Bloke: Shall we wake that lot up?Lass: Well I'm not going anywhere near them!Bloke: Yeah, they're feral aren't they. Did you see that party they were having last night...?
Feral? Us? Too fucking right! And that became our group motto for the rest of the trip.
By the time we staggered into the sunlight they'd gone, leaving only some pizza boxes stuck under the wipers on the jeep and a drawing of penis in the mud on the bonnet with the caption "Cock Riders."We were too amused to wipe it off. It stayed with us until Alice Springs although we did wish we had let their tyres down the previous night like I wanted to.
Its illegal to mine in the town itself but there are no laws against adding an extra room to your cave and many people have struck it rich by extending their property. It costs about $5,000 for a plot of land then about $20,000 to dig a home out and whatever opals you find on the way are yours.
Tempting.
Well it would be if it wasn't in Coober Pedy anyway.
So we did.
Tourists eh? -rolls eyes and tuts-
Later on we rocked up to the Pink Roadhouse which is a roadhouse that is without a doubt very pink. They provide all kinds of information on how to do the Oodnadatta Track without dying and they sell my favourite things in the world; Tacky Souveniers. I -heart- the Pink Roadhouse.
One thing I miss as a backpacker is having a nice, hot bath. Even if hostels did provide a tub lets face it, it would always be full and if it wasn't it'd probably be so thick with grime you'd be better off rolling round in a three week old communal bush dunny.
What better way to end the evening with a few beers, fish exfoliation and a soak in one of the best places on earth before huddling round Han's candle because Witjira National Park doesn't allow fires.
We gave Mike our full permission to wake us up before light with the promise we wouldn't beat him with sticks so we could watch the sun rise from the thermal springs.
See, that's how much we loved this place.
Well if you consider 37C to be Not Warm then no, maybe it wasn't.
Do you ever have those moments when you realise that you're so perfectly, unconditionally happy that you can't stop smiling? When you can't even think about one single thing in the world to stress about, that everything is just so right and you are in fact the luckiest person alive? That you are so utterly relaxed you could burst and there isn't a single thing in the world that you could change for the better?
Watching the sunrise over Dalhousie from the comfort of the thermal springs with my feral Heading Bush posse was one of those moments.
Mike's a fan of skinny dipping so thankfully he got out before us because you just don't need to see your tour guide's penis before breakfast.
As if our body clocks weren't confused enough by the shocking discovery that there are actually two five o clocks in the day we crossed the border into the Northern Territory which doesn't bother with frivolous things such as daylight savings so we put all our clocks back an hour.
The first stop was Finke which is a dry Aboriginal settlement so we hid the booze. Aboriginals have serious issues with getting high, there are massive alcohol and solvent abuse (putting paint in a paper bag and sniffing it is called Chroming) issues within most communities and this is why there is no alcohol allowed in Finke. After the booze was banned they started sniffing the petrol so it was replaced with opal petrol which apparently doesn't get you high.One of the first things you notice as you jump out of the jeep at the community footy pitch is the litter and broken glass strewn across the place. Then you notice that a lot of the litter is empty, squashed butane cans.
Yeah, I don't reckon they have that many lighters to fill.
Those of you who know me personally know how I feel about children. It was bloody terrifying. *shudders*
Next stop along the 4WD red dirt roads was the Geographical Centre of Australia which is conveniently located at LAT 25 degrees 36'3.4"S - LON 134 degrees 21'7.3"E. Just in case you were wondering or indeed even cared and if anyone knows what the fuck that even means please let me know. There's even a visitors book, we flicked through is and there was one comment which read "No Groovy Grape here!"
Does anyone like them?
We watched the sunset on Day 6 from a bush camp near Kulgera as our bitch... I mean, our beloved tour guide cooked us up a feast on the fire.
We would be doing the Valley Of The Winds walk through the rocks, we would be taking it at our own pace and damnit we would be enjoying it.
Actually it was pretty cool. I do enjoy a good hike and it's made all the more bearable with good company. Emma decided she wasn't going to do it on account of her heart condition but me, Allison and Susanne stuck together and had a wicked time wandering through the rocks and enjoying the scenery which I can't describe here. Seriously, check it out for yourself. The photos don't do it justice.
It wasn't long into the walk when Sam decided he was going to press the pretty button because it looked like the tourist information button you get at train stations. It was actually the Emergency Radio button, the dead giveaway being the large, clear writing above it that read "Emergency Radio."
No Sam, you'll never live this one down.
It brought the panicked ranger running. Poor bloke, this kinda thing is probably the highlight of his day, he probably had visions of saving the day and being a hero, imagine his disappointment when he arrived to find that the Americans had been at it again.
After the walk we didn't quite make it to the viewing platform in time to watch the sunset over Kata Tjuta but we still got some good photos by hanging out of the jeep on the way.
