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Broome To Darwin: Day 5

Darwin, Australia

After another morning playing in Wangi Falls (oh yeah, and random as fuck, we bumped into Julien who I know from Echuca and his girlfriend Naomi who came on the Neighbours tour with me) with me and Sarah finishing the goon off, Nicki drove us to Darwin. Apart from one minor incident where I woke up in the back because she'd put my car in a ditch (glares) we made it in one piece and checked into Gecko Lodge.


Nice Croc/ Nasty Croc

Wangi Falls

Right. Lets see how long it takes me to get bored of this place.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on August 2, 2007 from Darwin, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Return To The Alice: Day 2

Katherine, Australia

Douglas River is the kind of place that makes me insanely jealous of the people of Darwin because they have this on their doorstep. Its basically a hot river, so hot in parts it can burn you, you have to be careful where you get in. There's a bit where cooler water flows in to meet the hot water and there's a little dip in the sand so you can sit with your back in the hot water and your feet in the cold while the fish nibble on your dead skin. They're the fish that don't hurt, like the ones at Dalhousie. Not the vicious little bleeders that try and clean your mozzy bites by removing portions of flesh like at Florence Falls. Ok, I exaggerate, they're only about 10cm long, not quite big enough to tear your limbs off but I bet if they were they wouldn't think twice about it. Cunts.


Steaming

Douglas At Dawn


David; My New Fave Person
Aaanyway, I was just sat in the river for a couple of hours because sitting in hot water is one of my favourite things surpassed only by vodka, chatting to a few people including a bloke called David, he's from Darwin but he'd been working away in Utopia, a desert town near Alice Springs. He was just on his way back and thought he'd chill at the river the previous night, just to relax before he went back to work.
I like David. He invited me for breakfast. Anyone who cooks bacon and eggs for me instantly wins my heart. He also gave me a stack of food he said he'd bought for when he was working away and wouldn't use it now he was going back home. I never need to shop again, especially for cereal, either David makes a habit of feeding backpackers and small armies or he was expecting to be involved in a minor siege in Utopia. I am now the proud owner of all kinds of expensive breakfast products as well as packets and tins of food that don't have Home Brand (like Tescos Value) written on them and a tub of marge which I intend to put on top of on of my food bags at a slight angle so that when the car heats up it liquefies and covers as much stuff as possible because thats what I do with all my marge.

After a quick stop at Edith Falls for a swim and to be chewed on by them nasty little cleaning fish again I headed to Katherine to rent a canoe and go paddling up the gorge. I actually enjoy canoeing providing shoulder movement isn't neccessary the next day but I'm lazy, I never get far before I start wishing for an engine or maybe a slave to paddle for me. Katherine Gorge is pretty though and it was a good way to kill an afternoon. The camp site there is $9.50 a night for an unpowered site but that includes hot showers.


Katherine Gorge

Gotta Love Canoeing

See, travelling in luxury, me.

And a big shout out to Kat and Dave who, while I was freshie spotting up the gorge, were busy being all grown up like and getting wed. Let me know when you start breeding, guys, I'll make sure I'm out of the country in order to avoid baby sitting duties.

permalink written by  Koala Bear on August 25, 2007 from Katherine, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Return To The Alice: Day 4

Alice Springs, Australia

There's pretty much fuck all worth stopping for between the Devil's Marbles and Alice Springs apart from Wycliffe Well, allegedly the UFO capital of Australia.

Ohhhhh Kaaayyyyyy then.

It amused me though so I stopped to get a few photos.

I don't have an MP3 player so while I'm driving through dead zones I just let the radio scan the FM channels until it picks something up closer to the bigger towns. I got out of the car to get a photo of one of the signs and when I got back in the radio had stopped on 100.0 fm and was emitting white noise.

Ok. A wee bit freaky but yeah. I set it scanning again and drove to the next sign. Just as I was about to get out it stopped on the same channel and carried on with the white noise. It did it again when I pulled into the roadhouse, as long as the car was stationary it'd stop on 100.0 fm and emit white noise.

Were They trying to contact me? Maybe They were trying to tell me something.

I made a mental note to wrap my head in tin foil as soon as possible to stop Them from stealing my brain.


I Drove The Explorer Highway. Half Of It Anyway...

I was in Alice by lunchtime and met up with Toni for a bit. It's good to hang out with her again but I don't think her girlfriend agrees, I appear to have upset their delicate equilibrium and it only took me less than 24 hours.

So, join me in Alice Springs as I try and think of things to do in a desert town and fail to make decisions. Shouldn't be too long before I'm besieged by marauding, horny lesbians. I mean, look at me!

