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Across The Nullabor: Day 4

Corrigin, Australia

After completing the slow and painful rehydration process and getting a good internet fix we hit the dirt track to Hyden which is the shortest distance west.

Hyden is home to another of Australia's famous Rocks With Names, Wave Rock, so called because its shaped like a big wave. I'm starting to wonder if Aussies have any imagination at all.


The Most Fun You Can Have With A Big Rock

We checked it out, did the obligatory Hang Ten tourist pose and fled before the flies had us for lunch. How can a country with so many spiders have so many bloody flies?

I wanted a nice, leisurely drive the next day and we didn't want to rock up to Perth too late so we camped at Corrigin, home to the dog cemetary and the record holder for most dogs on utes in convoy.


Record Breakers

RIP Lassie

Welcome to the country.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on November 24, 2006 from Corrigin, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged RoadTrip and LovinIt
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Across The Nullabor: Day 5

Perth, Australia

Yeah yeah it's been a while since I posted Day 4, I have a valid excuse though...

  • hides booze under bed*


    • We'd already hit quite a few locusts before we got to Corrigin and the lass at the campsite we were on said it was only going to get worse and handed us a sheet of mesh to cover the front of the car with to stop them getting in the radiator.


    Locust Carnage

    Tell ya, we were grateful for it, it wasn't far up the road when we hit a plague of locusts of Armageddon proportions. I'm still picking the buggers off my car to this day.

    Anyway, we arrived in Perth and booked into Billabong Backpackers which is where Maaike and Becky (mates from Echuca) are staying. Maaike's mate Cory will be arriving soon and we've got friendly with a German lass called Loody which means that the gays almost equal the breeders. Woo hoo.
    I wish I could give you a constructive and coherant review of the hostel but I've either been working or horribly drunk by the pool on goon so I'll write something sensible sometime in the future.

    That's if I still have readers by then.

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on December 9, 2006 from Perth, Australia
    from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
    tagged RoadTrip and LovinIt
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    South West Loop: Day 1

    Kalgoorlie, Australia

    It's a weird one is Kal, it's a mining town with a populaton of about 30000, 80% of which are blokes. The roads are really, really wide (goes back to when camels were the main form of transport, you can't back a camel train up so they just made the roads wider to turn them round instead) which makes jaywalking an extreme sport and the main form of entertainment are the skimpy barmaids.

    Ah, skimpies.

    They made our time in Kal that much more fun. They wear lingerie behind the bar and go round with a jug called the Titty Kitty (which we never get asked to donate to on account of having breasts of our own) then they disappear for a while and return with stickers on their nipples.

    Apart from drooling and planning a three day hike to cross the road the only other things to do in Kalgoorlie - Boulder are visit the Super Pit and one of their many fine brothels. So we did.


    Super Pit
    It's an incomprehensibly large hole in the ground where they dig for gold, you know, with it being a gold mining town an all.


    A Huge Fucking Hole In The Ground

    Too Big To Fit In One Photo


    A Sod Off Great BIg Bucket

    Not Just A Pit... A SUPER Pit

    They have blasts a few times a week which you can go and watch but the one that was on while we were there was right at the bottom of the pit so apart from a small rumble we didn't see or feel much.

    Meh. Cop out. Its a free way to kill a few minutes though and believe me, after a day in Kalgoorlie - Boulder you'll be looking for anything to kill a few minutes.


    Langtrees Brothel Tour


    Langtrees 181 Brothel
    I think there are quite a few brothels here but at least three of them run tours so we opted for the $35 Langtrees 181 tour because that seemed the classier option and as you know, me and Loody are all about the class. They don't let you take photos though so check out their website (http://www.langtrees.com) and see all the rooms they have. One of my personal faves is the Holden On Room despite being a Ford driver. See, I can put our differences behind us in the name of taste and decency.

    As well as hiring out girls they hire out the rooms to couples (or however many, they have a Roman Orgy Room) and one of them has a big TV for watching porn (or a Disney movie, whatever takes your fancy) and a video camera mounted on the wall so you can make your own.
    Porn or a Disney movie that is. Hey, I don't judge.

    I'd rent it but I've got no one to rent it with and $250 per night seems a bit steep just to have a nice sleep.


