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South West Loop: Day 10

Pemberton, Australia


Bex And Loody; The Valley Of The Giants
After the wonders of Dog Rock and the Natural Bridge we decided we couldn't possibly take any more rock related excitement. Fortunately, Walpole is the home of the Valley Of The Giants tree top walk, for about $8 you get to take a stroll through the tingle trees from a bird's eye height with not a single Rock With Name to photograph because you feel obliged to. After the rain scuppered our carefully laid plans to get drunk round the fire on nasty goon we hoped that it hadn't caused them to close the walk, after all, they did say they closed it in adverse weather.

Turns out that our idea of adverse weather had become somewhat perverted after spending so long in a Perth summer. If it drops below 25C we break out the thermals and huddle round the fire with a Cup-A-Soup, a few drops of rain and we worry about flash floods and drowing. I don't think I could cope with English weather ever again.


Valley Of The Giants Walk

40 Metres Up

One of the first things we saw as we got to the walkway was a warning sign, dripping with rain water, stating "Slippery When Wet." Hmm, comforting. And the walkways sway. What the hell kinda sadist designs walkways 40 metres up in the air that fucking sway?? Still, if you're in the area you should check it out although its not as long, high or scary as the Otways Skywalk that me and Kliff did on the Great Ocean Road.


Wanna Root?

After The Millionth Pic You Get Creative

By the time you get down, if you haven't had enough of trees you can check out the Ancient Empire Walk which is just a quick stroll though some more tingle trees. Hey, if tingle trees are all you have you might as well milk it for all it's worth init. They have massive holes in the trunk where they've been rotted by fungus or eaten by creatures and with this in mind we still got in them all for a photo op. Relentless tourists? Us??

And and and! Guess what else you can go and see in Walpole?! No, go on, guess....

The Great Tingle Tree! The biggest tingle tree of them all!

Shall I wait awhile while you contain your excitement?


Inside The Great Tingle Tree

Its Great... Its A Tingle Tree... Its THE Great Tingle Tree


Fuckin' Waaaaasted!
Anyway, it was onwards to Pemberton and a Minimal Fee Site (read: Free If The Ranger Doesn't Catch You Site) at Big Brook Arbetorum with drop toilets (it's advisable to practise Not Breathing if you ever have to use one of these things) a fire pit, a huge stack of wood to burn and a rusty plate that swung over the fire for cooking on. I strongly advise you never to attempt to cook on these things unless you think the rust will add a desirable texture to your fried spuds. We're usually alone in these places but this time there was an older couple on the other side of the site. I'm sure they enjoyed our repeated renditions of London Underground, an expletive filled song about the perils of travelling on the London Underground sung to the tune of The Jam's Going Underground, which had become the anthem for the trip and the power ballads we belted out through the thick blanket of goon that enveloped our brains.

And this is why we free camp as much as possible.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on April 20, 2007 from Pemberton, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged RoadTrip, LovinIt and SouthWestLoop
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South West Loop: Day 11

Margaret River, Australia


Gloucester Tree
Today we would be climbing the irrationally tall Gloucester Tree, the tallest bush fire lookout tree in the world and they still use it today if the planes can't fly. There are three trees in the area you can climb, the Diamond Tree is a bush fire lookout but not as tall and the Bicentennial Tree is the tallest but it's just a tourist attraction, it's never been used for bush fire lookouts. We settled for just the one, our interest in trees was beginning to wane.

In preparation we cooked up some bacon and eggs on the BBQ at Big Brook Dam because we would be earning the grease later then headed off to see what all the fuss was about.

It's one of those situations where you stand at the bottom looking up and thinking "why the fuck am I going to climb this thing again?" You get up it using long pegs that are driven into the tree, spiraling up it to the top and the pegs bend when you step on them.

Bend!!

Whats the problem with using proper, solid structures in this part of the world??

Buy hey, we made it to the top, oohed and ahhed at the view and climbed back down because the novelty of being 61 metres higher than normal soon wears off. My arms killed the next day.


Cape Leeuwin Lighthouse

Southern/Indian Ocean

After the trauma had worn off and we'd invested in some well earnt souveniers we headed off to Point Augusta, home of Cape Leeuwin lighthouse and where the Southern and Indian oceans meet. This is worth checking out because you can actually see where they meet, the waves seem to come in a different angles, sort of moving away from each other slightly. Ah bugger it, go check it out yerselves, I can't do all your bloody sightseeing for you now can I.