  • scratches mozzy bite on arse and peels scab off leg*
    •

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on August 28, 2007 from Alice Springs, Australia
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    The Worst 2500km In History

    Cairns, Australia

    Left Alice Springs: 01/10/07
    Arrived Cairns: 04/10/07

    Bear in mind that its not long distances over vast expanses of nothingness that make road trips boring, Adelaide to Perth is 2600km across the Nullabor and I had a good time but then I had Kliff, Tim and an esky full of beer.

    On account of the fact most my mates in Alice were locals who had no interest in driving 2500km to Cairns in a dusty Falcon, camping in rest stops and being generally skint I had to advertise for travel companions for the first time so I stuck a few notices up around the town and eventually Iris and Tammy, two girls from Hong Kong replied.

    I have to admit, I was wary about taking strangers, its a long way to Cairns from Alice Springs but I couldn't afford to do the trip on my own and there's been a recent spate of peoples' cars breaking down, if it was going to happen I'd rather not be alone and Chinese people are small, if we were to end up on the side of the road the dingoes and sociopaths would go for the easiest targets first.

    Anyway, it took three nights to get there and I can't say it was the most fun three nights ever but I figure that everything happens for a reason, if something can't be fun then let it be an education. Here's what I learnt over 3 nights and 2500km.


    Lesson 1: Cheesy "Look At Me, I'm Holding Up A Huge Rock" tourist photos at the Devils Marbles are easier to do with travel buddies.


    Look At Me, I'm Holding Up A Big Red Rock

    Tammy In The Devils Marbles

    Yep, they're still there, still round and still red but the girls hadn't seen them before so we stopped for a look and a wander round for the obligatory photos. Then we drove. And drove. And drove.


    Lesson 2: No matter how much practice you have pissing in the bush you can never, ever avoid splash back.

    So I introduced them to their first free rest stop camp site. We'd robbed some firewood from another rest stop and we spent the night drinking tea and talking. Well, they talked and I just listened, I learnt very very quickly that they didn't actually understand a word I was saying.


    Lesson 3: Mount Isa is a fucking horrible town.

    We'd crossed the border into Queensland (thus officially putting an entire state between me and my beloved WA) and rocked up here on day 2. Its got all kinds of exciting things such as phone signal, supermarkets, tourist information and a fuck off great big mine slap bang in the town centre. A lot of inland settlements in Australia were formed specifically for some sort of mining purpose which means they aint there to be pretty, its just that Mount Isa is less pretty then most. It could be Manchester during the Industrial Revolution if it were to ever stop raining in Manchester, like, ever. There's also a lookout you can drive up to where you can see the whole city. Lucky us!


    Mt Isa

    Crossing Another Border

    Although I gotta admit, the drive between Mt Isa and Cloncurry is one of the nicest I've done and there's a 24hr rest stop exactly halfway between with fire pits, running water and flushing toilets. Flushing! I wasn't used to road side bogs you could breathe in anymore.

    I could feel civilisation creeping up on me and I didn't like it.


    Lesson 4: I suck at making fire. Making smoke? I deserve a fucking medal. Making a mess? I could represent England.


    Free Camping With Iris And Tammy
    Still, I got it going eventually while the girls sat back and talked amongst themselves in Cantonese. It wasn't that we needed it for heat, its just nice to have some light and something to focus on in the event that one of the party can't understand what the other two are saying. Then Sas, a Belgian girl rocked up, she'd arrived in a mega super deluxe shiny camper van with three other people she'd only known for three days and was already fed up of them so she came over for a chat. Sas, you have no idea how much you saved my sanity that night girl. We chatted for hours about everything, it was so good to just be able to talk and know that someone understands you and not have to repeat everything four times before getting a reaction that isn't a blank stare.

    I decided that we needed to get to Cairns very very quickly.


    Lesson 5: No matter how still you lie in tropical north Queensland you will still sweat like a blind lesbian in a fish shop.

    Some people like to take the main highway all the way to Townsville then hang a left up to Cairns. I thought it might be prettier to go left at Cloncurry and head directly north to Normanton. And it is. Its much prettier. But the roads are about as wide as a road train and road trains don't stop for anyone or anything and it also meant we were over 350km further north a whole day earlier than necessary. So by this point I was hot, stressed and so completely over Chinese music which is basically like really bad English music except I don't understand the words. Mind you, I don't understand the words to most English music these days, the lyrics are all garbled and they don't make sense and...

    Holy fuck, at exactly what point did I become my mother?!