    Drinking And Girls


    Us, The Lads And A Skimpy
    So all that was left was to check out the skimpies. We got gooned up at the hostel (hey, we'd already had our daily dose of class at Langtrees init) then headed to The Exchange Hotel. I'd love to give you a coherant and sensible write up but we both know that's not gonna happen on account of the fact that the braincells that weren't killed over Easter died a death this night.


    The Exchange Hotel

    The Only Way To Travel In Kal

    The night was spent tearing round the streets in shopping trollies, meeting randoms, molesting the statue of Hannan (the founder of Kal), dancing outside the brothel because they had good tunes and generally perving.

    Fucking awesome night out.

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on April 11, 2007 from Kalgoorlie, Australia
    from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
    tagged RoadTrip, LovinIt and SouthWestLoop
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    South West Loop: Day 2

    Norseman, Australia


    Best Breaky In Town
    We woke up nursing a hangover and rolled out of bed in search of breakfast and in true Kalgoorlie style we rocked up to Hannan's Hotel for a skimpy brekky - The Best Brekky In Town. Certainly one with the best view ("It's at the bottom of the fridge, darl, at the back..."). They have a 6am licence so the night shift workers can get their beer and boobs fix and the food is cheap and greasy. My favourite. The atmosphere was obviously different from last night, there were only a handful of lads in and they were chilled out and friendly.


    Wot You Lookin' At?
    After we munched our hash browns, got our internet fix at the overpriced internet cafe and completed the slow and painful rehydration process we collected our new Canadian friend whos name at this point we couldn't remember and headed to the Coolgardie Camel Farm ($4.50 each entry, $5.50 for a short camel ride, $18 for half an hour round the paddock and $30 for an hours bush trek)

    We found out all kinds of fun and exciting things about camels such as they have a Split top lip, they crush food between their bottom teeth and a hard top gum, they stink and they're ugly. We were also told that they can kick forwards, backwards and sideways. We slowly backed away before we got roundhoused by a ninja dromedary.


    Me And Loody Go Trekking

    Me, Loody, Kim And A Camel

    The camel farm is good for a laugh and a handy way to find out someones name if you've known them too long to actually ask it. We got her to sign the visitors book, her name's Kim but she abandonded us in Norseman anyway where we spent the night as she met a mate (who, randomly, knows our mate Bex coz she works at the Travellers in Esperance) who was heading all the way to Esperance that day and for some reason that appealed to her more than sleeping in a cold, damp, one man tent next to two drunk lesbians in swags.

    Pah. Some people have no sense of adventure.

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on April 12, 2007 from Norseman, Australia
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    South West Loop: Day 3

    Cape Le Grand National Park, Australia

    Esperance hasn't had much luck recently. It was devastated by a cyclone a couple of months ago then the birds started falling out of the sky on account of lead poisoning then elevated and dangerous levels of lead were found in and around the port, in rainwater tanks and in people.

    And what day do we rock up?

    Friday the fucking 13th.

    Oh joy.


    Nommage
    We decided to offset the potential misfortune so after meeting Becky for lunch at the famous Beryl's Eats (oft mentioned on Nathan and Nat in the morning on Nova 93.7) we headed to Lucky Bay at the Cape Le Grand National Park ($10 per car to get in, camping is $7.50 per person per night), about 60km east of Esperence which can be described with two simple words.

    Fucking. Stunning.


    White Sands, Crystal Ocean

    Paradise (If You Can Ignore The Hyperthermia)

    With its white sands and clear, turquoise ocean you could be forgiven for thinking you'd died and gone to heaven and there'd be free chocolate cake and vodka when you got back to camp. The illusion is somewhat shattered when you attempt to swim in the aforementioned clear, turquoise ocean though, it might be WA but its still the south coast, its bloody freezing, you could have hung yer coat off my nipples.

    We decided that attempting to fish would be the way forward. I say attempt, we can both chuck a line in and sometimes fish get stuck to it but we haven't actually got a bloody clue what we're doing.


    The Only Way To Fish

    Dusk At Lucky Bay

    Well the fish had a good feed at our expense anyway and one of them did decide that the shiny, pointy thing looked tasty so after ripping the hook from its tender flesh and traumatising the hell out of the poor bugger I lobbed it back in.