That night we set up our swags at Yulara which exists solely to cater for visitors to Uluru and the red centre. I have no idea how much is costs to camp here but I bet its not a pretty number to part with.
We cruised past the queues on the way in and joined the tour buses at the viewing point. This was quite a weird experience for us, we'd been used to having the outback to ourselves, we weren't used to having to fight for it against people in clean clothes that just got out of a vehicle that wasn't caked in mud but hey, we're fucking feral, we can deal with it and this is why god gave us elbows. We made our way to the front and joined the masses in gawping at the rock as it started to light up.
It's definatly one of those moments that digital cameras were invented for, I snapped away and hoped for the best, knowing that 90% of them would be deleted anyway.We even managed to check out the moon set and if you can tear your eyes away from The Rock for long enough you can see Kata Tjuta in the background as it starts to light up with the sunrise.
It was actually quite hectic, the first part is done by hauling yourself up a chain up some very steep rock that's been made smooth by years of people trekking up it. Also, most people only get to the top of the chain then turn round and come back down so not only are you worrying about the people above you falling, you also have to worry about sharing your piece of chain with someone trying to get back down.
We decided to edge over to the side and let the rest of them do their thing before we made our way to the top of the chain for the first rest of many because Sitting Down is very important in my world.
We continued the climb, following the painted white line to the highest point of the rock, stopping occasionlly for a sit down or a drink or to take photos of Allison's camera at various points because she'd left it in my bag but we couldn't work out how to use it so instead we took photos of it.
After we'd safely gotten back down via the chain again (never have I loved a chain so much in my whole life) we chilled for a bit before the sunset then cruised past the big tour buses setting up tables with table cloths and champagne glasses which no doubt would later contain champagne. How bizarre?
We stumbled out of our mud-caked jeep and cracked open a beer each before heading up to the optimum viewing point where we accosted a man from Slovenia and made him take photos of us and be our friend. The sunset itself was crap but we were too busy having too much fun to care. I kinda pity the people who paid over $200 for a BBQ and a glass of fancy plonk, I mean, do they get a refund if you don't actually get to see the sunset?
And indeed, do I actually care?
The trouble with these walks is that they're very much Had To Be There moments. The scenery is awesome and the photos never do it justice and the Kings Canyon Rim Walk is no different. Its also bloody hot and there's no escape from the sun which was Mike's Day 9 excuse for getting us up early.
We did the usual shit, we hung over a cliff edge, I caught up on the sleep I'd been deprived of in the Garden Of Eden and me and Allison re-enacted a lookout sign. I won't bore you with words, just look at the pretty pictures.
The rest of the day we entertained ourselves with drinking beer, looking for widgety grubs (and fortunately not finding any), drinking beer, photographing feral animals (not us), doing stuff associated with 10 people sat in the back of a jeep for too long drinking beer and playing with melons.
As in paddy melons, you filthy minded buggers.
Anyway, day 9, our last night together as a group. We marked the occassion with beer and the ceremonial burning of Alex's $1.50 hat and discussed how we were going to kidnap Mike and make him take us up to Darwin then down the west coast.
It's a swine when good things come to an end init.
But nah, it was amazing. We caught some rays, had a swim then moved onto the next stop which was lunch closely followed by Ellery Creek Big Hole, another water hole you can swim in.
Oh its a bloody hard life init.
We accosted a bloke on the way who was wearing an "It's Feral" t-shirt and made him have his photo taken with us. I quite sure we didn't scare him too much and he could have said no if he wanted. I mean, there's one of him and only 11 of us, right?
Eventually we rocked up to Alice Springs and went to our separate hostels. I'd booked into Annie's Place on the advice of a German bloke I met in a hostel in Port Campbell over a cup of tea. Its nice enough, only went there to sleep though. I had a shower and enjoyed being clean for a total of 11 seconds before I stepped out of the air conditioned room and resumed sweating profusely.
We all met up at Bojangles which has all kinds of exciting things like free peanuts (and they even let you throw the shells on the floor), food and beer. There's a live web cam feed so people all over the world can watch you dancing and they can request tunes.
Told you you weren't gonna live that one down, darlin ;)
Good food, awesome company, copious amounts of beer and dancing and free peanuts. A fitting end to a feral tour methinks. Can't wait to see you guys down the Painted Desert in the USA for our reunion.
"There's nothing to do in Alice Springs," I was reliably informed by the lass at Peter Pan Travel in St Kilda when I booked the Heading Bush 10 day outback tour, "Just get yourself a good book and sit by the pool for two days while you wait for the Heading Bush two day express back to Adelaide."
I still haven't read the book.
Ok, so I'm not saying that Alice is a 24 hour party town but when ya rock up with 10 of the best people in the world there's no time for this Sitting By The Pool stuff unless its with an esky of beer, pizza and your mates which was the order of the day on Thursday.