    Lesson 6: I love Lake Balmore!


    The Amazing Lake Balmore
    I'd refused to drive the girls to Karumba which was a fishing town near Normanton, it would have been a 140km round trip and you can't swim there because there's too many crocs. If I wasn't so desperate to just get to Cairns by this point I'd have taken them, if I was with mates or people I could have a laugh with I'd have taken them, maybe even gone out on a fishing charter and stayed in the town that night. But no, the thought of it just depressed me and as long as the car was moving I didn't sweat as much so we drove on and got to Croydon where I asked them if they wanted to look around the town because I was feeling a wee bit guilty about being a stroppy cunt. I was gutted when they said yes though but was about to pull over then I saw a sign for Lake Balmore, about 7km away, good for boating, fishing, swimming.... swimming!

    Sweet joy of joys!

    And they have cold showers and BBQs as well and again, this is where my normal road trips differed from this one. If it wasn't such an effort I'd have suggested we go back to town, grab some meat and bread and maybe some beers, chill here for a few hours, maybe even pay camp in Croydon that night.

    Bugger that though. We just swam, showered then it was back on the road to Georgetown where we pay camped because there's no decent rest stops between Normanton and Cairns.


    Lesson 7: Asians have the Nod And Smile technique down pat.

    It was the last day and we were getting back into phone signal areas around the Atherton Tablelands. There's loads to see and do around here, I just didn't want to do it, I'd come back later with my parents. We stopped at one waterfall, went ooh ahh then it was onwards to Cairns. So far there'd been no Crazy People related incidents but there would be if I didn't get some decent conversation soon, having to say things four times before you're met with something other than a blank stare is just painful.


    Millstream Falls

    Cairns is big and scary and there's lots of cars and people and shops and a choice of directions and three lane roads. I felt like I should wear shoes and clean clothes and stuff, I was far too well adjusted to the bush and my desert towns. Quite frankly it scared the fuck out of me.

    I offloaded the girls at their hostel in town then fled to Palm Cove to meet mum and dad who'd arrived that morning. That's it now, I'm never advertising again. Either I travel with people I've got pissed with or I travel alone.


    Lesson 8: Hong Kong was handed back to China in 1997

    Not 1992, Loody. You were so wrong. Mind you so was I but I'm writing this right at the bottom in the hope that no one will notice.

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on October 4, 2007 from Cairns, Australia
    from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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    Broome To Darwin: Day 3

    Gregory, Australia

    We survived Wolfe Creek Meteorite Crater with our spinal cords intact, so far it was a successful road trip.

    Today was a none event, we just wanted to get as close to Lichfield National Park as possible. We crossed the border and I left WA for the first time in over 8 months. Fuck I love that state and its capital more than anywhere else in the world.


    On To The NT

    We lost an hour and a half of our lives when we crossed the border but we made up for lost time on account of the 130kph speed limit they have in the Northern Territory and they only recently brought that in. Until then you could go as fast as you wanted until your car fell apart.


    New Speed Limits

    The Fastest You Can LEGALLY Go In Oz

    We drove into the night, only just avoiding a couple of startled looking kangeroos, before we set up camp.

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on July 31, 2007 from Gregory, Australia
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    Return To The Alice: Day 1

    Douglas-Daly, Australia

    Left Darwin: 24/08/07
    Arrived Alice Springs: 27/08/07

    Nothing starts a road trip like watching a man called Kingsley taunting one of the world's most dangerous creatures with a lump of meat hanging off a stick. Krystal had won a free ticket at The Vic to one of the Jumping Crocodile cruises and she gave it to me so I duly rocked up because free things are one of my favourite things in the world.


    Herrrrre Croccy Croccy Croccy

    Fishing For Crocs


    The Closest I'll Ever Get To A Full Grown Saltie With My Limbs Intact

    Once there, they lead you onto a large, comfortable boat very well suited to cruising up a saltwater croc infested river... then they lead you right through the other side onto a vessel resembling something you'd pack sardines into. It's an unnerving sensation sitting in this tin can as huge salties swim up to it, you can feel yourself slowly slipping down the food chain.

    So it was gone 4pm by the time I got my arse properly into gear to head down to Alice, I was thinking about heading through Kakadu National Park but after speaking to a couple of locals I didn't bother (Litchfield do, Kakadont) because I don't have a 4x4. Usually I laugh in the face of 4WD recommended and take the Falcon anyway but I generally reserve those little adventures for when I'm in the company of People Who Can Change Tyres. So yeah, I didn't bother with Kakadu, I was thinking about maybe spending the night at Litchfield but figured I should probably at least try and get further than 90 minutes from Darwin. I ended up at Douglas Hot Springs just as the sun had set.