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on April 13, 2007 from Cape Le Grand National Park, Australia
    from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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    South West Loop: Day 4

    Esperance, Australia


    Lucky Bay At Dawn

    At Least Something Looks Good In The Morning

    We've had a couple of good views at breakfast recently, we have. There was the skimpy in Kalgoorlie and this morning we munched on our beans and sketti whilst admiring the view from the top of Frenchman Peak at the National Park. Ok, so it took us half an hour up some pretty steep bits to get up the 1.5km to the top and I'm about as surefooted as a crippled giraffe but it was worth it.


    Breakfast Of Champions
    No, really, it was worth nearly getting holes in the arse of my trousers as I slid back down because standing up really wasn't working for the abject fear of dying on the side of a hill I had. Why oh why do I continue to put myself through these climbing things? Its not like I'm even getting much exercise, I generally crawl up on my belly and slide down on my arse, clinging onto rock face for dear, sweet life and not actually having much fun.


    Frenchman Peak

    At The Top

    Oh yeah, that's right, its pretty at the top. Man I'm so easily bought with shiny things.


    Sammy The Sealion
    Esperance is all about the beaches and the Saturday was overcast and threatening rain, not exactly beach weather even by my dodgy British standards. We also couldn't find anywhere to stay before 4pm because the hostels didn't open until then so we couldn't even start drinking and we didn't fancy checking into a camp site with the weather the way it was. We might be mad but we're not fucking stupid. So we resorted to our new hobby - Pretending To Fish. We headed past Sammy The Sealion down to the end of the jetty and got chatting to Mitchell, a 12 year old local lad who knows his shit.


    Mitchell
    Mitchell loves fishing and he's good at it, he showed us how to kill, scale, gut and fillet a fish and even how to catch herring with a straw instead of bait. I felt so feral, maybe tomorrow I'd go hunting roos with a spear or grow my own vegetables or something. It turned into a wicked day, the sun came out, we saw some dolphins and we even went home with fish we'd caught ourselves and full instructions on how to cook them. See its not just an adventure, its a fucking education.

    I wonder which goon would go well with lead laced herring.


    Catching Dinner

    Appetising, No?


    Cleaning Our Tiny Din Dins

    Yeah It's Not Much But It's Ours

    That night we picked Becky up from the Traveller's Inn where she worked and headed down to The Pier, Esperance's excuse for a nightclub, and got hopelessly trashed. Loody staggered home before midnight but me and Becky decided that sleep was overrated and kept on through the night, stumbling back to the hostel at 7.30am after a 3km walk back along the beach as the sun rose over the islands.


    Sunrise Over Esperance

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on April 14, 2007 from Esperance, Australia
    from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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    South West Loop: Day 6

    Hopetoun, Australia

    Having made a miraculous recovery from the (coughs)lead poisoning(coughs) me and the Loodmeister found ourselves with time to kill while we waited for Becky to sort her shit out, get paid, say goodbye etc so we headed off to the Great Ocean Drive Tourist Loop which consists of pretty views, a wind farm and the reknowned Pink Lake.


    Great Ocean Drive Tourist Loop

    10 Mile Lagoon Wind Farm


    The Allegedly Pink Lake
    Not quite pink though, is it. More of a Pinkish But Only In A Certain Light And If You Have A Liberal Definition Of What Actually Constitutes Pink Lake but that's not quite as catchy now is it. It killed some time though and if you're gonna go to Esperance you might as well check it out, there really are some good views but call me a hardened cynical bitch, you've seen one beautiful ocean view you've seen them all, right?

    We picked Becky up at around one and dragged her away from her friends in tears. Oh come on, it was for the best, we were gonna take her on an exciting adventure, a fun filled roller coaster ride, a magical mystery tour. We were gonna take her to.... Hopetoun!


    Damn Hippies

    God I hope she doesn't hate us forever.

    Hopetoun is a Bum Fuck Nowhere town roughly halfway between Esperance and Albany so we'd decided to break the journey up and stop there for the night so we checked into a campsite where we met Butch.

