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Obligatory East Coast Adventure: Day 9

Whitsunday Island, Austria

About a million (figure may be slightly exaggerated for effect) boats leave for the Whitsundays every day ranging from one day tours to three day Sleep On The Boat Party Adventures which makes choosing one not quite as easy as you'd hope. After sifting through an entire rainforest worth of brightly coloured, shiny leaflets we decided on a day tour because Irma doesn't deal well with large bodies of water and it absolutely was not a party boat because me plus alcohol multiplied by ocean equals feeding the fish in the grossest possible way. We settled for Whitsunday Xpress on account of the promise of a BBQ and a cheese platter.

After a cruise out to the islands, the first stop was a bush walk on Whitsunday Island itself, the largest of the islands, up to a lookout for Hill Inlet to look at the pretty patterns the tide makes in the sand.

Bush walk. They make it sound so feral. Its not. If somebody suggests a bush walk in the Northern Territory or Western Australia you'd want to pack a bag, take plenty of water, don the sturdy boots and notify the local authorities of your estimated day of arrival. On the east coast a pair of flip flops will suffice as you make your way up the well used track, camera in one hand and make up bag in the other to ensure you look pretty for the photos. Although the destination in this case is worth a three day hike into the wilderness, its fucking beautiful, apparently the patterns are different every time the tide changes and if you look down to the left from the lookout platform you can make out about a hundred stingrays, a veritable Steve Irwin nightmare. Its awesome.


Hill Inlet

More Hill Inlet


Even More Of The Same

Bored Yet?

After we'd all oohed and ahhed and been herded round the platform like the tourists we were it was back to the boat and around the corner to Whitehaven Beach where we'd be having lunch. After we'd moored with the plethora of other tour boats, we were given the option to swim to shore from the boat this time instead of going over in the dingy, it wasn't too far.


Smurf

Ahh, swimming in the tropics during stinger season, if you yearn for the days when it was acceptable to wear lycra, when cycling shorts were worn by everyone whether they owned a bicycle or not, when you wouldn't be openly mocked for walking down the street wearing clothes that look like they were painted on whilst you admired your wet perm in car windows, you'd love it. The only safe way to get in the water is to wear a stinger suit, an all over lycra body suit that includes a hood, mittens and straps that go under your feet reminiscent of the days of ski pants. Its a retro wet dream.


Whitehaven Beach, Whitsunday Island

Whitehaven Beach is gorgeous with its soft, white sands and crystal, blue water, the only other time I've seen a beach so postcard perfect was at Lucky Bay in the Cape Le Grand National Park near Esperance and there's no stingers there. Just hypothermia and frost bite. Don't ever expect to get Whitehaven to yourself though, it's just never going to happen.

So we had the promised BBQ on the beach and stuffed our faces with meat products before jumping back on the boat (in the dingy this time) and headed to Mantaray Bay for some snorkelling around the coral there. I was back in my lycra and into the ocean and by the time I got back to the boat Irma had already got in, snorkelled, got out and dried thus depriving me of any chance of pointing and laughing at her in a full stinger suit. Damnit. That was going to be the highlight of my trip an all.


BBQ With A Monitor Lizard

The Promised Cheese Platter

We reckoned a day trip was enough for the Whitsundays, we saw everything we wanted to and had an awesome day. If you're not on a tight budget like we were then maybe a two night effort would be a laugh but for the lower price a day trip was perfect for us.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on November 7, 2007 from Whitsunday Island, Austria
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Obligatory East Coast Adventure: Day 11

Rockhampton, Australia

Stiiiiill pissing it down so we gave the National Park a miss this time because trees and soil are only fun in the sunshine and carried on towards Rockhampton and the Olsen Capricorn Caves so called because a bloke called Olsen discovered them and they're right near the Tropic Of Capricorn. Just in case you hadn't guessed. We both like caves so we rocked up, paid our cash and waited for the 1 hour tour.

These caves are above ground, you can go on all kinds of exciting tours including ones for the more experienced caver which involve squeezing yourself through holes that were clearly not designed for humans to fit through. These kind of tours aren't for us, we preferred to use the big hole conveniently placed at The Entrance which was still a pretty precarious effort, it's times like these I really wish I'd renewed my medical insurance.


From The Tropical...