    Douglas Hot River

    Travelling this kind of distance alone is new for me but Alice was a spur of the moment decision and Kliff wanted to go back to Broome. That was a hard goodbye, I've been in the same town as Kliff pretty much constantly since we met in Melbourne, he's one of my best mates over here and a mate for life, we've done some awesome things and been to some wicked places together from the Great Ocean Road to crossing the Nullabor. He'll be leaving the country in October so that was the last time I'll see him, in Australia anyway.

    I usually eat quite well on the road on account of the fact I travel with people who crave strange and alien things such as Nutrients and Proper Meals With Ingredients. Left to fend for myself and I only eat because if I don't I'll fall over and even then its stuff out of packets and tins with the nutritional value of a spanner.

    Another thing about travelling alone is the positive head space. Yeah, there's head space at the farm but its a shit situation, you can't sort anything out in your mind because you're too busy being miserable but just kicking back under the moonlight with a nice cup of tea and having time to properly think is invaluable.

    And just so you know, mum; I camped in National Parks all the way down where there is little or no risk of abduction by a white ute driving sociopath.

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on August 24, 2007 from Douglas-Daly, Australia
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    Return To The Alice: Day 3

    Tennant Creek, Australia

    Most road trips in Australia involve copious amounts of driving distances incomprehensible to anyone whos never left the UK. Not even a fortnights holiday in Spain or a trip around France can prepare you for the sheer amount of kilometres you can drive without seeing anything. Today was Big Drive day, I wasn't intending to make it all the way to the Devil's Marbles tonight because there were a couple more hot springs I wanted to frolic in; Katherine Hot Springs and Mataranka Thermal Pool.


    Katherine Hot (More Like Warmish) Springs

    Mataranka; Old Men In Speedos

    Katherine Hot Springs? Warmish springs more like. Not good for first thing in the morning, I'd been spoilt by Douglas River so I didn't last more than 20 minutes in there. Next stop was Mataranka, probably the more famous one. A resort backs onto it and the pool can apparently get proper busy. Again, it aint that hot and the sight of old men in Speedos is possibly one of the most traumatic experiences in the world.

    I lasted 10 minutes.


    Well It Was Hotter Than Katherine Hot Springs Anyways

    Smokin'

    So yeah, I made it to the Devil's Marbles in plenty of time for sunset which, as regular readers will know, is the best time to view Rocks With Names in the absence of alcohol. It was a long drive with the most interesting thing being the fire I drove through, it was so big the smoke blocked out the sun making it look like England on a winters day. Ok, make that any day. I think the press studs on the back pockets of my shorts are permanently imprinted onto my arse an all.

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on August 26, 2007 from Tennant Creek, Australia
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    Obligatory East Coast Adventure: Day 1

    Cape Tribulation, Australia

    Cape Trib: 26/10/07
    To Brisbane: 20/11/07

    It is compulsory whilst backpacking Australia to Do The East Coast or they'll revoke your backpacker card and you won't be able to bulk buy goon and noodles. Everyone does this coast, a lot of people only do this coast which is a damn shame because Western Australia is the best place in the world. I have to admit, I wasn't overly enthusiastic about it, I wanted to do it though because I knew I'd regret it if I didn't and anyway, I needed to get to a city where I could get work so I might as well do it in style so I duly borrowed £2000 (yep, that's pounds not dollars, Exchange Rate fans) off Mum and Dad. On account of the fact I'd rather chew my own fingers off than advertise for travel companions again and I hadn't met anyone who was leaving at the same time as me, I headed back up to Cape Tribulation all on my lonesome.


    Today I was back out on the reef without several litres of goon sloshing around my veins and after a proper nights sleep. Odyssey H2O wasn't going out so I ended up on Rum Runner IX which is a bit slower and looks better although I couldn't help wondering what happened to the other eight. The conditions were loads calmer and the weather was awesome as well which helped, as did dosing myself up on seasick pills so I managed to spend the entire trip vertical as opposed to horizontal or bent over the side. Yay me.


    Rum Runner IX

    It was an incredible day. For a start it was only me doing an intro dive so it was just me and the instructor floating around the reef looking at pretty things, the first time we were down for nearly an hour. The Mackay Reef itself is indescribable, after lunch we moved a bit so we could snorkel something called The Wall which is literally an 18 metre wall of coral and because visibility was about 25 metres that day we saw everything.


