Nothing starts a road trip like watching a man called Kingsley taunting one of the world's most dangerous creatures with a lump of meat hanging off a stick. Krystal had won a free ticket at The Vic to one of the Jumping Crocodile cruises and she gave it to me so I duly rocked up because free things are one of my favourite things in the world.

Herrrrre Croccy Croccy Croccy

Fishing For Crocs

The Closest I'll Ever Get To A Full Grown Saltie With My Limbs Intact

Once there, they lead you onto a large, comfortable boat very well suited to cruising up a saltwater croc infested river... then they lead you right through the other side onto a vessel resembling something you'd pack sardines into. It's an unnerving sensation sitting in this tin can as huge salties swim up to it, you can feel yourself slowly slipping down the food chain.

So it was gone 4pm by the time I got my arse properly into gear to head down to Alice, I was thinking about heading through Kakadu National Park but after speaking to a couple of locals I didn't bother (Litchfield do, Kakadont) because I don't have a 4x4. Usually I laugh in the face of 4WD recommended and take the Falcon anyway but I generally reserve those little adventures for when I'm in the company of People Who Can Change Tyres. So yeah, I didn't bother with Kakadu, I was thinking about maybe spending the night at Litchfield but figured I should probably at least try and get further than 90 minutes from Darwin. I ended up at Douglas Hot Springs just as the sun had set.

Douglas Hot River

Travelling this kind of distance alone is new for me but Alice was a spur of the moment decision and Kliff wanted to go back to Broome. That was a hard goodbye, I've been in the same town as Kliff pretty much constantly since we met in Melbourne, he's one of my best mates over here and a mate for life, we've done some awesome things and been to some wicked places together from the Great Ocean Road to crossing the Nullabor. He'll be leaving the country in October so that was the last time I'll see him, in Australia anyway.

I usually eat quite well on the road on account of the fact I travel with people who crave strange and alien things such as Nutrients and Proper Meals With Ingredients. Left to fend for myself and I only eat because if I don't I'll fall over and even then its stuff out of packets and tins with the nutritional value of a spanner.

Another thing about travelling alone is the positive head space. Yeah, there's head space at the farm but its a shit situation, you can't sort anything out in your mind because you're too busy being miserable but just kicking back under the moonlight with a nice cup of tea and having time to properly think is invaluable.

And just so you know, mum; I camped in National Parks all the way down where there is little or no risk of abduction by a white ute driving sociopath.

written by  Koala Bear on August 24, 2007 from Douglas-Daly, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Katherine Hot (More Like Warmish) Springs

Mataranka; Old Men In Speedos

Katherine Hot Springs? Warmish springs more like. Not good for first thing in the morning, I'd been spoilt by Douglas River so I didn't last more than 20 minutes in there. Next stop was Mataranka, probably the more famous one. A resort backs onto it and the pool can apparently get proper busy. Again, it aint that hot and the sight of old men in Speedos is possibly one of the most traumatic experiences in the world.

I lasted 10 minutes.

Well It Was Hotter Than Katherine Hot Springs Anyways

Smokin'

So yeah, I made it to the Devil's Marbles in plenty of time for sunset which, as regular readers will know, is the best time to view Rocks With Names in the absence of alcohol. It was a long drive with the most interesting thing being the fire I drove through, it was so big the smoke blocked out the sun making it look like England on a winters day. Ok, make that any day. I think the press studs on the back pockets of my shorts are permanently imprinted onto my arse an all.

It is compulsory whilst backpacking Australia to Do The East Coast or they'll revoke your backpacker card and you won't be able to bulk buy goon and noodles. Everyone does this coast, a lot of people only do this coast which is a damn shame because Western Australia is the best place in the world. I have to admit, I wasn't overly enthusiastic about it, I wanted to do it though because I knew I'd regret it if I didn't and anyway, I needed to get to a city where I could get work so I might as well do it in style so I duly borrowed £2000 (yep, that's pounds not dollars, Exchange Rate fans) off Mum and Dad. On account of the fact I'd rather chew my own fingers off than advertise for travel companions again and I hadn't met anyone who was leaving at the same time as me, I headed back up to Cape Tribulation all on my lonesome.

