When I woke in the morning, nothing made sense.. I didn't know why I was depressed, I haven't woken that way in a while. When I got to school I couldn't make sense of the urge to leave and drive back home. I couldn't make sense of anything until I saw Heather awake before 11 and on the phone. I knew at that moment that something was wrong. I knew that what Heather had to say, I wouldn't want to hear. When she got off the phone she told me what happened.
Later on that day at work Laurie called me. (I'd left a message with chris (Kelly's brother) earlier that day). She told me that Kelly's heart was only operating at twenty percent. She told me that Kelly was being transfered to Mount saini hospital. I was so shocked, I didn't know what to say or do. I found some words- after our second conversation I hung up the phone and just cried. Later that night Heff, Elly and I picked Keith up to tell him. We sat in the steam room at port jeff and talked for a while.
She's made her death bed, and climbed in. I want to hate her, but I can only cry for her. I want her to pull through, I want to say, "Bus, you idiot, pull yourself out of this!" I want to say, "You don't have a choice, you can't die, I still haven't made your birthday sundae.." I want to tell her that I love her. She hung out with Rob last night, (KP's boyfriend). She OD'd on heroine, nobody knows how long she was lying there. Her mother found her in the morning. She was in bed.
I'm waiting for Laurie to call me back, until then, we're just left to wonder. Have we lost her or can we take her home?
I'll post again as soon as I can after word of kelly's diagnosis. It might not be for a couple of days, and dependant on the computer situation, maybe not until the weekend or so. But when I can, I will..
p.s. Elly and I have been making revisions to the goodnight spiel.. latest revision.. god's light, lead pipes- hash in the after life- I dub thee joleen, buttercups are yellow.
Love you, beautiful.
I'm really happy that we got to talk on the phone the other night too. It was wonderful to hear your voice again...I think laughing with you was my favorite part though. I've missed your laugh.
So, there are a couple of things I wanted to say in response to your last entry. First of all, I did see the pre-Kelly entry you left responding to my other entry...if that makes any sense...but I wanted to say thank you. It's the most reassuring thing you could have written to me. I don't know what the future has in store for us in terms of 'us', but I'm so happy that we've been able to help ourselves get to where we are now as individuals. I love you.
Secondly, no worries about being quiet when you first picked up the phone. With everything that you've been through the past couple of months, I think I would have been shocked if you sounded freakishly perky. Also, don't worry about sounding too affectionate...what you said was honest and I appreciate that...you also gave me warning, and I would definitely have told you to stop if it was too much.
Soo, yes...I'm so glad I got to talk to you, although I wish it had been under happier circumstances. How is Kelly doing? I assume nothing big has happened or you would have written...I hope she's doing okay.
As far as new things here go, I kind of shot myself in the foot with schoolwork...guess who has a 2,000 word research proposal due on Tuesday that she didn't even remember she had to do until Thursday? Yep...this has been my first weekend staying in Dunedin since I got here. It's not that bad though...although I'd rather be relaxing, it is kind of nice to sleep in a bed and not live out of a backpack for a couple of days. Speaking of backpacks, spring break (or, fall break I guess for Kiwis) is coming up soon. My friends and I are flying to Tasmania and backpacking there for a few days...then we're flying to Australia to see the Great Barrier Reef. I'm so excited! We have to figure out where we're staying though because lord knows we have no idea what's in Tasmania, lol. Also, right before break, Hannah is coming down to visit me from Auckland for a few days. It will be really wonderful to see her...I heard she cut her hair really short!
Okay, so now I have something a bit difficult to tell you, which sucks because the last thing I want to do is give you one more thing to deal with on your plate. I know you said you don't need to know anymore when I see people...at least not until June...and I don't want to force you to think about it. I just wanted to warn you that there are some pictures up on facebook of me looking couply with a boy...I just didn't want you to find out from facebook. Part of me wants to apologize profusely to you...the other part knows I shouldn't feel the need to. I just thought it would be cruel not to warn you.
On that very conflicted note, I should probably start working on my research proposal. I love you, I miss you terribly, and I'm so glad we got to talk the other day. Take care of yourself and I'll talk to you soon.
~Kae
I've been very busy with school and work. It's been crazy, and hectic, but i'm having a lot of fun. I've been hanging around with bus, heather and elly almost every day. Heather and Elly are going out now, it's cute and weird at the same time. Bus is home from the hospital and will be going to rehab at some eventual point. I missed a paper in school, which was exhausting, considering all the work I put into it. Im certainly not getting the 4.0 this semester that I wanted, but i'm starting to learn that with everything that goes on in my life, it's amazing that I have grade point average at all. So, im just gonna' finish out, and see where I end up. I know i've been working my ass off, and that's what matters.
