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snookyferrit


70 Blog Entries
2 Trips
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Trips:

Mel and Kae's Craaaaaaazzzzy Blog
Kae hits New Zealand! Spring 2008

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http://blogabond.com/snookyferrit




Hello!

Rockledge, United States


It’s been a crazy couple of weeks. First off, I have a job at McDonald’s. Hahahahaha. I’m terrible at it… They want to bump me up… to be a manager (because of my “previous experience at Ralph’s” hahahah). And that is probably the only reason they’re giving me full time right now. So.. I think it’s a horrible idea.. and if they do that the entire earth will open up... and the store will tumble... and fall into the fiery pits of hell... and scorch and char... and DIE. But, I’ll let them know… later. I need this money... and I have so many outstanding bills to worry about. And I’m sure I’m not the first person to totally suck during their first two days at a new job.
I made a friend! Who lives in Japan! HAHAAHAHAHAHA My life! It was… instant connection. It was… who are you, and how do I know you? It was… please tell me you live here, don’t tell me you’re leaving. It was Robin’s son… and I met him on his wedding weekend. I helped set up his reception. I hated him and his wife and his wife’s family before we met (I’ll get into that another time)… and then… Robin pushed me into the Banana river (we sorta’ schemed it up, I’ll tell that story later)… and the sunset cruise boat came back, and he and Amy together saw me for the first time… Josh and I saw each other for the first time… when we were trying to learn how to fold napkins into pope’s hat’s… or kings crown’s… or something to that effect. We insulted eachother… and enjoyed it. But we really hit it off when… Josh smeared cake on my face… and I chased him into the neighbor’s yard… and I smeared cake in his ear… and we ran through the neighborhood fighting with cake… and I lost my sandals, and he found them…. And hid them… and we talked for hours while his new wife slept… and everybody thought there was something going on, but there was nothing. We just connected. I took his number, told him I’d call… that He, Amy and I could get together the next week. Then I got the job, and call backs from other places… and had plans with mom and some of her friends from Ohio… and I didn’t call until Thursday, so we made plans for Friday… Went to Coconuts for dinner (It’s an outdoor restaurant), and it was windy (sooooo cold)… But there was live music, which was fun… And Lacy was there (Robin’s ex-daughter-in-law), which was cool… then we went to COBB theatre to see “Race to witch mountain” which was horrible so we all goofed off the entire time. Then we went to Steak and Shake for milkshakes… and that’s when he told me it was his birthday the next day… So after an all day fight about paying for each other, I dropped them off at Robin’s. We had another run through the neighbor’s yards (throwing money at eachother and whatnot… Amy was already inside, hiding from me and my twenty dollar bill)… but when she saw us still at it, she was bothered… So, I put the 20 in a potted plant, and ran to the car… after a bout of key stealing, and the battle of car Vs. boy, we stopped… and hugged goodbye through a window… I called out goodbye to Amy who was now standing at the edge of the yard… pouting… I didn’t tell them that I’m a lesbian… didn’t see the need… they’re married… Josh is not interested in being with me, and I’m not interested in being with him…We have a mutual interest in becoming friends.... But I don’t know that Amy can handle it, and I don’t feel totally comfortable being myself around her… I feel guilty, and sad for her when Josh and I bond… I try to bond with her too, it’s just that… she doesn’t open up much, we don’t have common ground… the only common ground we share is… that… we both strongly believe in poking as being an obnoxiously vital source of entertainment, but that whacking is better… and we both adore Josh… She more than I, but I don’t think she get’s that… So I called him up at midnight and sang the birthday song, anyway… but decided that it would end there… I would take a step back to give Amy some room.