Today I was back out on the reef without several litres of goon sloshing around my veins and after a proper nights sleep. Odyssey H2O wasn't going out so I ended up on Rum Runner IX which is a bit slower and looks better although I couldn't help wondering what happened to the other eight. The conditions were loads calmer and the weather was awesome as well which helped, as did dosing myself up on seasick pills so I managed to spend the entire trip vertical as opposed to horizontal or bent over the side. Yay me.

Rum Runner IX

It was an incredible day. For a start it was only me doing an intro dive so it was just me and the instructor floating around the reef looking at pretty things, the first time we were down for nearly an hour. The Mackay Reef itself is indescribable, after lunch we moved a bit so we could snorkel something called The Wall which is literally an 18 metre wall of coral and because visibility was about 25 metres that day we saw everything.

Yes Actually, That IS The Great Barrier Reef

When I went back down for a second intro dive, Fabien grabbed my arm and pulled me down to a cave where he'd found a sleeping reef shark then proceeded to wake it up. Now normally I'd be against waking something up with that many pointy teeth, I know how evil I can be when I'm woken up but I was still in tourist mode which meant all common sense had been left in my backpack at PK's Jungle Village so we duly pissed it off further by following it around the reef and staring at it while it tried to get back to sleep in another cave.

Shark!

Its no bloody wonder sharks bite people sometimes.

written by  Koala Bear on October 26, 2007 from Cape Tribulation, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged RoadTrip, LovinIt and EastCoast
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WHOOOOOOOOO.....

I checked into Scotty's backpackers and idly picked up a skydiving leaflet. Reception were on me instantly telling me all about prices, heights, discounts and roughly 20 seconds later I was stood there, credit card in hand, booked onto a 14000ft jump at 4:30pm. It was now 12:30pm. I went to my room to spend the ensuing 4 hours panicking and wondering if I should call my family to let them know my mortal remains would be available for viewing at various locations around Mission Beach.

.....HOOOOOOO!!!!

Everyone staying at Scotty's has either thrown themselves out of a plane or is about to, there's always someone watching their jump DVD on the TVs and I didn't meet a single person who didn't love it which calmed me down so by the time I was on the plane I was loving it. I thought I'd shit myself when they sat me on the edge but I didn't and its not like you have any choice in the matter, you have a man attached to you who's intent on jumping out of that plane and you're going with him.

That split second when you go over the edge and see the ground coming towards you is unsurpassed by anything you will ever experience. I don't think I'm able to put it into words but I'll try.

Oh fuck it, I've never had a brilliant grasp of the English language, I'm from Stockport for fucks sake.

Since when you get to Mission Beach you watch a million skydive videos you're very aware of the camera during your 60 second free fall, terminal velocity doesn't make an attractive girl what with bingo wings that you could take a small country out with. You'll notice the grimace like grin in the fourth thumbnail above, designed to tighten the flesh on your face thus ensuring you don't knock the guy out in charge of pulling the parachute cord and thus keeping you intact with your flappy jowls.

Mission Beach is an amazing drop zone, on one side you have the rainforest and on the other you have the ocean. After the cord had been pulled and the parachute was open (and watching the DVD back, I'm glad I didn't realise how long it took for the 'chute to spread out and slow us down!) John, the only man to ever strap me up, said, "So, this is the view from my office window." And what a fucking beautiful view. My habit of putting myself in high places because I think it might be pretty at the top is well documented but this tops everything I've ever seen in Australia, I was the second person out of the plane and the last to land on the beach, I had an amazing float down to the ground, just taking in the views and enjoying being obscenely high up without a large metal tube with wings. If I had money this could get addictive.

That night I chilled at the hostel with a couple of girls from Wigan, Alison and Nat. They weren't in Oz for long, just a 3 week holiday doing the East Coast. I introduced them to the joy that is goon thus relieving Nat of unnecessary braincells and some stomach lining.

Alison And Nat And A Shiny Bag Of Joy

Hangover Cure

Watching Skydivers

I vowed for the 436th time to never drink again.

written by  Koala Bear on October 31, 2007 from Mission Beach, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Especially as neither of us can read maps.