...To The Temperate

Anyway, after the general oohing and ahhing that accompanies looking at pretty things we carried onto Rocky itself, the beef capital of Australia as the various statues of cattle not to mention the over sized and slightly terrifying bovine that welcomes you to the town keep reminding you. We checked into the YHA Backpackers and decided to spend a couple of nights here just doing nothing. Nothing at all. Not a thing. Nada. We spent the next day chilling out in the lounge, watching DVDs and generally being drooling couch potatoes because sometimes its just nice to stare blankly at a screen of moving pictures with an overly dramatic soundtrack.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on November 9, 2007 from Rockhampton, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Obligatory East Coast Adventure: Day 14

Seventeen Seventy, Australia

Ok so the ScooterRoo tour didn't start until the afternoon so I duly dragged myself out of bed for the morning $14 group surf lesson, again without Irma because drowning isn't her idea of fun. As you travel from north to south, Agnes Waters is the first place with anything resembling surf, its out of the Tropics as well so despite the stinger warning signs there really isn't anything in the water dangerous enough to worry about. That was until I got in brandishing a large piece of fibreglass anyway, I can't say I conducted myself with grace and style as I flapped about in the water atop my board trying to get on a wave.

And yep, that's me on a wave in that last thumbnail there. On a wave. Not on the sand. Nope. Not at all.

It's about a 3 hour lesson and there's quite a large group of you. They put you in pairs, give you a board between you and take you down to the beach where they line you up in the sand and proceed to talk at you. And talk and talk and talk. I'm sure what he was saying was integral to the next 2 hours of my life but it's hard to concentrate while you're sat, slowly baking in the heat, piling sand up in front of you in different shapes in an effort to alleviate the boredom which was reminiscent of double physics lessons. Then no sooner had you stopped thinking about surfing and started thinking about a pint you were up and into the water for your first 15 minutes. It would be you then your partner then you and so on until the 2 hours was up.


One Day I MIGHT Make A Surfer... Maybe

15 minutes a time is plenty, its exhausting work dragging yourself and the board out, paddling like a crazy lady and trying to get on a wave. While you're in the water you find yourself wondering at what point they made 15 minutes longer than it was yesterday. Its loads of fun though but I'm not a surfer, I spent most of the time with my arse in the air and my face in the sand, it's gonna take weeks to get the salt out of my sinuses and what was left of my dignity is probably washed up on some deserted beach in Brazil by now. Well I wasn't like I was using it anyway.


Loadsa Bikes
No sooner had I gotten home and scraped the sand out of places sand has no right being it was into the ScooterRoo troopy to be taken to the array of bikes they foolishly lend to backpackers and tourists so we could see what 1770 was all about. They were right about the licences, they didn't check. In fact the boss wandered in and asked if anyone had ever ridden a geared bike, not Does Anyone Have a Geared Bike Licence, merely had they ever ridden one. I've got a full motorcycle licence (which, again, they didn't check) so I put my hand up for a 250cc instead of a hairdryer with flames painted up the side and we set off into the countryside to look at some kangaroos and trees and grass and stuff.


SCOOTER ROO!!

It's a lovely ride though and it was awesome to get back on a proper bike after 18 months and one thing I've never done on a motorcycle before is ridden along a sea front as the sun was about to set. It was beautiful. We stopped at the pub to get some potato wedges and settled down on some rocks to watch the sun go down over the Town Of 1770 whilst fending off seagulls who had no concept of backpackers and their attachment to their food. You're out on the road for a good while, it's definitely worth the money and the guy who leads the convoy is a top bloke.


On Convoy

Sunset Over 1770

So I just want to thank Irma for indulging me on this one, she really didn't want to stay another night but she did so I could go and play in the sea and on the bikes, it was a brilliant day despite still having a small portion of the ocean sloshing about in my cranium and possibly half of Agnes Waters beach in my crack.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on November 13, 2007 from Seventeen Seventy, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Obligatory East Coast Adventure: Day 15

Bundaberg, Australia

And so it was down a bit more to get to Bundaberg, a popular town with backpackers on account of the fact its on the East Coast, has plenty of seasonal work which counts towards your second visa and is the home of Bundaberg Rum, or Bundy as it's affectionately known by drunk people who can't manage too many syllables. You don't go to Bundaberg without going on the Rum Distillery Tour which you can book at the Visitor Centre, we opted for the Silver tour which gets you an hours guided walk around the distillery from sugar to bottling and a free drink at the end. It's interesting and worth a look, even if its just to say you've done it and so you can buy Bundy Rum from the place itself. And yes, I had the lower alcohol Socially Responsible option at the end on account of having to navigate the Falcon back through the town so we could find accommodation for the night. We treated ourselves to a cube of rum and cola cans though, I didn't have to drive all night.


