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Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006

a travel blog by James Coloma


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Laramie, WY

Laramie, United States

Originally, we were supposed to take I-40 from Salt Lake City to Denver. However, we were told that I-40 would have been a hell of a drive and that one of the roads that we needed to take was closed. Thus, we had to take the 80.

Taking the 80 through Wyoming takes us directly through Laramie. Now, it has always been in the plans that we would stop in Laramie to pay our respects to Matthew Shepherd, but earlier this evening and driving through it, gave me another perspective.

We happened to be going by Laramie at about 6 PM. It’s dark and all the lights are out. All along our trip, it’s been cloudy. Suddenly, the night’s sky is clear and up above were a multitude of stars. From what I remember of Matt’s story is that as he was tied up to the fence, he had clear views of both the city lights and the stars. As we drove through Laramie that is exactly the view that I was treated to (Rob was asleep.) I couldn’t stop thinking of what Matthew had went through. Being tied naked to the fence. Cold. And the glittering of both lights from a city and up above.

In a pervious blog, I wrote about how I stand out. How I feel very different. How I feel out of place. Going through Laramie tonight reminded me that I am different. Being reminded of what happened to Matthew, reminded me that I (we) had to be careful.

When we stopped for dinner at McDonald’s, both Rob and I were getting stared at. We were also staring at everyone else. I don’t know which one of us was the outsiders. Everyone in the city looks completely different from what you would find in California…and I’m sure that we looked extremely out of place to all of them.

As we ate at McDonald’s, both Rob and I whispered to each other the entire dinner. Normally, I wouldn’t care a rat’s ass who was listening to our conversation. But tonight at dinner, I was very aware of what I was saying. I was very aware of not being overtly “gay,” of not staring at the cute boy walking into the restaurant, of not making sexual jokes out loud. It took every effort to be “straight.”

This is just the juxtaposition of what we were doing three hours earlier. Three hours earlier we were singing at the tops of lungs the songs from Rent. (We have a few of them on camera, so hopefully you’ll see what I mean.) How is it that we can be comfortable doing this, and then hours later, be cognizant that we couldn’t “act” this way because there is that possibility that we’ll get ourselves into a bit of trouble.

  • ****


    • We have just reached the cabin where Jessica and her parents are staying. It’s beautiful. I didn’t think that during our trip that we would get to fall asleep in front of a fire. It is the perfect evening to today.

    Off to bed.

    James


    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 27, 2005 from Laramie, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    Leaving Lincoln (Rob)

    Lincoln, United States

    Nebraska...Wow. I didn't think that I would actually spend time in Nebraska, but here I am. It's much nicer than any of the other places we have been to thus far. This is a hotel and that may be the reason. I think that they are nicer when you stay at a hotel. James saw a wonderful black woman at the front desk. I know he felt comfortable after he saw her.

    Last night, James and I curled up on the bed and watched a movie on my laptop. I dug the speakers out of the car so that I could have surround sound. The laptop isn't very loud for DVD's. Like usual, he fell asleep and we didn't make it through the movie. It is a really cute move. If you get a chance to watch "Millions", you should.

    So, we just had breakfast and now we are on our way to Chicago. This is the end of the roadtrip for James and will be the beginning for my sadness. I can never replace James. There are some good things about the trip though. My friend, Beth, is expecting a baby any day now. My friends, Stewart and Kate, are having birthdays shortly. I will be partaking in a few festivities. James - if you want to fly back out, you can enjoy the times with me. =)

    Okay... Time to go. Have fun!

    Rob


    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 28, 2005 from Lincoln, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    The Devil Wears... (James)

    Lincoln, United States

    We’re now in Nebraska and I’m somehow more comfortable. Not that I think there’s anything different between Wyoming and Nebraska, but I feel more comfortable. It might be because we just ate a Chinese Buffet or it might be that the boys are MUCH cuter (there is a military base near Sydney) or I don’t have to deal with what happened in Laramie.