I lost me cell phone this weekend, but I don't want to buy a new one and lose all the old info and pics I had on the old one. So i'm gonna' sit out the week and see if it turns up.
Keith has been too tired and sick to hang out, but he vowed to take care of himself to make time for me this upcoming week.
I might hit up a couple concerts in the upcoming month or so, if bus is still around, Her, Elly, Keith, Amanda, pepper and I made plans to.
two days ago was a fundraiser at katies, Biker parade all around smithtown. Awesomeness.
I have so much to do today, i'm sorry I can't write more. So i'll leave it at: Hope your paper turns out well. I hope your flight and vacation goes well. Next time I come on here you better have lots of stories for me! ;-P Love you x too much. Good night, sleep tight.
PS tell hannah i said hello
Okay, first of all, two weekends ago my friends and I went to a place called Queenstown, which is right near where they filmed a shit ton of Lord of the Rings...it was very rugged and beautiful. The big news from that trip, however, is that my friends and I went bungy jumping! Not only bungy jumping either...the third highest bungy jump in the world! Nearly a 500 ft. fall with 8.5 seconds of freefall...it was sooo crazy...I have a video of me screaming like a little girl all the way down (I started screaming before I was even off the platform). It kind of reminded me of the canyon back home...the jumping point was from a hut hanging between two mountains on a cable, and there was a river at the bottom of the jump...it reminded me very much of looking down from the Foresthill Bridge. Anyway, I'll have to send you pics coz they're kind of hilarious.
Soo, now on to mid-semester break...to start off the break, my friends Sarah and Gillian and I flew to Hobart, Tasmania for 4 nights. The first night, we stayed with a college student we met off of couchsurfers.com named Billy...he's originally from Oklahoma but studying abroad in Tasmania and he was so nice/crazy. When we first met up with him, we offered to take him out to dinner as a thank you for letting us crash at his place...he said no and that his one rule with couchsurfers was that they had to eat all of his food because he got it all for free. We asked him how he acquired so much free food, and he said, "Oh, out of the bins at grocery stores"...red lights started flashing in my head. I asked, "By bins, you mean dumpsters?" and he nodded. I died inside. It turns out though that it's not sketchy at all...all of the dumpster food is packaged so it doesn't touch anything creepy, and none of it is rotten or stale...it's just the food that grocery stores haven't sold by the sell date, and because of preservatives and whatnot, it's all still good for the most part. Apparently Billy and all of his friends go dumpster diving together and then have big feasts two or three times a week...I had the chance to go to two of them, and the food was good! I was shocked. So yes, night one was spent at a feast/party with Billy's friends...I ended up trying mushrooms with Sarah and Billy's friend John, but nothing really happened because the mushrooms were old...I just basically felt stoned. Maybe I'll try them again some other time.
So, day two, my friends and I rented a car and drove out to Freycinet National Park. We set up camp and then the next day hiked to a beautiful beach called Wineglass Bay...it had the clearest, bluest water and whitest sand I have ever seen. After our hike, we spontaneously decided to find a landmark that Billy and his friends had talked about called Totem Pole...it's down south in a different national park, and according to them it was a rock coming out of the ocean in a totem pole-esque fashion next to all these beautiful cliffs...it took us a couple of hours to get to the park, and by the time we did, the sun was setting. We didn't know what to do because we really wanted to hike out to Totem Pole, but it was 4 hours round trip and we had to have the rental car back early the next day. So, instead of setting up camp in the campground like normal people, we decided to put on our backpacks and headlamps, walk the 2 hours to Totem Pole in the dark, camp out, wake up the next morning, and walk back, and drive to Hobart to return the car. It was really crazy...we had to pass campsites on the way to the trail, and as we were about to start hiking, one middle-aged couple warned us not to get lost...we said, "We won't!" and started walking...two minutes later the path disappeared and we were back by their campsite asking them if they knew where the real Totem Pole path was. They told us, but cautioned us against doing it at night because there were cliffs and fallen trees and the path disappeared at points...basically, it would be really easy to get lost and/or hurt ourselves doing it in the dark. We agreed...and then did it anyway. I am soo glad we did...it was one of the coolest hikes I've ever done. First of all, walking to the cliffs, we saw a tasmanian devil, which are nocturnal and very people-shy, so that was exciting. Things got a little scary once we got to the cliffs because we could hear the ocean roaring beneath us but didn't know how far down it was, but we made it out there okay and set up camp on the only semi-flat patch of ground big enough for our tent that we could find...and when I say semi-flat, I mean it was sprinkled with rocks, some big and some small...we didn't sleep much, but at least we didn't fall off a cliff. The next morning we woke up at 6 to watch the sun rise over the ocean and cliffs...it was the most spectacular thing I've ever seen. We also found Totem Pole, which we hadn't been able to see the night before in the dark. Overall, it was an amazing experience and definitely one of the highlights of the trip. After returning the rental car, we went back to Billy's for another dumpster feast and to stay the night before our flight the next day.