Behind The Bundy Bar

If Bundaberg is popular with backpackers, why are the backpacker hostels here so evil?? Most of them will find you work as the racks of dirty boots outside the door indicated but every single one we looked at had a strict No Alcohol policy. What the hell kind of sadist sends you out to work in the fields all day then doesn't let you kick back with a mug of goon in the evening? Some of them even had signs up such as "Don't Go To Work, Lose Your Job. Lose Your Job, Lose Your Bed." They all had notice boards full of rules and curfew notices. I had images of gruel for breakfast and barefooted youths singing in ear shatteringly high voices about food, glorious food.


The Old Cop Shop
Then there's Cellblock. Whereas the other hostels are like being in prison, Cellblock is a prison, or it was anyway until they converted it. It's expensive but it seems much less miserable and there's a bar which means you still can't bring your own grog but at least you can drink. They still have the walls lined with rules, threats of eviction for not showing up for work and there were at least 5 different notices in the kitchen about washing up including full instructions reminding you to scrape excess food off the plate, wash the dishes in hot water with soap, rinse them, dry them and put them away followed by a patronising "Well Done" and a smiley face. We decided to camp again tonight. Apart from not being in the mood to be treated like 4 year olds we had a cube of rum with our names on it and it'd be rude not to relieve it of a few cans at least.


Nomming Pizza

Rum, Pizza, Lesbian And A One Man Tent

Even camping here is miserable, we got pissed on by the weather and sandflies, it ended up being the two of us huddled together in my one man tent for the night hacking at the urine stains left on our flesh by the sandflies. Evil little fuckers they are, I mean, if you wanna bite me then yeah, it's annoying but at least theres a point, everything needs food. But don't piss on me you filthy buggers! Rah!

Rant over.

Aaaanyway, now I've gotten that off my chest, lets move on to happier things such as turtles and beaches and stuff.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on November 14, 2007 from Bundaberg, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Obligatory East Coast Adventure: Day 16

Bundaberg, Australia

As well as rum and the worst backpacker accommodation ever, Bundaberg is also home to Mon Repos which is where Loggerhead Turtles come to nest when in season. It just so happened to be right at the start of the season so we booked ourselves some tickets at the Visitor Info centre and rocked up to look at a big turtle squeezing some eggs out of its minge. The things we pay to see. We were told to get down there before 7pm so we did and got savaged my mozzies, I swear everything in Bundaberg is out to get me. It was also bloody freezing and they told us that we might we here for hours before a turtle rocked up, that's even if we saw one, the welts left by the bloodsuckers and the potential hypothermia could all be in vain.

I think we were there for 10 minutes before they rushed in, a turtle had started crawling up the beach early tonight, we were herded to where she was and were grouped behind her. She couldn't hear us, our frequency is different to theirs and she couldn't see us so she began digging her little hole for her eggs, completely oblivious to the hoard of people stood gaping at her arse. Once she started laying that was it, she was committed. We were allowed to move around as the team measured her, checked for tags and wrote down stats then we were given a short window where we could take photos, not too many though, as the guy pointed out, one photo of a nesting turtle is pretty much the same as another.

And to be honest that would have been fine for us. We were cold and itchy and just wanted to head back and buy fish and chips from the van out the front but they wouldn't let us despite a subtle attempt to slink off into the dark, we were stuck here until she'd finished laying and gone back to the water. That's the last time I pay for nature, I'll stick to David Attenbrough shows from now on, at least you can watch stuff breed from the comfort of a warm room with a pizza and a drink.

Ok, obviously Bundaberg didn't set my world on fire, mainly because of the weather and accommodation I think but its definitely worth a look. The rum tour is cool and the turtle thing really is interesting, don't miss out on it just because I'm a miserable, cynical bitch without insect repellent.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on November 15, 2007 from Bundaberg, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Obligatory East Coast Adventure: Day 18

Fraser Island, Australia

Irma had mentioned renting bicycles a few times but I figured it was a Dutch thing and she could be easily distracted from the subject by windmills and clogs but today I relented and we hired some from the hostel because the weather had picked up and it'd be a nice way to see the Esplanade. We armed ourselves with a couple of sexy helmets and plenty of water but alas we forgot to pack the steel knickers and I spent the entire day wondering what evil was responsible for a mode of transport that makes you hurt in places that should never have to feel pain apart from during childbirth and even then not with the right drugs. See this is why Holland is so fucking small, it's not easy to reproduce when you've all crushed your genitals riding to work every day.