Where The Oceans Meet


Officially Back On The West Coast
Point Augusta is the most south-westerly point on mainland Australia so this put us officially back on the west coast. Naturally this earnt us a celebration so we got to Margaret River, referred to as Margs by the locals, checked into the Inne Town Backpackers then booked into Goodfellas restaurant because they let you BYO. We rocked up with a cask of goon which they promptly decanted into a bottle and put on ice. See, going up in the world, us. We made mental notes to ditch most of our friends when we got back to Perth on account of them no longer being posh enough for the likes of us.


Note How The Pinky Is Held Aloft Whilst Pouring

Us And Our New Mate, Darko

After we dropped the rest of the goon back at the hostel we kidnapped the hilarious and somewhat camp Darko, our roommate (and yes, Darko is his real name) and headed off to The Settlers for more drinking even though I ended up spending most the night and a whole lot of credit texting Swoop.

I've decided I'm going to have that part of my brain removed that makes me like people until I can afford shares in Optus.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on April 21, 2007 from Margaret River, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged RoadTrip, LovinIt and SouthWestLoop
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South West Loop: Day 12

Margaret River, Australia

Darko had his day all planned, he was going to have a lie in and spend the afternoon on a wine tour. Ohhh no, we liked him and wanted him to come and play with us. We dragged him off to the caves for the morning.

There are a few caves up the aptly named Cave Road but the three main ones are Jewel Cave, Lake Cave and Mammoth Cave. Its $17 each to get in or about $44 for all three, I love caves and would have done all three but the others weren't up for it and the guy at Jewel Cave said if we only wanted to do one then we should choose Jewel or Lake. Jewel is the biggest and most interesting, Lake is small and the prettiest.

Ooooh, shiny things! Lake Cave it was.


Caves

Caves


More Cavey Stuff

Darko, Me, Becky And Loody

The rest of the day was spent chilling and wishing we didn't have to leave. Margs is cool, its got a bit of a hippy vibe to it and loads of good places to eat. I reckon I could happily spend a couple of weeks here providing it was still summer and I had loads of money so I could eat some where different every night. The hostel had a chilled out atmosphere as well, sort of like Rainbow Lodge but cleaner. Yeah man, one day when I have cash Margs is on my list of places to do again along with Kal because I want to rent one of the rooms at Langtrees brothel.

I'm all class, me. Drinking goon out of wine glasses that was poured from a bottle has certainly gone to my head.


Random Margs Moment

That night we missioned it out to another free camp about 20km out of Margs. By the time we got there it was pitch black and pissing it down with rain but by some miracle we still managed to find it and huddled together in the back of my Falcon to make dinner and decide who was going to investigate what the fuck that loud, mechanical mooing sound was. We eventually tracked it down to a solar panel thingy, god knows what it was there for other than to freak out backpackers but at least it wasn't Robo Bovine.


Making Dinner In The Back Of A Sedan

Yep, camping in the middle of nowhere in the dark can do weird stuff to your imagination.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on April 22, 2007 from Margaret River, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged RoadTrip, LovinIt and SouthWestLoop
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South West Loop: Day 13

Balingup, Australia

There's not much more to see between Margs and Perth, no rocks or trees to keep you entertained, just lots and lots of beaches and it was too cold for that sort of frivolity so we decided to cut inland to Balingup for our next stop, the place where Loody did her WWOOFing (Willing Workers On Organic Farms, you work for about 4 hours a day and you get your food and accommodation. Its popular with backpackers because it counts towards your 3 months for your second visa).

But first, there was a jetty to marvel at in Busselton. At 1841 metres its the longest wooden based jetty in the southern hemisphere. Yep, that's nearly 2km and guess what? The little train was out of action because the jetty was no longer strong enough to support it.

What was I saying before about solid structures?


Busselton Jetty

After we failed to catch any fish we settled for a tin of spaghetti then started the trek to the end because they have an Underwater Observatory where you get to walk downstairs, below the sea line and look at stuff through windows that you daren't touch just in case they're due to cave in. And all this for the modest sum of $20. Yeah, it was a bit pricey for what it was, just some fish and some pretty coral but it was quite cool and the exercise meant we'd earnt the biscuits I'd got from Woolworths before.