And the next day Alfonso called me with some news about Shannon…which was not good… and that traveled into Sunday… We visited for the last time… Josh said, “you look… blegh.” And I said, “New York stuff… I want to be there for”… he said, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that”, I said , “Ehh, it’s all good” and I stayed away. And didn’t look into his eyes much. And didn’t look at Amy much. And hugged them both together as I left. And only turned my head back once… when he tapped from the other side of the glass door and looked into my eyes… and gave me that “Please come back and give me a real hug” or “I miss you already” look and the “goodbye for good” wave, which I returned and stayed on the path I’d already been walking and left. And it felt terrible… but all I could see was Amy’s face when he told her that he wanted me to play the first round of DDR, and her face when she stood in the yard watching us hug goodbye… I don’t want to be that girl people talk about… when fights happen, or jealousy happens. I don’t want to be that girl that starts the drama within the first week of a marriage. I miss him already… the funny thing, actually is that I miss them… She may be insecure, and bratty, and a total nutcase at times, but she was nice and sweet when I spent time with her. And she makes Josh happy, soo… hahah
So at the reception Robin and I were standing together… talking and sipping on screwdrivers… very, very strong screwdrives… and I’m mouthing off to her, and she’s threatening to push me into the water… So I tell her about my plan to jump in, anyway (I had a change of clothing in the car to prove it) but was going to wait until the party was over, or until everybody was too drunk to notice… SO we ran back up to the bar and ordered a couple of lime drop shots since they didn’t have any lemon’s… took them to the dock, through them back, and the second I put the lime in my mouth she pushed me in… it was fricken hysterical… I surfaced with a lime still in my mouth and everybody yelling at Robin… after a minute or two of letting them yell at her, I told them it was my idea…
Swimming in the river was awesome… It was the first time since I’ve been here that I actually felt in my element…that I felt free and good and relaxed … there were manitee on the other side of the river, and we’d seen a dolphin in the same spot I was swimming earlier… SO I stayed in for a while to see if anyone or anything would join me… and climbed out in time for cake.
I’ve been getting to know the neighbors. Dave (middle aged guy from “up north” too whose trying to convince me to drop everything I know about the “New York way” in order to survive in “F-L-A”.) needs some help fixing up some boats in his yard, and asked me to work for him. I’d do it for free, but hey! He’s being paid for the extra labor, and I need the money hahaha. John has been much more interested in hanging out with me… He wants to go camping, and to drive me around to all his favorite spots on the coast. I drink some beers with him now and then, maybe smoke a J… maybe hang out and talk a bit… but I keep my distance from him still, and won’t be going camping (with him) anytime soon… He’s nice, and has some crazy stories… but I still get a bad vibe from him, and Dave certainly doesn’t think highly of him. But he told me about the popping sounds… there’s our version of the projects West of us… they pop off their guns apparently all the time. And the cop that was search lighting up our street the other night was looking for the bum at the end of the block. I told you we have a homeless guy living in the woods, right? He’s crazy… (surprise, surprise)… you have to formally evict homeless people off your property if they set up camp in Fl… did you know that? Lmao… Lem is such a sweet hearted guy. I talk to him almost everyday. He’s done a lot of traveling, and is sooo laid back.
Mom’s house sitting for Robin this week, so I have the house to myself. It’s sorta’ nice… 1) because I finally have a house key, 2) because I finally have a spare key to the car and 3) Freedom to explore… Although I plan to visit mom and jump into Banana river a couple of times heheh
Anyhoo, life is coming together… I’m sorry if this entry is a mess, I have work in a couple of hours and am just probably not going to take my time to reread over and correct anything so… please ignore the grammar or anything else that may be terribly wrong…

