Tree People

I was back in Broome about an hour when I randomly bumped into four people I knew in three separate places before I even got back up to the MCG to say hi to everyone. Ahh, Broome. Gotta love the tinyness. I also went to McDonalds to get a quick grease fix and got some very odd looks off a lad called Dan who Nicki had an interest in. Now, let me take you on a little trip down Not Much Of A Memory Lane...

Nights You Can't Remember With Friends You'll Never Forget
A while ago after a big night out we stumbled back to the campsite where Nicki asked me to call this lad who worked at McDonalds so, being the pissed up matchmaker I was called him at some obscene hour in the morning and demanded to know when he was taking Nicki out for a Chinese and a movie. He agreed to take her out and they met up a few times.

Aaaanyway, forwards to my leaving Broome party. Everyone had come to the Last Resort where I was staying and we'd had a few drinks there on top of the drinks me and Loody started on not too long after lunch. I remember leaving the Lastys. I remember getting to the Oasis. I even remember leaving that bar and getting home at some foolish hour. I have no recollection of what happened between leaving the hostel and getting to the bar.

Nicki does.

Apparently, me and Rachel had demanded to know which one was Dan and Nicki had no choice but to point him out because we were being so loud about it. He works at the drive through window so we got in our imaginary car, me driving, Rachel in shotgun DJing and Nicki in the back. Apparently she didn't want to be in the back but we made her because Rachel wanted to be DJ and it was my imaginary car but still, she actually got into our car and we walked through the drive through.

Making car noises.

It gets better.

After that I believe I spent a good while shouting at Dan and demanding that he take Nicki out while Rachel ordered fries. Once she'd finished them she asked Dan for a free refill and when he said no she told him, "You suck! I'm gonna tell Nicki you suck then she won't go out with you!" At this point I apologised for her behaviour because of course my behaviour at this point was perfectly acceptable then proceeded to escort her off the premises because she was drunk.

We stumbled out of Maccas, turned round to Nicki who was cowering outside and said, "Erm... I don't think your romance is a romance anymore."

So that would be why the poor bloke asked his supervisor for a break as soon as he saw me.

Yep, definitely the right time to be leaving Broome for good methinks.

written by  Koala Bear on July 28, 2007 from Broome, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
tagged RoadTrip, LovinIt and Kimberley
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Sarah who I know from Rainbow Lodge had flown to Broome the previous night to come to Darwin. Neil was meant to be coming but he dropped out so Nicki, whos romance me and Rachel (but probably mainly me) had destroyed had decided to come as well.
I dragged them off for one of my trademark early starts because I wanted to stay at a rest stop we'd had lunch at on the All Terrain Safaris tour because it was pretty and there were crocs in the river which meant we had over 600km to cover and I wanted to get there in the light. We stocked up the esky and hit the road.

Nicki, Sarah And Me At Mary Pool Rest Stop

After developing a somewhat disturbing habit up the West Coast of keeping food in the esky it was good to see it full of shiny silver goon bags and a litre of milk for tea making purposes. Food should be kept to a minimum in an esky as it takes up precious space needed for the ice to keep the goon cool although lets face it, cold goon tastes just as bad as warm goon. Its not even real goon in Broome, its actual wine with names like Chardonnay or Semillion Sauvengion or other things that should be pronounced with a bad French accent.

Anyway, today was just a mad dash to Mary Pool rest stop, about an hour from Halls Creek. We posed for photos with a crocodile, collected some firewood and made friends with the people who'd been there a few days for reasons we could never fathom.

And That's About As Close As I Was Getting

Mary Pool is a nice place to spend the night but just the night, it really is a rest stop in the middle of nowhere. Nicki and Sarah set their tents up and a bloke came over and warned us about the cows, apparently they wander through the site alot but they probably wouldn't trample the tents, I should be careful in my swag though.

Took Forever To Collect This Wood

Backpacker Silver Service

Right on cue a huge bovine stampeded through the caravans and cars. I abandoned my usual habit of sleeping by the fire that night. If I'd have slept any closer to the car I'd have been under it.

written by  Koala Bear on July 29, 2007 from Mary Pool, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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He had no bloody fear, the little bleeder. The next parrot that tries to take my breakfast will become breakfast.