    Nebraska isn’t interesting. It’s very flat with nothing in any direction. But in it’s own strange way, the simplicity of the region makes it very beautiful. The people here (the people in the rest stops, gas stations, McDonalds, and hotel) are very very nice. I’m totally impressed with Nebraska. Funny thing is that I’d like to come back. Maybe spend more time in Lincoln and actually see this city.

    We’ve been listening to “The Devil Wears Prada.” This is a really good book. It is so much easier to follow then “Wicked.” Wicked has a lot of “the witches sister, who lived next to the fireman’s daughter, went down the….” But Prada…now this is a great book. We’re about four-fifth’s done…and I’m routing for Amanda to get with Christian. Yes, I know that she has a long term boyfriend, Alex, but Christian is so much better for her (or maybe I would like to date Christian.)

    Anyway…we’re off to Chicago. I’m excited to go out in Boystown!

    James

    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 28, 2005 from Lincoln, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    405 - Like the Highway (Rob)

    Chicago, United States

    Very interesting evening. We arrived to meet Brian and Janine at the hotel. They were running a little behind schedule, so that gave us plenty of time to upload more pictures. Yes, we have more pictures to show.

    When the two arrived at the hotel, Brian looked more dashing than ever. Janine was perfect as she has always been - pretty and petite. I wasn't sure what the night had planned for us, but I knew that it started with a Chicago deep dish pizza. I thought that it would be like any normal pizza. I've been to Bronx Pizza off of Washington Blvd. It's ok. I've had better. I think that I prefer the Americanized Papa Johns and everything else is just blah. But not Chicago pizza. This pizza had layers to it. So good and we were full off of 2 pieces. I was surprised when I took the second. One large pizza covered the four of us. Good times.

    We then waltzed our way into Boystown. Boystown is just like Hillcrest is to San Diego or Castro is to San Francisco. I would never believe that they would call it "Boystown", but whatever, it was fun nonetheless. There were boys everywhere. Holding hands, eating a romantic dinner, and reading at a coffee shop together. I am not sure how I knew that they were together at a coffee shop, but I just knew. It was like Chicago was a city of love or something. So damn cute, I almost vomitted.

    We stopped at a little bar/dance club, who's name I don't recall. Brian immediately bought a pitcher of Margarita. James had a Bacardi/coke. It was a great night, there was a lounge area, and a back area which had a singing contest. The contest was for the next rising star. There were three contestants. The girl, I thought, was the best voice, but she couldn't remember any of the words from the song. It was a Les Miserables song, and James and I assisted her as much as we could remember. Definitely a good time. The crowd emptied and then came dancing.

    We stayed at the bar until it closed at 1:30/2am. We proceeded to the next one: Charley's. Janine and Brian went back to the hotel. I thought that we would too, but James decided to stay out - so I did too. It was more fun than the other bar. I'll let James get into the story on that front. But let's just say, we are probably having lunch with a boy or two tomorrow. Nothing more than lunch though. We were very good boys and returned to the hotel. The one thing that I can't believe is that the second bar still serves liquor until like 5am! Holy Cow. I just stuck to water.

    The walk home was brilliant. Although it was 37 degrees, the sweat on our backs and our body heat kept us warm. The cold air felt like air conditioning on a hot day. It was a nice walk back. And a nice talk between James and I. We'll be back, Chicago.


    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 29, 2005 from Chicago, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    Happy New Year (James)

    Chicago, United States

    Chicago was a blast. I'm definitly in love with this town. We went to Roscoe's for some drinks and ended up with a whole lot more (hint hint...wink wink). At Roscoe's, we ended up meeting a number of boys. I ended up making out with four...Rob met this incredibly cute boy, Brandon, but I'll let him tell you guys all about him...and Brian came home with hickies all over his neck.