    Yes Actually, That IS The Great Barrier Reef

    When I went back down for a second intro dive, Fabien grabbed my arm and pulled me down to a cave where he'd found a sleeping reef shark then proceeded to wake it up. Now normally I'd be against waking something up with that many pointy teeth, I know how evil I can be when I'm woken up but I was still in tourist mode which meant all common sense had been left in my backpack at PK's Jungle Village so we duly pissed it off further by following it around the reef and staring at it while it tried to get back to sleep in another cave.


    Shark!

    Its no bloody wonder sharks bite people sometimes.

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on October 26, 2007 from Cape Tribulation, Australia
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    Obligatory East Coast Adventure: Day 2

    Mission Beach, Australia

    I spent a couple of nights up in Cape Trib at PK's because they let you work for 4 hours a day and in return you get three meals a day that don't come out of a packet with "Noodles" written on it and a bed for the night. I could easily stay there for a long long time if it wasn't so fucking humid, I just can't get used to being damp all the time, I need to see a point in showering and as scummy as I can be sometimes not even I consider mouldy clothes to be an acceptable fashion statement so I headed back south, spent a night in Port Douglas to visit my mate Curly (who I know from the MCG in Broome) then drove to Mission Beach which is apparently the place in Australia to throw yourself out of a perfectly good plane with a man strapped to your back.


    WHOOOOOOOOO.....

    I checked into Scotty's backpackers and idly picked up a skydiving leaflet. Reception were on me instantly telling me all about prices, heights, discounts and roughly 20 seconds later I was stood there, credit card in hand, booked onto a 14000ft jump at 4:30pm. It was now 12:30pm. I went to my room to spend the ensuing 4 hours panicking and wondering if I should call my family to let them know my mortal remains would be available for viewing at various locations around Mission Beach.


    .....HOOOOOOO!!!!

    Everyone staying at Scotty's has either thrown themselves out of a plane or is about to, there's always someone watching their jump DVD on the TVs and I didn't meet a single person who didn't love it which calmed me down so by the time I was on the plane I was loving it. I thought I'd shit myself when they sat me on the edge but I didn't and its not like you have any choice in the matter, you have a man attached to you who's intent on jumping out of that plane and you're going with him.

    That split second when you go over the edge and see the ground coming towards you is unsurpassed by anything you will ever experience. I don't think I'm able to put it into words but I'll try.

  • clears throat*


    • WHEEEAAGGGGHHHHOOHHHHHHHHWAAAAAAAAAFUUUCCCCCCKKKKKYEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

    Oh fuck it, I've never had a brilliant grasp of the English language, I'm from Stockport for fucks sake.

    Since when you get to Mission Beach you watch a million skydive videos you're very aware of the camera during your 60 second free fall, terminal velocity doesn't make an attractive girl what with bingo wings that you could take a small country out with. You'll notice the grimace like grin in the fourth thumbnail above, designed to tighten the flesh on your face thus ensuring you don't knock the guy out in charge of pulling the parachute cord and thus keeping you intact with your flappy jowls.

    Mission Beach is an amazing drop zone, on one side you have the rainforest and on the other you have the ocean. After the cord had been pulled and the parachute was open (and watching the DVD back, I'm glad I didn't realise how long it took for the 'chute to spread out and slow us down!) John, the only man to ever strap me up, said, "So, this is the view from my office window." And what a fucking beautiful view. My habit of putting myself in high places because I think it might be pretty at the top is well documented but this tops everything I've ever seen in Australia, I was the second person out of the plane and the last to land on the beach, I had an amazing float down to the ground, just taking in the views and enjoying being obscenely high up without a large metal tube with wings. If I had money this could get addictive.

    That night I chilled at the hostel with a couple of girls from Wigan, Alison and Nat. They weren't in Oz for long, just a 3 week holiday doing the East Coast. I introduced them to the joy that is goon thus relieving Nat of unnecessary braincells and some stomach lining.


    Alison And Nat And A Shiny Bag Of Joy

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on October 30, 2007 from Mission Beach, Australia
    from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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    Obligatory East Coast Adventure: Day 3

    Mission Beach, Australia

    An essential part of recovering from a goon hangover is lying on the floor and groaning, this is helped if you actually have someone to groan at so it was a good job Irma rocked up to join me on the Obligatory East Coast Adventure. We spent the day doing the only other thing you can do in Mission Beach apart from skydive; Go to the beach and watch skydivers.


    Hangover Cure

    Watching Skydivers

    I vowed for the 436th time to never drink again.

    permalink written by  Koala Bear on October 31, 2007 from Mission Beach, Australia
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