I want to be free. And now, there is a chance for that to become a reality, the way I envisioned in school. In summer. I can see it, I can feel it, I can taste. How am I going to get to it? What is going to have to transpire to get to it?

I need to retrieve all of my power, I need to retrieve all of my emotions and my feelins. and my soul. Divine Union.

But freedom comes first.

What does it mean to be free, in this physical? The definition of free is being able to make a decision and then live out the consequences of that decision as it plays out in physicality.

But what happens when the decision does NOT come to fruition and you are forced to live someone else decision and henceforth, live out in full extent with dreary agony, someone ELSEs consequences for that said physical outcome???

Who is to pay for the crime you didn't commit but was pressed upon you like a bug in a fly swatter???

Why YOU of course? And what THEN! You are forced to with the debilitating efforts of an effort that will cripple and debilitate you in repression, and you then feel as though you can never come out of it, or never again reexperience that same event and maybe be able to actually make the choice in physicality, that way YOU wanted it in first time!

SO now, through ascension, my boat is coming around again and I have the opportunity once again to rexperience everything from a more clearer perspective.

In a more deeper way, more so than I did before, as deep as I felt it.

Some things have changed, some things are different but I hope this time, with my intent to hold onto my dreams and hopes and wishes of true authentic freedom.

WHO WAS IT THAT SAID FREEDOM ISN'T LIVING LIKE A GYPSY!!!!

Well, if you are able to manifest places to sleep, enough to eat, always what you need when you need it, then you are.

If you are doing something that brings you joy, then you are doing it.

If you are being paid to play music so that becomes your source of income, then...

YOU ARE DOING IT!!!!!

I can hear the echoes of my parents in my ears now, but what have their voices been to me in my entire life!!!

Voices of repression, aggression, slavery and USERY!!!

I CAN NOT LIVE LIKE THIS ANY LONGER!!!!

I WILL NOT LIVE LIKE THIS ANY LONGER!!!!!

I WILL BE FREE!!!!!

I WILL BE FREE!!!!

OF THEM OF THE PAST OF THEIR WORDS OF THEIR LIVES OF THEIR LIES WAYS OF LIFE

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH I WILL NOT TAKE IT ANY LONGER AND

II

WILL

BEE

PHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Watch me.

You said it couldn't be done..

You said it was impossible.

And you wanted to prove it to me.

You wanted me to fail at my lifes purpose.

I will not fail at retrieving my lifes purpose and most of all, you will no longer be given the opportunity to cloud my truth, and way of life.

written by  napulelehuameae on February 22, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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I have been wondering alot of things and seeing alot of things and asking alot of questions lately, but that doesn't seem to amuse many but myself.

I have a hard time understanding how it is a can repeat the same story over and over and over again and...it is not understoodd!!!! How could it not be understood by now???? It has only happened about a dozen times now. Hopefully with the new illuminations I will be able to.

What is this new path that will lead me to a new direction? And who is it that says I will benefit from it? What is to benefit? What is truth?

And how is it that you live it when you do not?

There comes a time in your life when you spend your time and day feeling things, and then you sense of feeling goes. Ha. And now you only want to get back to the way you felt when you felt.

And what are emotions? When you want the same thing over and over and over again or have you never really gotten it before? SO how do you differentiate?

I intend to come out of this with an understanding that my ancestors never had, I intend to retrieve my power, my life force, my love, my life and my everything so that what I envision in my life becomes true.

I intend to break from the cages that have been put upon me and the everything that has tried to cage me.

The time has come and if I do not live, if I lose more of myself because I try, once again, to achieve my goal of true freedom, I don't care. Because I will have my true freedom. And I will live it out forever until I go home.

Because if I do not try, once again, then I will have lost. My true purpose is to try at least and to try and continue trying so I will strive to keep doing it.

written by  napulelehuameae on February 23, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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I am also busy on understanding now not only the dynamics that lead up to my major false ascension in high school, but also and just as important, the dynamics that happened in my life afterwards because I have said many times that I felt more gothic afterwards than before!

The reason for the feeling was the reason why I continued on my path of Aaron. I can't believe he has a name anymore but it is a part of my creation.

There is a peice I am missing to the whole puzzle. I have been looking and looking but I can't seem to find it.

It is the peice of the puzzle that would somehow replace my truth within my soul and also meld all realities of my world together, something I have been intending for so long.

I can not afford to think to myself that the gypsy life is not my truth, it has been my truth I realize now.. I have looked into the pages of the past and I can see, they were never really free. We were never really free. Ever since we were created, we have never been free.

How can we be free with missing the freedom tone?

I realize the darkness is a part of me, it is a part of everything and everyone, it is a viable intricate part of expression and collaboration and interpersonalization. I am aware of it, and how it works, but not all of it.

I realize now the depth and breath of the human species and relattedness I haven't yet seen before. We are all human, from different creations. All with different goals, all lead by different things from within.

I also realize something that they tried to make me into something I am not, a slave, well, they have succeeded. To be honest really. But I also see now that I was born a slave. My ancestors have all lead the life of slavery and non slavery. But there is something in between.

I have seen to much darkness, I have seen too much. But, that is the intention I had for my life. I had intended to understand how people become serial killers, and I end up with one.

Ha, now I know, I understand much. The human condition, the human calamity here is unreal and unlike everything anywhere, but with all things, can be related to other things elsewhere.