$20 Worth Of Coral Viewing #1

$20 Worth Of Coral Viewing #2

Its not easy finding some of these free campsites in the dark, ok? The roads are often unsealed and not marked on the map and the directions are sometimes vague. Ok, so I nearly got us lost but fortunately loody knew the area so we gave up on the site and headed to the farm where Loody had spent 10 days and Sarah (from Rainbow Lodge) was still staying where they fed us Proper Food and let us stay at Sarah's lodge on the farm for the night.


Chillin' At Sarah's

I quite liked it there, I don't reckon I could live there too long on account of the lack of phone signal and the fact the toilet is outside and there's no lighting outside the lodge and I have an inherent fear of werewolves but half the lodge was made out of an old bus and lets face it, thats fucking cool!


Part Of Sarah's Lodge

Outdoor Dunny; Watch For Redbacks

permalink written by  Koala Bear on April 23, 2007 from Balingup, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged RoadTrip, LovinIt and SouthWestLoop
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South West Loop: Day 14

Bunbury, Australia

If ever there was a town that suited a statue of a big mushroom, Balingup is it. Its a tiny litte hippy town with not much to do but you can kill a few hours there just checking out The Cheese Factory (has nothing to do with cheese), the Magic Mushroom Bakery (nothing to do with magic mushrooms), the Exotic Tree Park (exotic meaning English) and the various little craft shops.


Exotic Trees

Magic Mushroom Cafe

We spent the morning there then headed up to Donnybrook for an hour of Tai Chi, stopping at Kirup Tavern for a bottle of the lethal Kirup Syrup. Me and Loody have had this before at Rainbow although Loody doesn't remember too much about it because that's the kind of drink Kirup Syrup is. You can only get it in this one place, possibly because it might be illegal in several countries.


Amnesia In A Bottle

After the most surreal Tai Chi ever (the class was taken by a dead woman from beyond the grave using the miracle of VCR. What, like they couldn't have got a new instructor?) it was onto a pay camp in Bunbury so we could do laundry and at least pretend we remembered how to be clean.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on April 24, 2007 from Bunbury, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged RoadTrip, LovinIt and SouthWestLoop
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South West Loop: Day 15

Jarrahdale, Australia

One of my favourite things about Australia is the sheer amount of public holidays they have, any excuse for a day off, they even have a day off for the Queen's birthday and we don't even do that in Britain. However, public holidays are only any use if you actually have a job to take a day off from so ANZAC day (25th April) kind of passed us by.


Awwww
We spent $5.50 to go and feed some kangaroos at the Big Swamp Wildlife Park in Bunbury because roos are really cute in a Could Gut You With Their Bare Hands kinda way. They have loads of other things to stuff full of grain once you've gotten bored of snarling at the small children who try and take your roos off you. They have emus, goats, parrots and the most disturbing looking chicken in the world that looks like its brain escaped through a small hole in its forehead.


Me, Loody And A Roo

What The Fuck??


Dooooooom!
Later, as we neared Rockingham we started to freak out, there were so many cars and so many people, we weren't used to sharing our space with people, it'd mean we'd have to behave ourselves. We were sort of thinking about heading to another pay camp that night, with us being so close to Perth we didn't think there's be too many free camping options but the book didn't let us down and we ended up near Jarrahdale, a nondescript place but we didn't care. It was our last night before we were forced back into civilisation so we set up camp in a rest stop way out in whoop-whoop and cracked open the Kirup Syrup.

The rest of the evening was spent laughing until we hurt and making stuff out of wax and matches. It was on this night that we learnt that making nipple moulds out of tea lights can actually be quite painful.


Bexster And A Fingerful Of Wax

Tea Light Nipple Mould. Ouch.

Man, who'd have thunk it?

permalink written by  Koala Bear on April 25, 2007 from Jarrahdale, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged RoadTrip, LovinIt and SouthWestLoop
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West Coast Mission: Day 1

Lancelin, Australia

It felt weird leaving things the way they were with Swoop, we didn't exctly part on the best of terms for reasons I still haven't quite worked out and she was off to Newman to start her new job on the mines the same day we were due to head up the West Coast. I sort of felt like I should have dropped her at the airport and chased the plane down the runway waving a white hanky and shouting "Darling! Don't forget to write!"

Ah well, what's done is done, what will be will be and all that other bollocks.

Aaaanyways, joining me on the trip up the coast would be Loody (a German lass I know from Perth) and Bexster (English girl I know from Echuca) who were on the South West Loop, Darragh, an Irish bloke who was one of the first people I met at Rainbow Lodge when I moved in and Craig, an Aussie mate of Becky's from Esperance.