Anyhoo, how was Puerto Rico?? Have you told you parents? If so, how did they react? What did you do there??

Love, Mel


permalink written by  snookyferrit on March 25, 2009 from Rockledge, United States
from the travel blog: Mel and Kae's Craaaaaaazzzzy Blog
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Puerto Rico!!!

Bronxville, United States


Hey you! So, I'm nuts and spontaneous and want to be poor and destitute for the rest of my life, so I made the very wise decision of purchasing a plane ticket to Puerto Rico...I bought the ticket yesterday, and I leave tomorrow morning at 6:30 am, although I have to leave for the city tonight to actually get to the airport on time. I can't write much coz I have to leave in an hour, but I just wanted to let you know why I would be disappearing for a few days...I'll be back the 24th. Happy late St. Patty's Day, take care, and I'll talk to you soon!

permalink written by  snookyferrit on March 18, 2009 from Bronxville, United States
from the travel blog: Mel and Kae's Craaaaaaazzzzy Blog
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Hearts stars and horshoes, clovers and blue moons!

Rockledge, United States


Pot's of gold, and rainbows... and the red ballooooooooooons!

I mean, if you're gonna' Americanize the holiday... heheh

Not much time sweetie, but HAPPY ST.PATTY'S DAY!

permalink written by  snookyferrit on March 16, 2009 from Rockledge, United States
from the travel blog: Mel and Kae's Craaaaaaazzzzy Blog
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spring break begins!

Providence, United States


That really sucks! I hope you don't lose your cell phone...can your mom help you out at all until you find a job? If you gave it out as your contact number, that would be really shitty if you lost it.

Gun shots? Does your mom live in a sketchy neighborhood? Maybe it's kids playing with fireworks? I can totally imagine you and your mom just smiling awkwardly at each other though, lol.

I'm sorry you've been sick! The stomach flu is soooo awful...I hope you're feeling better...the good thing about the stomach flu is that it usually doesn't last very long...I hope this is the case with you. I've been feeling kinda sick again lately too...I think I may have pushed myself too hard the weekend Emily was here, so I should be resting...but it's the first week of spring break and I don't want to rest! I want to go all over the east coast and Dimo and I found really cheap plane tickets to Puerto Rico, so we might be crazy and spontaneous and go there next week...I want to be in good shape if I'm going to be traveling! I'm not doing a very good job of taking care of myself though...I went out drinking last night, and the night before that. It's hard to keep myself in bed when I know that the time I have left with people here is rapidly decreasing.

Speaking of traveling, Jamie and Marcela just bought tickets to come out to my graduation, which i am really excited about...they bought the tickets basically as soon as I gave them the date. It means a lot to me. Unfortunately, Nick and Kim, Christa, and Omi and Opi can't come, but I can only have four guest seats anyway, so this may actually work out well.

Speaking of family, what do you mean you've been reconnecting with friends and family from HS...do you mean via e-mail? However you're doing it, that's awesome to hear. Also, I want to see a space shuttle launch! How was it? Could you feel the heat?

So, I'm going to Boston for St. Patrick's Day on Tuesday...Sarah and I are planning on drinking whiskey and green beer all day, haha. Do you have any St. Patty's plans?

Last thing before I go...GO SEE AMANDA PALMER!!! It's only twelve dollars and you deserve to treat yourself after all the shit that's happened lately. Take your mom, she might like it too. :D

Okies, I have to go now...I need to wash the grossness off me from last night's party...we drank rum from shot glasses made of ice, and sometimes the glasses would melt and the rum would get all over...I feel pretty disgusting and sticky. Anyway, I hope you're doing well and I will talk to you soon. Take care!

Love,
Kae

permalink written by  snookyferrit on March 15, 2009 from Providence, United States
from the travel blog: Mel and Kae's Craaaaaaazzzzy Blog
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Okay

Rockledge, United States


Do whatever you need to do, and talk to any degree that makes you comfortable... I don't need to hear anything, but I don't mind, either. I want to be your friend, whatever that means.

I'm glad you felt better in time to have your visit with Emily. It sounds like you had a lot of fun. Nevermind doing cartwheels in heels, I wish I could just walk in them. Love Chicago, i'm jealous!

The job search sucks. I'm frustrated. I have a huge phone bill coming up that I don't know how i'm going to pay, and may lose the cell in result. I haven't been using it, really anyway... It's just that, I listed it as my primary contact number on most of the app's.

It has certainly been interesting around here. A lot of popping sounds in the area.. like cherry bombs going off, or gun shots. Mom and I hear them and just smile at eachother ackwardly, lmao. They say this recession is one for the history books. Awesome.

I've been sick for the past couple of days, and haven't been going out much. Bitchy sinuses and the stomache flu from hell. And it's been 80 degrees for the last three days. Dear god, why?? why 80's when i'm sick in bed?!?