I am trying to remember all that I once knew.

And this is the thing I am striving towards.

A life, free from the past and into a new future. If we are a creation of creators, then we too have the ability to create a new dream in which the world we envision for ourselves unfurls in no time.

I am intending the true Tao give me a vision of the future that would be in alignment with everything. I intend to receive the true vision for my lifes purpose.

I intend to retrieve the magic in my life I once had.

I intend to make all the right steps in the physical in order to make this reality a physical expression.

written by  napulelehuameae on February 24, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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Argh.

Oh well, I am still busy trying or least hopefully, retrieving more of my stuff from England. What stuff? Why did my stuff even GO there in the first place is really my question?

What the hell is up with England anyway???

I never had any connection with England and then all of a sudden it was inserted in there to my dream like that! I see these things and I say I want this I want this I want this I don't want this I don't want this I don't want this and it seems to collide with eachother.

Ok, I'll be honest. I am still missing keys. But thats fine. What I am really missing is the key to get those new keys, thats what I am missing. and I need it.....

Talk about not emboding ascension Sometimes it gets me sometimes whatever it'll come someday because it is still my intention

written by  napulelehuameae on February 28, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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I need to dig deeper, and get darker. I will never be as dark as I was in high school. I need to get back there. Now I remember how.

I forgot about the person I gave my vision to.

Dick.

It was him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

written by  napulelehuameae on February 28, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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MOTHERFUCKERS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where is my youth???

Where is my everything!!!!!!!!!!

I am growing old!!!!!!!!!!

I was never supposed to!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am giving in!~~!@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am giving up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHERE IS MY YOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE IS MY FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE IS MY MUTHAFOOKIN ANGER MOTHERFUCKERS!

Stop the SHIT ALREADY! I've HAD ENOUGH OF YOU AND YOUR GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THATS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANNA GO HOME! HOW CAN I GET A HOLD OF EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN THIS BE HOMECOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHERE THE MOTHEFUCKIN AM I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How am I supposed to be at Peace!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS PEACE WHAT IS PEACE WHAT IS PEACE WHAT IS PEACE WHAT IS PEACE

THIS IS NOT PEACE THIS IS NOT PEACE THIS IS NOT PEACE

WHERE IS ALL MY POWER Where has my gentleness gone. Where has all my sooth faint lines gone. Now I am hard taught lose and nigh, light lose tight and high. I have lost stuff I didn't know I had. That I was lead to believe I didn't have. Now I am becoming a dead adult zombie like everybody around me.

Wonderful. All that I thought I had, I didn't??? All that I didn't have, I thought I did????

I believed so much about myself, my strength, my resilience, and push against the tides. Now I see my strength wither amoungst the failing tides. Everything I have wanted I have not felt.

Well, that is my realization for the day. The *things* I have wanted to receive, I have more or less. The things I have wanted to feel have not been so easy. Especially when my capacity to feel has been damaged as much as it has....

But maybe if I have hope. I still have hope, for this year and this summer...

written by  napulelehuameae on March 1, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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I see people around me begining to listen to their Native American ancestors where were key I see now because that was the root race that was used to create the slave. This races holds the key to unity and the slaves can easily maneuver themselves over to the unity side red way if the movement and chi and love is available to do so with grace and ease. They are the ones that do the most harm in the physical anyway...

I can also see how I thought I was going to change and inherently save Aaron because I had changed and intended to change. That didn't work out as planned and still hold guilt for the whole experience to this day. Not so with Ed, he had already done the amount of change he was capable of in this lifetime but I thought that things would be ALOT different with Aaron and this is also where my vision was switched with anothers....

written by  napulelehuameae on March 2, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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Sun Mario Queen Of Cups John

Together

Seven of Pentacles

AHHHHHHHHHH

Heart of the Tao realllllllly reeeeeeeeallllly needs to get to comin around here soon in a big fuckin way and I see that now. I realize more of the darkness we are sitting in. I had to rerealize though because I already knew all that in high school.

All the things in high school I wish I still knew now but I will remember. I have to and when I remember all of it, damn! Watch out! I'm going home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No matter what this time, and no, I will not be pulled apart again like last time. There is a time and place for everything. Of course, there is a time set for me to return home. I see 50 years.

And no, my great nonphysical friends with all ye nonphysical power. Watch this, I get return home in 50 years, not die, so yeah, watch that. The things I see you see with me but you do not give me sight.

Being in the school, ok yes, I did want this for a long time, but it was too painful for that part of self to be around anymore. Maybe it has found its home, maybe I am too busy doing others with things but eventually I will be back there.

The people here to do own what I have and do not use what I want. What I want is to be free, and to see clearly, my truth and everything that is my truth. Well dah, Francine, your truth is already there.

I retrieve now everything I have lost to the nonphysical. HA Soooo....

yeeeaahhhhh

That's how they get to abuse everything is because they have all my power but not for long and oh, you want to fight me for it//????? WELLL!!!! How are you going to do all that when you are powerless now because I have stripped from you all that power that was supposed to be mine through intention, that I let you have for a alittle bit, and now that I have intended to call it back to myself, have are you going to use it??? Huh>????

Ok, so sleep now, I get back to seeing more. Widening the viewfinders of the world that lay in front of me waiting for my call.

Eo

Eo MAI!!!!!!!!!!

written by  napulelehuameae on March 6, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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