Meet Bruce

On A Mission To Nom Our Food

And then it was onto Wolfe Creek, 154km south of Halls Creek along the unsealed Tanami Road that runs all the way to Alice Springs. When Sarah had tried to get there last year apparently it was a shocking road, they couldn't get over 20kph so they gave up but this time it had been recently graded and apart from the huge, unsignposted dips you have to look out for you can get your speed up to about 80 - 110kph on the good bits. The only bit you might want to worry about in a 2WD is the last 10km of the turnoff, its just rocky and corrugated and there are three or four gates you have to go through. It was at one of these that Nicki lost her iPod, we went back for it but someone must have picked it up.

Bugger. I'd also lost a hubcap somewhere along the way but to be honest I needed a new set anyway on account of my habit of using kerbs as a handy Stop When You Hear The Crunch parking gauge.

Welcome To Wolfe Creek

In The Middle Of The Crater

Wolfe Creek Meteorite Crater

There's free camping, like, right at the bottom of the crater and about 4 or 5 other people were camping there. Wolfe Creek isn't scary at all. Its a good, well used road in, people stay here all the time and there's a distinct lack of sociopaths and psychotic murderers in utes equipped with spotlights so they can dazzle their intended victim while they stumble about screaming, "Who are you?! What do you want from me?! What have you done with (insert name of unfortunate now ex boyfriend here) you bastard!"

What? What do you mean I watch too many films?

Our Camp At Wolfe Creek

Wolfe Creek is something else though. We climbed into the crater, realised how unfit we were when we climbed back out and watched the sunset from the rim. It was a full moon rise that night an all, it was awesome, second only to a Broome Staircase moon rise.

Fuck I love my life.

written by  Koala Bear on July 30, 2007 from Wolfe Creek, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Florence Falls

Florence Falls

Oh what? Come on, WA is still my favorite state, its just that the Territory has the best National Park. I know I know, its a controversial statement but Lichfield is more accessible than Karijini and the swimming holes are slightly warmer. Just watch yourself in Florence Falls, I felt something scratch my leg and looked down and there was this little fish just looking at me. It had gone for one of the mozzy bites on my leg, apparently they're some kind of cleaning fish and they'll try and clean out any wounds that you have.

Oh thanks, very fucking helpful! Try using cotton wool or something next time you vicious little sod.

Chillin' In Buley Rockholes

Buley Rockholes

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Wooooo!

Lichfield is like a big, natural waterpark, Buley Rockhole is fun, its like a little cascade you can follow down, one of the pools is about 6 metres deep so you can jump in off the side. Its only a little jump though, I managed this one and at least there were no 69 year old women to put me to shame this time.

Tolmer Falls

Collecting Firewood In A Sedan

Camping is $6.60 per person per night, we stayed at Wangi Falls because they're pretty and there's a little pool a few metres up the rock face which is a bit warmer than the rest of the plunge pool. I mean, I'm not saying you'd run your bath to that temperature but its still nice enough for you not to want to get back into the cold pool afterwards.

Wangi Falls

Nice Croc/ Nasty Croc

Wangi Falls

Right. Lets see how long it takes me to get bored of this place.

written by  Koala Bear on August 2, 2007 from Darwin, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Steaming

Douglas At Dawn

David; My New Fave Person

After a quick stop at Edith Falls for a swim and to be chewed on by them nasty little cleaning fish again I headed to Katherine to rent a canoe and go paddling up the gorge. I actually enjoy canoeing providing shoulder movement isn't neccessary the next day but I'm lazy, I never get far before I start wishing for an engine or maybe a slave to paddle for me. Katherine Gorge is pretty though and it was a good way to kill an afternoon. The camp site there is $9.50 a night for an unpowered site but that includes hot showers.

Katherine Gorge

Gotta Love Canoeing

See, travelling in luxury, me.