Supplies
No sooner had Craig landed in Perth, we dragged him straight to the bottle shop to introduce him to the magic of goon; If he was going to be an honorary backpacker then he was going to have to learn to drink like one. We argued over what brand we should get, we all liked different ones, then we ultimately decided that they all taste as bad as each other so we settled for the cheapest. Backpacker rule number one; If its cheap enough you'll soon get used to it.
The staple diet of the South West Loop had been chilli and garlic so we stocked up on these as well. Of course we mixed the two with other ingredients such as Food but generally chilli and garlic were what we lived on. And here were we thinking that people avoided us in Rockingham because we were dancing to ringtones and singing London Underground at full volume in the shopping centre...

And we were off.... almost.

It was down to me to plan the route out of Perth because I'm a tyrant and a control freak, drove the lead car and had the maps and the free camping book. It took me about 15 minutes to find a route because, as Becky said, I'm easily distracted by shiny things and hot girls. Swoop was still on my mind. Damnit.

Eventually we made it to a rest stop about 20km south of Lancelin where I was deemed unsuitable to operate a telecommunications device whilst under the influence of goon and we had full signal here so my phone was switched off and handed to Becky to stop me making Phone Calls I Would Regret.


Me, Loody, Becky, Darragh And Craig

I'm such a sad cunt sometimes.

Anyway, that was day one. Not the most exciting unless your idea of fun is Woolworths in which case may I recommend Getting Out More but it was cool, we were finally on our way, Becky had the Big Scary Man (Darragh is 6'2") she'd been wanting all round the South West to protect her from axe wielding psychos and everyone got on.

Bring on the road trip.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on May 2, 2007 from Lancelin, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged RoadTrip, LovinIt and WestCoast
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West Coast Mission: Day 2

Cervantes, Australia

Lancelin; Has some fucking big piles of sand. There was only one thing for it, fork out $10 for a board so we could spend two hours sliding down them. Or in my case, sitting halfway down the dune making that noise you only make when you accidently bang your tail bone.


Let's Get Hurt!

I couldn't get past halfway before my bottom half started moving faster than my top half and I ended up landing so hard my anus felt like it had retreated into my lower intestine and gone on strike thus ensuring I'd never shit again. That didn't stop me trying again though... Sandboarding, not shitting that is.

Only Loody and Craig made it to the bottom standing up, the rest of us muttered vague excuses about the boards being dodgy or there not being enough wax on them and of course the sand was still a bit damp from the recent rains and I must have left my sense of balance in England or something and who wants to get to the bottom anyway coz you'd only have to get back up again right? It's good fun though and as it's The Only Thing To Do In Lancelin you should definately give it a go if you're doing the West Coast.

After scraping the sand out of our pockets and various other places it had no right being we handed the boards back in and continued north to Cervantes, home of the Nambung National Park and the Pinnacles Desert.

The Pinnacles are, surprise surprise, some rocks. Its clinically proven that the best way to make rocks interesting is alcohol or sunset and as me and Loody had to drive, sunset it was. We rocked up and paid our $10 per car entrance fee then entered the desert, expecting to see a few rocks sticking out of the ground.


Arty Shadows At Sunset Photo

The Pinnacles

There's thouands of them of varying sizes, it's actually pretty fucking awesome. You can drive though them, park up and go for a wander. There weren't too many people there either, I think all the coach tours are there in the middle of the day, it's an eerie place to be. I'm a cold, cynical bitch, I'm not easily impressed by stuff unless its shiny or has breasts or isn't a rock but I thought it was wicked there and the sunset was cool an all.


The Five Of Us At The Pinnacles

In case anyone gives a fuck, they'e formed by limestone and erosion and something about quartz blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda. Whatever. That doesn't explain why they're only there and nowhere else in Australia or at least the region so me and Darragh found a better explanation. They're alien eggs. Obviously. Think about it. Goon might help or maybe some hard drugs.


More Pinnacles

Yep, More Rocks

Camping in the National Park is illegal and you'll be hit with a $1000 fine if they catch you but there's loads of free camps in the area around Cervantes with tables and chairs and fire pits you're not allowed to use on account of the total fire ban. After the sun had set we found the nearest one and set up camp for the night and lit some tea lights and it was then that I decided I was going to show Loody how to change the gas bottle on her stove using the candles as a light.

Can we spell r-e-t-a-r-d?

Oh come on, I didn't expect a little bit of gas to escape did I, I'm not a fucking fortune teller and... what..? what was that..? I don't understand, what is this "Common Sense" of which you speak...?