    Butch suits his name, he's an ex-bikey, a huge fella with more ink than skin and devil horns tattooed on his forehead. He gave us a cup of sugar for Becky's tea, invited us to sit round his fire and cooked us a massive BBQ of all kinds of meat products. The freezing cold and the promise of a feast overrode the Wolfe Creek Moment and we joined him for the evening.


    Butch

    Wolfe Creek Moment

    See, this is why so many backpackers go missing; We're far too easily bought with Free Stuff.

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on April 16, 2007 from Hopetoun, Australia
    from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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    South West Loop: Day 7

    Albany, Australia

    Aside from posing in front of a windmill and pissing ourselves laughing at Becky refusing to get in the car on account of two horses who seemed to think she was made of grass and polo mints blocking the way the journey to Albany was uneventful.


    Attempting To Look Dutch

    Niiiiiice Horsey

    So was Albany. We were handed a Buy One Get One Free beer token for a local pub when we checked into Albany Backpackers (we recommend this hostel on account of the free coffee and cake) and we decided it would be shockingly rude to refuse. Well we wouldn't want to upset them now would we and of course you can't just go into a pub and spend a beer token, its only polite to stay for a few more.

    The rest of the evening is a bit of a blur.

    That bloody lead poisoning must have come back.

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on April 17, 2007 from Albany, Australia
    from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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    South West Loop: Day 8

    Denmark, Australia


    Dog (ish) Rock
    If you're a town in Australia with not much going for it, why not make things look like other things using only the power of suggestion. For example, why not tell people that a rock looks like a dog, call it Dog Rock, make a huge thing about it and put it on every postcard. Trust me, people will come and take photos of it. I guess it does look a bit like a dog though... If you stand at exactly the right angle, close one eye and squint with the other.

    After doing the obligatory tourist things with rocks and stocking up on goon we headed to Torndirrup National Park to marvel at The Natural Bridge and The Gap.

    I use the term "marvel" loosely.


    The Gap

    The Natural Bridge

    The Gap is quite literally a gap in the cliffs whereas Natural Bridge is some rocks that join other rocks together thus naturally forming a bridge like structure. How do they always make these things seem so much more impressive in the postcards?


    Me, Bexster And The Loodmeister

    Posing

    We amused ourselves by taking photos of aforementioned gaps and rocks and of each other and headed off to Denmark for a BBQ by the river because we'd walked up some steps today and had earnt the right to a plate of fried spuds and grease.

    And we genuinely wondered why we gained weight on this road trip.


    Staple Diet Of Spuds And Grease

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on April 18, 2007 from Denmark, Australia
    from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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    South West Loop: Day 9

    Walpole, Australia

    These books are indispensible:

    Seriously, if you're a tight arse or just a bit skint they will save you a fortune in accommodation expenses as long as you're of the school of thought that facilities are unnecessary and hygiene is overrated. Suited us. Last night was our first free campsite, a rest stop about 16km out of Denmark. Once you stop seeing shapes in the dark and get over the fear of being brutally murdered you start to realise that free camping is the only way to spend the night. No check out times, no curfews for noise, no one to offend with over zealous singing of songs that contain the word "cunt."

    You just have to remember to get out of your feral free camping habits by the time you check into a pay site.

    Today we headed up the river on a paddleboat where we learnt exactly why Becky doesn't have a drivers license. Me and Loody got butch and peddled while Becky steered. Well, kind of steered, I now know what the Denmark River looks like through my fingers anyway.


    Licenced For 3 People (Provided One Of Them Has No Legs)

    This Took me Forever And I Still Failed

    Later we headed up to Walpole and checked into Coalmine campsite which is without a doubt one of my favourite pay sites. They let you have a camp fire and the showers are awesome. Here's a handy hint; if you're after saving water don't make showers so as people don't want to get out of them. Try installing those power ones with the really fine jets of water that hurt your nipples if you turn round to face it instead like they have in most hostels. I also recommend cockroaches and a definite stench of urine.


    Sampling The $16.50 Goon

    Ming

    We chilled here for the night drinking the worlds most disgusting overpriced goon (its all we could get at short notice when the horrific realisation set in that we were about to run out) until the heavens opened and quite literally pissed on our bonfire.

    It was at this point we remembered why we were heading north for the winter.

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on April 19, 2007 from Walpole, Australia
    from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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