I need to dig deeper, and get darker. I will never be as dark as I was in high school. I need to get back there. Now I remember how.

I forgot about the person I gave my vision to.

Dick.

It was him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

written by  napulelehuameae on February 28, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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I am also busy on understanding now not only the dynamics that lead up to my major false ascension in high school, but also and just as important, the dynamics that happened in my life afterwards because I have said many times that I felt more gothic afterwards than before!

The reason for the feeling was the reason why I continued on my path of Aaron. I can't believe he has a name anymore but it is a part of my creation.

There is a peice I am missing to the whole puzzle. I have been looking and looking but I can't seem to find it.

It is the peice of the puzzle that would somehow replace my truth within my soul and also meld all realities of my world together, something I have been intending for so long.

I can not afford to think to myself that the gypsy life is not my truth, it has been my truth I realize now.. I have looked into the pages of the past and I can see, they were never really free. We were never really free. Ever since we were created, we have never been free.

How can we be free with missing the freedom tone?

I realize the darkness is a part of me, it is a part of everything and everyone, it is a viable intricate part of expression and collaboration and interpersonalization. I am aware of it, and how it works, but not all of it.

I realize now the depth and breath of the human species and relattedness I haven't yet seen before. We are all human, from different creations. All with different goals, all lead by different things from within.

I also realize something that they tried to make me into something I am not, a slave, well, they have succeeded. To be honest really. But I also see now that I was born a slave. My ancestors have all lead the life of slavery and non slavery. But there is something in between.

I have seen to much darkness, I have seen too much. But, that is the intention I had for my life. I had intended to understand how people become serial killers, and I end up with one.

Ha, now I know, I understand much. The human condition, the human calamity here is unreal and unlike everything anywhere, but with all things, can be related to other things elsewhere.

I am trying to remember all that I once knew.

And this is the thing I am striving towards.

A life, free from the past and into a new future. If we are a creation of creators, then we too have the ability to create a new dream in which the world we envision for ourselves unfurls in no time.

I am intending the true Tao give me a vision of the future that would be in alignment with everything. I intend to receive the true vision for my lifes purpose.

I intend to retrieve the magic in my life I once had.

I intend to make all the right steps in the physical in order to make this reality a physical expression.

written by  napulelehuameae on February 24, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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I have been wondering alot of things and seeing alot of things and asking alot of questions lately, but that doesn't seem to amuse many but myself.

I have a hard time understanding how it is a can repeat the same story over and over and over again and...it is not understoodd!!!! How could it not be understood by now???? It has only happened about a dozen times now. Hopefully with the new illuminations I will be able to.

What is this new path that will lead me to a new direction? And who is it that says I will benefit from it? What is to benefit? What is truth?

And how is it that you live it when you do not?

There comes a time in your life when you spend your time and day feeling things, and then you sense of feeling goes. Ha. And now you only want to get back to the way you felt when you felt.

And what are emotions? When you want the same thing over and over and over again or have you never really gotten it before? SO how do you differentiate?

I intend to come out of this with an understanding that my ancestors never had, I intend to retrieve my power, my life force, my love, my life and my everything so that what I envision in my life becomes true.

I intend to break from the cages that have been put upon me and the everything that has tried to cage me.

The time has come and if I do not live, if I lose more of myself because I try, once again, to achieve my goal of true freedom, I don't care. Because I will have my true freedom. And I will live it out forever until I go home.

Because if I do not try, once again, then I will have lost. My true purpose is to try at least and to try and continue trying so I will strive to keep doing it.

written by  napulelehuameae on February 23, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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I want to be free. And now, there is a chance for that to become a reality, the way I envisioned in school. In summer. I can see it, I can feel it, I can taste. How am I going to get to it? What is going to have to transpire to get to it?

I need to retrieve all of my power, I need to retrieve all of my emotions and my feelins. and my soul. Divine Union.

But freedom comes first.

What does it mean to be free, in this physical? The definition of free is being able to make a decision and then live out the consequences of that decision as it plays out in physicality.

But what happens when the decision does NOT come to fruition and you are forced to live someone else decision and henceforth, live out in full extent with dreary agony, someone ELSEs consequences for that said physical outcome???

Who is to pay for the crime you didn't commit but was pressed upon you like a bug in a fly swatter???

Why YOU of course? And what THEN! You are forced to with the debilitating efforts of an effort that will cripple and debilitate you in repression, and you then feel as though you can never come out of it, or never again reexperience that same event and maybe be able to actually make the choice in physicality, that way YOU wanted it in first time!

SO now, through ascension, my boat is coming around again and I have the opportunity once again to rexperience everything from a more clearer perspective.

In a more deeper way, more so than I did before, as deep as I felt it.

Some things have changed, some things are different but I hope this time, with my intent to hold onto my dreams and hopes and wishes of true authentic freedom.

WHO WAS IT THAT SAID FREEDOM ISN'T LIVING LIKE A GYPSY!!!!

Well, if you are able to manifest places to sleep, enough to eat, always what you need when you need it, then you are.

If you are doing something that brings you joy, then you are doing it.

If you are being paid to play music so that becomes your source of income, then...

YOU ARE DOING IT!!!!!

I can hear the echoes of my parents in my ears now, but what have their voices been to me in my entire life!!!

Voices of repression, aggression, slavery and USERY!!!

I CAN NOT LIVE LIKE THIS ANY LONGER!!!!

I WILL NOT LIVE LIKE THIS ANY LONGER!!!!!

I WILL BE FREE!!!!!

I WILL BE FREE!!!!

OF THEM OF THE PAST OF THEIR WORDS OF THEIR LIVES OF THEIR LIES WAYS OF LIFE

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH I WILL NOT TAKE IT ANY LONGER AND

II

WILL

BEE

PHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Watch me.

You said it couldn't be done..

You said it was impossible.

And you wanted to prove it to me.

You wanted me to fail at my lifes purpose.

I will not fail at retrieving my lifes purpose and most of all, you will no longer be given the opportunity to cloud my truth, and way of life.

written by  napulelehuameae on February 22, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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