Looking All Dutch And Stuff

Give Me An Air Polluting Car Any Day


Torture Devices

Yah We Look Hot

We got as far as the pier and rode back via the pub but its a nice enough ride despite spending the ensuing three days feeling like I'd been kicked in the cunt. They have all these exercise things all along the front like rowing machines and push up benches and of course cycling machines for the masochist at heart. At least our bikes got us somewhere.
I decided that Hervey Bay wasn't the place for me, far too energetic. We got back to the hostel and limped to reception to book our Fraser tour.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on November 18, 2007 from Fraser Island, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Obligatory East Coast Adventure: Day 19

Fraser Island, Australia

Like the Whitsundays there's shit loads of choice when you go to Fraser Island. The most popular are the 2 night 3 day self drive tours but you can also get guided tours ranging from one to three days or you can take yourself and your 4WD over and explore it that way provided you can be bothered to get all the permits needed to camp or visit certain areas. Because one day was enough for us for the Whitsundays we figured one day would be enough for Fraser so we booked ourselves onto a big coach for a one day tour. We also thought if the rain didn't hold off it'd be crap to camp overnight and we couldn't really afford anything too big. I discovered that morning I'd managed to max out my credit card which meant I'd gotten through a £2000 loan plus an extra £400 on top of that. Yep, that's pounds, not dollars. Bring on the overdraft.


On The Tour Bus

Crippled Bus

Fraser Island is basically a huge pile of sand that trees have managed to grow on, there are no sealed roads because you can't tarmac over sand and people frequently get bogged because someone thought it'd be a good idea to lend 4WDs to backpackers and tourists who have no idea how to use one. White settlers were interested in it for logging and promptly took over it, now its totally protected and you need a permit to wipe your arse. It's gorgeous though, you can see why they restrict access.


The Rainforest
Oh come on, I'd just spent three weeks in Cairns and Cape Tribulation, I've kinda run out of things to say about trees. Yes, they're lovely and green and pretty and would make a nice coffee table.


Eli Creek, Coloured Sands And The Maheno Shipwreck
We hit the main beach that runs down one side of the island and also doubles as the main highway, you have to be careful of tides though or you risk getting stranded. As the driver tore up the sand, swerving to avoid the salt water lapping up the shore, on and island made almost entirely of sand he managed to find a rock and hit it thus putting the bus out of action for 90 minutes. Fortunately he did this right near Eli Creek. Well there are worse places to be stuck I guess.


Eli Creek

Me And Irma At The Creek

All the water on Fraser island is fresh water right up until it hits the ocean. It's crystal clear and good enough to drink if you can put the image of hundreds of people a day swimming in it and walking through it while smothered in suncream and insect repellant out of your head. Eli Creek is really nice, we spent our time there just wandering up and down it and wondering when they'd get the bus fixed. eventually they did and we were on our way to look at some sand that was pretty colours and a shipwreck.


Maheno Shipwreck

In Front Of The Wreck

This is where it started feeling rushed. Because we'd lost so much time it was literally a case of jump out of the bus, take a photo and jump back on again before we drove on to Lake McKenzie, one of the more famous landmarks on the island.


Lake McKenzie
The driver had managed to arrange a later ferry so we could still fit the lake in but we still only had half an hour there which I was gutted about because this was what I wanted to see the most with its white sands and fresh, blue water with no stingers or stonefish or sharks or anything else that might take a fancy to your limbs. Its awesome here, if you get a chance to visit you totally need longer than 30 minutes to frolic in the water and chill on the beach.


Fresh, Blue Water...

Soft, White Sands

And I don't care what you say, Irma, I totally won that dunking competition. That's 2-1 to me. Yeah it is. Ha.

Anyway, one day isn't enough here. Hopefully at some point I'll be able to come back and see it properly.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on November 19, 2007 from Fraser Island, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Obligatory East Coast Adventure: Day 20

Brisbane, Australia

Due to lack of funds we just mad dashed to Brisbane today and arrived early afternoon. All we missed out on was Noosa (another same as before seaside town) and Australia Zoo and that's where I'll finish this road trip story because it's already reached mammoth proportions and I'm sure most of you that have even got this far have things you need to do like eat or shave the hair that's grown as you've waded through all these words.


