I should start seeing things in a new light.

I should be allowed my full expression and the expression of it, including whatever feeling I am feeling whenever I am feeling them.

I should not allow myself to hold back. If I feel a certain way, then, that is the way I feel.

And everybody will have to pay for it. And take it. Because I can not take hiding anymore.

What do I have to hide anyway?

Funny my emotions are always the ones I hide.

Well, I will see where the emotions lead.

Just intend balanced giving and receiving.

written by  napulelehuameae on March 9, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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How am I going to get it?

Whenever I do, I falsely ascend.

And the same things repeat again.

I am afraid of the same things happening with John happening with Aaron.

I can't have that happen again.

That's what rising up out of the fear based patterning means.

What am I going to do in the meantime.

Get ready.

I'm sick of looking at the details, I'm sick of looking, quite frankly. My ancestry is sick of looking.

Why is it always me that sees?

How is it I am supposed to be bringing more light into my life when I feel like what I am looking for is buried in the darkness.

I can understand now the balance.

I can understand what I came here to do.

written by  napulelehuameae on March 9, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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I forget Ed is mine, I created him.

I forgot Mario is mine, I have intended and created him.

Have I created me>

written by  napulelehuameae on March 10, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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Ugh

Remember.

Now you do.

written by  napulelehuameae on March 10, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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:)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOY AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH

written by  napulelehuameae on March 10, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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You are going to

A) Understand Red Nation patterning, genetics so that you begin to honor yourself, your soul, the Earth, your home, your body, and everybody else
(Reversal)

B) Give Back unto those who you have taken from

C) Go home eventually

I have been given a possibility.

I see it is possible.

For everyone

Even you Anu.

I have seen it.

written by  napulelehuameae on March 10, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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THings are happening with John.

I can feel pains in my heart.

I have figured out what is happening in Australia and what part my legitimate ancestors have played.

How am I going to retrieve my truth though? If I believe John has it, how can one have it, for this long when you KNOW they have it???? Ah, that has been a question for a very long time.

How can I feel the way I do and have it be detemental to my health. How can live his life, the way he does??? I am beginning to doubt he is a true gypsy at heart, and this also it not his truth. That is why he did not continue to do it throughout his life as much as he did.

Did I give it to him? How much does his ancestry actually have? And how gave it to? And why can I not get it back? And why are things going sour as they are when I seem to already know the outcome to this whole event?

Why can I seem not to manifest an event different than the one last summers ago>

Ok, well, I know what I am going to be looking at now. I have super karma with his whole family. It will give me what I need to look at next but what is this thing hitting me in the head????

I need an whole outlook of this whole thing. Well, that is something I have not alot of , why do I suddenly feel like everything I felt I wanted is no longer worthy of reaching for and why do I feel like I have nothing to put in it's place?

Well, of course, because that is the same thing that happened before. Great/I did not have to experience this again. Great. How am I going to keep in my life after I get my truth back? Well, how are we all going to feel. I do not need another person killing himself over me. But I guess, what will be will be.

Ok, maybe if I can change my sight, I can change the outcome. But what is that I need to not have the same thing happen again all around.

Oh shit, I just remember Buddha day related to the day I die. The day I......welll....THAT just put EVERYTHING into perspective. Maybe related to the day he ascended, oh well, that just answers everything doesn't.

I need to get out of this I know everything rut, it's really getting me down. Ok, and remember visionary intensive you went to with Australian people which had to leave early. That probably speaks to something.

I'm going into my sick of looking mode. Sick of Looking at John stuff just sick of it, it's tires me it hase gone on for years and years and years and years now why does my ancestry continue to belive the so called desried outcome will be different?

Can't we just move on to something else, if he isn't changing with me which he obviously ISN"T

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

get it through your head Francine......I don't even want to be a gypsy anymore, and that says something. I want property by the sea. Right on the seas, lots of acres, maybe a bed and breakfast, yeeeeaaahhhhh,.....thhhhhaaaaaat sounds nice

written by  napulelehuameae on March 14, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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"I would love to go to Europe and see Europe with John>"

and then I think

My emotions and I felt like I was HOME.

I kinda had that with Ed, well now, why would I have that feeling with him.

And then looking at Aaron has been very hard for me lately but I know I have to look at something.

Go home.

With John.

Go home.

This lifetime.

Why not?

Probably not.

BUT WHAY DO I FEEL THIS WAY

Why can not the head and the heart and the pelvis be given even weight? Why must one be preferred over the others? Why must one go home at the expensive of the others?

How can I watch these things happen around me. That is fine, they will one day disappear.

WHy is there a referrandum against FEELINGS

UGH

FUCK

YEAH

NO

UGH

END

Laugh

Sigh

Now I have to pretend but I don't have to.

I am sorry but I don't know for what.

It is sad the way I have lived my life. But I can't be sad or they will kill me.

written by  napulelehuameae on March 14, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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There was a switch today but I don't know as to how it will translate into the physical.

I guess it may be more wonderful than I can imagine. That is what has happened before. And a couple months isn't a long time to wait, espeically when things move the way they do.

I'm am wondering about the job.

I have realized I can not see very well into the future, or past this summer. Maybe I don't want to. What I did realize though is that I am very much looking forward to this summer and the return of my truth.

I know it will just open up for me. And I will leave it at that. Because that is the way things go, when things open up for you like that, the physical has no choice but to abide by the change of tides and will be easily rendered meaningless to do anything but follow the new course.

I have been given what I should be focusing on in the meantime, I know what I am doing. My intention to retrieve what I have lost is working perfectly and I couldn't be happier.

I had to check myself with that one! PHEW! When was the last time I said THAT!!!! Always on the look out, but I feel when I realized about the anu reaching to their own ancient ancestry tripped something up and it was realized and understood now. The thing that caused me to be on the lookout.

I feel like a complete ascension home now is possible. And I will not run into the same patterning I ran into before, now I know too much for that to happen again.

Just...can't...get...too...excited....The main false ascension has to do with Innana. How to overcome her, well, I suppose will have to keep plodding away. I will overcome!
Somehow....

Some day....

Some way.....

I want to keep writing and say hi to John!

Hi John! Kiss!

I better get back to meditating....

written by  napulelehuameae on March 15, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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Freedom is nice too, comes when all emotions allowed to be expressed without hinderance.

written by  napulelehuameae on March 16, 2008 from Eugene, United States
from the travel blog: My Life
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