And a big shout out to Kat and Dave who, while I was freshie spotting up the gorge, were busy being all grown up like and getting wed. Let me know when you start breeding, guys, I'll make sure I'm out of the country in order to avoid baby sitting duties.

written by  Koala Bear on August 25, 2007 from Katherine, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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Ohhhhh Kaaayyyyyy then.

It amused me though so I stopped to get a few photos.

I don't have an MP3 player so while I'm driving through dead zones I just let the radio scan the FM channels until it picks something up closer to the bigger towns. I got out of the car to get a photo of one of the signs and when I got back in the radio had stopped on 100.0 fm and was emitting white noise.

Ok. A wee bit freaky but yeah. I set it scanning again and drove to the next sign. Just as I was about to get out it stopped on the same channel and carried on with the white noise. It did it again when I pulled into the roadhouse, as long as the car was stationary it'd stop on 100.0 fm and emit white noise.

Were They trying to contact me? Maybe They were trying to tell me something.

I made a mental note to wrap my head in tin foil as soon as possible to stop Them from stealing my brain.

I Drove The Explorer Highway. Half Of It Anyway...

I was in Alice by lunchtime and met up with Toni for a bit. It's good to hang out with her again but I don't think her girlfriend agrees, I appear to have upset their delicate equilibrium and it only took me less than 24 hours.

So, join me in Alice Springs as I try and think of things to do in a desert town and fail to make decisions. Shouldn't be too long before I'm besieged by marauding, horny lesbians. I mean, look at me!

Oh my god how much do I love Alice Springs? I didn't think there was anything to do here but Toni and nothing to see but drink and... wait a minute... swap that over...

I only even came here because it was cheaper than Darwin and I was over picking watermelons, I didn't expect to have such an amazing time although I haven't blogged much in the 5 weeks I've been here because as much fun as it is, drinking so much that your brain seeps out of your ears and you're found sprawled on the floor around various parts of the hostel isn't exactly blog worthy.

I've loved living at Toddy's, the crew are awesome and they made my time here memorable. Well, the bits I can remember anyway. I love the feel of Alice and I love Bojangles. Oh stop rolling your eyes, its brilliant there, its cheesy as fuck, knows it and doesn't care and you also get that smug sense of self satisfaction when you manage to open the toilet door the right way whilst completely inebriated and anyone whos ever been to Bo's will know exactly what I mean by that.

Even after Toni left I still had a good time, no sooner had I gotten over the shocking realisation that the world doesn't actually revolve around me, Loody, Jean and Becky rocked up under strict instructions to keep me entertained.

Me And Irma

Jean, Karl, Loody, Bex And Me

We did the usual Alice things, they headed out on a three day tour to Uluru and when they came back we decided to head into the McDonnell Ranges. I passed through the West Ranges last year when I was up here with Heading Bush and me and Toni went into the East Ranges for a day trip a couple of weeks previous but I wanted to take Becky, Loody and Jean an all so we duly stocked up on potatoes and goon and headed out.

Our first stop was Standley Chasm which is the only attraction you have to pay for in the West McDonnell Ranges. They say that the best time to view it is between 11am and 1pm when the sun is high and the steep walls of the chasm glow a firey red.

Bollocks.

We rocked up at noon on the dot, I don't know what was more insulting, the fact we paid $8 or walked for 15 minutes to see it. It's definately not the Ranges proudest moment but hey, next stop was a Ellery Creek Big Hole, I'd been there before and it's wicked. It's the closest thing Alice Springs has to a beach, its just a short drive from town and has all kinds of exciting things such as water and sand and too many people, just like a real beach.

Standley Chasm

Ellery Creek Big (Cold) Hole

Swimming in Ellery Creek is a challenge, its freezing cold and I mean freezing. You can swim all the way to the other side but about half way it gets easier because the hypothermia starts to set in and you go numb. Seriously, there should be some kind of medal for Doing Ellery Creek. I still love it though, its a beautiful spot and I have an addiction to fresh water swimming holes and the sunshine soon brings your nerve endings back to life so you can punish them again in the next water hole.

After that we just drove as far as you can in a 2WD up to Glen Helen and another gorge then it was back on ourselves to Ormiston. The West McDonnell Ranges are brilliant, you can just hop from one water hole to the next, chill out, relax. If you're peckish you can stock up on pies at Glen Helen Resort, just be aware that it aint Mrs Macs! When will we ever learn that if its not Mrs Macs not to bother?