    The night out in Chicago was my New Year's Celebration. Since I won't be having one this year (my grandfather's funeral is on the 31st), I asked Rob, Brian, and Janine if they could celebrate with me. While strange to yell "Happy New Year" on the 29th...I'm really glad that I was able to ring in the new year with them.

    The next day, Brian took us all over Chicago. The city is beautiful. Full of culture, diversity, life! Walking through the city reminded me of the first time I walked through San Diego. I knew I loved San Diego the moment I entered the city. I had that same feeling walking through Chicago. I'm definitly coming back...maybe moving there? who knows?

    This trip has changed me. From my family getting to know Rob and James, to spending another Christmas with a death in the family (my dad's father passed away last Christmas and I spent Christmas in the Phillippines and New Years on a plane), to reignighting old friendships, to expierencing a whole new city with excitement and awe, to saying "I'll see you later" to a really good friend...this trip has given me new options. While I'm scared of what will happen next...i'm totally open to whatever possibilities 2006 has to offer. 2005 was a great year...here's to an even better one!

    While my trip across the US is done (I'll be in Sacramento till January 3rd), Rob's is still going on. I plan on continuing to write until I actually get home,to San Diego...so stay tuned. What I write may be a little depressing...but I'll get through it.

    I had to say good-bye to Rob yestarday. Once we got to the airport, I left quickly because I didn't want him to see me cry. Crying for two reasons...the whole trip, I didn't think about what was going on in Sacramento. Actually getting to the airport reminded me of what was ahead. Second...I'm going to miss Rob. So much of my life in San Diego was spent with him. I'm scared to be alone...and once I get back to San Diego, I will be. While I know that Rob will be back...and life will still be the same...there's a part of me that has to be put away while he's gone. Rob...thank you for being the trip and the experiences of this trip. So many memories...and I know that there are definitely many more to come. While I don't want to say "come back soon" because I know that you won't be back until your grandmother passes, I will say "you owe me a double headed semi!"

    Alright..I'm off to go get some clothes for the funeral.

    See you soon....

    James


    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 30, 2005 from Chicago, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    The Lone Trip (Rob)

    Chicago, United States

    Leaving Chicago was difficult. Sure, I stayed an extra day. I had a great time too. Brandon (as James mentioned previously) was a gentleman to an extreme. He took me out and showed me the town. From a nice, classy dinner to drinks at the top of the John Hancock Building. Wow, what a view at 96 stories. He wanted me to stay through New Years, but I couldn't. Too many committments. I wanted to make it to New York to see Eddy and Gary, but time was running out. I needed to pick up a ticket by 8pm the night of the 30th. I didn't leave Chicago until 1130 on the 30th. That wasn't happening. So, additional plans included Will, and the promised trip that I made way back when. It's always nice to see Will. More of him to come.

    So, I left Chicago...without James. It wasn't that I left James in Chicago, since he did take a plane to Sacramento the day before. But I couldn't get it out of my head that I was leaving him there. The passenger seat was empty. I had no one to talk to. What a trip this has been. I can't even imagine explaining, but I'm going to try. What other trip do you experience:
    * traffic that delays your trip about 3 hours (to Sacramento)
    * a death in the family
    * a heavy snowstorm that delays your trip about 5 hours (to Salt Lake City)
    * sleeping in the car because your friend won't wake up.
    * seeing your friend's family (James C's family, James L's family, Brian B's family)
    * visit the memorial of a stranger that was murdered because you feel a common link (Matthew Shephard)
    * sleep in front of a fireplace in the Rocky Mountain National Park (actually Estes Park), but one in the same to me.
    * wake up to elk in the front yard.
    * stop at T&A's across America to tell our stories
    * find a new city (Chicago) where we wouldn't mind moving to and celebrating New Years in it a few days early

    There is so much that happens in James and my lives. This trip is a turning point, but a symbolic event that tells me that nothing will change. At least I don't think so. At the beginning of the trip, we hit some things that may have prevented us to go further. In fact, with all of the signs, perhaps we should have turned around. But we didn't. We smiled, acknowledged what was behind us and moved on. That's how James and I react to each other. Every time we are in a fight, one of us kiss the other's ass so that we don't have to go to breakfast alone the next day.

