No really, they're lethal.
Just because the little man is green it doesn't mean you won't get mown down by a vehicle turning in from the side.

Haven't got anything more interesting to say right now as I was brutally force fed large quantities of alcohol for the first two nights we were here and the clubs don't close until five.

I'll be back once my brain cells have regenerated but despite the perpetual double vision and slurring I've been pondering the following; There is a noticeable lack of beggars in Brisbane and a disproportionate amount of kebab shops.

Coincidence?

Red Bellied Black Snake

I was walking up to one of Phillip Island's many rock-like tourist attractions when I nearly stepped on this beast, I was reliably informed that it was a Red Bellied Black snake.

Descriptive dontcha think?

It does actually have a red belly, you just can't see it properly in this photo because I wasn't about to wave it around by its tail whilst shouting "Crikey," that sort of behaviour gets you stabbed in the chest by a stingray.

In case you can't make it out on account of my limited photography skills and unwillingness to actually die, its head is to the top of the picture.

So there ya go, my very first proper Brush With Death. How exciting?

written by  Koala Bear on October 21, 2006 from Cowes, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Not As Deadly As They Are Ugly

And as I was the only one out of me, Kliff and Loody that would actually hold the damn things that makes me the Most Likely To Die that day. I laugh in the face of danger!

What A Catch

Kliff Getting Feral, Catching Fish

Twice.

The Dive Boat

Jiorji And A Fat, Red Me

The Bligh Waters are a stunning place to learn to dive though, we saw some of the coolest things. After a day off we went back out to finish my course then I went out on my certified dive. Over the course of all my dives we saw Murray eels, heaps of fish and coral, barracudas, a white tipped reef shark, a sea snake and a couple of lion fish. Two years in the land of Things That Can Poison You Or Tear You Limb From Limb taught me nothing, I still followed the sea snake for a photo op. I think they're pretty venomous, they just don't care enough to bite you is all. Lion fish are poisonous too. I'm not sure if you have to actually suck them in order to die or if they just have to take a fancy to your extremities. I'll look it up and let you know.

Sea Snake

Lion Fish

I fucking love diving so much, seriously, its amazing. It's a whole different world, I can't wait to start diving in other parts of the world and to do some more courses. It ain't cheap but hey, gotta have a hobby apart from travel and what two hobbies go better together than travel and diving? Apart from drinking and shagging but that aside.

Anyway, its official. Finally I'm a diver.

And not just of the muff variety.

Diver!

Perfect Sunset

Unless its October to May when a quick dip might just get you landed in hospital with a box jellyfish wrapped around your tender parts.

In order to make the most of our unemployment whilst all our friends were slaving away, me and Darragh rocked up to the beach today and were greeted with a large yellow sign saying, "Stingers!" and a man in a full, thick wetsuit handing out leaflets letting us know exactly why we weren't allowed in the water. I can't believe they actually have to go out of their way to convince people, a simple, "If you go in the water you might die and if you don't die you will experience the worst pain known to man" would have done it for me. Literature isn't neccesary.

Irukandji inhabit the sea in northern Australia but places like Cairns have stinger nets. Places like Broome expect you to deal with it, like they have so much else going for them.

That's it. I want to live in a town where going for a swim isn't an extreme sport.

written by  Koala Bear on May 23, 2007 from Broome, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Fucking hippies.

It's saltwater crocs we're interested in, they have been known to take humans and they're clever bastards an all, they watch for patterns in behaviour so if you go fishing at the same spot every day it'll wait for you and attack. However, they'll always go for the thing least likely to fight so it's important to pack a dog or a small child in the boot of your car when you head out to catch lunch.

Ominous Signage

Feeding Time

The Malcolm Douglas Crocodile Farm in Broome houses some big bastard salties that had to be removed from their natural habitat when they started "making a nuisance of themselves." Y'know, scaring old ladies and eating people and the like. They run tours at 11am but 3am is feeding time. Now that's what I'm talking about and it's only $20 if you're a backpacker.

Call Him A Fat Headed Cunt To His Face

Steve Irwin Moment

It's an ideal way to dispose of bodies and they even let you hold a baby croc at the end.

I feel so Steve Irwin.

written by  Koala Bear on May 24, 2007 from Broome, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged PotentialDeath and LovinIt
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Scary Bitch

There hasn't been a Death By Redback in Australia since about 1956 when the anti-venom was developed and even then there was only about 13 recorded deaths before that. Also, its only the females that are poisonous, they're part of the Widow family. Psychotic bitch. My kinda girl.

None the less, I decided to give the loo a miss and risked spiking my arse on the spinifex behind a rock instead.

written by  Koala Bear on July 27, 2007 from Fitzroy Crossing, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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The Skyrail

Looking Out Of The Skyrail

Kuranda is impossibly pretty, it doesn't look real. It feels like it gets packed up at 6pm when all the tourists go home and is taken out again in the morning like some kind of stage set, I half expected the locals to suddenly start singing and dancing like we were in some kind of bizarre musical. Mercifully they didn't. We had some time to kill before we were picked up to go horseriding so on the advice of a random Frenchman clutching a shingleback lizard we headed to Australia Venom Zoo where we parted with $15 each to go and look at some poisonous stuff.

Australia Venom Zoo

He then showed us another spider sat in a mesh of web which turned out to be a Funnel Web spider but not a Sydney Funnel Web which, as indicated by its name, is found in and around Sydney. Oh no. This was a Far North Queensland Funnel Web and... hang on... weren't we in...? Oh fuck! This was a brand new species they'd just discovered, so new that they'd only ever found 5 of them but in order to create an anti-venom they needed 500. He went on to tell us that they're found north of Mossman in and around the Daintree Rainforest but if we were out walking in the area we'd be lucky to find one. Lucky?

Lucky??

Getting six numbers in the lottery is lucky. Backing the winner of the Grand National at 100:1, that's lucky. Walking in the rainforest and stumbling across the deadliest spider in Australia with a bite that can kill you in 15 minutes for which there is no anti-venom? That's not exactly on my list of Lucky Things To Do This Week.

Blazing Saddles Souvenier Photo

Dad's First Time On A Horse Ever

After I'd been suitably traumatised we went to the meeting point where we'd be picked up by Blazing Saddles for a few hours wandering the rainforest on horseback. This was something Dad wanted to do because he'd never been on a horse in the entire 52 years he'd been on the planet. I'd not got on a horse for about 16 years and neither had Mum.

Horses don't have a stop button or seat belts, there's nothing to stop you from falling off but grim determination and a death-like grip and the only thing to break your fall is the ground. Things that are recommended whilst riding are long trousers and a top with sleeves to avoid scratches from branches, sunscreen and a pair of sunnies to hide the look of abject terror in your eyes. It was fun though and despite the mildly sore arse due to the trotting they made us do we had a good time.

Stoney Creek Falls

Not Always Overly Scenic

Then it was home again via the scenic railway which winds its way back to Freshwater station, slowing down for Stoney Creek falls and general outstanding views.

Such a hard life. I don't know how I cope.

written by  Koala Bear on October 7, 2007 from Cairns, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged PotentialDeath, LovinIt and ShamelessTourist
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