Alice is an odd place though, it was foolishly hot and it wasn't even summer. Its a decent sized town an all with these random reminders that you're actually in the middle of the desert and its an odd mix of backpackers, Aboriginals and white locals.
Yeah that's right, I said chips, not fries! Ha!
I'd stayed in touch with Toni whenever I had phone signal and she said I could stay with her and her Thai friend Tuk when I got back to Adelaide which was cool. Apart from mooning Groovy Grape and taking photos of a naked puff on a salt lake it was a pretty uneventful ride down, we stayed at Coober Pedy and drank lots of beer.
I rocked up to Tuk's place on the Sunday evening and spent the ensuing 9 days being fed Thai. Tuk is awesome, she's a top lass and as for Toni... well, she rocked my world.
All in all, not a bad time back in Adelaide methinks.
Kliff was meant to be in Mildura working towards his second visa but Mildura has a way of making you drink lots of goon and he also sliced his knee open in the shower so he couldn't work so him and his mate Tim met me in Adelaide and we did the 2600km drive to Perth across the vast expanse of Bum Fuck nothingness that is The Nullabor.
On account of the fact that it was a damn sight harder to say bye to Toni than it was meant to be and the need to drink copious amounts of tea to function correctly in the morning we left the lads hostel a little later than planned but we were soon on the road and heading 300km north to Port Augusta.Yeah, I know Perth is west, tell that to the bastard who put the large body of water in the way.
We stopped in Port Augusta, re-fuelled, stocked up on food and beer then promptly broke down about 9km out because something had gone tits up with the electrics. As soon as I switched the lights on all the needles went mental and the car tried to cut out so we headed back to Port Augusta and got it looked at. Something had snapped off on the battery, one of the connecter thingy wotsits and it was only $35 to put right, I was looking at it the other day and it had white stuff all over it so I'd tipped water on it. I told Kliff, he blinked, looked at me like I was tapped and said, "You poured water on a battery?!"
Oh come on, I have breasts, they cause me to look at mechanical things and think, "Oooh, lets make it shiny!"
Anyway, all good, it just put us back a bit so we camped at Kimba which has a Big Galah and the somewhat dubious claim of being Halfway Across Australia. Lord only knows where they're measuring from. New Zealand, prehaps.
The stumpy tail lizard I spread all over my car a little later on was definately dead.
We stopped in Ceduna which is the last big town before the actual Nullabor Plain so I bought me a swag because I missed the one I slept in in the outback. They're so much warmer than tents an all.
Most towns in Australia like to have some kind of claim. We passed one Middle Of Nowhere place claiming to be "The Town With A Secret." We didn't stop to find out what the secret was in case it was the special ingredients in the Backpacker Pies. Ceduna is famous for its oysters so we pulled up outside an oyster bar with the obligatory Big Oyster outside and Kliff got us a plate of six.
Wasn't happening.
I tried, I really did but it got to the back of my throat and my throat went, "What the fuck is that and why isn't it cooked?!?"
Tim politely declined Kliff's kind offer of Seafood That Resembles Snot.
Later on we stopped at the famous Camel/Kangeroo/Wombat sign and finally hit The Nullabor. Nullabor Plain basially means Treeless Plain. Talk about getting literal, kilometers of nothingness, no phone signal, no radio. We only had a total of 200 songs on Kliff and Tim's MP3 players so we listed to them on repeat for the five days it took us to get to Perth.
We camped at Border Village which is aptly named on account of it being on the South Australia/Western Australia border and took photos of the Big Kangeroo, Rooey 2, which is possibly the ugliest Big Thing I've seen since I got to Oz. Seriously, with this thing guarding the border you've half a mind to turn back.
It was a bloody hot day, must have been 40C, and it was today that we learned that if you pump the A/C to high in my car it makes the car smell like petrol.
Bugger.
Anyway, who needs A/C when you have a bottle of Febreeze you can empty out and fill with water. If you wind all the windows down and spray yourself its loads nicer and because of the reminants of Febreeze we all smelt lovely apart from Tim who hadn't showered since Adelaide. So armed with our new High Tech Cooling Device we carried on and finished the Nullabor. Piece of piss.
This part of Oz has the 90 Mile Straight, Australia's longest straight road. There's nothing to do for the next 146.6 kilometres but try to get road trains to honk you to keep you awake (and in Kliff's case, raid the esky for beer). We got 10 Honk-Honk points, not a brilliant effort. Come on road train drivers, do your part to keep backpackers alert and mildly entertained.
We finally got to Norseman and celebrated the Crossing Of The Nullabor with a BBQ and a few beers and we met lots of nice people to get horribly drunk with.
Such a friendly country, Australia.