    James, believe me when I say - no matter what events that I have in Connecticut or other, they will not compare to the fun that I have with my best friend!


    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 31, 2005 from Chicago, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    Common Quotes/Themes from the Trip (Rob)

    Baltimore, United States

    On the trip, we had some common quotes that would just be repeated over and over. Here are some quotes and themes:

    * "That's what she said".
    * There are Harley Davidson stores in so many cities. I didn't even know that they really existed. I knew that they were in shops, but I thought that stores had all sorts of bikes. I didn't realize that there was an outlet store just for Harley's. WOW.
    * "I want a gay tracter".
    * James spent the whole trip on E. It was vitiman E, but fun to say, nonetheless.
    * "True Story"
    * "You said bottom". "You said top".
    * At the club in Chicago, I slapped James in the face pretty hard. You see, I spent a good 15 minutes dancing next to this guy that I thought was cute and then James walks by and in 2 seconds pulls the guy in and starts dancing with him pretty closely. James came over to me and started dancing and I slapped him. He did it multiple times that evening, so I slapped him for each. It was almost like that Friends episode where Monica and Rachel flick each others forehead and Pheobe has to separate them.
    * Creating Music Videos to the songs from RENT. Along the way, we video recorded ourselves singing to RENT. They are pretty funny too!

    There were much, much more... but I can only think of these thus far.

    Rob


    permalink written by  James Coloma on December 31, 2005 from Baltimore, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    Family (James)

    Sacramento, United States

    In July, when my grandfather was given 3 to 6 months to live, he asked to die at home. To do this meant that he needed 24 hour care. To grant his wish, each of my family members took a "shift." This meant staying at his house either during the day, over night, or just a few hours here and there. When I was asked to take a shift, I declined stating that it would be too difficult to get to Sacramento on a regular basis. I always regretted this and felt guilty for being one of the few older grandchildren who wasn't helping out.

    Today, my mom asked if I could stay the rest of the week. One of my aunts is sick...and won't be able to take her shift during this week. Even though my grandfather has passed, my grandmother still needs constant attention. Thus, the shifts continue. Without hesitation, I have agreed to stay in Sacramento for the rest of this week. I need to be here. My grandparents took care of me and my cousins when we were younger. They practically raised us. While I couldn't be here to repay my grandfather by taking care of him, I can at least help out for this week and help take care of my grandmother.

  • ****


    • The memorial service and funeral for my grandfather was beautiful. I wasn't planning on saying any words at the memorial service, but did. I'm glad that I had the opportunity to publicly thank my grandfather for sacrificing all he did so that I could have a better life. It was also very heartwarming to hear all my other family members speak so highly of my grandfather.

    One of the most touching remarks came from a distant cousin, Carmelyn. While I may say distant, I mean that only by blood. She and her sisters were also one of the many cousins that my grandparents took care of after school. That was the beauty of my grandparents. You didn't even have to be from his line...they would still open up their home and take care of you. Anyway...Carmelyn took all of our childhood memories of being at my grandparents house after school and reminding us of what fun we had. It was poignant, funny, and wonderful. She and her sisters also took old pictures, scanned them, and put them to music. She played these pictures at the luncheon after the funeral. It was a great honor for my grandfather.

    I always forget that my grandfather is a WWII vet. I don't know why I forget this as his right arm was crippled from a gun shot wound. But prior to placing my grandfather into the wall, the salute to veterans was played. I cried more at that moment then I did in the past two weeks. Just an FYI: My grandfather wasn't burried. He asked to be placed in the mosoleum wall facing south so that he will always have the sun on him. He was always cold.

