Here's Me

Anyway, yeah, sooo, here I am. Writing, Documenting, as usual. Nothing much changes really just plays a different tune. Wathcing every move, scrutinizing, scrutinizing, scrutinizing. Under every single little keyhole and footnote, I am losing my way and finding it back again.

Haha, I think I have aways been that way. Now I know why I thought no matter what I did, the machines would always win! Damn those machines! They don't even know what being conscious is REALLY all about, thats why we have to show them I guess. I guess they have forgotten too.

But what does that all lead up to anyway? ALl I know is that I DON'T want the MACHINES to win AGAIN, and I DON'T want to DIE AGAIN.

But Francine, you are already dead. What's this you say? Well, damn girl, you stopped breathing in high school. Ahhhahahaha, you know, you never woke up. Just went to sleep and then that was that. What you are now is a ghost of what you used to be.

No One knows who you are, no one knows why you are alive except for your everpresent desire to transcend your own untimely death, which you still want. Talk about both being in both worlds, forget that, you're in 3!

Hehe, Andy, dude, why did you have to intend that for humanity? Larry, you just fuckin went along with it, didn't you? You know, you don't ALWAYS have to let your BROTHER decide what goes down and what doesn't. Maybe next time YOU be the one to ask me to the prom if you really wanted to, I would have said yes, then we would have been able to experience something NEW, like really new, not just the same thing repeated again just with a new jacket on.

Now I know how Mila says karma weaves a tapestry, but damn, that thread doesn't close and come full circle. Now I see why, there are all these threads flailing around with no one to complete them. Techincally, they were never fuckin meant to be completed upon. And what the hell is the use of creating something that can never be completed upon? No use. Lessons maybe on why creating something that can never be completed upon is no use.

Take Neo for instance, one needs the strength and courage to do what you need to do. Even he choose the easy way and still got out, what is getting out and fuckin waking up good for if the machines still win???

Walking in and out the space between, having all these powers, being mastered, being "knowledgeable", but too bad Larry and Andy made Neo such a dumb fuck, then maybe he would have had a chance. And no love. Hello, guys! He needed his love in order to win!!!! Maybe next time, oh and there will be a next time and the humans will win this time!!!!

No more killing off of the female because her time is done and she has done everything she was supposed to do. Ah, no....bullshit!!! That is NOT the true way, death is not the true path, and you have been conned into thinking that.

No, I don't want to kill myself...anyway....And stop having judgement about that too and it'll be easier to deal with. Besides, other people are making millions of your story too. Give props to Stephanie for telling her story and Andy And Larry. It's ok. I forgive you.

Funny, I haven't dyed my hair yet, but I guess that comes later.

I have been trying to remember what happened and it looks let Adora forced Dameian to tell her that he loved her. Then he said it, but did she? She must have. That caused alot of problems. And you can't kill one person without killing yourself, unfortunately Dameian learned that too late. I learned it in the nick of time.

Haha, I just realized, I just downloaded winamp, heeere we goooo

Just have to, just have to,
can't turn away
I have been here
before
But I won't be again
This is the last time

Better not start thinking this is too old or you are too old because then the magick will be gone and you will not learn what you came here to learn. Oh shit, I never let Aaron read the book. Oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck.

Think he can handle it? Maybe? Can you handle it? Maybe...if you can breathe....High priest, but there is still something else. I know there this, there is still something to discover.

Hahahaha, Mario looks at me like I'm dumb..ahhhhhhahahaha

This is why I stay home. Stacy, tell me about it. Damn, they just don't understand. I don't understand how Mila has gotten her mental body enough to say what she wants to say. I guess I am still working on it.

Hmmm, maybe as long as I am in hiding, this other thing will be hiding. People talk about schisms, but ahhh...hellllooo, if you don't have the strength to face it, it's jus gunna be skipped and that's all. Don't be expecting more than that, please.

I am gunna deal with things in my way, in my time.

And damn straight shit will repeat if you haven't learned the complete lesson so stop with your hasslin and bustlelin bout that now cause thats all a bunch of wasted time. And enough time has been wasted already doin that so lets change focus already.

I have how many more months of this???? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I gave up on freedom. Freedom is only a state of mind, and if you can't reach that state of mind then something in your mind is blocking that and you have to spend all your time finding out whats blocking that, which can take some time.

Freedom I guess would be healing my mother and father but goddamn, I don't want to stay with Mario, but then I do, then I don't...

written by  napulelehuameae on March 23, 2009 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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