Random Possum Photo From Hervey Bay

Irma's Ashtray From Mission Beach To Brisbane

If you're bored enough to start considering a quick visit to the Mystery Craters why not check out some photos instead? Go to http://www.flickr.com/photos/ohfuckkit/sets/72157603392593296/detail/ and marvel at the iced coffee and pie fuelled road trip that was the East Coast of Australia.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on November 20, 2007 from Brisbane, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Things To Do In Surfers Paradise That Don't Involve Surfing

Brisbane, Australia

Just after Xmas Irma had left BrisVegas to go and watch some pretty New year fireworks in Sydney then to head to Perth. Just as I thought I was never going to see her again, a month later she was back so we made the most of our last four weeks together by doing stuff as opposed to just sitting in a backpackers drinking goon.


Brisbane Ferris Wheel; Got Us Out Of The House

Chillin

We'd been to Byron Bay where me and Jess had walked all the way down to the most easterly point of mainland Australia which only meant we'd have to walk back up again. I'm sorry but if they're going to pave over an area of natural beauty they might as well go the whole hog and put cable cars in. Irma didn't bother with that, she just openly mocked me when I got to the top after near death and took photos of me because I'd turned a fetching shade of red and was wondering where I could get a new pair of lungs from at this hour in regional New South Wales.


At The Lighthouse At Cape Byron

Jess, Irma An Me At The Most Easterly Most Point

We'd gone to Nimbin, the cannabis capital of Australia and discussed how long you'd have to live here for before succumbing to tie-dye (we'd settled on three days). I'd been before, Nimbin is wasted on me because I don't smoke but Irma loved it, she decided she wanted to live there and open her very own genuine Dutch coffee shop although I can't see immigration approving her business idea and granting that visa.


Nimbin. Damn Hippies.

Nimbin Museum

We'd rented a hotel room for four nights with our own bathroom and TV so we could get some privacy and chill out together and eat take away pizza off clean, white towels.
God my mother is going to kill me when she reads that last bit.


Bowling

Lovin' Pizza

We'd gone bowling ((coughs)Irma won(coughs)), spent the day at the pub, generally splashed out and treated ourselves and on my last day off before Irma had to leave we drove down to Surfers Paradise in the pissing rain to spend the night there. We'd thought about going to Dreamworld but its not worth it in that kind of weather and I'd worked a close the night before so we just decided to try the Sling Shot out which is a huge contraption that shoots you up into the air at speeds they'd fine you for on the road. It's only $30 plus $20 for the DVD then once you're back down they ask you if you want to go again for $10 each.

Fuck yes!

You might want sunnies to view the following photos on account of the blinding whiteness of our knuckles.


Sliiiiiiing Shhhoooottttt!!!

Fucking Awesome!!


More Sling Shot Joy

Aaaand Upside Down Too

It's soooo cool, especially for the price. There's also a bungee jump there for about $99 but my heart tries to escape out of my mouth just watching people do it so we gave that a miss in favour of having lunch once there was no chance of losing it and indulging in that other Surfers Paradise backpacker pastime; drinking grog.


Safely Grounded


Saying Goodbye
Since I came to Australia and started backpacking I've had to say goodbye to so many people. Sometimes it's been until we meet again, you know you'll see them in another town or maybe even another country somewhere down the track. Sometimes it's been a final goodbye, either they're leaving the country to go home or start a new adventure, or they're from the town you're in and you're leaving to carry on travelling while they stay and get on with their lives. But it doesn't matter. Goodbyes never get any easier, if anything it gets harder and harder to say goodbye to those you've become close to and saying bye to Irma for the last time was without a doubt harder than any other goodbye bar none. This time there's no changing her mind and coming back, she's off back to Holland to get a job and a place and a normal life back home.


Me And Irma

I already miss her, she's an amazing person but I'm just glad I got to travel with her and share at least a part of my life with her.

Photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ohfuckkit/sets/72157603889052589/detail/

permalink written by  Koala Bear on February 20, 2008 from Brisbane, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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The Last Australian Adventure: Part 1

Sydney, Australia

Arrived Sydney: 22/02/08
Left Sydney: 06/03/08

The initial plan was to move to Sydney before Mardi Gras, find work and live there until my visa expired but I love my job at the Sporties and didn't see the point in uprooting myself right at the end of my visa in order to go through the whole job search thing again when I had one here to come back to so I did that thing that Normal People With Normal Lives do.

I went on a two week holiday.

Despite the fact I believe that buses were put on this earth to enhance human suffering I decided to get one to Sydney on account of the fact I don't think that my nerves could have withstood negotiating and parking in a city that size after spending so long in places like Broome and Alice Springs. If Cairns terrified me when I first got there then Sydney would be the end of me, they'd find me curled up in some dark corner of Kings Cross weeping gently and dark corners in Kings Cross aren't places you want to be.


Ella Va'Lay Surprise
I was adamant I wasn't getting pissed the night before either even though the day I was travelling was my birthday. Knowing my luck I'd end up sat next to the fattest person going to Sydney that year thus depriving me of adequate bum space or someone with little or no concept of personal hygiene and I can't deal with that at the best of times, never mind when my liver has gone on strike and my stomach is wishing me dead but Carl, one of the guys I work with had very different ideas. I remember the white russians, the vodkas and the pretty coloured cocktails. I even remember the absinthe shot and the cocktail made of ice cream that a friend of mine tasted before declaring it'd kill me. Then I woke up in my bed fully clothed and shaking just hours from having to board a bus and sit on it for 17 hours.

I dragged myself to the transit centre to alternate between sitting in the air conditioning with my head on the table and kneeling in front of the toilet. Thankfully the bus was half empty and I had two seats to curl up on with my face in my pillow, praying to whatever god that would listen that I would follow them for eternity if they'd just stop the bus from smelling like air freshener.

17 hours on a coach isn't as bad as it sounds though. No, really it isn't. We got two stops at roadhouses for pie consumption and they showed a couple of movies. The rest of the time I slept off the hang over and before we knew it we were pulling into Central station at some god awful hour in the morning. I got a train to Kings Cross, checked into Mates Place backpackers where I cracked open a beer then resumed sleeping because sleeping is good practice for relaxing.

Well, might as well start as you mean to go on.


Loody, Me And Darragh; Starting As We Meant To Go On


Dykes On Bikes Bike And Tattoo Show: 24/02/08
Dykes On Bikes. The girls that lead the Mardi Gras parade every year because if you didn't let them they'd punch you.


Ride With Pride
Loody, who was now living in Sydney with a couple of mates wanted to go the the Bike And Tattoo Show so me and Darragh who'd just got back in from Ireland the same day I arrived in the nation's Not The Capital rocked up to the Hamilton Hotel in Camperdown to check it out. I like bikes and tattoos so I was looking forward to it. Dykes scare me though despite being one, that much estrogen in one place can't be a good thing, and they terrified Darragh who eventually left because he felt intimidated once he realised he wasn't the butchest one there.


Bikes...

Dykes...

I had an awesome day though, it was perfect weather for sitting in a beer garden getting slowly drunk and the two girls who played there, I think they were called Blue House, rocked. I love afternoon drinking.

As promised there were bikes and tattoos as well as a raffle, a wet t-shirt competition, and a singing man who had a great voice but there was far too much thrusting considering he was performing to a room full of lesbians.


And A Tattoo Show
Then came the tattoo show which had different categories like best leg, best back etc so when best front came round I was urged onto stage by Loody, two random lesbians and an afternoon with Jim Beam. There's not enough Jim Beam in the world to get me to take my top off though despite the best efforts of the girl with the microphone and the crowd. But anyway, I won and I'm ignoring the fact there were only two other entrants in that category coz I got a shiny plastic trophy thing and $100 worth of pain to be spent at a local tattoo parlour and y'know there were some pretty heavily tattooed ladies there.

And I use the word "ladies" with tongue firmly in cheek.


Ultimate Tourist
There are a number of things that are compulsory to see in and around Sydney or you'll be pointed at in the street and mocked by your peers. One is Kings Cross, with its reputation for being a dodgy, seedy strip of nightclubs, some people say it's cleaned up its act in recent years and indeed it might have. I only got offered drugs three times and a hooker once, which amused me, there were two of them and as I wandered past one of them asked me if I wanted a girl. I politely declined their kind offer of minge and as I passed them I heard the other say, "that is a girl..." Dammit those C-cups always give it away.