  • ****


    • New Years Eve

    Since the funeral was on New Years Eve, I ended up celebrating New Years with the family. All 897 of them. Exageration of course...but we were all together. We had a champaigne toast at the stroke of midnight. But since there are 897 of us crammed into my grandparent's living room...and not having enough champaigne glasses, they gave champaigne to groups of 6 and we were to share it. While I was with my family this New Years, it ended up being a great celebration.

    After the New Years Toast, we ended up playing Scattergories. We divided ourselves into teams of six. Scattergories is so much easier and more fun played in teams. I was very surprised by my little cousins (about 7 to 12) who were coming up with the most clever of answers. I don't know how one of my little cousins knows what impotence is...but he's (age 11) the one that came up with that answer for the clue "things that are soft" beginning with the letter "i."

    Alright...i've got to jet.

    Till next time.

    James


    permalink written by  James Coloma on January 4, 2006 from Sacramento, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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    Happy Birthday (James)

    Sacramento, United States

    So January 8th was my birthday. It was planned for me to return to San Diego yesterday, but my journey and trip still continue.

    Last Wednesday we rushed my grandmother to the hospital. She was incoherent, had a temperature of 102, and hadn't passed any urine in over 12 hours. When we got her to the hospital, we had to make a decision to either intibation her or let her pass. My grandmother is DNR, but we didn't have the paperwork with us and we were not at her usual hospital. In a quick decision, my cousin decided to intibate her. This was done to prolong her life for a short time so that her children and grandchildren can say their goodbyes.

    On Friday, January 6th, my mom and her brothers and sisters met to discuss when to take out the intibation tube. I can only imagine what that conversation was like, but I'm definitely sure it wasn't a fun conversation to be a part of. They decided to take my grandmother off the ventilator on Saturday afternoon.

    That night, my cousins and I decided to go to AJ's house for dinner and games. It was a chance for us to relax before what we knew was going to be a long and emotional day. We ended up playing the original Nintendo (Kings of the Beach, Bommerman, and Off Road) for about three hours. Then, as always, played Scategories until 3 AM.

    January 7th was a very long day. They extibated my grandmother at 1PM and we were told that she would pass within the hour. At 4PM, my grandmother still alive and with good vital signs, everyone decided to go home and get some rest. I decided to stay at the hospital to give the rest of my family the opportunity to sleep. During that time I was alone with my grandmother and had the chance to say good-bye to her.

    My grandmother taught my me and my cousins how to read. She was our pre-school teacher. I remember her cutting up cardboard boxes and making flash cards with phonic sounds on them. So the flash cards would have say "at" on one side and the letters on separate flash cards. She would put the two together to make c-at or b-at or f-at. This would go on and on. I attribute where I am today to my grandmother. She gave all of us the foundation that we needed to succeed in school and we have all done that. I thanked my grandmother for this.

    At midnight, it was planned that some other cousins would come and relieve me. At that time, I came home to get some rest.

    January 8th...I woke up at 6 again because I couldn't sleep. I knew that my grandmother was going to go soon. Before I left, her kidneys had already shut down...so it was just a waiting game. By 1:22, my grandmother finally passed away.

    At the funeral for my grandfather, my grandmother told him to wait for her because she would join him soon. None of us thought it would be within two weeks. It's kind of sweet and romantic. After 58 years of marriage, they are now on another journey together.

    I've been asked countless times how I am doing. Truthfully...I'm numb. I've also been asked about how I'm taking it as my grandmother passed away on my birthday. To me, it's sort of an honor to share this day with her.

    So now it appears that I am here for another week. The funeral is being set for either Wednesday or Thursday. On Friday, my cousins and I are planning on going snowboarding. On Sunday, I should be back in San Diego. I can't wait!

    James


    permalink written by  James Coloma on January 9, 2006 from Sacramento, United States
    from the travel blog: Rob & James - Cross Country Trip - December 2005 to January 2006
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