I'm going in with mom today at lunch time to steal the car and look for work a couple of towns over. Later on tonight we're going to Kennedy space center to see a shuttle launch. And that, I am REALLY excited about.

I've re-connected with a lot of family and old friends from HS. That has actually been a lot of fun!

It's good to hear from you, ttys :-)


permalink written by  snookyferrit on March 11, 2009 from Rockledge, United States
from the travel blog: Mel and Kae's Craaaaaaazzzzy Blog
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Why?!?!?

Rockledge, United States


P.S. AFP has some show's going on in Fl, and I want to go soooo bad... and they're only $12.00! I need to save my money, and to go would be irresponsible of me... but there's a show in Ft. Lauderdale, which is close... and though I need to save money... I need to see this show!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH, the confliction! Dear god, why must you tease me?!?!?!


permalink written by  snookyferrit on March 11, 2009 from Rockledge, United States
from the travel blog: Mel and Kae's Craaaaaaazzzzy Blog
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communication and em's visit

Bronxville, United States


Hey you...I feel kind of bad for writing the last entry, but I'm also happy that my feelings are out there. I do want you to be able to talk to me about things...that's what friends do...and you should be out looking for new things, new loves...but perhaps I'm not as ready to be open as you...? I realize that it's not easy for you to hear me to talk about Dimo, and to a certain degree, I think this knowledge has kept me from from giving you too many emotionally-loaded details...perhaps I am wrong in assuming this is what I should be doing...I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I am not ready to hear about you loving someone else and would appreciate it if you steered the conversation away from such things for a bit longer. I will try to do the same if you're not ready to hear about Dimo, and please let me know if I've been making you uncomfortable or disclosing too much. Most of all, I appreciate the fact that we can share these feelings with each other and try to improve things. :)

So, Em and I had a fun-filled weekend...I picked her up Friday night at Penn Station and we met up with Julia and got thai food...Saturday I took a practice GRE and then Em and I explored the backroads of Bronxville on foot for awhile...it was a beautiful 50 degree day, so we wanted to be outside as much as possible. On Sunday, we went into the city early and got rush tickets for Chicago...we were the first ones in line and only had to pay $30, which was awesome. Then we strolled through Central Park and SoHo and had lunch and this bizarre diner just outside Chinatown...i swear, everyone working there was on crack. Then we walked down Houston to the village and St. Mark's place, and eventually ended up in Union Square...it was Em's first time in the city, so I wanted her to see as much as possible. Then we took the subway to Times Square and saw Chicago, which was awesome...I had forgotten how much I love that musical...all the leads had amazing voices and were awesome dancers...they did cartwheels in heels! It was a very fun weekend...I'm glad that I finally recovered so that she could come.

Any luck on the job search? And good for you for staying away from John...he seems a bit sketchy. Have you seen that artsy boy since last time when you were jogging? I think you should go up to him and say hi even if you think you're sweaty...if he's cool, he won't care.

Well, I better go to sleep coz I have class in 6 hours...ew. Hopefully I'll get to write more soon. Take care and keep trying!

Love,
Kae

P.S. HAHAHA, oh, the bear story...I have never had anyone grip my arm that tightly since.

permalink written by  snookyferrit on March 10, 2009 from Bronxville, United States
from the travel blog: Mel and Kae's Craaaaaaazzzzy Blog
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honesty

Bronxville, United States


Hey girl. I'm glad you're feeling better about things, although I do think--as always--it's best not to tuck the hard things away and to meet them head on. I only say this because you said in your small rant the other day that it was the first time you'd really let yourself think about it consciously...perhaps you should be letting yourself more often? Not dwelling or stewing, of course...just thinking.