After I'd put the small blaze that shot up my arm out and run around in very small circles like a headless chicken with one foot nailed to the floor while I tried to decide if I should run away or kick the flaming gas stove away from Becky's tent the fire burnt itself out and I thanked the god of People Who Don't Think Too Much that I'd managed to screw the fitting completely into the bottle a split second before it caught.

Join me next time, ladies and gentlemen, when I intend to go swimming in shark infested waters during rag week.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on May 3, 2007 from Cervantes, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged RoadTrip, LovinIt and WestCoast
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West Coast Mission: Day 3

Geraldton, Australia

On account of the fact we'd been free camping since Perth we decided to spend tonight in Geraldton at a pay camp with all kinds of exciting things like flushing toilets and showers. Ashley, my barman, is from Geraldton and Swoop has something to do with the place an all. Both had told me not to bother with the place but hey, it was on the way and it's somewhere to spend the night init.


HMS Sydney Memorial

We checked in to the site and spent the afternoon fishing on account of it being Not Quite Warm Enough for swimming. There's also a memorial to HMS Sydney or something, it's made up of big, metal seagulls, each one representing someone who died on the ship. Why oh why they chose seagulls, the most repulsive creature in the world surpassed by none, not even mozzies or flies or overweight lesbians with an aversion to bras and shaving was beyond us but still, we checked it out and took photos and generally concurred with Ash and Swoop. Geraldton aint worth the effort.


No, I Have No Idea Why They Chose Seagulls Either

permalink written by  Koala Bear on May 4, 2007 from Geraldton, Australia
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West Coast Mission: Day 4

Kalbarri, Australia


Red Bluff Camp Site
It is compulsory whilst doing the West Coast to visit Kalbarri National Park, failure to do so will result in being mocked and ridiculed by your peers and people will point and laugh at you in the street so we duly pulled off the highway and followed the loop that runs through the town of Kalbarri, checked into the cheapest campsite in town, Red Bluff, then hit the unsealed track to the national park itself.


Infinately Pinker Than The Other One

Stunning Coastline

One of Kalbarri's most famous landmarks is Nature's Window which marks the beginning of the 4 hour walk called The Loop. Thank fuck it's at the start, it meant we didn't have to bother with the walk because its recommended you take a lot of water and all we'd brought was goon. We just did some contrived "look at us relaxing nonchalantly whilst gazing through the Window" posing for the camera and spent the rest of the time twitching and waving our hands around, interspersing this with outbursts of, "Fuck off, flies!"


Contrived Posing In Nature's Window


The Z-Bend
Seriously, if you're going to check out Nature's Window and the Z-Bend take a fly net then at least you can relax and enjoy watching the other people wandering round spasming and shouting like spastics with Tourettes. Oh what the fuck take a job lot of 'em and flog them to the fools that forgot to bring one of their own, you'd make a small fortune. Other Great Aussie Business Ideas I've come up with include a sandwich bar halfway up any tourist attraction that involves walking up a hill and a bottle shop at the top of Uluru.


Fucking Flies!

After some more driving round, oohing and ahhing at the scenery and further verbal abuse of insects had occurred we headed back to the town as the sun set. Me and Becky had the power ballads blasting and we were shouting along as Craig cowered in the back whimpering, "Watch out for the cows..."

Meh, I had the cows covered and I assured him of this as I swerved to avoid a particularly startled looking bovine.

One of the things that shits me about this country is the signposting or lack thereof. When you get to the end of most unsealed roads all there'll be are some black and white arrows indicating that you need to turn left or right because onwards is no longer an option unless you drive a monster truck or you're feeling particularly adventurous and/or stupid but there's never any help as to which way would be best for you. So I swung a left and carried on driving as Celine Dion informed us at several decibels above what is deemed to be safe for the average eardrum that her heart would indeed go on. Good for you, girl.

It was about 20kms up the sealed road when I noticed Loody was flashing her lights behind us so I pulled over. Apparently she'd been shouting into the two way radio we had since I'd taken the turning, she didn't think we'd gone the right way. I thought about it... this was feasible... we had after all been driving for quite a while since we came off the track, certainly longer than we should have been... oh fuck... no, clearly we weren't going the right way.

Oh come on, its not like we were lost is it, I mean, I knew exactly where we were.

It just wasn't where we were meant to be.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on May 5, 2007 from Kalbarri, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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