Two others are an opera house and a bridge that is conveniently located over a harbour in Sydney. You might have heard of them. They must be photographed repeatedly from every available angle in order to inflict maximum suffering on those who are foolish enough to ask if you got lots of nice photos of your holiday while you hang over their shoulder and give them a full running commentary.

Come on then, lets get it over with...


Standard Sydney Tourist Shot

They are cool though and they make you feel like you're really in Sydney, its something you see so much in other peoples photographs so to actually be standing there and looking at it is sort of surreal. I didn't even realise the Opera House was actually three buildings.

Having a personal tour guide helps, Nat who I know from the pub and her friend Alan who lives in Sydney picked me up and took me on a magical mystery tour around Sydney and out to Watson Bay where you get to see the city as it's sometimes best seen; from a distance.


Nat, Alan And Me At The Chinese Gardens

Sydney From A Distance


The Boys Chillin' On Bondi Beach
Another obligatory tourist attraction is Bondi Beach which is just a train then short bus ride away from the city. In a country made entirely out of beaches (sort of...) this is the most raved about beach of them all. Everyone knows Bondi, it's even got its own TV show over here, Bondi Rescue. Most weekends it'll be packed out and you'll struggle to find a piece of sand but we were there on a Tuesday and... well... it's a beach init. Just a beach. It's got water and sand and life guards and that's it. It's not the pit of hell the locals tell you it is but it's not the best beach in the world. It's just a beach and yeah, it's busy even on a weekday, the sand is covered in people and the sea is an all you can eat spectacular for sharks.

We frolicked in the ocean, got dumped by a few waves and sat on the sand, soaking up the Sydney sunshine.

Then we got over it and went to the pub.


The Blue Mountains: 28/02/08
The Blue Mountains are only about 90 minutes away from Sydney and get their name from bluish haze caused by oils evaporating from the eucalyptus trees. Can't really see it through fog and rain though and when we went it was pissing it down but me, Nat, AJ and Alan had a brilliant time anyway thanks to the company and the rum.


Three Sisters

First stop was the Three Sisters, accessible from Katoomba. Yes, it's a rock formation, even this far into civilisation Australia can't resist throwing a rock or two into the photograph but it looked fucking wicked with the fog rolling in. You know when you're in an aeroplane and you look out of the window and you see all this cloud but you can't photograph it because it never takes properly and the flash reflects off the window and you get half the wing in anyway?

That. But without the bad in-flight movie and a complete stranger drooling on your shoulder.

After a quick pit stop at the bottle shop to stock up on cans and comedy stubby coolers Alan drove us to the Jenolan Caves because caves are brilliant. I could look at caves all day, they're soooo pretty, I don't know how they can have walls that shiny and textured and expect people not to maul them. It was all I could do not to lick them.


AJ With Drink

Nat And Her New Woman

We ended up checking out Lucas Cave, their biggest, with a massive tour group which meant it took longer than the supposed 90 minutes to get through but we entertained ourselves with tourist photos and by freaking the guide out because AJ couldn't keep her hands off the walls.


Don't Touch The Walls!

Alan, Nat, AJ And Me

After the caves we fully intended to drive back to Sydney via Wentworth Falls but two bottle shop stops later and it became apparent we'd missed them and Alan's SatNav on his phone had no concept of No Right Turn and one way systems. We gave up on the idea of the falls because there was plenty of water falling from the sky anyway and returned to the city.

And of course the local bottle shop.


Honourable Mention
The Lindt Cafe at Martin Place has maybe about eight toasted sandwiches to choose from then two pages worth of chocolate desserts that make your teeth hurt just looking at them and would have dentists drooling over money to be made from the potential root canals. It's the kind of menu you read whilst making orgasm noises and trying to work out if you really need all of your teeth, finally deciding that molars are over rated anyway and can I have this side of the menu please? God it's amazing though, I had profiteroles and a hot chocolate which is served as a jug of steamed milk and a little pot of melted chocolate. It's so so very awesome.

I left feeling a little bit sick in a comforting way and completely unable to face anything with a sugar content for at least 24 hours.

Ish. 24 hours ish.

Give or take an hour. Or five.

  • licks chops, rubs belly and eyes up the chocolate bunny*
    •

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on February 29, 2008 from Sydney, Australia
    from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
    tagged Sydney and LovinIt
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