As for me, I'm going to be very honest right now, and I hope it doesn't hurt you in any way. It's hard for me to hear about everything you left behind on Long Island, how happy you were and how much you love people who can no longer be in your life. Not that I don't want you to be happy...happiness was all I wanted for you since the beginning, especially when we were dating...but that's the point. I feel like I worked soooo hard while we were dating, pushing you to take care of yourself and reach for happiness/healthiness, and I was met with so much opposition, often at the expense of my own emotions. And the happiness you've found in the last year is yours...YOU worked for it, and I am so proud of you. At the same time, however, I can't help but feel that Meg and Suzie and Vinny and everyone reaped the fruits of my labors in addition to yours...I endured a lot of heartache when we were together and still didn't get to see the side of you that they got to...that side of you came later after I ran out of the picture for the sake of my own growth. I know that none of this has to do with me, the Meg thing doesn't have to do with me, but it hurts to know that you had the potential to be the person you were for her all along, but you couldn't do it for me. It hurts that you would risk going to prison for her, but you wouldn't see a psychiatrist for me. While I understand that you were a different person during Meg time and Kae time and that kind of growth cannot be forced, it is still difficult for me to hear you talk about Meg time...it kind of reawakens feelings of abandonment for me. I suppose what I'm saying is that I'm soooo sorry you're in pain over having to leave NY and nothing that happened to you was fair...but I'm still not sure I want to hear about how much you love her/them/your old life. I'm not saying this to hurt you...I'm just being honest about how it makes ME feel. I'm happy to talk to you about Florida and your future plans and whatnot, and I hope we'll always be able to talk about that...but I'm not ready to talk about other people that you love, other people that you sacrificed for.

On a completely different and less heavy note, I have the Flu from Hell, and Emily is supposed to come from Philadelphia to visit me this weekend...it will be the first time she's made it to NY in the four years we've been back east, and I have the Plague. Isn't it ironic...don't ya think? I'm not allowing myself to leave my house, not that I really could if I wanted to...Julia had to go grocery shopping for me yesterday coz I was all out of food, but I was too weak to go to the store...it was really sweet of her/pathetic on my part. I've been sleeping about 17 hours a day...I feel like a cat. On an even different note, did I tell you that Ellie--Hannah's mom--moved to Vermont for the last semester that Hannah is here? She quit her job--it's about time, she's hated it for years--and rented out her house in Auburn and totally relocated to be out in the woods/fresh air...that woman is my hero. If I get better before spring break, I definitely want to go visit them.

Okay, I've been awake for about three hours, and now I think I should go to bed again. Take care and keep running...it sounds like it's been very therapeutic for you! Absorb as much sun and happy nature energy as possible. :)

Love,
Kae

permalink written by  snookyferrit on March 5, 2009 from Bronxville, United States
from the travel blog: Mel and Kae's Craaaaaaazzzzy Blog
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...

Rockledge, United States


Okay. I'm going to be as delicate with this as I can. Number one, I did not risk jail time for Meg, I moved away to avoid it. I never thought it would come to that, (even when the red flags went up- I ignored them, believing that I deserved happiness with another person again, with someone who I care about that was willing to give me a chance). It took so much work to get to this place in my life, and I WANTED to share it with you in the same way I did with her, and them. I’ve always understood you, where your decisions have come from, and though at times I wanted to fight longer and harder, I didn’t (or at least tried not too)… because I want you to be happy too… I’ve always wanted that… and I knew that you had to move on, for your own sake. I knew that I’d poisoned any future we had together. I can’t take back what I did to you, I will never stop wishing I could. But the life I built for me- I built out of what was left… anything good I could salvage. I made a big, selfish mistake letting go of what we had, but I never had any intention of abandoning you. But that’s something you have to realize on your own, if you ever do… not something I can really prove. And I’ve been fighting to this point, just to simply keep you in my life. Sometimes I think I don’t even deserve that, but I have nothing left to lose, really… it’s better to try. You think it was easy for me, coming to terms with you and Dimo… not only being together, but having something serious, healthy and good together? Everything I was dying to give you? Everything that could have been, that’s been resting on my shoulders all this time… all the words blaring in my head, “Fool! Idiot! Selfish!”, beating myself up . It took me what felt like forever to finally allow myself to forgive (myself), move on, and admit that it truly was over. I allowed myself to give someone else a chance. For my own sake. And though you’ll always have such a special place in my heart, I had to let go, and realize that I would never have that chance with you again, and by letting other people pass me by, I was not giving myself a chance to re-experience love again, either… and there is only one life. I don’t want to re-open wounds with you. I don’t want to hurt you. I will forever acknowledge the hurt and pain you went through (those words probably understatements), and will always view myself as responsible. I know you helped me, I’ll be the first to tell anyone… “they” all know that too. I don’t want to lose you again. I am here for you, as a friend. I will always be. I won’t mention her or them anymore, if it bothers you. I’ll keep the conversation light... I don’t know if you ever even thought about this, but… You’re part of what I left behind in NY too. I wanted to see you again, be there for your graduation, have Christa over, try to work on our friendship before you go away. It’s not just them… it’s my family, my other friends, you and missed opportunities. I was looking forward to having you back in my life. I’m not hurt by your honesty, at least not deeply. More concerned than anything. I just hope I haven’t pushed you further away somehow.