Well, that's all I have time to write about right now, but I'll definitely finish up the trip later. For now, I miss you and I love you and I hope all is well. Take care!
P.S. Elly and Heff are going out? Omg, how did that happen?!
Mel
So, one thing that sucks that I should have mentioned earlier but forgot to because I was so busy is that i actually extended my trip a bit...i realized there's a lot more that I want to see down here than I've been able to see (mostly up on the North Island, which I haven't traveled around at all) and I'm probably not going to be back here again for a long time, so I thought I should take advantage of this opportunity. I'm now leaving NZ June 30th, and on the way home I have a stopover in Fiji...I'll be there for a week, so officially I won't be getting back to the states until July 8th. I'm really sorry I didn't let you know earlier, I honestly completely forgot. It should be a great opportunity though...I'm just worried about money, which is rapidly running out. I might work on a farm for a couple weeks...you can do jobs like gardening and working with animals and stuff and get free food/accomodation...it sounds like a good way of traveling without spending a shit ton of money. Lord knows I've already done that.
I can't wait to hear all your stories about this last semester! I didn't know you started working at the Kings Park store...how is it? I'm also glad to hear that you like working for Mike and Rosa and are reconnecting with old friends/making new friends...I can't wait to meet them! Also, holy shit, you changed your major?! I would have never thought of you as a business major (mostly just because you never talked about it), but now that you say it, it totally makes sense/is a really good fit. After all, you've practically been running Ralph's since you started working there and now you're a big influence at Empire Ginger...good for you! Does this mean you'll be taking a bunch of business classes next semester? Oh, and car accidents...plural? I hope you're okay and I send hugs.
So, I have so many craaaaazy stories to tell you once I get home...I cannot believe everything that I've experienced this semester. I realized I haven't updated you since mid semester break...let's just say that that break finished off with snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef and skydiving. Since then, I've gone to see a couple of NZ's glaciers (one of which is called Fox Glacier, hehe), which are awesome because they're huge sheets of ice surrounded by (of all things) tropical plants. Palm trees and glaciers in the same view...it was weird/beautiful. What else? My friends talked me into performing at an open mic night here in Dunedin when I was stoned, so I ended up singing and playing guitar at open mic night about a month later...it was terrifying, but liberating, and my friends were really wonderful and supportive. Oh, and this might shock you a bit, but I dropped acid with three of my best friends and we had crazy adventures...I can't wait to tell you about them. Also, so many small things have happened...my hair is blonder than ever before (it's actually freaking me out a bit), I eat obscene amounts of PB&J (it's all I can afford), and people have introduced me to so much cool new music...I want to send you a CD.
Well, I should go coz I'm supposed to meet my friend Sarah soon. I miss you too and I'm sorry I haven't been better at keeping in touch. You are on my mind a lot, even if it's not always apparent. I love you, take care, and goodnight, sleep tight. Talk to you soon, ferrit girl.
I am so sorry again for not letting you know earlier...the decision was made really spontaneously at the beginning of mid-semester break when I didn't really have access to computers, and then once I got back it wasn't such a new thing anymore compared to everything we did in tasmania/australia, and it just kind of slipped my mind. And then I got super busy, and you know the rest...it's lame as fuck, but I genuinely wasn't trying to keep the decision from you or hurt you by not dropping the bomb until now. I wouldn't do that to you. You have every right to be upset with me though. Also, I was just curious, what do you mean when you say that you need more time to sink into your space here now that you've found it?
I'm glad to hear that the second car accident wasn't big and scary. People just keep running into you! :(
Meg and Chris are back together?! That hurts my brain but in a good way. How do you feel about it? I know you really like Chris, but were getting to like Mike too...I totally didn't see that coming.
I had my last final today and I think it went well...yay! Now I'm not sure what's happening...I get kicked out of my flat June 19th, and after that I have no idea where I'm going...it'll all work out though. I want to climb a mountain near here, but I have to get a car...it's also winter here, so I have to see if it's possible still. After that I might work on farms or try to go visit Hannah...I hope she'll have room for my big bags, lol.
My friends and I decided that it was wrong for it to be fall here and not have Halloween, so we threw a Halloween party. I was Amanda Palmer again, only blonde and without heels...no one knew who I was, lol. I kept thinking, If I was on Long Island, everyone would know who I was, lol.
So, my latest crazy idea...I really want to get a tattoo to represent my time here and I've been designing it for awhile. The problem is that I have very little money left. Do I spend the money and skimp by for 3 weeks, or do I play it safe? Hm...
Well, I better go eat dinner coz I just finished my final before writing you and I think thinking makes me hungry, lol. I love you and I'll talk to you soon. Sleep tight!
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