Some Random Falls

My New (Albeit Temporary) Woman Thing

We headed to Townsville via some pretty waterfalls, one of them being Wallaman Falls, the longest single drop waterfall in the Southern Hemisphere. Well you'd think they'd put it a bit bloody closer then wouldn't you instead of at the top of a big winding road up a mountain, they don't half like to make you work for your pretty things in Australia. Its the kind of distance where you expect someone to have put the kettle on and set up a camp bed for you for the night but not this time, we did the obligatory ooh ahh thing and drove back down.

Wallaman Falls: Really Fucking Long

And then it was onto our destination for the night. We rocked up just before 5pm and began the tedious task of trying to find somewhere to live. We pulled over and I called Globetrotters Backpackers to see if they had beds. They did and the following conversation ensued:

Bloke: Ok so when will you be here?
Me: Well we're in Townsville now so it's just a case of finding Palmer Street.
Bloke:Where are you now?
Me: On Walker Street. I'm... erm...

Imaginary Water Tank

Me: I'm looking at a big water tank thing on a hill with a big green frog on it.

Pause.

Bloke: Have you taken something??

Ahh, first impressions. I ended up taking that photo to prove to the bloke that I wasn't clinically insane, at least not on a discernible level. You should have seen his face when he first saw me and I tried to explain that there was a big green frog as well as some Nemo fish and a blue butterfly. He asked me if there were any little green spacemen as well.

Funny cunt.

written by  Koala Bear on November 1, 2007 from Townsville, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Townsville At Night...

...Aaaand In The Day

Ok so Townsville. Its very nice but at the end of the day there's fuck all to do but gaze wistfully over at Magentic Island then proceed to book a trip there. It's also a Proper Town, more so than Cairns. Cairns is still very touristy, you can get away with lounging around the lagoon in the middle of town in your swimwear and you can still wander the streets in bare feet and a silly hat clutching your souvenir boomerang and toy koala. Townsville makes you want to buy hair gel and do laundry.

You WILL Have Your Photo Taken

Random Waterfally Thing In Townsville

X Base As Seen From The Ocean

The View from Our Dorm Room

Pretty isn't it? After we'd attempted to go sea kayaking, given up and just drifted for a bit we spent the first day just chilling and deciding what to do the next day and we had our first Battle; Lesbian Beach Wrestling. Yeah I won, I kicked her Dutch arse into the sand. Hell yeah.

Drifting

Irma Does Kayaking. Tries To, Anyway.

Yeah I Got A Moke

We'd already decided that we wanted to rent jetskis which is something you can do up at Horseshoe Bay which, from what I can gather, passes as the bustling hub of the island. They're not overly cheap to rent but you rent the jetski, its not per person and you can put two people on one. But then you wouldn't be able to race and where's the fun in that?

Jet Skiiiiiii!

We opted for one each for half an hour and proceeded to tear up the ocean and you know what? You really can't tip them. I know, I tried. You can get up to 50mph on them (I think that's about 80kph?) but you're not allowed to get too close to each other. Me and Irma raced anyway and maybe she won most races, y'know, it's hard to tell an stuff what with us being so far away from each other and not really knowing where the finish line was and stuff and anyway I kicked her arse on the beach ok? Yeah. Ha.

On A Mokey Mission

Irma About To Get Her Arse Kicked By Me

After the jetskiing we bumped into some people we'd met at Mission Beach and went on one of the island's koala spotting walks. I was very nearly over koalas but I'd not seen them in the wild yet so we parked the Moke next to a million others at Forts Walk and wandered up to check out the furry little critters. We spotted loads of them, some of them even moved thus proving that koalas are real and not some great Australian hoax designed to lure tourists into the country.

Cute, Cuddly And Very Fucking Lazy

Not A Myth After All

Posing With The Koalas

View From The Top Of Forts Walk

It was around this time I remembered I'd left two gas bottles in my car in direct sunlight for three days. Nothing ends a holiday like thinking you might have blown your car up.

written by  Koala Bear on November 4, 2007 from Magnetic Island, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged RoadTrip, LovinIt and EastCoast
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