Things have been okay. Finding a job here is hard… I’m 2.5 seconds away from applying at hooters… as like, a dishwasher or something… I’ve read “The lovely bones” by Alice Sebold, “Just after sunset”, By Stephen King. “Survivor” by Chuck Palahniuk, and I’m in the middle of “Compelling evidence”, By Steve Martini (Do you think he made up that last name?). I still have no friends my age here. I tried with this guy named John, around the corner. He’s a surfer guy who works at some taco hut… he bought my mother and I dinner and beers one night… but it turns out he’s a coke addict and a drunk. I might try with this kid Ade, the next door neighbor, but word of mouth is that he likes me… and I’m already made tired, just thinking about it. I have the car I can use, but I don’t have money… so a bar or club is out of the question. And nobody really goes to the beach right now, because it’s cold(er, than usual)… It’s mostly crazy surfers and middle aged people. So, I’m like… aggh. I almost stopped this guy on Rockledge Blvd. ( He was walking one way, I was jogging the other)… He looked about my age, and seemed artsy enough … I almost did it, but became self-conscious last minute (I was all too aware of the fact that I was sweating, and my face was probably plump and red, and I was panting and out of breath… I was afraid of scaring him away, which I’m pretty sure I managed to do, anyway)… so I smiled ackwardly, changed the music on my ipod, and left. I guess I’m banking on a job for everything… Working was my life for so long, that I’ve forgotten how to make friends any other way. (Don’t feel guilty if you laugh, I’m laughing at myself right now…:-P)…

I’m sorry that you’re sick :-/… I hope you feel better soon, especially in time for Emily to come out. I hope you do… if it’s not too ackward, tell her I said “Hi”… As far as Julia going shopping for you, that’s what friends are for. And I think it’s fraggen awesome that Ellie is moving to Pennsylvania! That’s so crazy, and sooo cool! How does Hannah feel about it? I’m gonna’ go… Mom’s friends from Canada are here to visit… they brought a ton of Canadian beer, and they’re telling campfire stories, so I should get in on that… I told them, while showing them around the river, about our camping trip with the bears and the truck and the panic alarm and us and tony calling back and forth, tent to tent, in fright. They were laughing hysterical. Love you too…

-Mel


permalink written by  snookyferrit on March 5, 2009 from Rockledge, United States
from the travel blog: Mel and Kae's Craaaaaaazzzzy Blog
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siiiiiccckkkk

Bronxville, United States


Hey dear, sorry I haven't gotten back to you lately...there has been a plague going around SLC and it seems that I have caught it...I feel like Death shat on my immune system. I'll get back to you once I feel I actually have the power to be coherent. Glad things are looking up!

Love,
Kae

P.S. I actually had a nightmare the other night about not being able to breathe through my nose, and when I woke up, it was true...how sad is that?

permalink written by  snookyferrit on March 4, 2009 from Bronxville, United States
from the travel blog: Mel and Kae's Craaaaaaazzzzy Blog
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