Big White Arses At Ormiston Gorge

Best Free Camp View Ever

And we had the best free camp ever in one of the roadside stops, it's a lookout with an amazing 360 degree view of the ranges, awesome at sunset. We're not too sure if you're allowed to camp there but nothing said we couldn't so we did. Ooh, walkin' on the wild side, us.

It is compulsary even on mini road trips to consume as much grease as possible which meant the first stop the next morning was the BBQs at the Ochre Pits for bacon and egg and a nice cup of tea before heading back towards Alice to refuel via the rest of the pretty rocks such as Serpentine Gorge and Simpsons Gap. Yes, we did do the obligatory Look Like The Simpsons tourist photo. I have to admit, I don't make the best Lisa in the world on account of the whole Not Being Yellow thing I have going on.

One Night In The Bush And Look At Us

Trephina Gorge

The East McDonnell Ranges are loads smaller than the West, you can do them in half a day easily unless you spend god knows how long painting yourselves up like Aboriginals in order to take amusing photographs. We'd done the same walk that me and Toni had done around Trephina Gorge, chilled by the dirty waterhole, had a bit of a dip then BBQ'd some spuds before breaking open the paint and going tribal.

Tribal

You can tell we've all spent too long in the bush. So easily amused.

written by  Koala Bear on September 30, 2007 from Alice Springs, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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I've broken this down into bite sized pieces to make it easier to wade through, not that anyone is gonna read it anyway, I don't know why I bother half the time. Its a bloody good job I'm just about self centred enough to enjoy telling the world all about me me me regardless of whether they like it or not.

Today we were going to Cairns Tropical Zoo in the morning then we were going to make some plans for the next couple of weeks in the afternoon, we'd get a nice early start, they'd call me when they were up and I'd drive in from town. I gave them until about 10.30am before I called to get them up.
I don't know, parents ay, lying in their pits until god knows what hour, anyone would think they were on holiday. So the afternoon plans were abandonded and instead we just chilled at the zoo. There'd be plenty of time for planning later and anyways, planning is best done over a beer.

Mum And Dad Feeding Roos

Mauling Crocs

The zoo is cool though, its $29 each to get in but you can easily fill a whole day there with the obligatory reptile talks, crocodile shows and cups of tea at the cafe plus you get to manhandle saltwater crocs before they get too big to remove limbs. And and and! I got to cuddle a koala for the first time. I kind of forgot they existed, they don't have koalas in WA or the NT which is where I'd been living, I'd stopped associating Australia with koalas thinking instead about stingers and crocodiles and other things that'd generally keep you out of the water on a blazing hot day.

We Make A Beautiful Couple, So Much In Common.

If I had a totem animal the koala would be it. They're cute and cuddly (oi, stop laughing you fuckers!), sleep for 16 to 20 hours a day and eat food of no nutritional value whatsoever. If they drank I'm sure it'd be goon. So we spent the best part of the day there then headed back to Palm Cove for dinner.

One of the best things about Being A Tourist is the food, no more boiling noodles for 2 minutes in a kitchen which you have to share with 100 other people and probably e-coli. Oh no. Its cafes for lunch and restaurants for dinner.

I wondered how my body was going to cope with Nutrients.

written by  Koala Bear on October 5, 2007 from Cairns, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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"I'm Comfortable With My Sexuality" Pink Kayak

Butch Blue Kayak

The Headland

Double Island

Cairns is promoted as the place where the rainforest meets reef but you don't really get the full impact of that until you look back at it from the ocean and see the headland covered in trees with the top of it shrouded in cloud. It's a beautiful place but so unlike what I'd become accustomed to in Australia, I was sort of missing the Eucalypts, the scrub and the vast open deserts but at the same time I love how diverse this country is. Oh its such a hard life ay. Which amazing place shall I visit next?

written by  Koala Bear on October 6, 2007 from Cairns, Australia
from the travel blog: Sod Off Great Big Mission Round Oz
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