoy the slow painful agony instead of the quick and painless. And I relish too much in the dark slow, and torturous decline that awaits anything I touch....

written by  napulelehuameae on October 11, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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